Dawnling

Dawnling
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  • 140830 Really, Halloween Promo should not start before school does
    140826 after the ice bucket- challenge...the flatulence-levitation challenge
    140824 (breath-test)
    140823 "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAy, Babarino!"
    140815 I let Dawnling come in and look around!
    140815 Are they bird mites or silly nibblers?
    140812 He couldn't really, be Superman, but he could fly as long as his ears were warm.
    140812 "Help Wanted" Hogwarts
    140811 When asked his grade-point average, he did not know what to say and so just pointed to his shirt
    140811 She like his sweet nothings
    140811 As usual, Mark was speechless
    140809 "You're the only one who smells like Ben Gay..."
    140809 CHarles hated extra-duties but no extra-duties = no feathers.
    140809 "Are you from Sir Norton or are you of McAfee?"
    140808 Yup, Cindy Boehner-Schuman set a new record. Most crying + most records
    140808 The fortune teller told her about tapes, CDs and Mp3s.
    140808 Margo was told to check her records but was unable to find that bounced check
    140807 Suddenly, Jake realized that it was the lyrics to a repeatable chant!
    140807 Here, at the eighth level, each person could pick a new tattoo
    140807 Silence was part of the ritual.
    140806 Melvin used to be a priest
    140806 NO ONE knew why Melvin was so successful with the ladies...NO ONE
    140806 Filled with courage, Melvin prepares to hand Phillipa his love letter, but Phillipa only sees the meteor
    140805 "nobody knows da trubble I seen." Geri was maudlin
    140805 She hoped that the smell of sweat and cooking would hide the smell of the milk man
    140805 Top-Heavy Tilly's Time Management Class was going to start late.
    140804 and breathing black dust we will ne'er do again, from the bonny bonny tips of the roof tops!"
    140804 ...I'll join the Union befooore yeee!
    140804 "OOOOH! Yee tuck the high road and I'll tuck the low road.
    140803 "...and you milk the cow like this:"
    140803 In the days before Victoria's Secret all lingerie was the same color...and style
    140803 Adella, wishing for karate
    140802 "Yeah? But you have baaaaad breath!"
    140802 "Yeah? Well, YOUR mother likes football!"
    140802 "yeah? Well, your mom dresses you by putting your socks on your arms and saying that they are sleeves!"
    140801 "LADDEEZ AND GENILMIN!!! TEW NITE'S FIGHT IZ: SLOBBBBER VS SWEATTTTTT!!!'
    140801 Mr.Bune, of HR, did not know like Mr. Voolph's delegation-style
    140801 Voolph was not a micro-manager
    140731 They could feel the babysitter's rate climbing with each breath
    140731 Charles forgot the funnel too.
    140731 The smiles of the pumps made it worse
    140729 Bertha forgot that kids do not stay small
    140729 Bertha never got the letter from Hogwarts. Everyone knew why but Bertha
    140729 Bertha's brother was a priest
    140728 "It's from "BlackLipstick, inc." It's a bill"
    140728 "It's from my older brother"
    140728 "What's a "stampneeded""?
    140727 It wasn't Pavlock's snobbery that was offensive. It was his breathhhhhhh.
    140727 Officer James knew that he had to follow the lead of the sergeant but he hated to watch a man spit indoors
    140727 "I'm taller than you. So, I speak first and most often." ( "hock/patooee" )
    140726 "It's an "umlaut". You pull on your mouth like this:"
    140726 AryanGay.com
    140726 All that he could think of was kissing.
    140725 She always sniffed her little brothers friends as a cover for her nearsightedness
    140724 "Lobbing Bombs - The Musical" was more of a write-off than an income stream
    140724 "CLASSIFIED, duh!"
    140724 Slim was such a bully that Tiny Ted hid from all bicycles
    140723 Nope. No levitation. Nope.
    140723 She didn't like when he sang the prose
    140723 ...practicing to be a set of salt and pepper shakers
    140722 "I can't have my son be called a Hobbit! Come out and shave those feet!"
    140722 "...no no no...the CLOSET!"
    140722 "I don't want a hairdo like yourssssss!"
    140721 "Arlo, next time, I dip and you don't!"
    140721 Game of Breath
    140721 Jennifer was pleased when the remote camera showed that the love potion was working
    140720 It was the "Nantucket" limerick! Yes! Yes, it was!
    140720 No one had ever seen anyone put a their tongue right up inside their nose
    140720 ...just before the "motorboating"
    140719 "No shoes/No service!"
    140719 "She is NOT prettier than I am!"
    140719 "You should have used the bathroom before we left the dungeon!"
    140719 "It's not a dress! It's a coat!"
    140719 "Don't say "guillotine" again!"
    140719 "There is no class-warfare!"
    140718 ..Hansel and Gretel...all grown up
    140717 Dad let the kids deal with the bill this time
    140717 "You know to not start until the music starts!"
    140716 It wasn't so much that her dominatrix costume was not his favorite. She stole all the covers.
    140716 "No Quidditch in bed". It was clear in the pre-nups
    140716 Little Red Riding Hood sent in her dad, first, but, the wolf had put on the wrong nightgown.
    140715 Waiting for an iPhone was more painful for those who could envision it first
    140715 "This girl wants you to show her how to do makeup."
    140715 "and then, milk came out of his nose!"
    140714 Now, if they could just do something about her breath
    140714 Professor McGonagall might not approve of their elaborate gowns but they were going to try to get in anyway
    140714 "Ascio, gown!"
    140713 She didn't like them and she wasn't shy about it EVER
    140713 They knew what chocolate did to her but knew that they could not stop it at this point.
    140713 Real passion showed up at Carol's face when anyone kissed her brother
    140712 ...low on treats? Yes. Yes, indeed.
    140712 No one sat next to them in church either
    140712 Nope...not a crow in sight, any where.
    140711 Even with his antenna up, Roger didn't register the rock
    140711 Dodger squinted and ran before impact, as futile as it was
    140711 With out the backseat, Dodger had to pace and peak
    140710 "Fine print Schime print, give me that pen!"...famous last words
    140710 It was a new achievement in the pinnacles of legaleez
    140710 The hair club for men started pretty small
    140709 "You can't ride in armor. I don't care what your mom said!"
    140709 "Look, we share the same caterer no matter which movie we are in."
    140709 I was THERE. It WAS midnight and I WAS singing my camel to bed! Where was she???
    140707 After this, Martin stopped making jokes about "getting wood".
    140707 Well, this explains the bad dancing
    140707 Baby-Face Jones secret is secret no more
    140706 She was a great scientist but she had to pray five times a day
    140706 "No. You don't look thinner."
    140706 "I can, still, smell your breath."
    140705 "THI IS MY COFFEE POT! THERE ARE OTHER LIKES IT BUT THIS ONE IS MIIIINE!'
    140705 "FIGARO FIIIIGARO FIIIIGAROOOOO!"
    140705 "ARGYLE SLEEVES ARE AN AFFRONT TO THIS ESTABLISHMENT!!"
    140704 Well, it wasn't "barber shop" and it wasn't a quartet but, the price was right.
    140704 Ebenezer, not only, had the mos famous visit, he had the better-dressed ghosts.
    140702 "men men men men men men men men MENNNNN"
    140702 "Sing a song...a song of hair...hairy hair, hair, hair, hair. I don't neeeeeed a sweaterrrrr!"
    140702 ( those aren't antlers...he uses a lot of "moose" in his "hair" )
    140701 ..off to catch flies
    140701 "Since Dawnling can't erase her other trigger, I'm applying honey to the situation."
    140701 Sir Horace's plans for a water park might exceed his reach
    140630 Guy's site-fix team, girds for "battle" and reads through the to-do list, again
    140630 Sir Horace, really, wished that someone else would show up for auditions
    140628 This was the last clear picture of their faces that the locust-cam captured
    140628 Children? Yes. Corn? Yes.
    140628 She never saw her husband move that fast before
    140627 Even after they grew up, Betsy won all of the wrestling "matches".
    140627 Betsy was glad that she didn't live in a neighborhood of arranged marriages
    140627 Betsy could not understand how someone so thin could have any water inside to sweat with
    140626 Monsanto's mouse was not making headway with the pollinator population
    140626 "It's spelled, "bee", not, "Bea"!"
    140626 "BE GONE!"
    140625 Tad rebounded as quickly as a new girl could be drawn and inked
    140625 "She looks like she is faking "having more fun"."
    140625 "Wy yo date yor sistur?"
    140624 AHrsef's delivery was wonderful but Sir Dougglass knew that the rest of the cast would not tolerate the smell
    140624 Sir Dougie Fresh wore armour when he held auditions...just in case.
    140624 Sir Doug's Anti-Illiteracy Campaign had some pretty old students
    140622 Not one, "gazuntite", was heard.
    140622 The Queen gave a rendition of, "Shenandoah" after dessert.
    140622 "%#!$"!!!!
    140621 Guy calls in a team for a closer look
    140617 "Whew, Duuuude...a little cologne goes lonnnnng way!"
    140617 "Whew, Dude...your breath!"
    140617 butbutbut, the King loves Guy and is happy knowing that tech, always, needs tweaking
    140616 What the old man didn't realize is that he should have been a firefighter all along
    140616 ...as she realized what the smell is...
    140616 Aquaman's dad thought that hanging out with young people is coooool. The young people are of a different frame of mind
    140615 "What?? No hat ?!?!?!"
    140615 ...and, still, Martin was a stealth-dork.
    140615 "Hey, "...because Freud did it.", is not a good enough reason!"
    140614 "Lieutenant, I can have an open-carry permit because I fulfilled all of the requirements first."
    140614 As this, young officer was about to find out the Captain loves ballroom dancing
    140614 "Maybe you can see our computer one day. We have one. Yes. We do."
    140613 The tenors, all, have beards and the baritones, all, dress funny
    140613 On his other shoulder, is, a Vulcan
    140613 Clown College has it's dropouts too.
    140612 The tech-guy comes to help Guy with his site.
    140612 Flashy didn't want no metal hands on hiz womin
    140612 "GLASSES! DUDE!! GET GLASSES!"
    140611 ...and the singing goes on and on!
    140611 ...smells like jello
    140611 Dawn needs to call them to erase sloppy entry! Do you have their number?
    140611 The bill control works well but condoms would have been more affordable
    140609 (She knew that, this, would be a doozy.)
    140609 "Did you bring the keys?"
    140609 "...but men understand this stuff, automatically."
    140608 He says that we should be wearing sunscreen
    140608 They want the next dance.
    140608 They want chocolate and cigarettes
    140606 "Hey, Dad! "Swing your partner" is, a bit of, an expression!"
    140606 ...and she wanted to say, "say it - don't spray it" but she dressed for the occasion instead
    140606 "Geez", she thought, "I'm getting too old for this shyt.".
    140605 Ben never felt more beautiful than when he was living his truth.
    140605 Well, they both had strap-ons. So, it was not clear who would go where.
    140605 On one hand, there is: "coming out of the closet". On another is: "Invitations". On another is: "good invitations".
    140604 Naked roommates bother Shug, even, more than the flavor of the lemonade
    140604 ""No, singing while naked", is written in the lease."
    140604 "No shaving at the table, dude."
    140603 On Planet England/Australia/NewZealand, we have to drive on the opposite side of the road
    140603 Without a windshield, their schazzy technology, never made it to market
    140603 "Mom wants you."
    140602 It was the toughest 10K around.
    140602 oops! He put no words in his box and oxenon in the tanks
    140601 If you refuse to go to school, you might make mistakes when trying to shoot a movie.
    140601 (This doesn't look like "acting".)
    140601 NRA Gay - Uncloseted and sweaty
    140531 Sir, it says that every one thinks that you're JFK. So, we are going with it. YOU= ICON forever!
    140531 Sir, this says that you won but that it would be better if you forewent the salary since your entire family is stinkrich
    140531 The report from the pensive left Smarty-Part so shocked that he could not read it to JFK
    140530 Drinking and flying had thrown the duck's migration patterns all off
    140530 Urk tells Ducky the story of Dawnling, The Typer Who Felt Grossed Out By Her Last Trigger Entry
    140530 Getting the ducks drunk and taking advantage of them was easier to hide, north of the border
    140529 Blondes are confused as to why caneing is used as a punishment in some countries
    140529 After this, the blonde went looking for Able.
    140529 She did not know that it was fresh from Fukushima
    140528 "But I'm not Polish!"
    140528 When he said that he couldn't get them to stop vibrating, she got ideas
    140528 Neither of them were able to communicate with these aliens.
    140527 "I am saying, "Cheese.". Now, take the picture!"
    140527 Gandalf's young brother, never was his bro's match with the smoke-rings or with the ladies.
    140527 "I have the whitest teeth!...for now"
    140526 Finally,...jet packs.
    140526 Pretty soon, they would be red-necks-no-more.
    140526 Her skirt went WAAAAY up in the air!
    140525 "With this ring, I thee wed! dammit!"
    140525 When the family got together, both of them regressed. They would be seated at the child's table AGAIN this year
    140525 Love Love Love, Love Love Love, Love Love Love...It's eazay! All you need is Love, ba ba baba ba
    140524 NOW, she could see, a lot, better
    140524 Emily Post never shared how to remove the host's eyeball from your hand at foreign events
    140524 The palm reader gave her a helluva reading
    140523 TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, DUDE!!!
    140523 Jesus got a time machine but the technology is rattling his nerves
    140523 Who's this??? It's you with a DIFFERENT god, isn't it!!!?
    140522 She told them, "black tie", not, "black knee-high". tsk
    140522 How many blondes does it take to wreck a robot? Two...or one...or three...or more...or so
    140522 "Blondes to the left of me. Blondes to the right. Here I am - stuck in the middle with two"
    140521 Dawn amuses herself while the general goes over his "to-do" list with the lieutenent
    140521 Dawn explains to Face that gay people are not willing fight partners
    140521 Blue explains tolerance to Face
    140521 Guy explains "equality" to Face.
    140520 Yeah, they weren't good kissers either
    140520 Next week, Boko Haram will be selling them some FRESH toys.
    140520 Yeah, All the good dancers are here on Earth
    140519 Dean didn't think that Carl'd have that much power in his back kick while talking at the same time
    140519 He shoulda done his cardio before he started punching the young people
    140519 His singing brought many people to their knees
    140518 The family that drinks together, fights about the Will together.
    140518 Bob and Skip shared every thing
    140518 "Kiss the Bottle" is a very different game than, "Spin the Bottle"
    140517 'North!! I said, "NORTH!""
    140517 It took a lot of work to get the will written "correctly".
    140517 James-the-Charmless refuses to buy-dinner-first.
    140516 As the wolves circled, she looked for a tree to climb but decided on claws instead
    140516 Wait, John. You're too young to tell if she's a Russian spy. This is a job for senior management only
    140516 No. Her typing skills were not impressive. How did you guess?
    140515 Later, the tooth brush would be added with CGA
    140515 Billy put the nail polish, far, past the nails but, it was VERY easy to make his mother proud
    140513 Tom and Tammy's Eurovision entry was light on choreography.
    140513 Tom and Tammy listen to the the baby monitor, again, tonight unaware that a homewrecker has infiltrated
    140512 Neither of them finished high school. Both of them were awed by the "theory" of "lift".
    140512 What they, really, needed is: rain...you know - wet droplets from the sky
    140512 The officer could not figure out how to pull them over
    140511 Charles hadn't been offered candy since the third grade.
    140511 Her disguise was. almost, wonderful. But, she forgot to disguise her hands.
    140511 "Yes. This plane, does, fly at tree-level."
    140510 Just one evening, she like to not answer questions about "horizontal vs vertical".
    140510 It was tough for her to look up while wearing fake epicanthic folds.
    140510 (just before she gave the chop with her fake hand)
    140508 Everyone's a Critic! Sven enjoyed his limited pallet
    140508 Vegan Nightmares, s1, e2
    140508 Hell's Kitchen kept the apron
    140507 "...and when we flick the light on in the closet..."
    140507 Charles slept on duty too but, everyone owed him money
    140507 It took a lot of pep-talkin' to get Gramps to attempt his first fist-bump.
    140506 She paid well but they would, happily, have carried her doggie for free.
    140506 Ah'm tywed.Tywed of bewing admired.Tywed of wuv, uninspiwired.Dey talk of Bywon&Shelly& jump on my belly&bus my balloons
    140506 009, Licenced, on-the-clock and ready for work
    140505 He tried to pass the driving test. He, really, really did.
    140505 "Round and Round and Round and what we're looking for, still, isn't found"
    140505 engineer's porn
    140503 This was much better than that finger-pulling business.
    140503 He, always, let her hold the brake-handle. Yes. He did...always...just hold it...again and again. Hoooooold the brake
    140503 OOH! What a large speculum you have!' "...the better to PAP you with, my dear."
    140502 You might ask if they celebrate May Day. They do not.
    140502 Jerald bought only one pencil before art class that day.
    140502 "Diversity" had not, yet, spread but music-reception was excellent.
    140501 "If you make noise, I'll put you in the spin cycle again!"
    140501 It wasn't the harsh discipline or the rundown house. It was the sheets with stains
    140501 "NO getting up until night!"
    140430 (Blondie forgot to bleach his eyebrows)
    140430 NOW, DO IT WITH THE SHIRTS OFFFFFF!! HUBBBBA HUBBBA!!!!
    140430 Ah! The joys that happen when women rule are legion!
    140429 Kirk and Spock...letting off steam in the proto-holodeck
    140428 "I told them last week - NO METAL MARTINI GLASSES!"
    140428 Insisting on singing, Gerald's solo stayed solo
    140428 (No one would tell him that it was because he has bad breath)
    140427 "I wish I had a cell phone with an Internet connection, no roaming fees, screen protector, a camera andandandandand"
    140427 Waiting for servants can be, very, tedious.
    140427 "So, I says, "like, OMG -lol" an' she says, "like, what ever" I mean, like, yah"
    140426 The lack of guns did not seem to bother the natives
    140426 The asylum had great stylists but lousy security
    140426 Jane felt that she was being encouraged to go into mining as a career
    140424 OOOOOOKLahomah! where the wind comes in little black pen marks
    140423 Dawnling could not think of anything funny because she wanted the house, badly
    140422 The chemo had, only, affected her hair. She was as strong as ever but, Roger/Tom-John was a, "hair-guy".
    140422 Soon, Roger/Tom-John was questioned about his mimicking of the Queen's wave.
    140422 Roger/Tom-John found that Erich Von Daniken was wrong about the "gods".
    140420 No seat belts. No headrests. Ah!
    140420 Once upon a time, people had to type with all fingers when they were sitting in the car and the words STAYED in the car
    140420 It was a big move to fight off writer's block but the deadline was looming
    140418 ...what, really, happened on Mount Olympus.
    140418 Food-delivery fail
    140418 Bob liked the smell and leaned in
    140418 As usual, "cultural differences" are the sourse of friction
    140417 He was not used to Christmas presents that had opinions and moods and the ability to veto.
    140417 ( what man, really, thinks that the stench gets a woman in "the mood"? )
    140417 As the slap came in, her outward/upward block met it. HyYAH!
    140416 '...call me "Ginger" ONE more time!"
    140416 "you are handsome and people like you-you are handsome & smart & people like you-you are good looking & charming & witty
    140416 The secret of Roger-Tom's success is the trapped pep-talk Genie
    140413 He wanted to pet it but had heard that they bite and slap and howl
    140413 The Natives state that whities are closer to apes due to Hairyhairy hairiness
    140413 What you can't smell will help you to look at it long enough to come up with a punch line :)
    140412 No blondes made it through the interview
    140412 In those days, it was the only way that they could touch each other in public
    140412 Elvis, the highschool days, trying not to shake the pelvis in biology class
    140411 ...AND, STILL, he forgot his pants!
    140411 Former smokers are the most vocal
    140411 Methinks he protesteth too much
    140410 but would "she" remember to wash "her" hands?
    140410 Tracy fell asleep in the Hershey's again but failed to notice AGAIN
    140410 Cat-love is the truest love
    140409 None of the robots realized that they did not need guns
    140409 ...playing paint ball, for keeps, is a blood sport
    140409 Eventually, cats were able to build robots that were big enough to put people into carriers. Then, they denied them beer
    140408 Billy tried to ignore Uncle Dan's excessive Grecian Formula-use.
    140408 Confused, Dan was eating the knobs. Billy had no cell phone to make a call.
    140408 It's, either, food or music. I haven't smelled it yet tho.
    140407 Kenneth's eyebrows could not go up any more. So, Todd did it for him.
    140407 Fashion Faux Pas Number 7: wearing the turban too low
    140407 The third-eye implant was a success but they forgot the x-ray-vision implants! Threats flew.
    140406 Only upper management gets the swim caps
    140406 Solar Powered Shirt Factory Training Film, Subject 1: Wearing Safety Goggles
    140406 (Gordon Ramsey enters in 3, 2, 1...)
    140405 Geoff, Winter is Coming.
    140405 Geoff, brace yourself. There is only meatloaf for dinner, again, minus the meat.
    140405 Did you register to vote?
    140402 Baby tried to care. Really, he did.
    140402 The little guy had not learned the word, "inappropriate" yet.
    140402 Timothy William Jefferson Alexander, the first born. Not knowing how to parent, his dad just asked a lot of questions.
    140401 "Who can reach the levers and not lose toes tho?"
    140401 "WAIT!! You have to PAY for those!"
    140401 The food wasn't that good but the fortune cookies were worth it.
    140330 Yeah, well she told me that she made you pay double
    140330 I'm looking for a joke that is as good as Guy's "...Uranus" joke from yesterday.
    140330 My tie does NOT have to look good with my shoirt. I don't care, see? You got it now? See?...wise guy!
    140329 Bumping the chair is not polite way to get a turn
    140328 They had the best resonance of.all the quartets
    140328 Although they looked like candy, they were not sweet
    140328 What do you mean, "primary colors"?
    140327 All this and he was, still, a "C" student
    140327 Well, he's Canadian. So, it's, all, covered.
    140327 ...anything but study.
    140324 Do you want to go first?
    140324 Arf and Marf got carried away while they were waiting to be colored in
    140324 ...andt naow,yew vill show uz de Cee Pee Arrr
    140323 The term, "micromanager" had not been invented yet but the practice was, heavily, practiced.
    140323 Johnson could not get Martin to shut up while he worked. Transfer application IN
    140323 yaaaaaah, look at THAT flagella!
    140322 Even drunk, these guys didn't slur...very impressive
    140322 Their set-list was too heavy on the limericks for a "G" rating
    140322 The Lollipop Guild's fame grew after "Oz" but they had to keep the name AND the outfits for bookings.
    140322 The Lollipop Guild aged rather well...considering
    140321 One guy, making a pass, was creepy on the street but using one's dad as a wingman was far too creepy for the camera gal
    140321 Boehner's family, always, got polished up and smiled for the weekly handout, I mean "luncheon".
    140321 (pretend that we aren't a couple pretend that we aren't a couple pretend that we aren't couple SHHHHHHH)
    140320 This is no way to learn to pass the Driver's Test
    140320 Renegade jeeps; a supper hero's worst nightmare. They were going to be late for supper for sure now
    140320 Well, there goes the suspension
    140320 The Full Moon brings out many thingsssssssssssssss
    140320 Mother Nature has many friends
    140319 Bargain Basement Windup Toys have their down sides
    140319 "Your face is getting looooonger..."
    140319 Tyrion Lannister had to take what ever work he could get after Winter Came
    140317 The Mer-People abstain from the consumption of coffee
    140317 Genie was sleepy and wanted to get back into the bottle for a nap but Charles would not stop singing.
    140317 HAABOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!!!
    140316 The two-handed salute was more capitulation than honor
    140316 When you say, "he was this tall", you two shoulda got your stories straight
    140316 The Bronze Zorkon, finally, showed up to remove the roommate's "friends"
    140315 He updated his resume to include, "has more superior tech-skills than my superiors", RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM
    140315 The one-stars were moving their lips as they read but only "we" noticed
    140315 The three-star was appalled that a man was typing
    140314 Older people don't, always, want to wait for help with their devices
    140314 The angel was, still, in the shower.
    140314 Many roommates are awful.
    140312 Blondie made a lot of money as a breath-smeller but was not fulfilled by the work.
    140312 Blondie had yet to learn the most important defense- "I'm rubber. You're Glue..."
    140312 Aggressive "OHM"ing was the style of bullying at Yoga School
    140311 Mousie loved any guy without pants.
    140311 Buzz knew that the best way to age well is to never use your stinger. The message didn't translate well
    140311 "No. I've never heard of a Craig or his list. Do you say that they will let me pay by check?"
    140310 The "no smoking" laws bothered some people more than others.
    140310 Chocolate-a-holics never see themselves as others see them
    140310 Officer, I don't LIKE to stop at red lights
    140309 Yah, I like that holodeck program too.
    140308 Teaching CPR to aliens was more difficult than expected
    140308 Poor Mark could not afford a shirt. He tried to earn enough by being a French-Kiss demonstration model
    140308 30 and 2, 30 and 2, 30 and 2
    140307 Oddly enough, gay marriage included the little known practice of a handgun wedding instead of a shot gun wedding
    140307 Jehovah's Witnesses are getting MUCH more aggressive
    140307 Paper Covers Rock but Dan had NRA "persuasion" along today
    140306 Marlon was losing a lot in the translation of his requests.
    140306 Some men do not know why they are single. So, they go shopping.
    140306 Marlon knew that the sales-pitch was going well.
    140305 "MMMMM, I love the smell of female-oppression in the morning!"
    140305 He hired his secretaries by weight, not by volume or literacy or odor.
    140305 'I'm sexy and I know it. Undressed, I don't show it. My poetry don't flow it."
    140304 Reggie, still, thought that he would be on the list of the cool kids & Roggie just pretended that he could read
    140303 Blue Horizon wants help moving but, people are FULL of excuses
    140303 At most shooting ranges, the targets are farther away
    140303 Vicious Dance-Training Camp did not focus on results
    140301 Norman doesn't like the bright headlights any more than I do
    140301 Norman is ticklish, even from afar
    140301 Theraputic singing is for every one!
    140228 Seriously couch, this whole team is gay.
    140228 Seriously couch, we're too scared to play those black guys
    140228 Seriously, couch, we need a black guy or two or three or four
    140227 Same-sex couple make wonderful parents, even for machines!
    140227 They sang it to sleep every night.
    140227 ...AND it smelled like mimeograph ink!
    140226 Little Tyler, finally, saw a way to escape from the inane names that suburban moms give.
    140226 ...and now, we join GT in the continuing saga of "Poppy". Today's episode: "Poppy and the Parable of the Socks"
    140225 Hey! Look! It's gaydar!
    140225 If they had-a paid attention in school, they-a known what an eclipse is.
    140225 ( people were supposed to put their pipes down when they saluted and sang {eye roll})
    140224 He was her big brother but he wasn't her favorite brother and this was not helping
    140224 Before, ""no", means, "no"", girls just kicked and ran.
    140224 Each room had the same snow -theme. By the end of the evening, she had to wait for her eyes to adjust to drive home.
    140222 Due to cologne-macrame, the windows WILL be down
    140222 They could not think of any songs that they could all sing together tho
    140222 Greenberg knew. Chin suspected. Hans was driven to distraction
    140219 BrokeBack Camp games could be, a little bit, over-the-top
    140219 SuperHero pranks tend to have a body-count
    140219 HEY! No FLame-Frisbee during the drought without a raindance!
    140218 Poppy knew that he would be in the elevator when the cigar went off
    140218 Walter Cronkite officiates at Poppy's purchase
    140218 Poppy is thrilled to sign with giggle trigger for as many pics as he can.
    140217 I didn't marry your MOTHER! I married YOU! I do not want to live with your mother!
    140217 I like pants! I wear pants! I don't care if you like pants! I will be wearing PANTS!
    140217 "...but diamonds make me happy. They don't do anything else but..."
    140216 The closet had made Charles into a man who is grim, gray and always looking away.
    140216 Is that, the VPL, against which you warned?
    140216 The early Hair-Clubs were not friendly
    140215 It wasn't so much that they liked her stories. They were fascinated by the way that she smelled.
    140215 "Ah kin drees up lahk a laydee an' get in der an; git hiz gunz, yeah, ah kin, ah kin"
    140215 "...and then, ah hee-ut da bulz eye, raht on da noze an' ah wun and he wuz crahin' lahk a babee"
    140214 Hello. May I borrow a package for my wedding?
    140214 She was pretty and nice but her penchant for recreating the wedding EVERY night was tedious after a while.
    140214 I do want you to say, "I do". Do do it. Do do.
    140213 They were losing the sing-off AND the fashion show
    140213 "Help! Ahm een heer wit a clown an' a hair-club clown!"
    140213 "if you can't fight, be funny", they said..." it will make you safer", they said...( as the exploratory hand explored )
    140211 WHAT?...NO SUNSCREEN!?
    140211 No one but Marcus was strong enough to hold the ladder over hand with one hand
    140211 Using nepotism to fill supervisor positions lead to much grumbling amongst the staff
    140210 "High Four, Buddy"
    140210 "I'm going evolve my fourth finger today. You'll see. Then, it won't be a "middle finger" at all!"
    140210 Legislative Youth Camp had it's hazings too
    140209 Professor Ricardo's Potions Class was audited more than the others and he knew, very well, why.
    140209 ...and he got rid of the evidence right in front of them.
    140209 When it comes to marriage ceremonies, you get what you pay for.
    140208 She got over being embarrassed to be seen in public with it ---- after a few months
    140208 OH, big daddy take me take me ohh mmm so scaly mmm oooh, WAIT! NO BITING!
    140208 Yah, he didn't look like his profile picture AT ALL anymore
    140207 Some people have sick ideas for foreplay
    140207 : Never Marry Someone From The Other Side Of The Aisle
    140207 NOT ON THE FIRST DATE, YOU TWO!
    140206 "Excuse me but I just love bear feet, bear chests, bear bottoms, bear hands...so much that, I can, hardly, bear it!"
    140206 Barry liked dancing but he preferred to lead
    140206 The ghost wanted to know about the woods.
    140204 Nope. They never did get married
    140204 There mother just let children be children and taught them nothing. Their basement apartment would never be cleaned.
    140204 Every thing is gentle in HomeSchool Land but the consequences
    140203 It's a black lipstick refill. They sell them upstairs.
    140203 Put this chip in your dog. It's what responsible owners do.
    140203 Frank Zappa! Paging: Frank Zappa!
    140202 Well, there would be no fights tonight. That was one good thing
    140202 (Singing) "They called her "Roofy" "Roofy" "Roofy", "Roofy of the Sea", swimming to you. Swimming to me..."
    140202 They thought that is was the booze but, it wasn't. It was the water
    140201 Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...
    140201 I don't think that the skier made it off of the dock!
    140201 Sometimes, the closet was so awesome that people stayed in for the fun of it
    140201 Hey! Let's come out of the closet! It's lovely out there!
    140131 Yes. The painting was excellent but,the prize went to "Plastic Red Rectangle" due to judge's husband being a popart fan
    140131 Ari, realized, then, that gay, is real.
    140131 Beans, beans the musical fruit...
    140130 The Church Of Barnum pushed mandatory laugh-healings
    140130 Pre-backhand, Russell's pokerface was the stuff of legend
    140130 "Dr." Brodman had unique methods that were not driven by results
    140129 Sometimes, phrenology can, really, matter
    140129 Percussive Barbering was not destined to be popular
    140129 I think that I missed a spot
    140128 "The feathers are over that way."
    140128 The time-machine transported every thing but his face
    140128 Even back then, hats with veils looked better on women
    140128 You, still, can't use the "n" word
    140127 ...but first, the Tranya
    140126 Neither believed the other about color TV
    140126 Octogenarians, often, are more patient with the beginners
    140126 OH!...not you, again!
    140125 WAIT! That isn't how the cocaines work!
    140125 Holmes tried to bend down to look but the green of his shirt was too convex
    140125 Can you see what color they are going to use to colorize the walls?
    140124 The Revolution will not be televised! Just put it between my shoulder blades and get it over with!
    140124 Fetch that litter box here NOW!
    140124 "Ringworm" is not a worm!!!! It's a fungus...a plant-life!
    140123 She's a Psychic Chiropractor
    140123 ...like milk or like wine?
    140123 "...and Ruffie was her name, tra la la,sing a hey high diddle away"
    140122 Some people stick to their Olympic dreams no matter what
    140122 "Cap'n!! She's venting dry plasma!!"
    140122 Ari knew that it would not tasted better with more stirring but Redd seemed so happy that Ari just left him to it.
    140121 Poor thing. He can't afford a shirt.
    140121 Allergies; his "Achilles' heel".
    140121 Blondes think that they are having more fun.
    140120 CEO tendencies, appearing early, often, go untreated
    140120 Most people were sure that Rusty would have no trouble coming out of the closet
    140120 Having no singing talent in the family just made it worse
    140120 like-father-like-son. like-mother-like-a-dishrag
    140119 Back then, they didn't call it "The Special Olympics"
    140119 (sotto voce) "...just tell her that her singing is beautiful!"
    140119 Horace REALLY liked his sister and did not realize that he was drooling
    140118 We have solved the problem called, "racism"!
    140118 Sun-Protection Gone Wild
    140118 ...delicious? Yes. Yes, we are.
    140117 She didn't realize it but, her time-travel was showing
    140117 All he said was, "Heel!"
    140117 Even before he was a Senator, he could not make women like him.
    140116 ...really, Marv was just jealous
    140116 The date did not start off well. It made for a great story to tell the grand-adoptees
    140116 ...or your aftershave either!
    140115 At heart, she, really, was a blonde.
    140114 He's a chimp off the old block
    140114 DON'T monkey with him! He'll go bananas! Its a hairy situation! It brings out the animal in me!
    140114 She takes the cake too.
    140114 ...and then, she made a monkey out of him!
    140112 Debra hated her mom's talents
    140112 The Mall, where fashion dreams die.
    140112 Her dad enforced the rules on EVERY date, even after college
    140111 Androgynous dressing, still, leaves us with: "Vive la Difference!".
    140111 Jack and Jill went down the hall to get to the end of the wall. Jimmy Crown was upside down and didn't mind at all.
    140111 "The Empty-Holster Clubs" hazings were tame
    140110 In the curious case of Brenda Button, the hot flashes came during childhood
    140110 "This calls for a course of leeches"
    140110 She's coughing out her Whoops
    140109 James had NEVER met a blonde who could read!
    140109 ( eyes eyes eyes...what color are her eyes!!!!?)
    140109 " THOSE LIGHTS ARE supposed TO BE GOING ON AND OFF!"
    140108 The planet was small but it had oxygen
    140107 Arthur Murray's, Remedial Wednesday were all private classes
    140107 Although company policy was "no worktime/workplace intimacy" Chuck and Mark snuck into empty conference rooms OFTEN
    140107 The "Karate for Lunch" program made for many a sweat-scented afternoon
    140106 Janice's experiments in polygamy were fraught with tension
    140106 Janice wondered why she was single
    140105 (...waiting for the hairs to grow.)
    140105 The Sharper Image Catalog had very few products in the beginning
    140105 Some men love cars. Some men love porn. Some men LOVE electronics
    140104 In person, his acting wasn't very silent
    140104 THERE's MY LUGGAGE!!!!!!!!!
    140104 I'm singing at the border, singing at the border, got a smile on my face and I'm singing to the vid-recorder
    140103 ...and now for the Hide-and-Seek Not-Champions!
    140103 PANTS!! PANTS!! WHERE ARE OUR PANTS?????
    140103 "Freeze-or-Fly" Class: 102, Bldg. #4 Tues/Thurs Ins: Lupine
    140102 The new blonde had never experienced Kenneth's level of over-acting before.
    140102 After having her beloved cat turn into a man, Justine, STILL, had to deal with his hairballs
    140101 Erin was trying to pretend that he was not the one who barfed but he was not successful
    140101 "OK, kids, we have to get home without touching any barf!"
    140101 yah, that is what I see too: barf
    131231 You DO NOT need that much lipstick!
    131231 You! That's MY purse, not yours!
    131231 hey! All carry-on luggage gets weighed now!
    131230 Myopia was, definitely, in this gene-pool.
    131230 When gossip won't wait, just call for: "I Can" and solve your no-call-waiting needs.
    131230 After that Friday, Madge stuck to international customers.
    131229 Surely, you realize that we shine. Surely, you see that you're jealous.
    131229 Showing this year's fashions is Betty.She shows the stain-soaking, ironing-needing days of your, incoming, style-worship
    131229 "Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh Sugar Town"
    131228 What do you mean that you two are too busy to notice that Dawnling is all "pedophilia" today?
    131228 The sign said, "Kiddie PlayHouse" but the emphasis was on "play"
    131228 I know that daddy says that you are the best kisser but you are 15, now, and much too old for him.
    131227 Miming sex-acts whilst on THE throne, behind the king's back make the court laugh at the king's jokes, every time
    131227 The Pinking prefered his Squire to be part cat and an air-kneader
    131227 ...to breathe or not to breathe, that is the question.
    131226 She never regretted her decision to never marry
    131226 He didn't know how to make a facial expression that a woman would like. She waited but, it didn't happen
    131226 The 1945 Windsor Knot Champion, still, strutted his old stuff
    131226 I smell marriage! ( or shotgun powder )
    131226 He loved women who wear black lip stick
    131226 She liked men who made her feel taller
    131225 It wasn't a happy marriage
    131225 Crocky's mom ALWAYS had to pay "friends" to come to his parties
    131225 When he took the job at Club Croc, Jamal thought that he'd be wearing them not entertaining them.
    131224 Santa was not nice to the gay elves. He gave them tough assignments
    131224 The Society for Creative Anachronism's elf-unit was not very helpful
    131224 Is it a flashmob of costumed breakdancing or pickpocket distraction?
    131223 High-impact aerobics is getting way out of hand!
    131223 "I'm fine and don't call me, "mummy"!"
    131223 Hey, Joe! I told you about that gun in your hand!
    131222 Fellas, we gots to come up with some sort of collapsable step ladder
    131222 The Lollypop League ran for the hills
    131221 Without the joys of Lamborghinis & Rolexes, Geroldington had to settled for the joy of a sextant (or is it sex-tent?)
    131221 ...but she has no dowry. Why would you even bother?
    131221 Did you eff my wife?
    131220 Ronnie loved to squeeze it really really hard. Yes. Yes, he did.
    131220 Clean-up in office 24. Clean-up in office 24.
    131220 Singasong of six-gun,belly full of rye,4&20 perps, lawyers,they couldn't buy.Affulenza clears Ron.Do not cry.Ron=richguy
    131220 Ronnie didn't like kissing. No. No, he didn't.
    131220 Loan: not approved
    131220 ...so much easier than slappin' beeoch.
    131220 He, ALWAYS, fired-off before she was ready
    131218 Then, Fezzie asked, "What's a, "counterfeiter?".
    131218 Fezarino didn't like how his lawyer danced with the payments.
    131218 The dowry was delivered in unmarked bills.
    131217 They wanted to learn to read. They, reallyreally, want to learn to read
    131217 Dating Siamese twins was daunting, even for the Most Well-Groomed Man in the World
    131217 The Mannequins - getting ready to say the "news"
    131216 "I'm pregnant and YOU're the father!"
    131216 Rusty and Crusty liked to add an element of danger to their duets.
    131216 "Did you eff my wife? Did you eff my wife? Did you eff my wife? Did you eff my wife?
    131215 Early tests in micro-nutrition left every one hungry for more
    131215 No one believed Li when he gushed about micro processors.
    131215 It's called, "a contact lens'. Don't drop it.
    131214 Tammy wanted to touch but, her uncle taught her not to.
    131214 Timmy didn't want to be rude but the new babysitter was boring and smelled funny, really, really, funny.
    131212 Kent tried to stay in the closet but it wasn't easy
    131212 In the days before augmentation, The Basic Woman was, often, left in the dust by a bigger bust. sighsighsigh
    131212 LOST to ANOTHER blonde!!
    131211 Daffy knew that he'd, ALWAYS, get more ladies because he did not smoke and did not wear pants.
    131211 Don't let anyone or anything control your life. You smoke where you want to smoke!
    131211 Did you know that HFCS is the worst thing ever invented on the planet?
    131210 Isn't there any other part of the Matzah that we can eat?
    131210 People think that I am not smart but I have read Shakespeare in the original French
    131210 I know that they defy the laws of gravity but I never studied law
    131209 On the next, "Oprah" -"Upmarket Lining, Is It Worth The Extra Charge?"
    131209 Freud was about to start questioning his choice of cologne.
    131209 Ok, stay here. We'll be back soon.
    131208 It says to plug it in. What would need to be plugged up with this? Do they want us to shoot it - put a plug in it?
    131208 Ikea - The Early Days
    131208 She was easily impressed by any man who could read.
    131207 Bromance, stuffy, cigar-smelling, old guy-version
    131205 Yes, waiter. Bring me a stack of hundreds
    131204 You can see the good make up and good clothes abut what you can't see is the barfing
    131203 ...A Modest Proposal
    131203 Volfie does not know how to not flash when he is outnumbered
    131203 ...right before the bunny pulls down on the cane and lands that wolf nose right on the bunny paw and goes all bun-ninja
    131202 Mobile PattyCake Challenge, Sixth Level Unit, ten credits per
    131202 The Goddess of Creation at home with the kiddies
    131201 Dr. Anachronism never realized his fashion faux pas
    131201 Diner's Card - Beta-Tester
    131201 Yes. He will pass "go" and collect two hundred dollars
    131130 Daphneata has no gaydar
    131130 Daphneata loved slumming
    131129 Every Gramma wishes to bean the family's pedophile with a vase. Only the law is in the way (or the witnesses).
    131129 "Drunk Uncle" is one thing but, "Drunk Uncle from The Flat Earth Society" is too much to bear.
    131129 Wild Turkey is NOT Thanksgiving food, Gerald!
    131128 Dooooncy wanted to keep his job very very badly.
    131128 Doooncy thought that he was going to Iraq to vote.
    131128 The Hanukkah elf was drunk already!
    131126 Portrait of Illiteracy - A Tragedy in Exploration Explored
    131125 It seems that the butler never sleeps
    131125 Sir Smetherington-Smythe spends sensational cents on servants to his own chagrin
    131125 It's song by Prince, sir..."U need another lover like you need a hole in your head". I really like it, sir.
    131124 Marie and Bette teamed up as pickpockets. Some "marks" were easier than others.
    131124 "What grade are you getting in American History? A "B"...definitely a "B"."
    131124 "Hi! How are they?"
    131121 Karate doesn't work on water. Water will be like water.
    131121 All the neighbors knew that it wasn't a recessive gene.
    131121 Rocky 0.0001
    131120 Over-dressed for Tennessee weather, Poindexter sweat on everyone every time he turned around
    131120 The fourth monkey is "touch-no-evil"
    131119 The Elephant Man's grandson inherited enough for a really stylin' life-style
    131119 Sponge Bob's old auntie came to visit sometimes but the family was thinking of asking her to stop driving soon.
    131119 Now, divorced, Tim, STILL, doesn't ask for directions
    131117 A girl with two dads and an uncle needs a lot more for wedding-preps
    131117 She tried to explain what was needed in a mini bar but the language barrier was not bridged by alcohol
    131117 Miss Stetson's entourage were more useless than they appeared to be.
    131116 Hagrid sent Harry to sell the skroots on the black market
    131116 Mafia birthday candles
    131116 Code Word: "yellow cake"
    131116 ...before the word, "money shot" was used...
    131114 SHE'S GOT DRAGONS AND A JOFFREY!!!
    131114 THEY TOOK DOWN THE DOUGHNUT MAKER AND ARE TRYING TO SELL US YOGURT!!!!!
    131114 They's gotz bullet-proof vests! Why ain't weez got those?
    131113 pre-peepee match
    131113 ...an author, at work
    131113 ( this one doesn't need us much )
    131112 They were not good cooks but they were nice and clean. The judges gave them a "six"
    131112 After living going to a black and white school, Marvus, Anxio and Shabuty were happy to join the technicolor world
    131112 Plato looked on and ordered more wine
    131112 pee yew!
    131111 gayrunteed to make you a successful hitchhiker, every time
    131111 ..and these 'uns hide the leg-wool too!
    131111 They was easy pickin's they was
    131110 Yes. They ARE naked under their clothes
    131110 Yes. They do leave marks on the chairs.
    131110 How did their marriage last this long and workout so well? He always made her feel pretty!
    131110 Mr. and Mrs. Michelin before they started their stars program
    131109 Bruce filed all of his recipes and purchases and girlfriends numbers and poems and homework and and and and and
    131109 Memorizing the instructions for how-to-run the batcave, is a very time-consuming task.
    131109 It says that you are gay.
    131107 ...all this and no finger was even pulled.
    131107 HE FORGOT TO POINT HIS TOES!
    131107 Tummy, troubled...Hair, perfect
    131107 Ben watched the horse bolt and braced for impact
    131107 This is no way to inject a little color into his wardrobe.
    131106 Here, we see a blonde having MORE "fun" that he expected to have
    131106 The grade was steep but the ramp was made out of laundry!!!
    131106 ...camera at the ready.
    131105 She just realized that she can sell uniform-acceptable sweat bands and realize a fortune therefrom
    131105 Black lipstick AFTER Halloween is a fashion "don't" and the police aren't playing around this year!
    131105 Officer Jones was not good at flirting
    131104 One sign that the colony on Mars is growing into a successful place to live is that they are holding dance contests now
    131104 Oddly, her pepper spray didn't work on him
    131104 No body likes to spar with Flame
    131103 I see the future. I see row upon row of coffee hats, bottles of green makeup and sparks from antenna every where
    131103 Here we see inside Google's product-development team
    131103 Here we see proof that Geraldo Rivera is a planted spy, descended from aliens
    131102 In the days before recycling, men made a mess. Wait! What?
    131102 We tried explaining to the aliens that men are very happy with just ink-on-paper but they just shook their gorms
    131102 In the days before shredders, men let their ties swing free.
    131101 Spikonia Noichey!
    131101 Don't you realize that, as a species, we cannot cut our own hair???
    131101 (I thought that Strom Thurman died)
    131031 It's not nice to give people mushrooms instead of candy
    131031 I'm going to give them treats because, I can guess what their tricks are and I don't feel like cleaning that up
    131031 Pleeeeease, let your parents check your candy BEFORE you eat it!
    131030 He didn't get much information out of anyone this way. Alcohol would have worked better.
    131030 ...sizzled blonde in 3,2,1...
    131030 ..."the usual" for the "Mile High Club's" alums
    131029 ...what bachelors and bachelorettes think really happens if you leave the dishes in the sink.
    131029 ...what I dream...
    131029 ...what housewives dream...
    131028 It did not cure her hiccups or her crosseyedness
    131028 After finagling himself into her Will, Mouturio worked on getting to the point more quickly
    131028 After gay marriage, there will be animal marriage and marriage, STILL, won't be happy
    131027 I use it to make omhlettes, the calmer breakfast food
    131027 Look in here and just see dis broad, man oh man
    131027 A guy with NSA on his coat collar gave to to me. I don't know what it does
    131026 He knew he was going and, he knew that there would be no mirrors.
    131026 ...pondering...how many blondes DOES it take to screw in a light bulb?
    131026 He is trying to figure why Saturn went to the vet
    131026 Wait wait wait, YES! YES. It is true! A blonde had a THOUGHT!
    131026 She wasn't really stalking him. The nightvision film was her, private, private, private indulgence.
    131026 When a man REALLY loves himself, he shows himself a good time and takes himself on the best date ever!
    131026 All this and no sunblock.
    131025 No more bacon-as-cologne for Arry.
    131025 He threw the dog-whistle right out of the frame
    131025 Dora was not called a dog because of her looks
    131025 Draco Malfoy would not leave his wand home on dates any more
    131025 Bitten as a child, Arry had dog-ptsd
    131025 Cosplay - the suburban, mild version
    131024 ...what Superhero Teachers do to parents during their off-hours
    131024 Yellow River was at a loss for words but slapped the makeup right off of this creep's face
    131024 No. This outfit is not an invitation for you to grab my tights. "No", means, "NO".
    131024 Some dentists have nefarious ways of drumming up new business
    131023 Jazz vs. Country - played out on the streets
    131023 Puparoni had never met gang-cats before
    131023 HHHH HHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH! ( Translation is ALL cat-cussy )
    131022 Greine was, really, a fashion-prude. He forgot to notice that no one else minded
    131022 Reddecks looked nothing like his profile pic but he did not lie about his bod - wheee whew!
    131022 Green hadn't seen his brother in a long time but knew of the meds. It seemed that the doseage was off though.
    131021 Dan remained dapper, even when damp
    131021 Tinker, Tailor, Swimmer, Sailor AND, STILL, they ended up drinking seawater tsktsktsk
    131021 One thing that the quadruplets shared was their genetic ability to float
    131020 It's a rejection from Vogue
    131020 It says that you're over-dressed
    131020 It's a design for a metal detector
    131019 Martuusi was a not very good at reading palms but he tried. He really, really tried
    131019 You should wash after you wipe
    131019 She uses Palmolive. You'll be soaking in it.
    131018 Chubby, Cookie, Dippy, Doofy, Poofy, Slouchy and Bob...did I remember them all?
    131018 If it's a good joke, then, somebody got hurt. Snarly didn't like taking his turn
    131018 Breakdancing battles were new to the dwarves. Sulky didn't know how to take it to the floor
    131017 Half a werewolf is better than none, so she thought
    131017 Troi needed therapy for her holodeck choices but no body knew
    131017 Bill-collectors were breeding employees instead of hiring them.
    131015 Officer Jim was NOT good at flirting
    131015 ( don't flash him, girl. He's gay and will noooot like it)
    131015 Daisy was a really smart dog but she forgot her bags that day at the observatory
    131014 When Mother Nature lets her hair down, men notics
    131014 The HELL of high fructose corn syrup was descending up them
    131014 It was pretty rare for Mark to be rendered speechless
    131013 Hank knew that Charles would not take money from Monsanto but Hank had debt, lots and lots of debt
    131013 ...in the closet but they burned for each other like a Bunsen
    131013 CWD. Concocting while drunk AGAIN! Laboratory privileges SUSPENDED!
    131012 So, can we act out "Brokeback Mountain" THIS time?
    131012 I find that Desitin minimizes chafing and that my horse likes the smell
    131012 Lollipop Guild Alumni Weekend required extra packing
    131011 Cologne was not helping either of them
    131011 His eyebrows said, "no" but she knew that the real answer was, "yesssss".
    131010 Bird knew that he should keep his thoughts amongst himself
    131010 Yes. He is single. Why do you ask?
    131010 Writing law on an empty stomach yielded gnashing of teeth and raised eyebrows amongst bird
    131008 She didn't know if she should charge more for robots or less
    131008 Later, the robots would claim that she was "asking for it"
    131008 Jezebel was surprised to find robots in Hell
    131006 No. I do not charge less
    131006 After retiring from his job at the Lollipop Guild, Marteen peddled "The Sheen".
    131006 I'm not a real barber. I just play one in the movies
    131005 She a really negative conversationalist. All she says is, "bah bah bah!"
    131005 I hope that she washed her hooves before she reaches into that cookie plate!
    131005 In THIS house, chewing cud at the table is allowed
    131004 We have dried beans and "water recycling" ENOUGH FOR US ONLY
    131004 The inner Koch-dials are up and running
    131004 This politician brought more than food to the bunker
    131003 Tony could not take Dqark's discussion of dental techniques seriously
    131003 The smell was strong and it didn't smell like tea
    131003 Tony wasn't sure if this alien was illegal or not but the conversation proceeded well anyway
    131002 Open wider!
    131002 The blonde tried to make sense of the squirrel's collection. It was a slow process
    131001 She knew that, if he kept up that noise, the window glass would shatter.
    131001 ( her mother shoulda taught her not to walk closer )
    131001 oouh oouhoouhoouh squwahck ( monkey -talk )
    130930 She was NOT asking for it!!!
    130930 Global Warming is getting, really, out of hand.
    130930 tooooooo many jalapenos
    130929 The sparks flew before the bullets but not after
    130929 As the flood of sepia seeped in, she ignored the squawking, yet again.
    130929 she savored watching Hodor come up behind him
    130928 If she couldn't have a crown...
    130928 Yes. She is single.
    130928 Do not talk to her. She's a real fony.
    130927 He tried to explain to her that black lipstick was not his favorite
    130927 Ma'am, if youra gonna be-a draggin' tin cans, you needs to be-a married up first
    130927 Ma'am, you lost your skier a ways back there
    130926 She never forgot her days as a track star. Doggie was just jealous
    130926 Fido did not realize that he would not get treats by this barky barkington barking method
    130926 Just outside the line of vision is the sign that says, "deaf commuter jogs here".
    130925 "Chaz, tell Dawnling that these are our left fists"
    130925 The sexiest way to do Hokey Pokey,in dark, in forest,dressed up"you put your right fist in,you put your right fist out"
    130925 She was tired of using fists as puppets but she wanted to know where he hid the baby
    130925 It was an awkward fist bump but it sealed their love
    130924 I, STILL, WON'T WEAR A CONDOM ( more, famous last words )
    130924 I'm too good-looking to worry ( famous last words )
    130924 It ain't the bible. So, i don't care
    130923 Yes, "The Addams Family" has a wide audience - even now
    130923 Molten below and earless elegance above, she is his hole-mate
    130923 (Match.com is way better than eHarmony!)
    130922 The SGB (Stealth Granny Brigade ) had more bravado than stealth
    130922 Stinker, Railer, Scolder, Fly ( implied Fly )
    130922 Clinker, Squaller, Soldier, Nana
    130920 Ah! Yes. The streets ARE paved with gold!
    130920 He could smell the fish and feel the barrel
    130920 He paid extra for plane-flung pee and was happy to do so
    130919 Yep. Brass don't tarnish.
    130919 When she asked if he wanted a knuckle sandwich, the metal and the rock were implied
    130919 Questing in the rain. Just questing in the rain. Ice and wind won't make me give up the path again (to be sung)
    130918 They were sure that, if she sat on the seat, they would all catch "the periods" from her
    130918 Thank you, Anita Hill!
    130918 ...the little known story of Gloria Steinem's mom
    130917 She thought that, "brick" was a term of endearment
    130917 "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" is on TCM tonight and he is just too cheap to pay for tickets!!!!!
    130917 Dyslexia was just one of his challenges
    130915 You'll need to teach it to say the phrases but YOU will have to pick up the phone for it
    130915 Mary, I want to show you why it is not o-Kay to test ingredients on animals ( I shoulda thoughta something funny tho)
    130915 If you let it fly around, YOU clean up the poop
    130914 Swinglow, sweet nesty nest, coming for to carry me flown! swwwing looow sweet nesty nest coming for to carry mee hoome
    130914 It was a deadly tango
    130914 AFLACK won't help you now!
    130913 Marley didn't get mad until he saw that the tip was one, thin dime
    130913 ...what Marilyn Monroe saw her final night
    130913 X-rated cosplay makes for sleepiness the next day
    130912 ( he didn't even know that he was getting married )
    130912 A thumbs-down AND a Black Panther salute while singing, "Blue Moon"...inbreeding revealed itself daily
    130912 "OOOH! the groom is "peepeeing!
    130911 Illiteracy. The under-reported disability
    130911 Bardy took EVERY opportunity to show off his armpits
    130911 BWI - "brushing while intoxicated"
    130910 "too much hair in the drain" was cause for bouncing
    130910 Russia's local enforcement wing was strong on supposition
    130910 If you don't pay your cut, out on your...keeeesterrrr
    130909 "Still jealous, after alllll theeeese yearrrrsss"
    130909 The hotel could have made a lot more money with better marketing.
    130909 Where is the paranormal camera now???
    130908 wut dis sy-ens stuff do anyway?
    130908 who would want to shave there anyway?
    130908 toof brush??? I don need no stinkin' toof brush!
    130907 The Prince needed much more beauty sleep but, obviously, he wasn't getting it.
    130907 " I don't want any more of your apples! Go talk to your mirror!"
    130907 "You do too have bad breath! You do ! You do ! You do!!!"
    130906 As a toothpaste-patriarch, he was used to this sort of come-on and he was not in the mood
    130906 He figured that, if he just kept leaning back, she would keep leaning for ward
    130906 "Young lady, no one wears a fedora with a white tie - harumph!"
    130905 BatterBatterBatter SWING!!
    130905 Della is a really good softball player too
    130905 "Alas, poor Doric. I knew her well." (Columnar incoming unrealized)
    130904 In the days before ruffies, a fella had to buy a gal a lot of drinks.
    130904 Well,this was the first time that she had dated a guy in a yellow suit, that day.
    130904 The smell got to her first
    130903 Piewakit was drawing a blank - not for the first time
    130903 "..and I have my fingers and I have my brefffist and I has my soooz and wer'd I put my lunch??"
    130903 Counting nostrils was not his only skill. Piewakit was liked to count knuckles too
    130902 Howard was struck speechless
    130902 Most Starfleet Academies used time-travel for practice on the tractor beam due to the messes
    130902 ...and it's finger popping, 24 hour shopping in rapture...
    130901 The Three Stooges dressed much nicer after retirement
    130901 Charles Chinofhair always pretended to speak no English when the bill came
    130901 Well, no. That was not on my shoe after I left the restroom and why did you pick it up????
    130831 The closet was with them, always
    130831 At that point, redundancy remained unquestioned as long as it showed up in a gray flannel suit
    130831 Porn-at-work, circa 1948
    130830 Serial Killer - Tree-Preference
    130830 Paul's son, Pill, was MUCH weaker than his father
    130830 Paul's feet were sliding in the new shoes. Yes. Yes, they were.
    130828 The x-ray specs that he ordered were NOT working!!!!
    130828 Rehd JUST realized that this was NOT a very private bath room
    130828 Rehd spell the word "bisexual" with an "s", an "L", a "u" and a "t"
    130826 Ary was not a very fun date. Barbara was getting really bored
    130826 Before computer games, people had to play one-at-a-time
    130826 The truth is that NSA has been going on a loooooooong time
    130825 Realy, she enjoyed being a list of stats...like a car
    130825 She never did worry about her lack of a GED
    130825 In the days before viagra, "companions" could focus, much more, on fashion
    130824 Well, we ain't got enough hair between to do the Rapunzel thing
    130824 OOh, Guy musta got tired of cartoons for a while
    130824 OH, Look. She's wearing hers tucked.. Don't she think she's cute now
    130821 The World's Best Fortune Teller scared the Kochs to death
    130820 ALICE!! WHERE'D YOU PUT THAT OTHER BOTTLE?
    130820 Mom!! Gulliver's here
    130820 I'm ok. How's it hangin' with you?
    130819 Well, her dad is a stuffed shirt. So,...
    130819 This is not the way to play patty cake!
    130819 porn is really getting fringey these days
    130818 She got the good knees.
    130818 I'll play like youse da tuf guy iffn youse pass me da bottle over night
    130818 I can't sketch either
    130817 Chen explains how the river got it's name
    130817 Military men don't cotton to nerd-speak
    130817 "...but your left hand just went in front of you, in back of you...front & shook. Is that,really, what it's all about?"
    130814 What he really wanted was a bigger number to brag about at the club
    130814 His math could not help anyone find the red head
    130814 Siamese or not, the twins could not help his with his math lessons no matter how loud he got
    130812 Non-feminist flirting
    130812 HOUSE of RUFFIES!!
    130812 He never saw a bra work that hard
    130811 How does it smell?
    130811 I'll need white feathers to finish the look
    130811 DADDADDAD, no more with these attempts at self-lobotomy
    130810 When she wanted the lawn mowed, she could find her husband by scent alone
    130810 Yes. You ARE happy that you can't see their shoes!
    130810 Wine, women and song. FIE! We got whiskey, whiskers and whooping
    130809 Stan and Harvey THOUGHT that they were in the closet but, they were not
    130809 Yep, your butt IS wider than your shoulders
    130809 talk-to-the-hand was preceded by, talk-to-the-bootommmm
    130808 Self-Defence, Rockette's Style is 90% kicks
    130808 Eve shops at the Knowledge of Fashion Tree and LOVES their prices!
    130808 Eve Airlines threw all the snakes off of the plane and then, threw the barf bags at them
    130807 ...the charter members of the anti-snuggling league were often confused as to their lack of appeal
    130806 Dreaming of a day when they could marry AND visit in the hospital...
    130806 Conceal-Carry,1942
    130806 Fisting, the old way, was not safe
    130805 There were good for their own crowd, but their techniques kept them from going national
    130805 Mr. Bean wanted to marry her but did not realize that pelting her with beans, daily, was not achieving his goal
    130805 Mrs. "Detention Queen" Parson's class showed up ..WITH spitballs
    130804 NO ONE EXPECTS THE ENGLISH INQUISITION!!!!
    130804 Wearing metal indoors was frown upon but their frowners were tired
    130804 Nimoy's older brother loved time-travel
    130802 Mc Henry was a "bottom" and he liked it rough
    130802 Punching below the belt, WAY below the belt, is allowed in this special Stairs version of MMA
    130802 Trying to make the bandy-legged king dance well in his diapers was the toughest task of McHenry's life
    130731 "Lady-Like" was not part of Sally's parenting techniques
    130731 DO NOT TOUCH THAT! YOU ARE VEGAN!
    130731 NO! You are NOT allowed to go in to that confessional!
    130730 ...the moment that Paula realized that her teeth were - somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
    130730 She would not, tried not, must not...cry over spilt milk
    130730 OH! NO! It's a cat, in a shark costume, riding on a Roomba, chasing a duckling around the kitchen!!!
    130729 Rosie never got over being a riveter
    130729 She, really, hated mosquitos. The guys were ready to help but she didn't care
    130729 Her mother always told her to walk softly and carry a big bomb. This was the biggest one that she could carry
    130727 Ming would show his toys but hated to share
    130727 It's called, "Viagra". It will reduce funding for all other things
    130727 When you squeeze it, it sings, "Three moustaches twice Three moustaches twice See how they're done see how they're done"
    130726 "Kooch, I think that my steroids are wearing off."
    130726 "Couch...I mean, Coach, I heard that 7, ate 2,3,4,5 and 6."
    130726 We're protesting the helmet law.
    130725 The Red Velvet car was the envy of the neighborhood
    130725 It was far more fun than a porch swing --- at 18 cents a gallon
    130725 She wanted to get married tho. Her hands were getting tired
    130724 ...the minute that the wife met the "friend"
    130724 OH! NO! Cuties and him without his lucky topee
    130724 ...and he had just finished reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "The Redheaded League"
    130723 Harold was a quiet drunk...of the scariest kind
    130723 He wasn't looking at the hat
    130722 I smell mustard. Do you smell mustard?
    130722 In the days before makeovers...
    130722 The Money Train is here! No pushing! No shoving!
    130721 funny or handsome funny or handsome funny or handsome...each brought the "A" game!
    130721 Stannie DeVito paved the way for his son's stellar career
    130720 Jeeves and Wooster played their own version of "Clue" every Tuesday
    130720 Dr. Ditzy did not realize that lab coats are not for house calls. Oh! The embarrassment!
    130720 Make, me dance. Please, make me dance
    130719 In the days before the sex-offender registry, jobs were easy to find and 'Milk' for fun
    130719 Blonde on Blonde violence leaves no marks on the outside
    130719 In the days before Bruce Lee made Karate popular, women were completely helpless
    130718 Rather than audition, Tyler drew a picture of what he would look like auditioning
    130717 Janelle, made up her mind, then and there, that profile pictures do NOT show you how the date will go
    130717 Here, we see what is inside the brain of the average neighborhood watch person
    130717 WAKE UP!
    130716 Without a calendar, George could not manage any sort of grid. He sighed often
    130716 "What shall I count next?"
    130715 ...looking for love in all the wrong places...
    130715 Bland refused to buy a cell phone
    130715 The new park ranger was not hip to the allowances made for Yogi and Booboo
    130714 Not to block but, the bartender was put in charge of enforcing the new, no-cigaring laws
    130714 Teenica Lewinski liked cigars. Yes. Yes. She did.
    130714 I represent the Cigar Guild, the Cigar Guild, the Cigar guild. I represent the Cigar Guild and I'd like to welcome you!
    130713 "Sushi! It's called SUSHEEEE"
    130713 "You shoulda checked with the dress code for this time-jump. "No phazers" was clearly listed in the brochure"
    130713 "It's SHAMPOO!...lather, rinse, repeat!"
    130712 Neither wanted to admit that they knew nothing of the shoes for cars
    130712 Dude, your mosquito egg farm does not look delicious
    130712 home made "rubbers"were their latest scheme
    130710 He. Refused. To. Have. Bad. Breath.
    130710 Yah yah, his taste buds died long ago, in the pasta wars
    130710 DWI gets supervision, but, at home, washing while drunk does not
    130709 (Is a "Dune" reference to "spice" and "blue eyes" too esoteric?)
    130709 We won't wear our hearts on our sleeves. No. No. No.
    130709 Even on other planets, the republicans and the democrats fight
    130708 Don't you know that it's a jungle out there? THAT is why he is practicing his Tarzan-Yell
    130708 Don't monkey with me! I'll go bananas!
    130708 The monkey had tried to tell young Telly that there is a fine for yodeling
    130707 No. You don't look like Tonto now!
    130707 I told you. She fights dirty. She's my sister. I knew she'd do this to you.
    130707 Yeah, well now you're not the "pretty one".
    130706 The Beard Brigade, FINALLY, finished buttoning up
    130706 Cold legs and a warm heart keep the mind clearer than does your silly UnderArmor!
    130706 Well, tough! Powdered wigs haven't been invented yet!
    130705 STUDENT LOAN INTREST IS WHAT????
    130705 Grad-pranks gone wrong: when someone puts the tassel of you mortarboard on your mom for a moustache
    130705 WHo let the guy with the beard in????
    130704 Soon, he would flip the page over and write, " No shirt, No service. No shoes? No pants? No problem!
    130704 Ratty Ratterson enjoys his first wall-mounted tissue dispenser
    130704 Oh! Look! This one says Oct. also! WOOOW! I am a good homeschooler!
    130703 Chuck was not a very nice dance partner but then, Harry didn't smell very good
    130703 Don't call it a spear if it's really a pole! You can't fool me!
    130703 Battle of the Bullies! Beauty vs Beady Eyes
    130702 The city-slicker with the southern accent CAN be friends with the nerd in the afterlife
    130702 What they did not know was that the new tenant is deaf
    130702 Foxtrot LOVED the personals ads!
    130701 Bill was dreaming again, dreaming that he was on a plane with plenty of leg-room and fresh air
    130701 Bill laughed, knowing that Giselle would not be get dry hands from that wall-mounted aberration
    130701 She was crying tears of blood. So, he threw the book out the window so that it would not bother her again
    130630 Mascara?!?! I don't need no stinking mascara!!
    130630 Yes. I WILL have more fun now!
    130629 "I told you yesterday. I know that you are NOT the toll-booth guy!"
    130628 Yep, harv was on the list
    130628 Jonnie rinsed a diaper, Chucky disguised the camera as a ship, Chippy prepped for a cannon ball, Marky spat on the food
    130628 When the moms are away, the dads forget to watch while the kids play
    130627 Etta had a SERIOUS crush on the UPS man
    130627 Faster than a speeding toddler! More powerful than soap! It's clomping! It's yelling! It's GRAMMA!
    130627 The highheels, definitely, make her feel thinner and prettier and younger but they do nothing for her wage-per-hour
    130626 ...and his aim was why Marvin never played pro ball
    130626 It, still, wasn't as loud as trucks on the cobblestone street
    130626 Marvin's last day on the job was announced repeatedly
    130625 Yep. The polyjuice potion as wearing off and his real jaw was returing
    130625 ...loss of short-term memory kept life fascinating
    130625 Yes. It was leave-o-clock
    130624 Ken made the decision that night to join the Tall-ones dating site
    130624 Will you marry me AND not have sex with other women?
    130624 Italian foreplay demonstration
    130622 "...and then, I said...and then, she said, and then, I said, and then, she said..."
    130622 The were not the most popular wedding band but they were the cheapest
    130622 My head is hot
    130621 "sigh"
    130621 "good. Let's go."
    130621 "Aw, ok" " I still hate your handsomeness."
    130621 "Ok. Let's go."
    130621 "Good. I don't care either."
    130621 "I don't care."
    130621 "You know that I'll punch you back and that it will hurt."
    130621 "Good. Then, I can punch you in the nose and it won't be fair and that will be good"
    130621 "Life's not fair"
    130621 "I hate your handsome ness"
    130621 "Do not descend into first chakra humor"
    130621 No. You may not blame your "wind" on me this time. YOu didn't even pay me for it last time like you said you would
    130620 BUT I'M REALLY A BALLOON!
    130620 I ain't good eatin'!
    130620 Don't waste the arrow! They are too hard to make!
    130619 It was a rainbow worth seeing
    130619 Mary is visiting from The Church of Chocolate but she isn't sharing the samples.
    130619 Mary is barefoot, but not pregnant
    130618 The other side of the cloth says, "if this ship's rockin', we're bailing. Call for help!"
    130618 Well, she got off the front of the ship and was allowed to put a shirt on but they gave her menial tasks
    130618 Sirens have updated their looks lately
    130617 Some ladies preferred a more active version of the hoopskirt
    130617 The better traps do not look like traps
    130617 Josh FINALLY caught Hank with his doll
    130617 I am really hungry...really really hungry
    130616 The pharaoh of upper and lower Egypt had a an elaborate skin care regimine
    130616 In any year, it is always assumed that blondes have more fun
    130616 The search for further beauty is ageless
    130615 He was going to tell his parents next week.
    130615 No acid before basketball
    130615 She couldn't break up with him any other way?
    130615 The real consequences of unintended spilts
    130615 They knew that putting one of the players from the other team thru the basket should not get a triple score
    130614 They were too drunk to care wear the dancing girls pinned their medals
    130614 Snow White was really a Prince but the dwarves were really dwarves. Some times, Snow forgot to remove the "HIHO" light
    130614 "I know that it's blatant but they are really that willing.
    130613 He, really, had never seen dark roots before
    130613 How could it be wrong for her to park there? Since it was a "no parking " spot, no body was going to be using it.
    130613 It was the day that she saw behind the white beard. Santa has a day job and is VERY serious about naughty/nice
    130612 As usual, Chuck was the "underdog"
    130612 Hi! C'mon!
    130612 I'm putting in a bath
    130611 Actually, both dads were the same age. Thank you, Grecian Formula!
    130611 Marrying on Mount Olympus was prohibitively expensive!!!
    130611 Time travel just made arranged marriages more complicated
    130610 It was way too early but it was much better to celebrate menarche than to call it a "curse".
    130610 It was AMAZING to learn that there are 12 months in the year!!!!!!
    130610 Shelly knew that he, really, was the Most Interesting Boy in the World.
    130610 Singing the calendar song EVERY day was not their favorite but it was the only time they had permission to pass notes
    130610 The time travel trip to the classes rooms of the distant past were Emma and Ethan's favorite.
    130608 THERE IS NO FACEBOOK YET!
    130608 WHERE IS YOUR SHIRT????????
    130607 When Marvin cut the funding for the employee gym, the love for exercise did NOT go away
    130607 Marvin was unaware that the dress code for contractors was a practical matter
    130607 Jeb dreamed of auditioning for Circe du Solei. Marvin was unimpressed DAILY
    130605 More than anything, it was the overpowering after-shave
    130605 Superman was shocked that the lawyer would use intimidation instead of information...the glasses were about to come off
    130605 Many lawyers attended more acting classes that the Screen Actor's Guild allowed
    130604 Marvin started judo classes the very next week
    130604 Osteoporosis had not dented Maureen's right hook
    130604 The Keating Five have not been forgotten. Vengence shall be visited upon the trophy wives!
    130603 Nan was not a good mother
    130603 Betty started life as a bad driver and her insurance rates reflected it for her whole life
    130603 In the days before sex-offender registries...
    130602 and none of them noticed that the lens cap was still on
    130602 Charles knew that just getting down on one knee with a big diamond ring would have been a better idea
    130602 John wanted to be sure that his son's grades improved
    130601 Chaz found that belittling Jeeves was better than Paxil
    130601 Chaz' atrophy was, exactly, equal to Jeeves hypertrophy
    130601 butlering-by-intimidation was Jeeves job-security
    130531 Inflation had driven prices way beyond a dime
    130531 No means NO
    130531 It was the halitosis that got to him first
    130530 Her dowry was NOT blue chip stocks
    130530 Betty began to see, exactly, what her husband would look like in a few more years
    130530 Chet was hell on the cigarette girls
    130529 ( sung in the voice of the Swedish Cook on Sesame Street )
    130529 Fred Flintstone's greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgrand son was unaware of the persistance of his DNA
    130528 Aryans are not taught table manners.
    130528 Aryan fury, nightclub style
    130528 Jimmy just wanted two more chairs...that was all, that was all, for now...until he got the bill
    130528 Table dancing was one thing. Blonde jokes were quite another
    130527 Lance ALWAYS over-dramatized at dinner
    130527 Oh! How they wished that there was a Facebook on which they could post a picture of this
    130527 Some people cannot live through times of bad fashion
    130526 Vee are having uf zee dress-code heer. You vill change zee clothes zat you're wearink
    130526 You vill sing in zee hole. Vee vill sell dee songz and gif you vun percent of zee profits and you Vill like eet
    130525 Ahab would NOT let go of his pursuit of the white asteroid
    130525 We don't need no stinking badges!
    130525 I WAS BORN THIS WAY!
    130524 ...just another example of a blonde having loads more fun than anyone else
    130524 Gordon Ramsey's passion for food started waaaaay back
    130524 YAY! FOOD STAMPS!
    130523 New in the healthplans, Zoo-Care for Seniors
    130523 Chatters and ChiChi had heard about Charla's facial surgery but still didn't want to groom with her
    130522 Harvey should not forget his glasses so often
    130522 What really happens at the conventions is germy
    130522 Really, her resume was not impressive - yet
    130522 Harvey had kissed too many raccoon backsides during hazing
    130522 She NEVER forgot the small tippers
    130521 Chester's dieting was brutal
    130521 Chester could not find a clock that he liked
    130521 Smedley had a cat-like way of offering mice to his over-lord
    130520 Gordon Ramsey is footing dis heer bill, buddy
    130520 Chef did NOT want to hear any more blonde jokes
    130520 Fried cicadas are my favorite too!
    130519 Larry hated his job as a teacher of bus drivers
    130519 Before the hair club for men, there was the hat club for men
    130519 Larry could NOT believe that Chuck would ACTUALLY wear a skimmer
    130518 Charles, really, had envy - real envy
    130518 Most men got their hair cut by Dhan for the bragging-rights
    130518 ...with some fava beans and a nice Chianti fttttfttttftttt
    130517 Help comes from love
    130517 It was the height of the ceiling that really wowed the new members
    130517 Terry had a lot of different flirting techniques
    130516 "It's spelled A-F-L-A-C-K"
    130516 Ducky was the REAL Dictator
    130516 It is too bad that the rich buy their ways through school
    130515 Stand up comedy is not easy
    130515 OOps! Laughing DOES lead to peeing
    130515 Pa Larky was just not as good at fortune telling as he wished to be
    130514 Yes, blondes have to pee too
    130514 Aryan Game shows had too limited an audience for any success
    130514 Bobby sported hashtags the old-fashioned way
    130513 Mrs. Butta is a really really good cook
    130513 I WON'T BE 50 SHADES OF GRAY FOR 3 MORE DECADES DAMMIT!!!
    130513 I'm telling mom that you have your feet on the couch!!!
    130512 Laborious Translations were Shakmeen's favorite ploy
    130512 Jane's budget for servant suits was out of control.
    130512 "...no discount, eh?"
    130511 For many things, "out" is the correct direction
    130511 Dora was the deb this year and it chafed Bob every minute of every day
    130511 Dave went peepee in his pantses when ever he had to tell Texans that he could not use a gun
    130510 Norquist's attempts at inking new minions does not reveal any talent on his part
    130510 Before you run for office, you'll need to have the chip installed
    130510 The Old South and the President as painted by the old southerners
    130509 When Thomas reached for the high notes, Margeen reached for the door
    130509 Margeen thought that she got her "brother" out the door in time but...
    130509 Why are you wearing black lipstick????????
    130508 Specimen:Vicious Interstitial
    130508 theee howsss winzzz
    130508 Finally! A screen -capture of the thing that lives in the ears of little brothers every where.
    130507 Oil on Canvas: The Trap a.k.a. "...only one tooth left to collect."
    130507 Jonny's mom learned a lot in prison
    130507 She is old enough to know to not take candy from strangers
    130505 I have a dream...a dream that some one will make a device with lighting inside that will scrape hairs from my face.
    130505 Jerry like wearing lovely things but didn't like shaving any more than Mike did
    130505 I'm sorry that we had to wait so many years to hold hands in public
    130505 I used to be the most interesting man in the world
    130504 She knew that she was born this way
    130504 People who can't dance get very sad some times
    130504 She was surrounded by men who could not think past their hair-loss
    130503 Duck refused to love swimming even tho track-and-field was just not his event.
    130503 Kitten ate his body weight in sandwiches every day
    130503 DUCK!!!!
    130502 Gramma was not swayed by the excellence of the touchdown-dance
    130502 Gallant points out the flawed thinking. Goofus wishes for a bigger vocabulary. Gramma writes them both out of the will
    130502 Goofus blames. Gallant plots.
    130501 Synchronized dancing at sea was messed up by ADHD again
    130430 Harry loved to pretend that he hated the paper
    130430 Harry and Gerty did "play" without the "cos"
    130430 Harry is fluent in canine
    130429 There were different kinds of "shrink" in the days before GPS
    130429 "1 PM Transportational Boxing Class - TODAY!"
    130429 Even mannequins don't like meetings
    130428 Sunscreen? We don't need no stinking sunscreen!
    130428 Dale knew that the flat chest would not be a problem but the big jaw was rather more hard to hide
    130428 Margo, still, could not remember which was the correct finger.
    130427 Mr. Uminum realized that he is overdressed
    130427 Bachelor #1 got the full brunt of his aftershave
    130427 Protection - it's what the Emperor wants when he's done shopping for clothes
    130426 James loved Pavarotti shamelessly
    130426 James' passion for his work had him wishing for stretchier clothes quite often.
    130426 In the days before the teleprompter, all talking-heads had to read lips
    130425 Glee, the Science Version
    130425 Geek Parties are WAY more fun than they first appear to be
    130425 (trying to not make a flatulence joke...trying trying trying)
    130424 "No snacks until after swimming class! Now, kick, kick, kick"
    130424 All the other reindeer and friends called him "Turdle" because of his shameless boot-licking.
    130424 Some day, we'll grow thumbs and cook our food too
    130423 Aryan Speed Dating - costume party version
    130423 Jersey Shore Does Shake duh Speeea
    130423 dey heead deez eackscents down. yeah yeah yeah
    130422 Nancy should not have padded her bra with cotton balls
    130422 "To heck with men", they said. "We'll get our own pearls!"
    130422 Nancy's idea of bonding with friends wasn't very endearing
    130421 Jane never missed choir practice.
    130421 As it happened, elocution was undecipherable.
    130421 OOOH! That's right. We aren't good at photo shop yet!
    130420 (he kept wanting her to check it & look at it and touch it but I couldn't find a way to make a clean trigger from that)
    130420 (i'm reminded of a story told by a nurse who said that she had a patient who kept telling her that his penis hurt)
    130420 Diagnosis: hairball Recommendation: do not lick cat, dog or llama et al
    130420 doctahs, heer ve see wun woo eez suffring wit zee singing...zee bad singing. Vat eez not nown ezz dat vee suffa morrrr
    130420 PEEEEEE i have to PEEEEE
    130419 AH, yes. We enjoyed non-regulation of nails on edges, rich and poor guys on edges and hammers held casually
    130419 how the bird flu really spreads
    130419 %^&* I hope it doesn't land here.
    130418 Dance 10 Looks 3
    130418 Kermit had a brother & he did meth mm hmm. Kermit had a brother & he did meth mm hmm. This is him before his death mm hm
    130418 whoops!...forgot panties AND genitalia!
    130417 Girls aren't allowed to drive tanks. It messes up their nail polish
    130417 What's an ied?
    130417 Don't make me pull this tank over!
    130417 Don't tickle me while I'm shooting!
    130417 You're not the boss of me!
    130417 Please, be quiet while I parallel park, woman.
    130416 whew, three flavors of bad breath, at once, can make a gal lose track of counting cards
    130416 Once upon a time, Las Vegas was nought but a twinkle in gangster's eye
    130416 The green room at the London Underground Comedy Club was a salad of seedyness
    130415 Well, it distracted the officer from his plates AGAIN!
    130415 Mark realized that the officer had no gaydar
    130415 he didn't see me kissing her he didn't see me kissing her he didn't see me kissing her
    130414 Home Heating Costs Skyrocket Spawning Drastic Measures
    130414 Goth make-up gone wild
    130414 Quentin had heard that he'd need to look slimmer for this interview
    130414 It's called "bacon-snack boarding"
    130414 Her first encounter with a barbie doll was heavily guarded
    130414 Really, Muslim women would not let these fellers stand this close. Who did the blocking for this movie anyway? tsk
    130413 Dancing wasn't allowed at the bank either
    130413 Great,Great grandpa Welk
    130413 He didn't know it but, Marvin's singing would, no longer, be tolerated by the bank.
    130412 Officer, is this the one who attacked you?
    130412 This is a woman. Now do you understand?
    130411 The cooking is great but don't use the pepper
    130411 MARCUS SAMUELSSON, the early days
    130411 Mr. Blooinstein loved teaching new generations how to eat crow
    130410 I think that I'll just leave you two alone
    130410 She's fine. It's just makeup. (sotto voca ) she's acting out
    130410 It's Tigerosis. You carry it on your hairs. She'll be fine but she'll need a lot of makeup
    130409 ...singing? Yes...dancing...not so much
    130408 Jack was dumb enough to 1. say it and 2. to not see the slap coming
    130408 ( her swear words are written in white in the bubble above )
    130408 chop, elbow, hammerfist, rearkick, run
    130407 In the days before viagra, men needed help making a tent. Here, a DIY-Show's crew makes a film to show the technique.
    130407 Dr. "Peeking" Johnson was about to demonstrate how he got his nickname
    130407 Jane, horrified, just realized that she did not get to white-balance these shots.
    130406 Devon's mom could tell no one that her children got caught up with the hookers
    130406 "Troops! Be sure to avoid the low hanging branches!"
    130406 We aren't whores! We're hookers!
    130406 Some aliens come here for the fishing. Some humans make it WAY too easy
    130405 No. He's never been married before
    130405 Royals, really, shouldn't inbreed
    130405 Even though Chef Ron Ben-Israel did his best, the king prefered funnel cakes
    130404 "BathFlack!"
    130404 ...what it looks like to wish for Google Glasses with a translator ap.
    130404 and cover.
    130404 Well, it's a slutty, infidel duck. So,...
    130403 Boy Band members don't always age well
    130403 Punk Mormons
    130403 The talk-a-razzi pursued Liz relentlessly.
    130402 Yep, envy. That's what it's called
    130401 It wasn't the nipping that really bothered him. Ted was jealous of the billing and cooing
    130401 Ted forgot that the guano brought a good price
    130401 HONK HONKHONKHONK!!! HONNNNK!
    130331 John couldn't scream as the small shadow starting working her mouth as if she were a puppet. "GOT", she said, "GOT".
    130331 Here you are, peeing again!! You're full of peeee!
    130330 Sherman was not good at flirting
    130330 Low vocabulary leads to body language AGAIN
    130330 Dancing would not save Sherman this time, but, he didn't realize it yet
    130329 Quick! Get a pen and draw a muzzle on it!
    130329 Style #2: More toward horror
    130329 My momma was right. There's blues in the night - and they BITE!
    130328 Married in white, you chose right...in blue, he'll be true...in orange, he's a door hinge
    130328 Cassandra's flirting boarded on the professional
    130328 Silent Rave, party of one.
    130328 Sometimes, the hot flashes start young
    130327 LADEEZ AND GENNILMIN!! FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE...THE ARGENTINIAN SLEEP TANGO CHAMPEEENZ
    130327 Snoring, sleepwalking, sleepcussing...Dora was never boring
    130327 Estelle was not good at flirting.
    130326 Time-travel, still, has a lot of glitches
    130326 "A ramp! I can stand on it and shout!...what's that noise?"
    130326 The Macedonia Phalanx re-enactors had booked the field but that memo didn't get out the the WW2 re-enactors in time -tsk
    130325 Too much in-breeding leads to too much of many other things too
    130325 Ah, the years before ritalin. I remember then well
    130325 Here, we get a rare glimpse of the albino cellar-dwellers and their odd, rope prayer-song.
    130324 He knew that she was more beige-an than Asian, but, Jake liked flowered dresses
    130324 Trying to remember the lyrics, Jake sang to himself, "...hornyhornyhorny. I'm..."...such a sweet little ditty it was.
    130324 He: "Sprechen Ze dough, lady?" She: "(my fake epicanthic folds hurt.)"
    130323 It was the low quality of the experiments that led to the "madness"
    130323 You know that it needs a mouth-piece don't you?
    130323 Jeannie likes more curtains than that
    130323 DAD! You said that you put Jeanie back on the beach!
    130323 DAD!! You said that you stopped smoking!
    130322 Family? Yep!
    130322 He was going to kiss her in spite of the PDA rules but he swallowed his gum, got too nervous and ran
    130322 off on his rounds, AGAIN
    130322 He may be early but it don't look like he caught a worm
    130322 Well, Gawwww-leeee!
    130321 Ink him with a reminder to exercise his chicken legs!
    130321 I, already, have one there!!!
    130321 a liver full of ink won't help you think
    130320 Just then, Joe wondered how they would pay
    130320 All ghosts love pockets. It makes the sheets so much more functional
    130320 yawning is one of the worst breaches of ghost manners
    130319 She wasn't a good cook either - no good at measuring
    130319 Maureen was not good at flirting.
    130319 Weaponized Aftershave Testing
    130318 The king was glad to be rid of the tantrums
    130318 IMPRESSIVE dowry, young lady. Now, shut up.
    130318 Sold!
    130317 (tsk, he forgot his gravity boots AGAIN!)
    130317 Wait! Morg! That isn't what you think that it is! It won't feel better if you do that!
    130317 Some times he needed more than a designated driver.
    130316 On this episode of "Chopped", the clothes are from the basket too.
    130316 "cuz i'm as free as a bird now, and my underwear I don't need to chay ay ay ay ay ay ay aynge!"
    130316 Wickaway fabric - the early days
    130315 even in other cultures, being the butt of the joke isn't fun
    130315 flaming flatu follies
    130314 ...neural singing techniques
    130314 ...and the sexual harassment lawsuit goes to, Fingers McTouchyson
    130314 and the Nobel prize for finding that germy germ goes to, Whitey McManicurestein!
    130314 certain palpations hurt more upon release
    130313 Tagger's swagger was really a lagger
    130313 Jones didn't understand that he had to do the exercises himself and he didn't know ANY good exercises
    130313 lump-sum salaries are awkward
    130312 PSA: Don't follow closely behind this hairdo during a sneeze
    130312 Hot Flashes are hell
    130312 (she's way meaner in the ring)
    130311 Babs was pedaling as fast as she could, really she was!
    130311 Oh, the days before handy cameras were scary days
    130311 Yep, him want head ( i apologize for this tirgger!!!!)
    130310 Mary's kissing was more like chewing.
    130310 Dentistry - the early days ( with an extra dose of groping )
    130310 WAIT, Sir! drinking Gelfling blood isn't worth it!
    130310 CPR - the early days
    130310 OW. My chastity belt hurts
    130310 Daddy, I don't want to kiss you any more
    130307 Charles, quickly, recalculated the tip.
    130307 Charles was happy that the sneeze wasn't aimed at his face just about now
    130307 at least it wasn't a sinkhole
    130307 Chef Godzilla was a tough-love kinda boss
    130306 Note to self: wear exercise clothes for jogging
    130306 and so ended the porn career of Sweaty McBlushinstien
    130306 The saltpetre wasn't working
    130305 Swing low, sweet hairy butt coming for play time again! Swiiing looooow...
    130305 Tommy was in love and ready to move to Maryland woot woot!
    130305 Cacao!
    130304 Gramps shared everything...he was just that kinda guy
    130304 Ladies and Gentleman, heer, for your entahtainmint, is a depiction of the acquisition of a replacement smokah!
    130304 JUST SAY, "NO", BABY! JUST SAY, "NO"!
    130303 ACME Acting School's Dragnet Day wasn't fun-in-the-sun.
    130303 Sears-executives made-do with serious-faced male-models to bump-up suit-sales but hyphenated-references got in the way
    130303 DOOO wap a runrun
    130302 Some marriages thrive with a LOT of spice
    130302 how the tech-haters will die
    130302 Not looking doesn't make it go away
    130301 Every bum needs a fresh audience for his ooooooooold stories
    130301 Drunk Uncles are great fun until you get tired of the smell
    130301 long as you don't mind being dirty, hungry, cold/hot, not sleeping much ever and having your teeth hurt...it's all gravy
    130228 Addiction to chocolate can be very over-powering
    130228 Dick Cheney, as a young man, getting his orders
    130228 "If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kisssss"
    130227 Universally despised for not showering, Johnson just put on a new shirt every day
    130227 he couldn't find his rolly chair either
    130227 How DARE they say that peach pants look like hell with a black and yellow tie!! HOW DARE THEY!!???
    130226 Dateline: 2-20-20, 1920 that is. "Divot" took on a whole new meaning today
    130226 With the specter of BP looking on, Daddy Warbucks wanted to befoul, YET ANOTHER, pristine plot
    130226 Whooo blowssss the golf balls away???? Only the Shadow Knows!
    130225 Hazing, at the CEO level, was more silly than brutal
    130225 ...not enough purell in the world for any hand shakes out side of the core group
    130225 and, STILL, the gravity! and, STILL
    130224 She loved the casting couch
    130224 In spite of the easy effort, the actor could not bring himself to grow his own little, tiny, wee beard
    130224 "It's too bad that his granddaughter will a spoiled drip", she thought
    130223 BUT, DAD! I'D RATHER HAVE A SECRETARY WHO WILL SIT ON MY KNEE THAN YOU!
    130223 ARE YOU TAPING THIS??
    130223 NO SMOKING IN HERE!
    130222 The Commish decided to move his chair against the wall from here on out
    130222 "kin I drawr on deez?"
    130222 "Relax, sir. It's just the printer paper that you wanted."
    130221 His attempts at seduction were not always what the lady had in mind.
    130221 Harry quit complaining about his lower pay-rate after a few times across.
    130221 My mom would insist on an effin' napkin, tucked in HERE TOO DAMMIT!(Excerpt from: Dawn's Mom Is Annoying, Not Helpful)
    130220 Dancing classes re-sparked many a marriage if one could tolerate the aftershave
    130220 ...a rare glimpse into a private, dentists-only, laughing-gas party
    130220 HOPA!
    130219 Violence, without guns, stresses the insurance company anyway
    130219 Being in-the-closet made them, both, testy
    130219 Charles did not know how to play, "Duck Duck Goose"
    130218 Someone forgot his meds!
    130218 The dreams of crocodiles who watch waaaay too much of "Shark Week".
    130218 Primitive attempts to fight global climate warming were not effective
    130218 Post Traumatic Croc Disorder
    130218 LIFE IS WHAT YOOOOOO MAKE IT!!!
    130217 Max sold far more sizzle than steak.
    130217 Harv and Marv were one of the slickest con-teams anywhere.
    130217 His butler was fluent but knew that the Lord was unaware of the term "snot-locker".
    130216 "OH, SOLE MIO!!"
    130216 Altho their parties are small, the booze is excellent
    130216 ahchoo!!!
    130215 only one shade of gray...boring!
    130215 Like all men, he just wanted to know what she looks like naked
    130215 Finally, The Colossus of Rhodes gets a date for Valentine's Day
    130214 ...where sausage comes from ("PLAGIARISM!", YOU SAY? MEY DEEEEEAH SUH, I BEG TO AGREE!)
    130214 Charles and Doris liked fresh meat for dinner but their acquisition methods were VERY questionable
    130214 Martin didn't know the color of her eyes either
    130214 Charles did not know the color of his wife's eyes
    130214 Doris thrived on hell
    130213 Mark is dyslexic. Donate now.
    130213 Gary was sweating, Mark was comfy.
    130213 Mark was about to get a mark
    130213 Mark preferred dancing and spontenatity
    130213 Mark was the only one who didn't know that he was out
    130212 Cheating on tests went to a whole new level
    130212 THAT wasn't what I was asking for!
    130212 Hey, this isn't john The Baptist and this isn't a platter!!
    130211 The real Price of Illiteracy
    130211 ...and the stock price for Viagra Gloves dropped.
    130211 It only bothered them at first. Then, they got big coats to hide them and started picking fights on purpose.
    130210 Anita Hill, where are you now?
    130210 ...just before she fainted from barfation
    130210 It looks a LOT better with the cigarette ash!
    130209 Where did you get that divine earring?
    130209 Aw! It's a lot smaller than I thought
    130209 But what about our plans for Valentine's day?
    130209 Hey, you don't look like your profile picture at all!
    130209 Wait! I'm from the Bureau of ATF (and Explosives) and I'm here to help
    130208 Marv would just have to wait until he was spoken to. He , simply, wasn't dressed well enough to cough on Hassan
    130208 Hassan was alpha tonight...pinky ring, dinner jacket and bow tie...unmatching head gear and his mummy's best fag-holder
    130208 It might make his lips stink but he sure didn't want that smell on his fingers!
    130208 The towel kept the smell out of his hair but not out of his mustache
    130208 ..and now,it was headed for his other eye
    130207 and, STILL, it wasn't turning into a motor cycle
    130207 Some times, it's feels like a dream. Some times, it's not
    130207 It didn't work. The deliveries were NOT getting done any earlier
    130206 Marty was jealous of Ralph's teeth. Ralph was jealous of Marty's shoes.
    130206 Ralph moved toward the light, growling as he went. He did not find the Jezus that he was expecting
    130206 I SAID, KNEES STRAIGHT IN SECOND POSITION!
    130205 Scientology has it's skeptics. Yes. Yes. It does.
    130205 It didn't look delicious
    130205 ...and then, no one knows that it's a rainbow.
    130204 May I, please, have water skis too
    130204 If there are any extra mermaids, I'll bring you one
    130204 I found Jimmy Hoffa
    130204 I found Amelia Earhart
    130204 I found the Lindbergh Baby
    130204 Please keep your cigar away from my airhose, PLEASE
    130204 I couldn't hear you. What was it that you wanted me to get?
    130204 NO. I didn't see it.
    130204 No more laughing gas, please
    130204 You didn't tell me that this is a formal occasion!
    130204 I have to pee
    130204 Did I miss the game?
    130203 If you aren't watching the Puppy Bowl, you're living a deprived life
    130203 Why are you standing there? Puppy Bowl IX is on the Animal Channel in just a few minutes
    130203 Double-check your names before you shove Carl into the middle of all that dusty West!
    130203 "This isn't the "Old West"". "Yes." "Yes. It is."
    130203 Carla was the most radically dressed woman in the entire West.
    130203 Carl wore all of his stains with pride. Each told a story
    130203 Carl just didn't want them to bust the place up like last time
    130202 (Be sure to speak in parentheses)
    130202 "OOOOOOM" (...not, "OHM"..."oooom")
    130202 (she doesn't know that I been dating Guy & throwing tantrums if he don't favor my movie 1x a week.)
    130201 It wouldn't have been so bad but she was singing, "Joshua fit the battle of Jerico"
    130201 Then, the school put in rubber detectors
    130201 Mrs. White preferred to teach in releve
    130131 ...The last member of the Rockettes SuperHero Alphabet Team
    130131 Some people are desperate to be interviewed. Chaz was amongst them and forgot to cover his face AGAIN
    130131 ZUMBA TO THE RESCUE!
    130130 The decision was unanimous. It did not smell delicious.
    130130 Reg had a psychic bum. He could feel Miss Betty coming into the room and it disturbed him
    130130 Starting his criminal career by burning off his fingerprints, the grandson of Ronald Weezly was the shame of the family
    130129 (Don't ask what he used for frosting!)
    130129 Hey! Crocs can't cook! what's he tryin' a pull here ?
    130129 Omnivores only~
    130128 "Peace be with you." "...and, also, with you."
    130128 Political Debate (formal dress version)
    130128 America is more of a "salad" than a "melting pot"
    130127 Did you say that humans are ONLY native to Africa?
    130127 ...fake-Epicanthic WHAT?
    130127 ...and Toto too?
    130126 See woman. See men. See woman show example of gun control. See men sweat.
    130126 Clarisse liked choices...lots of choices.
    130126 Clarisse liked it sweaty, really sweaty.
    130125 ...really, Daddio got testy, often, when looking at Junior's full head of hair
    130125 PUT MY SHOES BACK IN MY CLOSET!
    130125 GO TWEET!
    130124 AH! Here, we witness the pleasures of tentless relaxation
    130124 Blondes Prefer Gentlemen
    130124 Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
    130123 Proper ladies, often, forget to sunscreen their elbows
    130123 Testosterone knows no bounderies
    130123 It's ok, as long as you don't marry him.
    130122 Ok, son. You're finally old enough to have the family jewels
    130122 Marvin, with the VERY dark hair, never wondered why his son was so very blonde.
    130122 Geez! Tell him to take that firecracker out of his mouth
    130121 Once we solve this, we can solve everything else
    130121 Yur average Metrosexual Man ain't handy with them there tools
    130121 Ikea bicycle division
    130120 Yep. One for each nostril.
    130120 Ready? Aim! Spit!
    130120 Half a Peace Sign is better than none
    130119 Anne realized that kissing singers was much more heart-breaking than kissing bosses.
    130119 In the past, all women were the same height and cup-size.
    130119 (sotto voce)"she's my sister"
    130118 This way to the casting couch and wipe off that lipstick
    130118 Anorexia was Paul's favorite style
    130118 Sashay Sashay, booyay, this way. Big fella, hair yella Mui bella but he smella
    130117 "Men, it takes many old navys to make our New Navy!"
    130117 "This Old Navy, it plays rough, it plays it plays rough & tough, with a nicknack paddywhack.HEY Don't call me a PADDY
    130117 Cap'n carried his own breeze, much to the discomfort of the Inuit recruit
    130116 Funny, it doesn't look like a school-age child to me
    130116 Assassination school starts with amoeba and works up to vertabrates
    130116 Turn on the oven
    130115 That microphone reminds me that I forgot to buy condoms
    130115 Yah know, because I out rank you, I get to kiss your wife first and stuff.
    130115 yah know, there's no one here but men...men men men men men men men men
    130114 Actually, petting the head is forbidden.
    130114 Yes. Chaz did have faked decorator credentials.
    130114 Some thing wasn't quite right. Chaz goes thru his check list again
    130113 Telling ghost stories, WHILE cooking, ruined many a meal
    130113 Both, the wiener and the stick, made Red remember the old days.
    130113 No one enjoyed Red because, just looking at her reminded them to exercise more.
    130112 Song didn't telegraph well.
    130112 ribbed what?
    130112 an I-what?
    130111 "Have you accepted football into your life?"
    130111 The worst part was that 0-06's admiration was complete...completely showing
    130111 0-06 needed to stop trying to date out of his league
    130110 Smeggy needs to change his profile picture on Chemistry.com
    130110 Smeggers could not think of a smooth way to ask The Waiter for some decent hair-mousse, but he knew that he knew.
    130110 Smeggins thought that The Waiter said, "Whine"
    130109 Will this fit?
    130108 In private, Gandalf wore black robes and an array of rings that raised quite a few questions.
    130108 Dumbledor is informed that he is really Gandalf
    130108 The king was even turned down by the mail-order brides
    130107 Yep. It's just as bright as those head lights and, yep, I won't be able to see for the rest of the afternoon
    130107 People get very creative when they have no health care.
    130107 You can't fool me. You are NOT a dentist!
    130106 Some politicians and Bankers ran into a bar. One of them says, "Squeeeek!". The other one says, "We pronounce it"Pork""
    130106 Like a plague upon the land, came da Bowery Boy's drunk uncles
    130106 Ladies! Your husbands are here
    130106 Yah, deez guyz dint sing like no Sinatra
    130106 Who let the rats out squeek squeek
    130105 Being denied lipstick themselves, Jane and Mary enjoyed putting makeup on the furniture.
    130105 Jane and Mary folded their boyfriends and put them away neatly between dates.
    130105 Yah, but what if she smells it?
    130104 I HAVE A CREAM! I MEAN A DREAM! THAT SOMEDAY, ALL MILK WILL BE SMART. ALL HIDE WILL BE BI-COLORED & ALL COWS HAVE THUMBS
    130104 Studying in the sun, with their thinking caps on, led to gray face-tans
    130104 When Caucasian Cows marry Grayfrican-American cows, the colors do not blend. They imitate two-color cats. COPY COWS
    130104 It's nice to see that these cows all took a trip to the 1970's for their learning-pants
    130104 Yah, Cows legs look way better with a bit of a high heel
    130104 OH! Now COWS want smart phones TOO??!??!!?
    130103 You'd think that, at sea, with all that water, the cleaning wouldn't terrify grown men.
    130103 Yep, the captain has to put that away once the admiral shows up.
    130103 Phillip's questions had been answered now.
    130102 "Yes, even more than styrofoam."
    130102 "However, oil is not bio-detritus. It is a juvenile material, spewn up from the Earth's mantel"
    130102 "...except that they have to re-clean it every day, honey."
    130101 high ken sang tha hooool hoppy now yeer song fer yew on thees horn
    130101 will yew hole dis well eye pee in ur bucket pleeez?
    130101 ha-hic-ppy snew yeer
    121231 Arryn was not happy with his Tango teacher's techniques
    121231 Today, Mr. Aryan learned that horizontal stripes do not make people look fat.
    121231 Slam, Bam but no "thank you"...
    121230 HEY! Gayness is not just for white dinos.
    121230 CLOSET? We don't need no stinking closet!
    121230 Whew! That was a BIG closet!
    121230 ( Spellcheck says that "gayness" is a real word! )
    121230 Sing a song of happy gayness, Bronty!!
    121230 This is how the brontosaurus became vegetarian.
    121229 ( i want to make a joke about "tent-making" but am trying to stay above an "R" rating)
    121229 Gay-repression leads to odd ways of acting-out
    121229 Shyte! Someone's coming!
    121228 Hercules' stunted cousin thought that, if he asked nicely, he might get help cleaning the stables.
    121228 Redding was determined to complete the task and get his next badge.
    121228 It was love at first sight but, it was not a healthy love.
    121228 (What the Native Americans wish that they could do to the Europeans )
    121227 What Tyler, really, wanted for Christmas was to live in "The Matrix" forever.
    121227 "Sexy", was not a priority for Tyler
    121227 ...must not eat right & exercise...must not eat right & exercise...must not sleep either...must not eat right & exercise
    121226 You, still, have bad breath.
    121226 It won't make you taller, richer, better educated, better-looking, nicer, give you better manners or make your mom cool.
    121226 You Cannot Take It To School.
    121225 The requirements for foster-parenting were pretty lax
    121225 Mrs. Gray was sure that Santa did not understand the meaning of "gluten free"
    121225 ..and Spanx buckles another belt successfully!
    121224 SO, now, Bobby had to look at Santa's real beard, AND believe in Martians
    121224 Mr. Green-knees and Mrs. Gray-bosom had just told their children that there is no such thing as Santa
    121224 (...grunt grunt...cannot top Blue Horizon's joke!)
    121223 It may be a man's world but the men CANNOT handle it.
    121223 "Yes, sir. I promise to leave my brains at home every day and just marvel at every thing you say.
    121223 ...ancient Chinese secret, send the ladies in to make the deals
    121222 Women's self-defense class...deliver whiplash from the front - technique #1
    121222 Time Travel Clue Club: Find the iPad and take one home for you!
    121222 Madge was aggressively jealous of the hats of others.
    121221 weeweeing, we saw the wee problem with that way of playing wii
    121221 Soon, the boys would learn to shave the upper parts of their faces
    121221 Snuggies-gone-wild broke another window
    121220 Early gay-bars had no walls.
    121220 "...an' then I said, leave me nutcracker out of it, mate! hawhawhawhaw!"
    121220 (Wassailing)
    121219 Vegetarians did not find happiness when fed battered barbaque beef
    121219 Bandana Betty's BBQ's staff were ALL surly
    121219 Better Business Brian had to explain to visiting dignitaries that chest-staring is not for non-pole restaurants
    121217 The captain wants you to stop all the rocking and rolling
    121217 ...a three hour tour...a three hour tour.
    121217 Bligh says to put on your raingear. Complainers will be flogged
    121216 ...but it's legal now!
    121216 Paul thought, "Well, this is better than the stocks."
    121216 No. Do it like this.
    121215 Harvey forgot lots of things, including why he was never made a pilot and who Maureen married.
    121215 "No, you can't have it delivered "...up in the big blue.".
    121215 Maureen didn't realize that she shouldn't use a mirrored tray.
    121215 Maureen never understood the drooling.
    121215 He couldn't make any sense. So, he thought that sign language might help.
    121214 Money laundering was easier when you could take it out back and rub it on a rock.
    121214 Preps for time-travel forgot the appearance of wear-and-tear. Jim would be going back all clean and shiney.
    121214 What's this stain?
    121213 YAY! CSB, YAY!
    121213 Sir, you smell of...something that is...distracting...the other patrons.
    121213 Sir, your table is ready...I SAID, "YOUR TABLE IS READY"...YOURRR TAAABLE IZ READDDDDY!!
    121213 Sir, we don't use that word any more.
    121211 Some men are real fools for long blonde hair
    121211 Joe, really, had to stop being vain about his need for glasses.
    121211 ...still has teeth for 5,4,3,2,1...
    121210 Police brutality isn't new. We just have more cameras now.
    121210 Office Summers was so jealous of "college-boys" that he could not maintain composure
    121210 OOH! I AM gonna taze you, bro!
    121209 Ah, yes. An old dog can dream. Yes. Yes. He can.
    121209 What he refused to realize is that he'd get more love if he clipped his toenails.
    121209 Volfgang Amadeaus DogBark counts on the love of his bitches
    121208 OOOH! You think that yer gonna kiss me do yah?
    121208 OH! Yooo think that everone neeeds teeth!
    121208 OOOH! yer one of them folks who think that ah'm agonna put me whole body in water (pbbbbt!)
    121207 Pinquillden did NOT want to hear that leg warmers had gone out of style.
    121207 Only a peer could be a wiper. The appointment is an honor...really, really.
    121207 (...just before gay-marriage was made legal.)
    121206 Yes. Yes, they, really, did put him in his car to drive home.
    121206 What they, really, knew is that they have to wait until it passed through.
    121206 THIS! This is what happens without a ramp!
    121205 (you can't tell from the picture but, all of the suit pants have built-in, padded "saddles")
    121205 ...the REAL solution to the health-care-crisis
    121205 Everything was fine until it was turned over to a committee.
    121204 Old Dawnlings can be so confused when trying to tweet their thanks that, sometimes, tables break
    121204 Jimmy thought that he'd stand up to his dad but, now, he'll just have to pay for the table out of his poker winnings.
    121204 As it turned out, hiring small cops didn't make the job safer.
    121204 The pedo-gangsters liked to pay for gogo boys to do private table-dances but, some of the boys were rowdy dancers.
    121204 ...turns out, it wasn't a "cliff" at all. It was just a weak floor-board that could have been replaced
    121203 The Samoans made the teachers nervous.
    121203 Just shave his face daily, don't let him talk and get him on the football field by 3:15
    121203 He said that his name is, "Rubeus Hagrid"
    121202 Gretel GASPED when Marlene told her that she is on the naughty list this year.
    121202 "...and then, I said, "NO WAY", and then, she said, "OH MY GAWD", and then, I said, "I'm going to Tweet Taylor!".
    121202 GLO O O OOO OOOOO OOOOO RIA!!! IN EXCELSIS DEO!!!
    121201 What Martin really needed was exercise
    121201 Martin is an avid stargazer
    121201 Gangnam Style, alone, at night, with flashlight
    121130 Now, I'll see if I can suspend my disbelief.
    121130 ...see? The cliff is no problem at all!
    121130 Well, this will have to last until bungee cords are invented.
    121129 She thought that "Gwuy Low" was a compliment.
    121129 Karaoke, with guest blondes, really, helped morale
    121129 This was a spy who could not hide
    121128 Arnie could, also, see the dog but could only hold one thought in his mind at a time.
    121128 Harold could see the dog licking up Sam's dinner but said nothing.
    121128 Who ever lost the arm-wrestling had to hold the ash tray. Harold made a mental note to join a gym soon.
    121127 Mark never learned to not celebrate too early, just as I never learned to not use many negatives.
    121127 Formal, competitive Monoploy eschewed exuberance
    121127 His constant worship of Nixon was the real reason that Mark was not invited to Sunday Morning Monopoly again
    121126 Hollywood offers better gigs
    121126 Well, it's either three different fathers or immaculate conception...three times.
    121126 Dexter's blood-spatter school has too few guidelines.
    121125 Clark and Lois, thinking of their paychecks, help the boss-man with the big words, yet again.
    121125 Chief tried to make "brains" look "sexy" every danged day
    121125 The boss forced all the employees to explain why his son's spelling mistakes were not a problem.
    121124 He may have the legs of a weak and fragile dork but he is, indeed, my guard. You shall not replace him.
    121124 Mum, may I lift the royal skirt?
    121124 ug. one knee? stingy.
    121123 Learning to scratch the inner, front of the brain was not their favorite lesson
    121123 ...drum sticks and cabbage, yuck
    121123 ...and, still, there was no feeding time.
    121123 Nope. The kids did not like the finger. no. no. no.
    121123 ...ONCE MORE, INTO THE CHEAP SEATS!
    121122 The Garza Family preferred to pray while they ate.
    121122 Pretending that they were someplace else, Jose and Maria enjoyed one peaceful bite before the spoon-flicking began.
    121122 Maybe this would be the last time that Carlita tried to milk the glass.
    121121 He weren't much of a lover when on the hover
    121121 He could do it for himself and his cigar but, for cleaning...no help at all. sigh.
    121121 Auntie Gravity's husband - Hover-Harold
    121120 Not being allowed to vote was LOTS of fun!
    121120 Golden slippers were no protection at all.
    121120 Elizabetta didn't play piano very well. Eduard did not care.
    121120 Elizabetta was, constantly, forgetting to keep her knees together.
    121119 Soon, Lil Debbie and Lil Taylor and Lil Tyler would learn to sing in code
    121119 Tess found this to be much cheaper than baby-sitters and that ALL the homework got done!
    121119 Lil Debbie was learning the definition of "threat" very very clearly
    121118 Jeez, anorexia makes me hot, baby
    121118 Biff played the same sort of jerk in every movie.
    121118 Hile, baby, hile.
    121117 Wadda yah mean he only pays $14 %??????
    121117 There are muscles in my "core"? No way! There's food and organs in my "core"!...and it ain't no secret!
    121117 "Are you sayin' dat you can make me look pritty??"
    121117 Thick-Neck McGee didn't know nuttin' bout no engines but dat didn't make no sense to him
    121117 Keep rubbing! I can still see the 47%!
    121117 THAT isn't one of my bullets
    121116 Peddie-the-Clown was NOT supposed to talk!
    121116 You can earn yours too...probably, in high-school, judging from your dad's rifle rack
    121116 I made it with lipstick. I helps with schmaltzly over-acting. Do you know what "schmaltzy" means?
    121115 Pink Floyd ruled by the power of allergies. Any scent was his to kill. Any food, his to trash.
    121115 Your whiskey is MY whiskey if I happen to be walking by
    121115 ...and I can have any general's wife that I want.
    121115 I'm happy that I am not a President and can just kill every one who disagrees with me!
    121114 We both know what needs to be done with the English wine.
    121114 "Peers" had the privilege of serving at the King's Privy Chamber. They did try to smile. Yes. Yes. They did.
    121114 OH! Yes! Invite HIM! I LOVE HIM!
    121113 Somea guyza likea da cleavage
    121113 HEY! Mr.and Mrs. Sprat!!!! The tide is coming in!!
    121113 "Ain't it grand? You have to take a piece of chalk in your hand & start a huggin' & chalkin' so you know where you began
    121112 Timmons, now, knew that he really was in love.
    121112 (flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap )
    121112 "Oh! NO! Now, I, ALSO, have to peeeeee!
    121111 As soon as the "I saw boobies" scandal hit, the lock on the back door of the strip club would be fixed.
    121111 Susie was worried but, it seemed that no one had noticed
    121111 Glee fans...all happy and wonderful, confuse Anita
    121110 Her feet are too big.
    121110 Yes, but she slows down to 30 to enter freeway traffic that is going 55.
    121110 I want to see her teeth before I marry her.
    121109 "You DEFINITELY had an affair and were not raped because, if you got raped, you would not be pregnant."
    121109 It was not a romantic marriage but Lyzella was always hopeful
    121109 (Dr. Dork speaking) SPREAD YOUR LEGS ( no, "please", no smile, no dinner )
    121109 Lyzella liked to get dressed up for every probing.
    121108 The Winners of The Plastic Medal for Recycling are...The Greesons!
    121108 Jeff was prejudiced against black bags.
    121108 (nursing - whispering)"you're supposed to separate out the compostables!"
    121107 Geraldo Rivera has stubborn genes...generation after generation.
    121107 V-O7, two levels better than V-O5
    121107 AHHHH'm SO in LOVE with YOU...
    121106 I agree with Marigold re: Guy outside window
    121105 I ask you, would YOU trust a doctor with a dowager's hump?
    121105 Doctors should NOT be cooking Meth for extra income.
    121105 Yes, it was the most expensive version of "alarm call" available but Nartessa was not late for work any more.
    121105 ...all this "doctoring" and they were, both, still short.
    121104 The Doc didn't realize that it was "over" until this very minute.
    121104 Nephew Caligari got VERY excited about the seating arrangements for Thanksgiving Dinner.
    121104 Even threats couldn't stop this nephew from singing
    121103 Geeks don't grow up and punch their fathers. They grow up and medicate them.
    121103 Howard knew that his dad couldn't even spell that word.
    121103 "I can still make ice. Therefore, there is no such thing as "global warming"."
    121102 "...too many dudes on the dance floor!"
    121102 "Hey! These aren't fish!"
    121102 If you have to be in a movie, vote early.
    121101 "If you are caught, eat it."
    121101 "Simpson, your art is better suited for proper ladies than propaganda. Dismissed."
    121101 (Old Navy's top-secret, new fashions had to be hand-delivered)
    121031 OK. I'm single now.
    121031 I thought that piercing went out of style.
    121031 No. You pull it out.
    121030 "Slick-Paw" McGee never lost his touch with a wallet.
    121030 Brad didn't like older men but that really felt good.
    121030 Brad, suddenly, realized that this was not a voting machine
    121029 Sandee never caught on that the boys put a kibosh on her fee EVERY time
    121029 The apple does not fall far from the cocktail waitress.
    121029 The builders of the Leaning Tower of Pisa just kept getting reincarnated
    121028 Kitty was REALLY tired of the barking
    121028 Sparky had been wondering where the "cookies" in the "sand" came from.
    121028 We all know that the dog WILL kiss it.
    121028 (this is what is inside my mind when driving. all other car's drivers are the dog)
    121027 WHO owns those voting machines????
    121027 ...right before she slapped him
    121027 The Country Club Set was HORRIFIED at being called "Job Creators". They knew themselves to be "scentless poo creators".
    121027 IT'S FRANKENSTORM!!!!!!!!
    121026 ...a failed experiment - seeking the source of smell.
    121026 Rather than touch his toes for fitness, Kyle thought he'd better take a closer look first.
    121026 In his early days of fetishing, Kyle tested himself for footfancying.
    121026 It's "FOO FIGHTERS"! Not "FOOT PHOTOS"!
    121025 ( i gotta say, {not mine} but these others are some of the best yet! AWESOME, you guys, AWESOME! )
    121025 His real weapon was his red-headed temper.
    121025 The top-hat-as-helmet technique would, soon, go by the wayside.
    121025 The Bicycle Soldiers could scale a ten foot wall in two minutes. (The bikes get handed up in the next minute)
    121025 Mickey Rooney's dad served in WWI on the British side as a carpet bagger
    121025 Winston Churchill was never thin. This helped his brain. He would need it.
    121024 Glad that he married her off, Hysteria's father had learned to nap standing
    121024 Hysteria, Queen of Suburbia, rules by tantrum
    121024 I told her to leave her cleavage at home!
    121023 You know, if you inflate your tires, you'll have a much better ride.
    121023 Hey! You killed that lizard! Good job!
    121023 Attach a playing card to the spokes so that it will sound like you are driving a motorcycle. It's an important extra
    121022 If you flip through the edges of the pages, it makes a MOVING PICTURE!
    121022 He said the he included a tip for me. This time, I DO expect you to pay up, dammit!
    121022 He wants you to follow him on Twitter.
    121021 RodPaul had cried himself to sleep so many times that his pillow was,permanently, stained.The pillowcase was just a sham
    121021 Posters of posers posed pain for Paul. Poor Paul.
    121021 People with long pointy chins tend to be lonely when older (an illustration from "Face Reading for Dummies")
    121020 It was Spaulding's flirt-technique to point where he'd place it and then, make like kissing.
    121020 Herr Von Narrow-Eyes was known to be unable to resist the pulling of the finger. Often, he started with his own.
    121020 OOOOH! YOU are going to get such a slaaaap tonight
    121019 Samir could not understand how the American Slut could make money dressed like that
    121019 Katy was inching closer. She thought, " I want to touch her and see if she melts"
    121019 Think, "ink". Don't blink.
    121019 Opposites may attract but wadda mess they make after ten years of marriage
    121019 Wow, your repression/rebellion really excites me.
    121018 Jowly didn't know that Moussey is a pink belt in Button Kwan Do but he was about to find out.
    121018 Moussey, unsupervised, sought to see where his nose would fit. This time, there was no WD40 OR butter.tsktsk
    121018 Jowly wasn't thinking this thru. He coulda put the coat on the ground rather than get covered in a gush of blood.tsktsk
    121017 Calvin's favorite part of travel was local episodes of spontaneous drama
    121017 First, Pai wished that he was a Mormon so that he could have more than one wife. Then, he gave it some more thought
    121017 Mahnooa's brother had broken up so many of her fights that the helmet was part of his daily dress
    121016 Marcy knew that Lois and Barb would tell but she copied off of Kim's paper any way
    121016 Barb knew that Lois was gonna tell, oh, yah, oh, yah, Barb knew that Lois was gonna tell.
    121016 Lois was gonna tell, oh yah, oh yah...Lois saw and Lois was gonna tell!
    121015 Schwartzenegger, really, has let himself go.
    121015 "Swing low, Sweet Speedo, carrying me home early! Swing LOW Sweet sweet Speedo. I've been fired for being too squirrly"
    121015 The new UPS guy thought that his little joke about "package delivery" would be a big hit.(little & big...HAHA!)
    121015 Sally was never embarrassed about her lack of teeth
    121015 Many more people would be working from home soon soon soon
    121015 "The CEO's New Clothes" was not destined to be a new children's book
    121014 SHE's the one who tried to make me eat!
    121014 Mel didn't worry about his own figure much but he made great demands of his wife
    121014 LOOK at how FAT her waist is!!!!
    121012 Nathan was allergic to people who prefer chocolate to gold.
    121012 Trent explained that they got a bulk-discount for the Pirate Party Provisions.
    121012 HEY! This is carob!
    121011 Mitzi could not understand why Harvey was getting fewer and fewer bookings
    121011 Mitzi had a favorite seduction tactic but his accent tended to cause misunderstandings
    121011 Harvey worried about his freshness. Mitzi was attracted without it
    121010 "I WILL make the perfect wife!" stated Benjamin. Francis was hurt. He had given Benny the best nights of his life
    121010 F&B's Still...behind the scenes
    121010 Benjamin tried to explain to the judges that the "Chopped" basket ingredients needed more time to ferment
    121010 Francis LOVED watching Benjamin's brain work
    121008 Arvin was the cleanest looking drunk that Boris had ever smelled
    121008 I'm gonna call my dad
    121008 I'm the best looking guy in here!
    121006 Winston hated having a handsome butler but his mother choose his staff
    121006 Cologne won't cover the smell of sweat, sir.
    121006 You do know that we filmed all this, don't you?
    121005 Verizon's first tests
    121005 ( "America's Got Talent" Episode one )
    121005 THE GOVERNMENT WAS ALWAYS WHO GAVE YOU MEDICARE!!!!!!!
    121004 She made sure that he would NEVER call her "fluffy neckins" again.
    121004 The sheer hell of a 3% rise in taxes on the wealthy...
    121004 He didn't care if he was old to be a king but the prenup was going to kill him now.
    120930 ...and, you say, the default swap will make us LOADS of money when the defaults start rolling? WOW! Sign me up!
    120930 ...only $30?! Wow! You have WAY better prices than the last guy!
    120930 Yes! It's REAL bathhouse! :)
    120929 "Festus", said the tenderfoot, " do you ever bathe or is it against your religion?"
    120929 Festus: Marshall, are you ok? Marshal: I'm just remembering how good I looked this morning while shaving
    120929 I, I, I, I feel very handsome and yet, I have no abs. How can this be???
    120926 Dr. Livingroom, I presume.
    120926 Before we hear about the Book or Mormon, let me tell you about Amway.
    120926 Two guys walk into a bar...
    120925 She listened but, her hair was hurting too much for her to hear.
    120925 I'm with the church. You can trust me.
    120925 You DO look prettier when I am drunk! WOW!
    120924 Chaz got mixed up. We blow out the birthday candles not the birthday present.
    120924 There may not be a rainbow here but, this love is REAL!
    120924 oOOH! It's BIG!!!!!! I like BIG
    120923 Knowing what was to come, Dr. Mort choloformed himself.
    120923 (...just waiting for the meds to take affect, Chaz re-read Rand )
    120923 Handsomeness tended to nauseate Dr. Mort.
    120922 The doctor forgot that people with long pointy chins tended to end up alone no matter what
    120922 pupils at the ready, Betty waited for his next inhale to release the fire-eye flames
    120922 dis boid ain't havin' any of dat slappin' of duh wimmins!
    120921 I am a powerful dialer
    120921 me an' duh general, we's like dis
    120921 pick a finger
    120920 Suddenly, the doc remembered to update his will
    120920 It looked like they had gotten past the "flashing incident"
    120920 Death, still, hadn't made an appointment for any facials or a make-over. Doc jotted, "stuck in fashion rut"
    120920 It seems that Death was able to make one new friend -Old Year. The two of them sneered at the New Year's Baby together
    120920 Fraidy made a note to re-state his weapons-policy at the next staff meeting.
    120920 Dr. Fraid hoped that there would be no crying. He wasn't sure if the tears would be poisonous or just caustic.
    120920 Knowing who was booked for today, Dr. Fraid wore his slippers so as to feel safer - just like when he hid under the bed.
    120918 (jeez, I must be hungry )
    120918 I didn't bring you no silver ware. You'll eat like the dogs you are!
    120918 you fergot the soup. I ain't tippin' yuh
    120918 der ain't enuff forchoon cookies for but two of us
    120916 Gus bet that the kid had far more than one cup of good cheer
    120916 yeah, we saw you take dat figgy pudding, yeah
    120916 Marty made a bet with Bernie that this weren't no castrati
    120915 The Chocolate Singers love sepia, cloaks, harmony and PDA
    120915 Dr. Zolo, demonstrating his technique for curing catatonic states with bad breath
    120915 Harlon realized, after he said, "I do." that he would rather marry Chaz than Marvin.
    120914 "mum," said Sandrika, " I think that I have found your eyebrows"
    120914 Open the door and...
    120914 Selsun Blue would not be on the market for a long long time
    120913 Fox news has a new radio show. They call it "Skwak Radio"
    120913 I found the perfect gift for Hyacinth Bucket (it's pronounced "Bouquet")...no one wants to hear this bird sing either
    120913 Carhorn Leghorn, i say i say i say, was aimin' to live up to i say his daddy's example
    120912 Neither of them realized that they were only being held in place by a pickle. They could have ripped free at any time.
    120912 Dorothy realized that they were not going to stop for a pee anytime soon
    120912 This isn't a very fun three-some
    120911 SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!
    120911 YOU MUST VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!
    120911 YOU SHOULD HAVE FIGURED OUT HOW TO STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    120910 The prosecution had made a clear case. Bessie is, clearly, horny.
    120909 ...and now I'll pull a solution out of...
    120909 ...and then, the stork brings another bunny baby and another bunny baby and another bunny baby and another bunny baby...
    120909 I brought him a magic hat to wear with his magic underwear. The bunny poo is a gift
    120907 Mac like violence better than sex
    120907 While the loan officer counted beans by the minute, Mac watched the robbers
    120907 It's not time to buy a cell phone yet
    120906 Were you able to smuggle in those female condoms?
    120906 Don't worry. He's got a very nice personality
    120906 Back up a bit or the spot light will shine through your nightie
    120906 I've heard that "floating" is allow at BYU
    120906 Our chastity belts arrive tomorrow
    120906 All the king's horses and all the king's men will fight 'til they're dead and we'll be alone again. sigh
    120905 Martin lost focus on his self portraits every time he got hungry
    120905 When his bloodsugar got low, Martin's mirages came in full color
    120905 (Pant Pant Pant ) when I tie my other shoe, I'm comin' for YOU!
    120904 The Queen is outside. She wants to run for Prime Minister
    120904 OH! YEAH? WELL, KNOCK THIS OFF MY SHOULDER WHY DONCHA!?
    120904 SHE WAS PULLING ON MY HANDLE! I AM NOT A VOTING MACHINE!
    120903 "Bill, do you think that we can ever join the colored people?" asked Whitey sadly as they sat waiting near Capitol Hill
    120903 yes,'m only a Gill,on a stairway to CapitolHill I spent5$ to spend time with thisguy wishn he'd buycrayons 4 my lazyeye
    120903 Clearly inspired by "School House Rock" Charleto, still, over focused the mouth of the self-portrait
    120901 Thumb at the ready, Arthur prepared to provide the decency-covering.
    120901 "You know", said Arthur, " that it isn't supposed to be that color don't you?"
    120901 It began to look like the tent-maker had arrived too early but these guys knew that "early" is very normal.
    120831 Today's practical joke was the ol', 'You-have-a-fly-on-your-visor-newspaperswat" ( again )
    120831 Hairline Artifice Intervention & Realization (Team 6)
    120831 Cooking the books in the days before the microwave was a lengthy process
    120829 It's a bladder infection but don't worry. Your Johnson will be fine soon and you'll need a new saddle
    120829 We take our hats OFF inside the building, bumpkin
    120829 Hey! I know you from the bathhouse!
    120828 "By adding a valve here, we make even the flattest wife, cleavagey! She won't be any happier but you will be!"
    120828 "Just give generously as the hat comes around and we will turn that frown up sidedown! GIVE GIVE GIVE!"
    120828 "Step ryyyyt up and seeee the woman with theeee Adam'sssss apppplllle!"
    120827 ( I love having to work with beautiful flowers and smells )
    120827 ( I love these flowers )
    120827 ( I love this smell )
    120826 Technically, this part isn't supposed to move but, I like pulling out my BIG oil can for pritty ladies
    120826 Once we grease it up really well, the whole thing will REALLY trickle down
    120826 Dora was through with E-Date. A date with the Tin Man was just too much
    120825 Oh! Snap! You knew that I am gay when you married me!
    120825 I just want you for dinner, sweeky.
    120825 "...doing the Electric Slide..."
    120824 Roscoe wished that he had buttoned his jacket.
    120824 All the fellas were told before hand. DO NOT eyeball the cleavage! She WILL throw your soup AT you!
    120824 Hey! Didn't I see you here in the Spring?
    120823 Yeah, well Mae West sees me on Tuesday when YOU are out shopping!
    120823 It says that your boss took the money and ran. Why are you surprised?
    120823 YOU stepped in it! I can smell it on your shoe! I don't have to look at it too!
    120822 YOU CAN'T MARRY HER! YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEEE!
    120822 ...I need a credit card to use the restroom???
    120822 ...but I enjoy being Peter Lorre...you snob!
    120820 ...a rare photograph of when dinosaurs lived, contemporary with fictitious men
    120820 Yes, the lawn, really, did need mowing this time.
    120820 "OOOOOOOKlahoma..."
    120819 We ALL bundle.
    120819 It isn't dead, son. It's battery is low.
    120819 No, you cannot type on it's face.
    120818 If he could just tiptoe past...
    120818 Today's test was to see if singing would wake the dead.
    120818 The doc liked them as art but, really, he was allergic to severed heads.
    120817 Clearly, the training programs were not sufficient.
    120817 Wingman was about to find out that guns have "kick" - a LOT of it.
    120817 WingMan had never seen Superman actually kiss Lois before.
    120816 Jeez, it's a mandate for near-beer!
    120816 It says that the quail are armed.
    120816 It's the bill from the mini-bar.
    120815 I prefer to live in a gated community!
    120815 Aloicious failed to realize that he was lucky that he was, no longer, hogtied.
    120815 (primitive restraining orders tended to lead to scratches)
    120814 NO ONE GETS TO VOTE!!! I AM THE KING !!! NO ONE VOTES!! NO ONE NO ONE NO ONE!!!!!!!!!
    120814 A GOLDEN GOOSE is what I ordered - not a white chicken!
    120814 MY MECHANIC CHARGED ME SIX THOUSAND FOR FOUR HUNDRED WORTH OF WORK AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    120813 Sal decided that she really didn't have to visit the lady's room after all.
    120813 Sal figured it out. The lamps were lit but the doggies were waaay out of the barn
    120813 (Max knew that, in a few more gestures, he be AT second base!! He was, almost, giddy)
    120812 Quadruplets were rare in ancient Egypt but they were not revered
    120812 The Irish/Egyptian Drinking Team often suffered more than just severe sunburn.
    120812 Before Income Tax ( BIT )
    120811 Chuck hoped that he could get an autograph after the hogtie
    120811 Maroon pants! Push!!! Red Pants! Pull!!
    120811 Steven didn't know that he was seen fleeing. He was arrested later - at home.
    120810 Simon was used to having his clothes insulted but it still stung.
    120810 Simon made a lot of money making old men happy. Many of them reallllllly needed it.
    120810 I'll kill him for you
    120809 ...for melted friends
    120809 The shakes were not far off. He knew that he'd have to lie and say that it is an earthquake
    120809 WHY! whywhywhy didn't they give me legs and a wallet full of moolah?
    120808 Is this where our dog went when he died?
    120808 Given that the filaments stretch without gravity & all the elements are present, are the pink spots proteinties?
    120808 Is it going to rain yet?
    120808 I can see our house from here.
    120808 Is that the rest room?
    120808 Are we there yet?
    120807 He can strut all he wants to. We, still, have better health care.
    120807 He ain't gunno go "Green". I say that we REEEEEM him on the price of oil and laugh laugh laugh
    120807 I think that they are going to challenge us to Double Dutch. We haven't got a prayer.
    120806 ( no words were needed )
    120806 Hans was hoping that Verner could see deep into his soul.
    120806 Thank you! Are you new here? You look good in that uniform! Would you like to go to dinner some time?
    120805 No.
    120805 I can still see that hickey on your neck
    120805 They do not want to pay any taxes.
    120804 IT'S BEDTIME!
    120804 MY FEET DON'T SMELL AS BAD AS YOUR BREATH DOES!!
    120804 I DON'T WANT ANY SOLAR ENERGY DAMMIT! I WANT EXXON TO BE RICH RICH
    120803 Johnny didn't like how much his hands hurt if he had to punch any body. Johnny was happy to leave all that to Dan
    120803 Dan should have been covering the rear. Soon, he would remember.
    120803 Dang, I'll be happy when Internet Porn is invented.
    120731 Future Olympic games will include the iPad/hard-drive-implant
    120731 Harvey was ready to wrestle. Martin was ready to tackle. Art just wanted a paycheck and wasn't sure he live to cash it
    120731 I don't think that we have enough sunscreen
    120730 Olive hated her dad.
    120730 When you want your allowance, you'll have to put it here first.
    120730 When I die, son, I'll have all of your inheritance put here.
    120730 I have a big plan that will pay for your new bike!
    120729 "Please, take note.", said the professor, ""Dumbledore" is now a word that is recognized by spell-checkers every where"
    120729 Dumbledum was never quite as good as Dumbledore. Harry's son was sure that this was because of his wand.
    120729 The pig uses the spirals to remove that of any pig who came before
    120728 XIXOOOLIJAH Narlicky pah! SHORIGNU!
    120728 I don't want any more Mountain Dew
    120728 This version of the Matrix sux
    120727 ARE WE THERE YET??????
    120727 I can see you Nancy and this is no way to get him to fall in love with you!
    120727 I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. Oh, so pretty and witty and wise and I pity any one who gets hurt by my guys!
    120726 Jefferson had an idea of using a time-machine to improve sales.
    120726 (Ingredients: celery tops, kitty litter, hair clippings)
    120726 "Step riiiiiight up and get your KOOL Kool-Aid riiiiiight heeeeer!
    120726 Out side the city limits, Marconi could sell what ever he pleased
    120725 Chief of Police Johnston was waaaay to hung over for all this today.
    120725 Officer Anderson was one of the first men to try to make the boss see the value of ticketing pedestrians.
    120725 Ralph wished that he had hair AND that he could read.
    120722 Madge was thinking that her plan should have had more steps.
    120722 "Oh!', thought Madge. "I hope that no one looks up my skirt!"
    120722 And 1 and 2 and kick 2,3,4
    120720 I am not stealing this little p-member. I bought it and I have the receipt
    120720 Tenure-at-Hogwarts means: "Permission-to-sass-the-younger-professors"
    120720 I'm flipping you low but I am about to flip at your face.
    120719 It's pregnant!
    120719 Well, no wonder that tooth hurt!
    120719 This is all any economy needs to be healthy. One pill, once - in fiction-land
    120718 So, the ultra sound was wrong...
    120718 The Invisible Decorator played favorites. Curvy-the-brush only got to come out on small-spaces day.
    120718 I hope that this blue stuff cures my dandruff.
    120717 But you look exactly like Superman...so, xray my hand and save me some health care fees!
    120717 I thought that you are excited by blurriness
    120717 HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN TO CUFF MARKS, Mr. GANNON?
    120716 What former-homeowners dream when they can sleep
    120715 Ellen and Maggie were VERY uncloseted.
    120715 Mark and Anna had plenty of opportunities for parenting without ever having children.
    120715 yahbut yahbut yahbut, she called me an old lady first!
    120714 It comes from where?
    120714 Why are they prejudiced against other sources of milk?
    120714 but we don't have bones that need to be stronger
    120713 Chip didn't want Gramps to tell him to get a job EVER again.
    120713 Chip was amazed that ANYone would ever brag about it.
    120713 Yep. You are correct. It is deja vu.
    120712 Some people are very serious about sugar.
    120712 The Little People did not take kindly to the new WalMart
    120712 Hi Ho Hi Ho, off to kick in the shin we go!!!
    120711 Buddy, you're a servant. I maybe can't talk pretty but I ain't no servant, see?
    120711 Yah, well, I don like how smell eitha
    120711 Buddy, you got soft, pink hands and weak legs. Dawnling will make mincemeat outta yew
    120710 Really, the two friends had more fun getting dressed than anything else they did each day
    120710 Marty wanted Charley to tell Marigold about the little trashcan at the bottom of the window but Charley was daydreaming
    120710 Charles felt pretty and Martin FINALLY noticed
    120709 I was looking around but then, I smelled something funny. Do you smell something too?
    120709 Why, yes, Sherlock Holmes IS my role-model! How did you guess?
    120709 EYE'm in the mood for loooove. smoochy smooochy
    120708 Sometimes, the Greeks liked to pretend that they lived in Ye Olde England. They called it, "Creative Englackretism".
    120708 Johnny Depp's older brother was not loved by the camera as much.
    120707 Pinkerton trained his sons to aim without gun-sights
    120707 SNIFF TO THE LEFT! SNIFF TO THE RIGHT! CUDDLE UP! DRESS UP! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
    120707 What the dwarves really enjoyed was pretending that they had cleavage
    120706 You're supposed to use a spoon.
    120706 My epicanthic fold is itchy.
    120705 I do.
    120705 This, this is REAL love!
    120705 mmmI'm almost there, YES YES YES AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
    120704 "Group Dentistry" included a spokesperson who would read the mounted iPad and shout the results.
    120704 "peach", "beige", "pale", "ecru", "boener", "toast"
    120704 Superman was ready but Clarke Kent had to pee.
    120703 The nurses have been trying to scrape off the rest.
    120703 Your son was hoping that you'd be proud of his work.
    120703 You can tell once we take the clothes off.
    120702 ah wunder wut wud heppen iffn ah pool on thisn heer
    120702 ahm, gunna tayk ur leesh and mayk yew heeel!
    120701 I didn't look up her dress! She just has very shiny shoes!
    120701 How much for both or us?
    120701 Hey, buddy, can you spare an Infrastructure Job or two?
    120629 I know youze guyz is gamblin' wit udda peeplz munny. i noz it and yoo can't do nuttin' abowd it
    120629 She said that you swallowed the diamond. I'm your Siamese twin 'til this is over.
    120629 i love watching you shave mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
    120628 Now, make it funky.
    120628 This isn't enough to buy an election. What do you expect, voting or something legal????
    120628 If he really wants me to marry him, he'll get on his knee and ask correctly.
    120627 (why do I keep wanting to move the pic around and see all the other cars in the lot? )
    120627 headrestless, seatbeltless, cellphoneless and creditcardless...ah, Ignorant bliss
    120626 (training for marriage was weirder in the USSR)
    120626 Playing "Baby" only appealed to a -very- few.
    120625 Purn found a new way to count his knuckles...with the edge of his nostril
    120625 Purn could hear Blooo but didn't care. His brain was itchy again.
    120625 You didn't pick me a winner last time! Why are you trying again?
    120625 That is NOT your "reboot" button!
    120625 Bu bi ni de bi zi! (Mandarin for, "Don't pick your nose!")
    120624 Marcus didn't know how to tell the doctor that cave paintings bored him
    120624 Dr. Langstrom didn't realize that he didn't have to touch the screen with the slide-control
    120624 High magnification on early MRis was pretty scary
    120623 Why'd you bring your brother?
    120623 Faster, honey, and more to the top.
    120623 This is what we'll do until we get old enough to vote
    120622 This is slander, my good man. I never ate panda.
    120622 I want this invoice delivered, by hand, to Professor Moriarity. Do try to come back alive.
    120622 This expense item, toupee-flavored honey...please, explain.
    120621 The road to stardom starts here, baby!!
    120620 Brylcream allows me to shampoo just one a month.
    120620 I'm not wearing pants.
    120620 I did not need a college degree to get this job.
    120620 Our President is a "black" man. I am jealous and scared for no reason but can't show it on TV.
    120619 Harvey liked it when Mike shined is big, weird, silver pants. Mike knew this but did not share the joy.
    120619 Don't look at me with love where every one can see us!
    120619 We have kissable lips
    120618 Marco was not a very good magician but his jokes helped him to keep getting booked.
    120618 Although he was head conductor at the symphony, Finnius, did a little charity conducting in his off-hours.
    120618 Alphonse can't understand why the women keep giggling when he says, "head". He is doing more research.
    120617 Your report card is an embarrassment to the crown and ME
    120617 Is this recycled paper?
    120616 ALLL OLD WHITE MEN ARE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!!!!! WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS THAT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND?????
    120616 3% MORE TAXES!??!?!?!?!!? HOW WILL I PAY FOR MY EXTRA PLANETS?????????
    120616 WHITE WINE WITH MEAT???????
    120616 Mormons believe what?????
    120616 HELLLLLP! WE HAVE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN PRESIDENT!!!!
    120616 I WANT AN IPHONE!
    120614 He seemed like a good teacher until we remembered that this was a cooking class.
    120614 Dumbledore was quite handsome at age 18.
    120614 Long and handsome may seem to be nice until you consider excessive thinness.
    120613 Just in time, Ort said, "OH! These aren't food!"
    120613 As Ort told a story about a stork, & Jimmy tried to keep from getting excited, Mary pointed out that both mice were boys
    120613 Oh, you're right. That one is dead
    120612 The camera tried to show that the lady was double-dribbling but got the angle wrong.
    120611 (When Scotty can't beam someone up, he resorts to ancient technology)
    120611 "Take 'er up, Bob. I've had enough fake-fur for a while."
    120611 ( ...the way we will choose leaders in the future )
    120611 The sister-animals looked on as Bluie got to be tonight's favorite.She was the newest addition & this was to be expected
    120611 "... and the great, almighty, metal hand pulleth us up the the land of bed-snuggling."
    120610 "So, by using the trickle-down theory, I'll take it all and trickle when I am in the mood to."
    120610 (OH! his mask is BIG. You know what they say about a man with a really really big mask...)
    120610 ( why is this cracker trying to be an authentic medicine man? I thought that bland white girls prefered real doctors)
    120609 I'm wondering how many people can do jokes that are not from the bottom of the torsos. What say you?
    120609 I think that we need to change the doesage for T-Whisperer. He has forgotten that "blue" equals "demo".
    120609 I think that "pull my pipe" jokes are much better than "pull my finger" jokes
    120608 Noooobodeee noooz duh trubbul eye seeeen
    120608 I can't notice that you let me have my gun because I am too busy whining
    120608 But, if I squeeze through the bars, my hat might fall off
    120607 Larry, Moe and Curly, all, had unknown little brothers.
    120607 ...just don't get dirty. They'll be here soon.
    120606 Esperanza's cooking was so bad that even she faked sleepiness so as not to eat it.
    120606 Oddly, opium was not as nutritious as originally thought
    120606 "Now I lay me down to sleep...oops! Wrong prayer"
    120605 Maurice didn't really faint. He just liked to be carried around.
    120605 How was I to know that he doesn't like to kiss women?
    120605 I didn't bite him!
    120604 So, I says to da guy, " youse got ta use ya knife, bub." but he wudn't lissen
    120604 I was hoping for a better recipe than this.
    120603 Her stories were not going to carry her after her looks faded.
    120603 While Solange explained the procedure, Maurice and Aeopha dealt with the smell.
    120603 an' a one-a an' a two-a
    120602 As a team, the "white" guy shows the real relative size-example
    120602 "Red White Blue" expressed as "Gray Tan Chocolate" mmmm delicious!
    120602 ...a lovely piece of art for young people who never saw the "Mod Squad"
    120601 (pre-backhand photo)
    120601 Aloicious told boss that it was just to keep the shakes away but the boss had stashed that bottle for his own "needs"
    120601 You seem to be very confident about your pee-sample
    120531 Soon, Helmond would learn that his body could be seen through the window, but...too late.
    120531 hmmm I don't think that they like us. They seem to be burning a swastika. Maybe we should change clothes and stuff.
    120531 In the days before porn, opportunites had to be taken when they appeared
    120530 The blackandwhites did not want change but the colors could not be stopped
    120529 we better put up the tent before it gets "dark"
    120529 mmm...smells good!
    120527 Every one stopped to watch the weather report
    120527 (I wonder where he put my clothes.)
    120527 ( he's is NOT paying me enough for this one)
    120526 OOOOOOHMMM!
    120526 ARF! ARF! ARF!
    120526 I DID NOT EAT YOUR PUDDING!
    120526 DO NOT BLAME YOUR GAS ON ME!
    120525 I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE REF - RIGHT AFTER I REPORT DAWNLING FOR USING TOO MANY TALK-BUBBLES!
    120525 You're endorsing athlete's foot medication. That doesn't make you a legend.
    120525 I am A LEDGEND WITH AN ENDORSEMENT CONTRACT!
    120525 You aren't the boss of me.
    120525 I mean, DON'T TOUCH THE BALL WITH YOUR HANDS DURING PLAY!
    120525 You're using YOUR hands.
    120525 DON'T USE YOUR HANDS!
    120523 I've already seen the French postcards, Holmes. I prefer you, frankly.
    120523 EH? OOh! Ah!! Holmes, you really have good aim, old fellow!
    120522 A stranger in a strange land, Marv learned that chewing gum is illegal. His explainations were not impressing anyone
    120522 In the days before Internet Porn, cops gathered for The Sharing Of The Details as often as possible.
    120522 I killed them and I'd kill them again. Sucking blood is wrong! All mosquitos must DIE
    120521 I'm from the MSPCM. I'm here to make sure that your models aren't abused.
    120521 I won't pose without fur so don't even ask
    120521 I hear that you pay more for posing than Dug Ah does
    120517 Olyvander's first apprentice-ship
    120516 Yes, Victoria, that is a guillotine.
    120516 I didn't know that Execution Eagles disapprove of "May/December" kissing!
    120515 When the princess tells him to carry her new statue in, Horace hopes that his fondess for the male form doesn't show.
    120515 She said that she thinks that it is healthier to breast-feed her children right through grade-school
    120515 Are we supposed to eat it?
    120514 Who's next up to hit? Sirius?
    120514 (I ask, what is making the planet settle and stay, gently, awaiting to respond to the in-coming smack?)
    120514 Ahm gunna smack it right in the Aroura Borealis
    120514 two down, seven to go
    120514 The Jupiter-sized bears are not happy today
    120513 Peri discovered that horizontal blinds collect much more dust than the vertical
    120513 Oh! NO! I'm in a Noir film but it's in COLOR!! OH! NO!
    120513 Betty Page's little sister, Peri, was always amazed that New York was lacking in privacy
    120513 SHOES?!?!? Right THERE?!?!?! for ME!??!?!
    120511 They're coming to take me away, haha, the little white men in their little white coats are coming to take me away haha!
    120511 Even the table of contents needed more than one brain for the transfer of knowledge
    120511 How do you spell, "deja vu"?
    120511 Under, "ditto", it says, "repeat the redundancy"
    120510 Betsy didn't know that the Lick-Perv had her in his sites
    120509 You hat is no where near as powerful as mine is, "sir".
    120509 Are you really sweating so badly that you must put papertowels under your hat AND nose?
    120508 Dagnabbit! He ain't kicking her correctly!
    120508 I don't care if she is a Lady. No one dresses like that in my town. What do you mean "she's here to sing"?
    120507 "Well, gentlemen,", said the judge, "I see that you managed to get her off the rock. Did you leave all the rest?
    120507 Lola was so good that, even "several" did not mess up her hair.
    120507 Officer Left didn't know but Officer Right liked what Lola's right hand did.
    120506 I like how your socks match your hat.
    120506 She'll be back in an hour.
    120506 psst...adam's apple
    120505 Bobby was REALLY tired of singing-while-driving
    120505 Bobby just wished that Mr. Keach would quit calling the car a "beaver-getting-jet"
    120505 I had safety belts but I took them out when I lowered the headrests
    120505 ...and then the bird says to the bee...
    120505 Be happy! You didn't inherit the harelip!
    120505 I won't tell anyone if you don't
    120504 ...his accent was so thick that Qer and Dua could not tell that he was, simply, asking the location of the men's room
    120504 Dua had never met a snakeoil salesman before. Qer had.
    120504 Although the statue was exactly as requested, Dua liked to give more examination to the eye, much to Qer's consternation
    120503 I am hoping that you can cut this diamond such that it throws light on the industry that produced it.
    120503 Elizabetta had always enjoyed the slap-stick practice of pie-in-face. Quentin was unfamiliar with the practice.
    120503 Heea, we have the ahverage male brain. As you can see, it is, significantly, smaller than the female brain.
    120503 Aew. Hand-held ice cream...how novel
    120502 Put your boobs back on. Don't throw them on the floor again. They get dirty when you do that AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS!
    120502 SIT! STAY!
    120502 While the sheriff and deputy argued, the prisoner ached to pull the sheriff's finger.
    120502 (between you and me...how many "pull-my-finger jokes" do you think will be fielded today?)
    120502 ...mom said...!
    120502 Harold liked his own skinny arms but Ralf wanted pushups pushups pushups
    120502 words weren't needed.Harold hated cleaning & Ralf knew who had a dog & who didn't & who let who's dog sleep in the cell
    120501 Everything had to wait while Max booked a kid's clown for saturday
    120501 Yeah, badly dressed and impaled on a lava lamp.
    120501 The inspector didn't like waiting for the flatfoots to sing their kids to sleep while they were on shift
    120429 It creeped-out her son but Harriet just loved to have her pulse checked.
    120429 GORDON RAMSEY HAS COME TO FIX OUR RESTARAUNT???!?!?!?
    120429 MOM!!! WAIT!! DON'T DO IT! HE'S A VAMPIRE!!
    120428 Yep. The dog has been chewing at the back seat again.
    120428 Harold KNEW that he'd get car-sick if he stayed put
    120428 Dyslexic air-bags haven't been perfected yet.
    120427 In the shipping departement "up north", full-sized Christmas presents took away the smiles every year.
    120427 DAAAAAAY-O, DA A A A Y-O. Day light come and I wanna go back to Mars
    120427 Elquin preferred a fancier holder for his beard-dryer
    120426 Johny "Granite-Nose" Jones was a better pickpocket than, either, Hugo or Rafael.
    120426 During early versions of "Punked", keeping a straight face was still a priority.
    120426 "Aw!...just for me? Thanks, guys!", said Jeff. Hugo and Rafael couldnt' bear to tell him that it was just a doll.
    120426 "OH!CHEEESE!!", said Markus. "Shh" said, Hugo to Raphael. "Markus hasn't paid yet. Don't tell him that it's tofu!"
    120425 Unaware that Iphones hadn't been invented yet, Susan kept using her thumbs to no avail.
    120425 Mister, my mirror won't work. Will you help me?
    120424 Jim's favorite pasttime was, still, trying to look down the front of lady's clothes
    120424 Doloros wished that somebody would hurry up and invent the birth control pill already
    120424 "Even actresses shouldn't act like a bridal veil matches sequins.", thought Jim.
    120422 HEEE HAW HEEHAWHHEEEHAW. The nightly calling of the pigs had begun
    120422 Horace was always happy to share what he intended to sing on "American Idol".
    120422 Bella was really surprised when the sheep's clothing dissapeared at midnight
    120422 "i'm in zee mood for lof, simply becauz jou feeer meee!"
    120421 Yermom told me to check all of my translations. "You could have told me that barrel stool before my hand and let it go"
    120421 I want to make a bucket list. I do not need a bucket in which to put my fist
    120421 I will not put the teeth in there. I have to keep them in until fliming is finished for the day
    120420 Harold thought that, someday, he should hire a gal who could type instead of one who just put her nipples on the desk
    120420 Betty took shorthand by scratching on her arm. That way she didn't disturb the big brain boss with her tiny lady brain
    120420 Betty's eyes migrated to the sides of her head often so that she could see predators coming in from the sides.
    120419 Janie didn't really like playing "Hide and Seek" the way that Ralphy played it
    120419 Now, just keep one leg on each side and pretend that you are riding a horse. Doesn't that feel weird???
    120419 I thought that the gipper told gorby to tear down this wall
    120418 You may have your 2nd Amendment. I have Monied-FakeRoyalty. So there.
    120418 Sorry son. I put all of your bullets in the Cayman Islands
    120418 I can hear your stomach begging for food and I still will make sure that you pay more taxes than I do
    120417 WHEN will we be in color???WHEN?!?!!?
    120417 Just because you are better looking than I am doesn't mean that you get to ignore me!!!!!
    120417 I said, "PASS IT!"
    120416 Yah, well me'n Spike is friends, see? Yah, GOOD friends, see? I'll tell Spike you was heeea but he won like it, yeah
    120415 He said to tell you that he is trying the "gaycure" so that he can go home for Xmas and still inherit
    120415 I'd rather have an Ipad than get another laptop
    120415 Don't taze me bro
    120413 Well, I know that this outfit is scarier than a hoodie
    120413 Hey, Hank, do you know what this is?
    120413 "Broke Buckle Mounting", take two
    120413 The sexual tension had been growing between them. Hank decided to just flop it on the table and hope for no splinters.
    120413 Hank needed help with his belts in order to pee but Doug was too busy pretending to hold an Iphone
    120412 Lacey didn't care who won the vote for who would steer. She decided to GRAB the wheel at the first chance.
    120412 The gay man wished that the cross-eyed woman would stop staring at his feet.
    120412 "Shotgun!" "Shot Gun!" "shotgun!" "Shatguyn!" "short gun" "snot gun" "Shat Gan!" "Shet Gahn" "Shot Glock" "Machine Gun!"
    120412 Even tho every one got a great view, they forgot to ask, "...view of what?"
    120412 Lacey had not realized the the tight bra was making her cross-eyed.
    120412 Lacey tried not to stare but the guy, siting beside her, had REALLY big feet!
    120411 Avalon, like many short men, had to MAKE himself not look at women's "chests"
    120411 Please, may I have a ruffle too?
    120411 Yes, ma'am. I understand. No more hickeys
    120410 On the street with a naked upper lip was punishable by taping your head hair across the face. Men had tape at the ready
    120410 It was clear that size mattered.
    120410 Jadeet finally got to the King of Mustaches but his hench-staches were wary of her stache-less face.
    120409 The Mafia started a long long long time ago.
    120409 GLASSES?!?!?!?! We're wearaing GLASSES!?!?!?!
    120409 Class,notice how the reflexes of the feet remain calm while hair is able to try to run away.This group died out
    120408 While Beaman, Marcus and Karl memorized the steps, Edwin just tried to not barf again.
    120408 Marcus and Karl enjoyed the closeness of study...very very much
    120408 Cramming for tests was hard on the neck for those who could not afford textbooks.
    120408 In the years before porn, many men became doctors for non-helpful reasons
    120408 These were the only veiws of female anatomy that they ever did see.
    120408 Yep, it says that we aren't to do harm but, it doesn't say anything about financial harm
    120407 The mattress is Memory Foam. It will spring right back in to place!
    120407 "The real secret to a good night's sleep is Green Support.
    120407 The really tall guy was amazed that the old man trusted him this much.
    120406 AmunRa knew that soon, soon, very soon, the kissing could begin.
    120406 Carry me back to Ol' Missi'ppi or New Miss'ippi will do too
    120406 AmunRa hadn't graduated from Charm School yet and it really showed in his lack of social skills
    120406 Marvin really wasn't much of a "hugger".
    120406 Honey, please don't dance now.
    120405 DO STRIPES LOOK GOOD WITH STEEL. I DECLARE - "YES"!"
    120405 "SOME DAY, FASHION WILL BE PRACTICAL. TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY!!"
    120405 "I MAY HAVE THE BODY OF A WEAK AND WANTON WOMAN, BUT IT IS WANTON. HENCE THE FULL-BODY CHASTITY BELT."
    120404 Whinny:"He must be on the story of when he sold all his stock & ruined the team. Hairyette:"Yes. Yes. I can see that"
    120404 Well, I just wish that he'd put his shirt back on
    120404 The Great Search for Cleavage left many in it's wake
    120403 too bad he didn't see the tornado coming
    120403 Children, here we have a depiction of an unregulated market. Notice the lack of over-sight and the false-lableing.
    120403 Scene: the minutes before the bird splat fell on the hat. ...and action!
    120402 Mary Kay has started testing it's products on Kryton from "Red Dwarf".
    120402 Jim, I'm a doctor not a sulpher-sculpter
    120402 Papa can you hear me?
    120331 It's pronounced Fra Kun Tsen
    120331 Yes, the limp wrist is real but the epicanthic fold is glued on
    120331 I am poised - waiting for a "pull my finger" joke. I can hear it out there...approaching.
    120330 Ted and Howard used the " I had to shoot him" ruse instead of just walking out on the check like every one else did.
    120330 I thought that you said that these are blanks!!!!!!
    120330 Cigarettes are the only thing that will help him! Please! Loan me 25cents so that I can buy him a pack!
    120328 Thurston expected Harvey to pull a gun but, Harvey tricked him and sneezed on him instead.
    120328 Mr. Moneybags' new foot-pedal trap-door was his favorite toy
    120328 Going over his bills, Herbert found that he was charged for an arm-sling that he was not given.
    120327 No one trusted a barber with a full face of hair
    120327 Zimmerman had no cell phone that time
    120327 Ug wasn't sure but he thought that "gray" might by synonymous with "hoodie"
    120326 There is no such thing as Santy Claws, Tooth Floss OR CellFohns. Stop with ur fairy tales
    120326 The next time that you let the Mormons in, I'll turn you into an etch-a-sketch
    120326 Did you () my wife? Did YOU () my wife? DID you() my wife? Did you (())my wife? Did you() MY wife?Did you()my WIFE?
    120325 You are going to get a time-out if I count to three!
    120325 Ahm gunna salute you wit wunna deez in a minute, bud
    120325 Tree coins ina foun'in. Tru da ripples how dey shine Jus one wish will be greanted One hahrt will wear a Balentine
    120324 A Brit, a MadMan and a Capone walked into an elevator and highjacked a load of bar jokes.
    120324 Helpless with out an operator, grown men had to read the two commands on the lever-operating sign and make a decision
    120324 Danny didn't like it when Marvin drove wildly but Al was definitely about to barf
    120323 Being locked up was going to be the biggest test Damon's charm -ever
    120323 ...and you smell like a skunk too.
    120323 Sure. I'll put the lotion on but I still love Mike better than I'll ever love you
    120321 His men got tired of telling the captain to sing from the diaphram
    120321 Bad-Breath-O-Meter testing - the early years
    120321 No one looked up in time to tell Larry that the cord is not delicious.
    120319 Veronica asked what the smell was but Dora just shushed her up
    120319 Betty wanted to raise the bar but was not in a position to affect such a change at the moment
    120319 The Stoneford wives were popular WAY before the Stepford wives were
    120315 Devon was a lot warier of anything that smelled like a skunk.
    120315 Heaven looked a lot scarier when it was a hunk.
    120315 Kevin looked a lot hairier when he was drunk
    120314 Hank tried to explain that, when his brain was itchy, he prefered to scratch it using the standard nasal-portals.
    120314 Henry was not impressed when Marco pulled a card from behind Hank's ear. He'd seen it before.
    120314 Yup. There is a piece of my cane stuck in his head.
    120312 Bobby thought that he had lost his sense of smell, but, when the helmet-rack leaned in, he realized that he had not.
    120312 SOSO-media is as far as we have gotten at this point but you kids can bring us all the way to the Matrix
    120312 There will be a "rock", a "paper" and a "cee-zor". One will always be mighty and, one will always be vanquished, OHM
    120310 Even though Brad admitted that he got there first, Stacy wanted to get under Amy's jeans, still, too
    120310 Stacy had a face that said, "bowchicka wow wow" no matter which way he looked
    120310 Brad didn't like the way that Stacy drooled when Brad's nipples showed
    120310 Stacy was, still, able to feel the split even though it did not show unless he lifted his chin.
    120310 Brad really wanted to know what a casting couch was before he went any where near the punchbowl.
    120308 Some people resisted voter-registration but Audrey was not daunted
    120308 Celeste's readout showed a Facebook-withdrawal-swoon, and not for the first time.
    120308 and, with one last flick of her fingers, Solange made sure that Elsa would never, again, borrow a sweater without asking
    120307 CJ had a little lamb.It's fleece was worth the dough. Every time he craved fellating, the lamb paid for his blow.
    120307 Rostifer's booger was so big that Elizabeth could hear it fall out of his nose.
    120307 Bruce and Marky's lamb fest was interupted by the arrival of the dreaded Auntie Gay
    120306 It's ancient Latin. It says, "Men cannot multitask".
    120306 It says that, from 1995 forward, two women HAVE to be seen, kissing, in every movie even if they do not like each other
    120306 It says, "No hair spray allowed".
    120305 Clark really preferred women who were less two-dimensional
    120305 Jimmy was glad that the window was open. He'd had enough of the "krypton aftershave".
    120304 When called on to do make-up, Querman still used leaded face-powder.
    120304 Beolia's singing teachers tended to cash their checks promptly
    120304 OMGOMG!!! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!! OMG!!!!
    120303 Clark like to use pretend-noteries for all of his important documents.
    120303 You've won the award for "Flattest Chest in a 3-block radius".
    120303 Don't smile until you read th prenuptuals
    120302 I don't know but I been told, reporter ladies are fun to hold.
    120302 Get your skirts out of here and let the men do the work and bring me some coffee, honey!
    120302 I'll be sending back-up to find my pupils AND my irises!
    120301 Mr. Pinkins got fortified as Derk started on another round of, "Today, my kid's..."
    120301 If I have to lie to the boss like that again, I'm going to need a LOT more time on the punching bag.
    120301 She didn't look like a black belt to me either.
    120229 (CRUNCH) Miss Parks, you have failed your driving test again. You MUST press the clutch pedal in before shifting.
    120227 (I can't even feel the aluminum foil in my pants)
    120227 I Like me and so do you.
    120227 I have a dream. Gated Communites for mated zooloonities.
    120226 "Slurp snort slurrp slurp." Much to the frustration of his friends, this talk, never failed to make Casper fall in lust
    120226 The tiny calf suddenly starting thinking about scaring kids on Halloween. She wasnt' sure where she got the idea but...
    120226 ...how Bessie got the idea for jumping over the Moon.
    120225 The Senator was so happy that General Timmons could not bear to tell him that it only sprayed paint.
    120225 "Well", said, Senator Scarfy, "It's time for a some racial slurs."
    120225 I feel like a new woman
    120225 In the days before Viagra, men could not, fully, explain the point of their favorite toys
    120224 After reading his will, Deloras started planning their next "vacation".
    120224 As Henry started to re-live his highschool football games out loud AGAIN, Beth started planning a "special" coffee break
    120224 Is that a mole on your back???
    120224 Is that a camera on your back
    120223 Pinky had a tendancy to fall in the wrong kind of love.
    120223 Listen, Mister. Just because you bought me dinner does not mean that you can just open my hidden doors!
    120223 MMMM you're so HARD that I want to SQUEEZE you...(insert porn music)
    120223 I'm in the mood for love, simply because you fear me...
    120222 I am not going to swipe my card. I am paying cash.
    120222 I know that he is shorter than I am and speaks French but I am much better at the stances!
    120222 Why do I have to leave the room to scratch my nipple?
    120221 "honey, it's time to wake up.", said the step-mother with bad fashion-sense
    120221 The Grim Reaper liked the effect of the collegen treatments
    120221 David wasn't very good at cross-dressing but his voice was lovely
    120220 Honey, what's for dessert?
    120220 I'll use that recipe on "Krypton Chef" and go for the win!
    120220 Little Green Riding-body did not find bears living in this house but she did find the chair to be juuust riiight.
    120218 As Mark watched the needles touch max AGAIN, he made a mental note to tell mom that Bruce can't tell time either
    120218 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 - sift off! shake shake shake that unobtanium looose, boys!
    120218 ...sorry to leave you with such a mess. I'm off to vacation-land.
    120216 Blue and Red will be the other key-note speakers today.
    120216 Triangulation is a superior skill. Only the blocks who master it in phase one will move to phase two.
    120216 I WILL put you in a round hole!
    120215 C'mon you guys! You CAN remember the routine, right?
    120215 Sing it!, "Weigh, Hay! mow the clown down!"
    120215 The professional Huggin' and a-Chalkin' team got Summer work at the circus now and then
    120214 Mitt wasn't very calm backstage.
    120214 Stick out your tongue and leave it out!!!
    120214 I'm going to pull this chin hair out of your face if you don't tell me where you hid the money!
    120213 TXShemp is a good person
    120213 Thanksgiving dinner was MUCH more enjoyable if the beggars were clean and pretty
    120213 Young Mitt Romney hadn't been able to get into the gated community yet. The next day, he made a phone call
    120213 Expeliamous!
    120213 God is great, ( for me). God is good (for me) and I's thank him for this food if God would just close the curtains
    120213 Hey! That's my pet chicken! I recognize his raggety wing!
    120212 Why didn't you wash your hands?
    120212 So, do you remember which is the correct key?
    120212 Where did you get candy from? Why didn't you get some for me?
    120210 eye, eye, captain
    120210 eye've have enough of your looking at EVERYTHING!
    120210 eye can't hear you!!!!!!!
    120209 Hey, fella, I know that it hurts to get your penis trimmed but, with this much trimmed off, you'll be able to walk now.
    120209 This is one of the largest banana carcasses we've every dredged. We're going to laminate it
    120209 Here she is, Missed America
    120208 YYYEah, we poit a boigah fo yah heea, yeeeah
    120208 eat. eat. eat. This is meat. This you eat eat eat. Now, tip me.
    120208 ( sheesh, Madonna gets a lot of work!)
    120207 Du against wan is not a fair fight, boys. Yew weel find thayt my Kung Fu ees berry berry scary
    120207 eets lyke a very big feedle. yew saw across eeet for theee mewseek. vee call eet a "cheahloe"
    120207 Hey! This is a cowbody movie! Get back to the horror movies where you belong!
    120206 ( a nickle tip for carrying his bag, Super-stingy-man is more like it!)
    120205 Your Lordship, I'd like to confess someone else's sins
    120205 Oysters were not an aphrodisiac for Quentin
    120205 I know that he is the king but his warty weeenis isn't fun!
    120205 OW OW OWWWWWW! i don't like these shoes
    120203 When Betsy noticed that she froze them both, visions of sugar plums danced in her head.
    120203 While the robot said, Good-push-button", Sally asked Danny if he could drive this baby once they unplugged the bot.
    120203 hey. dig the rock and roll. rock on.
    120202 HEEEZ the one who brought me the coffeeeeeee HEE HIM HEEE!!!
    120202 CHEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    120202 THERE HE IS!!!!!!! THE MITTEN WHO FIRED ME!!!!!!
    120201 Octy was surprised that snacks were coming in through the glass-slider instead of the swing-portal as usual
    120201 "Sniffing?" thought Mark. "Sniffing? I didn't know that tentacles have nostrils!"
    120201 Mark wasn't sure if he was happy that he got the job once he saw the working conditions
    120131 ju neber leesen. ju dont put dee castenets on dee neepuls
    120131 You shouldn't buy me fat-man earrings. No one is wearing fat men on their ears this season
    120131 shu u nee somting to wach jor fay. thees weel maykee less greesee
    120128 (sniff sniff sniff)
    120128 Betsy wondered why he had an extra finger on the back of his skull?
    120128 ...and she was pretty sure that he was not going to be a good dancer
    120128 It became very clear to Betty that Harvey had lied about attending charm-school
    120128 'Well, he does pay a lot but I'll have to charge more if he continues to ask me to watch him spit
    120128 Tilli wasn't sure if this was the best time but, her children were going to learn to swear soon any way
    120127 Darling, now that both of our hair-transplants have been successful, I'm willing to be seen in public with you.
    120127 Now that her right hand was sufficently club-like, Jenny began to get impatient to start test-punching
    120127 Newt, I don't care if you bought a new face, please, wait until I get out of the hospital to ask for a divorce.
    120126 First, I'm not done being colored in yet. Second, I gotta talk to the artist about all this hair. Third, you only get 1
    120126 Two-Moon, I saw you rubbing alamp, with a wish in your heart, and some fleas in your camp. Two- mooooooooon...
    120126 May I use the restroom first, please
    120126 Look, if you bring me some size-large man-scaping tools, I'll give you two extra wishes
    120126 Two, I'm only in the mood for two
    120124 Your brother told me to give you this. What does, "uckfay ooyay" mean?
    120124 You can punch out the holes for each sin you commit and just sin again! Hand it in to Saint Pete when you're done
    120124 You'll have to take this with you. It will explain the smell in a language that they understand.
    120124 It's the last will and testament of Tiny Tim. You get the ukelele
    120124 It's says, "You will meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger in a suit with a bow tie and nice cheek bones".
    120124 It says, "Sctrach and sniff" but it doesn't say where.
    120115 Marco supported the troops but wondered why this one wanted to sing for his supper.
    120113 but, Mom, Dad is still picking my pockets!!
    120111 I don't know but I been told, I won't get dinner if her chest I hold