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New in the healthplans, Zoo-Care for Seniors
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Chatters and ChiChi had heard about Charla's facial surgery but still didn't want to groom with her
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(...who was really on the grass knoll.)
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Harvey should not forget his glasses so often
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What really happens at the conventions is germy
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Really, her resume was not impressive - yet
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Harvey had kissed too many raccoon backsides during hazing
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She NEVER forgot the small tippers
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Chester's dieting was brutal
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Chester could not find a clock that he liked
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Smedley had a cat-like way of offering mice to his over-lord
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Gordon Ramsey is footing dis heer bill, buddy
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Chef did NOT want to hear any more blonde jokes
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Fried cicadas are my favorite too!
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Larry hated his job as a teacher of bus drivers
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Before the hair club for men, there was the hat club for men
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Larry could NOT believe that Chuck would ACTUALLY wear a skimmer
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Charles, really, had envy - real envy
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Most men got their hair cut by Dhan for the bragging-rights
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...with some fava beans and a nice Chianti fttttfttttftttt
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Help comes from love
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It was the height of the ceiling that really wowed the new members
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Terry had a lot of different flirting techniques
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"It's spelled A-F-L-A-C-K"
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Ducky was the REAL Dictator
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It is too bad that the rich buy their ways through school
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Stand up comedy is not easy
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OOps! Laughing DOES lead to peeing
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Pa Larky was just not as good at fortune telling as he wished to be
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Yes, blondes have to pee too
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Aryan Game shows had too limited an audience for any success
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Bobby sported hashtags the old-fashioned way
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Mrs. Butta is a really really good cook
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I WON'T BE 50 SHADES OF GRAY FOR 3 MORE DECADES DAMMIT!!!
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I'm telling mom that you have your feet on the couch!!!
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Laborious Translations were Shakmeen's favorite ploy
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Jane's budget for servant suits was out of control.
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"...no discount, eh?"
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For many things, "out" is the correct direction
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Dora was the deb this year and it chafed Bob every minute of every day
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Dave went peepee in his pantses when ever he had to tell Texans that he could not use a gun
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Norquist's attempts at inking new minions does not reveal any talent on his part
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Before you run for office, you'll need to have the chip installed
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The Old South and the President as painted by the old southerners
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When Thomas reached for the high notes, Margeen reached for the door
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Margeen thought that she got her "brother" out the door in time but...
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Why are you wearing black lipstick????????
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Specimen:Vicious Interstitial
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theee howsss winzzz
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Finally! A screen -capture of the thing that lives in the ears of little brothers every where.
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Oil on Canvas: The Trap a.k.a. "...only one tooth left to collect."
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Jonny's mom learned a lot in prison
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She is old enough to know to not take candy from strangers
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I have a dream...a dream that some one will make a device with lighting inside that will scrape hairs from my face.
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Jerry like wearing lovely things but didn't like shaving any more than Mike did
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I'm sorry that we had to wait so many years to hold hands in public
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I used to be the most interesting man in the world
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She knew that she was born this way
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People who can't dance get very sad some times
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She was surrounded by men who could not think past their hair-loss
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Duck refused to love swimming even tho track-and-field was just not his event.
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Kitten ate his body weight in sandwiches every day
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DUCK!!!!
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Gramma was not swayed by the excellence of the touchdown-dance
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Gallant points out the flawed thinking. Goofus wishes for a bigger vocabulary. Gramma writes them both out of the will
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Goofus blames. Gallant plots.
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Synchronized dancing at sea was messed up by ADHD again
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Harry loved to pretend that he hated the paper
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Harry and Gerty did "play" without the "cos"
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Harry is fluent in canine
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There were different kinds of "shrink" in the days before GPS
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"1 PM Transportational Boxing Class - TODAY!"
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Even mannequins don't like meetings
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Sunscreen? We don't need no stinking sunscreen!
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Dale knew that the flat chest would not be a problem but the big jaw was rather more hard to hide
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Margo, still, could not remember which was the correct finger.
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Mr. Uminum realized that he is overdressed
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Bachelor #1 got the full brunt of his aftershave
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Protection - it's what the Emperor wants when he's done shopping for clothes
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James loved Pavarotti shamelessly
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James' passion for his work had him wishing for stretchier clothes quite often.
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In the days before the teleprompter, all talking-heads had to read lips
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Glee, the Science Version
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Geek Parties are WAY more fun than they first appear to be
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(trying to not make a flatulence joke...trying trying trying)
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"No snacks until after swimming class! Now, kick, kick, kick"
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All the other reindeer and friends called him "Turdle" because of his shameless boot-licking.
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Some day, we'll grow thumbs and cook our food too
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Aryan Speed Dating - costume party version
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Jersey Shore Does Shake duh Speeea
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dey heead deez eackscents down. yeah yeah yeah
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Nancy should not have padded her bra with cotton balls
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"To heck with men", they said. "We'll get our own pearls!"
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Nancy's idea of bonding with friends wasn't very endearing
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Jane never missed choir practice.
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As it happened, elocution was undecipherable.
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OOOH! That's right. We aren't good at photo shop yet!
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(he kept wanting her to check it & look at it and touch it but I couldn't find a way to make a clean trigger from that)
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(i'm reminded of a story told by a nurse who said that she had a patient who kept telling her that his penis hurt)
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Diagnosis: hairball
Recommendation: do not lick cat, dog or llama et al
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doctahs, heer ve see wun woo eez suffring wit zee singing...zee bad singing. Vat eez not nown ezz dat vee suffa morrrr
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PEEEEEE i have to PEEEEE
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AH, yes. We enjoyed non-regulation of nails on edges, rich and poor guys on edges and hammers held casually
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how the bird flu really spreads
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%^&* I hope it doesn't land here.
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Dance 10 Looks 3
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Kermit had a brother & he did meth mm hmm. Kermit had a brother & he did meth mm hmm. This is him before his death mm hm
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whoops!...forgot panties AND genitalia!
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Girls aren't allowed to drive tanks. It messes up their nail polish
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What's an ied?
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Don't make me pull this tank over!
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Don't tickle me while I'm shooting!
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You're not the boss of me!
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Please, be quiet while I parallel park, woman.
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whew, three flavors of bad breath, at once, can make a gal lose track of counting cards
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Once upon a time, Las Vegas was nought but a twinkle in gangster's eye
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The green room at the London Underground Comedy Club was a salad of seedyness
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Well, it distracted the officer from his plates AGAIN!
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Mark realized that the officer had no gaydar
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he didn't see me kissing her he didn't see me kissing her he didn't see me kissing her
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Home Heating Costs Skyrocket Spawning Drastic Measures
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Goth make-up gone wild
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Quentin had heard that he'd need to look slimmer for this interview
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It's called "bacon-snack boarding"
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Her first encounter with a barbie doll was heavily guarded
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Really, Muslim women would not let these fellers stand this close. Who did the blocking for this movie anyway? tsk
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Dancing wasn't allowed at the bank either
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Great,Great grandpa Welk
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He didn't know it but, Marvin's singing would, no longer, be tolerated by the bank.
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Officer, is this the one who attacked you?
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This is a woman. Now do you understand?
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The cooking is great but don't use the pepper
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MARCUS SAMUELSSON, the early days
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Mr. Blooinstein loved teaching new generations how to eat crow
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I think that I'll just leave you two alone
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She's fine. It's just makeup. (sotto voca ) she's acting out
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It's Tigerosis. You carry it on your hairs. She'll be fine but she'll need a lot of makeup
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...singing? Yes...dancing...not so much
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Jack was dumb enough to 1. say it and 2. to not see the slap coming
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( her swear words are written in white in the bubble above )
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chop, elbow, hammerfist, rearkick, run
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In the days before viagra, men needed help making a tent. Here, a DIY-Show's crew makes a film to show the technique.
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Dr. "Peeking" Johnson was about to demonstrate how he got his nickname
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Jane, horrified, just realized that she did not get to white-balance these shots.
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Devon's mom could tell no one that her children got caught up with the hookers
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"Troops! Be sure to avoid the low hanging branches!"
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We aren't whores! We're hookers!
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Some aliens come here for the fishing. Some humans make it WAY too easy
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No. He's never been married before
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Royals, really, shouldn't inbreed
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Even though Chef Ron Ben-Israel did his best, the king prefered funnel cakes
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"BathFlack!"
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...what it looks like to wish for Google Glasses with a translator ap.
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and cover.
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Well, it's a slutty, infidel duck. So,...
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Boy Band members don't always age well
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Punk Mormons
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The talk-a-razzi pursued Liz relentlessly.
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Yep, envy. That's what it's called
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It wasn't the nipping that really bothered him. Ted was jealous of the billing and cooing
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Ted forgot that the guano brought a good price
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HONK HONKHONKHONK!!! HONNNNK!
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John couldn't scream as the small shadow starting working her mouth as if she were a puppet. "GOT", she said, "GOT".
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Here you are, peeing again!! You're full of peeee!
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Sherman was not good at flirting
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Low vocabulary leads to body language AGAIN
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Dancing would not save Sherman this time, but, he didn't realize it yet
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Quick! Get a pen and draw a muzzle on it!
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Style #2: More toward horror
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My momma was right. There's blues in the night - and they BITE!
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Married in white, you chose right...in blue, he'll be true...in orange, he's a door hinge
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Cassandra's flirting boarded on the professional
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Silent Rave, party of one.
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Sometimes, the hot flashes start young
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LADEEZ AND GENNILMIN!! FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE...THE ARGENTINIAN SLEEP TANGO CHAMPEEENZ
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Snoring, sleepwalking, sleepcussing...Dora was never boring
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Estelle was not good at flirting.
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Time-travel, still, has a lot of glitches
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"A ramp! I can stand on it and shout!...what's that noise?"
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The Macedonia Phalanx re-enactors had booked the field but that memo didn't get out the the WW2 re-enactors in time -tsk
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Too much in-breeding leads to too much of many other things too
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Ah, the years before ritalin. I remember then well
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Here, we get a rare glimpse of the albino cellar-dwellers and their odd, rope prayer-song.
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He knew that she was more beige-an than Asian, but, Jake liked flowered dresses
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Trying to remember the lyrics, Jake sang to himself, "...hornyhornyhorny. I'm..."...such a sweet little ditty it was.
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He: "Sprechen Ze dough, lady?"
She: "(my fake epicanthic folds hurt.)"
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It was the low quality of the experiments that led to the "madness"
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You know that it needs a mouth-piece don't you?
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Jeannie likes more curtains than that
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DAD! You said that you put Jeanie back on the beach!
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DAD!! You said that you stopped smoking!
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Family? Yep!
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He was going to kiss her in spite of the PDA rules but he swallowed his gum, got too nervous and ran
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off on his rounds, AGAIN
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He may be early but it don't look like he caught a worm
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Well, Gawwww-leeee!
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Ink him with a reminder to exercise his chicken legs!
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I, already, have one there!!!
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a liver full of ink won't help you think
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Just then, Joe wondered how they would pay
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All ghosts love pockets.
It makes the sheets so much more functional
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yawning is one of the worst breaches of ghost manners
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She wasn't a good cook either - no good at measuring
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Maureen was not good at flirting.
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Weaponized Aftershave Testing
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The king was glad to be rid of the tantrums
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IMPRESSIVE dowry, young lady. Now, shut up.
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Sold!
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(tsk, he forgot his gravity boots AGAIN!)
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Wait! Morg! That isn't what you think that it is! It won't feel better if you do that!
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Some times he needed more than a designated driver.
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On this episode of "Chopped", the clothes are from the basket too.
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"cuz i'm as free as a bird now, and my underwear I don't need to chay ay ay ay ay ay ay aynge!"
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Wickaway fabric - the early days
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even in other cultures, being the butt of the joke isn't fun
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flaming flatu follies
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...neural singing techniques
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...and the sexual harassment lawsuit goes to, Fingers McTouchyson
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and the Nobel prize for finding that germy germ goes to, Whitey McManicurestein!
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certain palpations hurt more upon release
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Tagger's swagger was really a lagger
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Jones didn't understand that he had to do the exercises himself and he didn't know ANY good exercises
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lump-sum salaries are awkward
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PSA: Don't follow closely behind this hairdo during a sneeze
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Hot Flashes are hell
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(she's way meaner in the ring)
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Babs was pedaling as fast as she could, really she was!
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Oh, the days before handy cameras were scary days
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Yep, him want head ( i apologize for this tirgger!!!!)
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Mary's kissing was more like chewing.
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Dentistry - the early days ( with an extra dose of groping )
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WAIT, Sir! drinking Gelfling blood isn't worth it!
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CPR - the early days
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OW. My chastity belt hurts
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Daddy, I don't want to kiss you any more
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Charles, quickly, recalculated the tip.
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Charles was happy that the sneeze wasn't aimed at his face just about now
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at least it wasn't a sinkhole
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Chef Godzilla was a tough-love kinda boss
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Note to self: wear exercise clothes for jogging
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and so ended the porn career of Sweaty McBlushinstien
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The saltpetre wasn't working
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Swing low, sweet hairy butt coming for play time again! Swiiing looooow...
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Tommy was in love and ready to move to Maryland woot woot!
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Cacao!
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Gramps shared everything...he was just that kinda guy
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Ladies and Gentleman, heer, for your entahtainmint, is a depiction of the acquisition of a replacement smokah!
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JUST SAY, "NO", BABY! JUST SAY, "NO"!
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ACME Acting School's Dragnet Day wasn't fun-in-the-sun.
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Sears-executives made-do with serious-faced male-models to bump-up suit-sales but hyphenated-references got in the way
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DOOO wap a runrun
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Some marriages thrive with a LOT of spice
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how the tech-haters will die
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Not looking doesn't make it go away
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Every bum needs a fresh audience for his ooooooooold stories
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Drunk Uncles are great fun until you get tired of the smell
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long as you don't mind being dirty, hungry, cold/hot, not sleeping much ever and having your teeth hurt...it's all gravy
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Addiction to chocolate can be very over-powering
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Dick Cheney, as a young man, getting his orders
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"If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kisssss"
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Universally despised for not showering, Johnson just put on a new shirt every day
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he couldn't find his rolly chair either
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How DARE they say that peach pants look like hell with a black and yellow tie!! HOW DARE THEY!!???
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Dateline: 2-20-20, 1920 that is. "Divot" took on a whole new meaning today
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With the specter of BP looking on, Daddy Warbucks wanted to befoul, YET ANOTHER, pristine plot
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Whooo blowssss the golf balls away???? Only the Shadow Knows!
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Hazing, at the CEO level, was more silly than brutal
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...not enough purell in the world for any hand shakes out side of the core group
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and, STILL, the gravity! and, STILL
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She loved the casting couch
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In spite of the easy effort, the actor could not bring himself to grow his own little, tiny, wee beard
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"It's too bad that his granddaughter will a spoiled drip", she thought
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BUT, DAD! I'D RATHER HAVE A SECRETARY WHO WILL SIT ON MY KNEE THAN YOU!
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ARE YOU TAPING THIS??
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NO SMOKING IN HERE!
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The Commish decided to move his chair against the wall from here on out
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"kin I drawr on deez?"
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"Relax, sir. It's just the printer paper that you wanted."
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His attempts at seduction were not always what the lady had in mind.
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Harry quit complaining about his lower pay-rate after a few times across.
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My mom would insist on an effin' napkin, tucked in HERE TOO DAMMIT!(Excerpt from: Dawn's Mom Is Annoying, Not Helpful)
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Dancing classes re-sparked many a marriage if one could tolerate the aftershave
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...a rare glimpse into a private, dentists-only, laughing-gas party
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HOPA!
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Violence, without guns, stresses the insurance company anyway
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Being in-the-closet made them, both, testy
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Charles did not know how to play, "Duck Duck Goose"
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Someone forgot his meds!
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The dreams of crocodiles who watch waaaay too much of "Shark Week".
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Primitive attempts to fight global climate warming were not effective
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Post Traumatic Croc Disorder
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LIFE IS WHAT YOOOOOO MAKE IT!!!
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Max sold far more sizzle than steak.
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Harv and Marv were one of the slickest con-teams anywhere.
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His butler was fluent but knew that the Lord was unaware of the term "snot-locker".
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"OH, SOLE MIO!!"
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Altho their parties are small, the booze is excellent
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ahchoo!!!
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only one shade of gray...boring!
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Like all men, he just wanted to know what she looks like naked
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Finally, The Colossus of Rhodes gets a date for Valentine's Day
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...where sausage comes from ("PLAGIARISM!", YOU SAY? MEY DEEEEEAH SUH, I BEG TO AGREE!)
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Charles and Doris liked fresh meat for dinner but their acquisition methods were VERY questionable
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Martin didn't know the color of her eyes either
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Charles did not know the color of his wife's eyes
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Doris thrived on hell
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Mark is dyslexic. Donate now.
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Gary was sweating, Mark was comfy.
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Mark was about to get a mark
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Mark preferred dancing and spontenatity
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Mark was the only one who didn't know that he was out
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Cheating on tests went to a whole new level
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THAT wasn't what I was asking for!
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Hey, this isn't john The Baptist and this isn't a platter!!
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The real Price of Illiteracy
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...and the stock price for Viagra Gloves dropped.
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It only bothered them at first. Then, they got big coats to hide them and started picking fights on purpose.
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Anita Hill, where are you now?
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...just before she fainted from barfation
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It looks a LOT better with the cigarette ash!
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Where did you get that divine earring?
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Aw! It's a lot smaller than I thought
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But what about our plans for Valentine's day?
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Hey, you don't look like your profile picture at all!
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Wait! I'm from the Bureau of ATF (and Explosives) and I'm here to help
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Marv would just have to wait until he was spoken to. He , simply, wasn't dressed well enough to cough on Hassan
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Hassan was alpha tonight...pinky ring, dinner jacket and bow tie...unmatching head gear and his mummy's best fag-holder
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It might make his lips stink but he sure didn't want that smell on his fingers!
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The towel kept the smell out of his hair but not out of his mustache
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..and now,it was headed for his other eye
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and, STILL, it wasn't turning into a motor cycle
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Some times, it's feels like a dream. Some times, it's not
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It didn't work. The deliveries were NOT getting done any earlier
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Marty was jealous of Ralph's teeth. Ralph was jealous of Marty's shoes.
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Ralph moved toward the light, growling as he went. He did not find the Jezus that he was expecting
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I SAID, KNEES STRAIGHT IN SECOND POSITION!
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Scientology has it's skeptics. Yes. Yes. It does.
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It didn't look delicious
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...and then, no one knows that it's a rainbow.
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May I, please, have water skis too
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If there are any extra mermaids, I'll bring you one
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I found Jimmy Hoffa
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I found Amelia Earhart
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I found the Lindbergh Baby
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Please keep your cigar away from my airhose, PLEASE
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I couldn't hear you. What was it that you wanted me to get?
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NO. I didn't see it.
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No more laughing gas, please
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You didn't tell me that this is a formal occasion!
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I have to pee
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Did I miss the game?
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If you aren't watching the Puppy Bowl, you're living a deprived life
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Why are you standing there? Puppy Bowl IX is on the Animal Channel in just a few minutes
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Double-check your names before you shove Carl into the middle of all that dusty West!
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"This isn't the "Old West"". "Yes." "Yes. It is."
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Carla was the most radically dressed woman in the entire West.
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Carl wore all of his stains with pride. Each told a story
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Carl just didn't want them to bust the place up like last time
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(Be sure to speak in parentheses)
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"OOOOOOM" (...not, "OHM"..."oooom")
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(she doesn't know that I been dating Guy & throwing tantrums if he don't favor my movie 1x a week.)
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It wouldn't have been so bad but she was singing, "Joshua fit the battle of Jerico"
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Then, the school put in rubber detectors
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Mrs. White preferred to teach in releve
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...The last member of the Rockettes SuperHero Alphabet Team
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Some people are desperate to be interviewed. Chaz was amongst them and forgot to cover his face AGAIN
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ZUMBA TO THE RESCUE!
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The decision was unanimous.
It did not smell delicious.
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Reg had a psychic bum. He could feel Miss Betty coming into the room and it disturbed him
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Starting his criminal career by burning off his fingerprints, the grandson of Ronald Weezly was the shame of the family
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(Don't ask what he used for frosting!)
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Hey! Crocs can't cook! what's he tryin' a pull here ?
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Omnivores only~
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"Peace be with you." "...and, also, with you."
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Political Debate (formal dress version)
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America is more of a "salad" than a "melting pot"
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Did you say that humans are ONLY native to Africa?
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...fake-Epicanthic WHAT?
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...and Toto too?
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See woman. See men. See woman show example of gun control. See men sweat.
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Clarisse liked choices...lots of choices.
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Clarisse liked it sweaty, really sweaty.
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...really, Daddio got testy, often, when looking at Junior's full head of hair
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PUT MY SHOES BACK IN MY CLOSET!
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GO TWEET!
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AH! Here, we witness the pleasures of tentless relaxation
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Blondes Prefer Gentlemen
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Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
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Proper ladies, often, forget to sunscreen their elbows
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Testosterone knows no bounderies
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It's ok, as long as you don't marry him.
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Ok, son. You're finally old enough to have the family jewels
|
|
Marvin, with the VERY dark hair, never wondered why his son was so very blonde.
|
|
Geez! Tell him to take that firecracker out of his mouth
|
Once we solve this, we can solve everything else
|
|
Yur average Metrosexual Man ain't handy with them there tools
|
|
Ikea bicycle division
|
Yep. One for each nostril.
|
|
Ready? Aim! Spit!
|
|
Half a Peace Sign is better than none
|
Anne realized that kissing singers was much more heart-breaking than kissing bosses.
|
|
In the past, all women were the same height and cup-size.
|
|
(sotto voce)"she's my sister"
|
This way to the casting couch and wipe off that lipstick
|
|
Anorexia was Paul's favorite style
|
|
Sashay Sashay, booyay, this way. Big fella, hair yella Mui bella but he smella
|
"Men, it takes many old navys to make our New Navy!"
|
|
"This Old Navy, it plays rough, it plays it plays rough & tough, with a nicknack paddywhack.HEY Don't call me a PADDY
|
|
Cap'n carried his own breeze, much to the discomfort of the Inuit recruit
|
Funny, it doesn't look like a school-age child to me
|
|
Assassination school starts with amoeba and works up to vertabrates
|
|
Turn on the oven
|
That microphone reminds me that I forgot to buy condoms
|
|
Yah know, because I out rank you, I get to kiss your wife first and stuff.
|
|
yah know, there's no one here but men...men men men men men men men men
|
Actually, petting the head is forbidden.
|
|
Yes. Chaz did have faked decorator credentials.
|
|
Some thing wasn't quite right. Chaz goes thru his check list again
|
Telling ghost stories, WHILE cooking, ruined many a meal
|
|
Both, the wiener and the stick, made Red remember the old days.
|
|
No one enjoyed Red because, just looking at her reminded them to exercise more.
|
Song didn't telegraph well.
|
|
ribbed what?
|
|
an I-what?
|
"Have you accepted football into your life?"
|
|
The worst part was that 0-06's admiration was complete...completely showing
|
|
0-06 needed to stop trying to date out of his league
|
Smeggy needs to change his profile picture on Chemistry.com
|
|
Smeggers could not think of a smooth way to ask The Waiter for some decent hair-mousse, but he knew that he knew.
|
|
Smeggins thought that The Waiter said, "Whine"
|
Will this fit?
|
In private, Gandalf wore black robes and an array of rings that raised quite a few questions.
|
|
Dumbledor is informed that he is really Gandalf
|
|
The king was even turned down by the mail-order brides
|
Yep. It's just as bright as those head lights and, yep, I won't be able to see for the rest of the afternoon
|
|
People get very creative when they have no health care.
|
|
You can't fool me. You are NOT a dentist!
|
Some politicians and Bankers ran into a bar. One of them says, "Squeeeek!". The other one says, "We pronounce it"Pork""
|
|
Like a plague upon the land, came da Bowery Boy's drunk uncles
|
|
Ladies! Your husbands are here
|
|
Yah, deez guyz dint sing like no Sinatra
|
|
Who let the rats out
squeek squeek
|
Being denied lipstick themselves, Jane and Mary enjoyed putting makeup on the furniture.
|
|
Jane and Mary folded their boyfriends and put them away neatly between dates.
|
|
Yah, but what if she smells it?
|
I HAVE A CREAM! I MEAN A DREAM! THAT SOMEDAY, ALL MILK WILL BE SMART. ALL HIDE WILL BE BI-COLORED & ALL COWS HAVE THUMBS
|
|
Studying in the sun, with their thinking caps on, led to gray face-tans
|
|
When Caucasian Cows marry Grayfrican-American cows, the colors do not blend. They imitate two-color cats. COPY COWS
|
|
It's nice to see that these cows all took a trip to the 1970's for their learning-pants
|
|
Yah, Cows legs look way better with a bit of a high heel
|
|
OH! Now COWS want smart phones TOO??!??!!?
|
You'd think that, at sea, with all that water, the cleaning wouldn't terrify grown men.
|
|
Yep, the captain has to put that away once the admiral shows up.
|
|
Phillip's questions had been answered now.
|
"Yes, even more than styrofoam."
|
|
"However, oil is not bio-detritus. It is a juvenile material, spewn up from the Earth's mantel"
|
|
"...except that they have to re-clean it every day, honey."
|
high ken sang tha hooool hoppy now yeer song fer yew on thees horn
|
|
will yew hole dis well eye pee in ur bucket pleeez?
|
|
ha-hic-ppy snew yeer
|
Arryn was not happy with his Tango teacher's techniques
|
|
Today, Mr. Aryan learned that horizontal stripes do not make people look fat.
|
|
Slam, Bam but no "thank you"...
|
HEY! Gayness is not just for white dinos.
|
|
CLOSET? We don't need no stinking closet!
|
|
Whew! That was a BIG closet!
|
|
( Spellcheck says that "gayness" is a real word! )
|
|
Sing a song of happy gayness, Bronty!!
|
|
This is how the brontosaurus became vegetarian.
|
( i want to make a joke about "tent-making" but am trying to stay above an "R" rating)
|
|
Gay-repression leads to odd ways of acting-out
|
|
Shyte! Someone's coming!
|
Hercules' stunted cousin thought that, if he asked nicely, he might get help cleaning the stables.
|
|
Redding was determined to complete the task and get his next badge.
|
|
It was love at first sight but, it was not a healthy love.
|
|
(What the Native Americans wish that they could do to the Europeans )
|
What Tyler, really, wanted for Christmas was to live in "The Matrix" forever.
|
|
"Sexy", was not a priority for Tyler
|
|
...must not eat right & exercise...must not eat right & exercise...must not sleep either...must not eat right & exercise
|
You, still, have bad breath.
|
|
It won't make you taller, richer, better educated, better-looking, nicer, give you better manners or make your mom cool.
|
|
You Cannot Take It To School.
|
The requirements for foster-parenting were pretty lax
|
|
Mrs. Gray was sure that Santa did not understand the meaning of "gluten free"
|
|
..and Spanx buckles another belt successfully!
|
SO, now, Bobby had to look at Santa's real beard, AND believe in Martians
|
|
Mr. Green-knees and Mrs. Gray-bosom had just told their children that there is no such thing as Santa
|
|
(...grunt grunt...cannot top Blue Horizon's joke!)
|
It may be a man's world but the men CANNOT handle it.
|
|
"Yes, sir. I promise to leave my brains at home every day and just marvel at every thing you say.
|
|
...ancient Chinese secret, send the ladies in to make the deals
|
Women's self-defense class...deliver whiplash from the front - technique #1
|
|
Time Travel Clue Club: Find the iPad and take one home for you!
|
|
Madge was aggressively jealous of the hats of others.
|
weeweeing, we saw the wee problem with that way of playing wii
|
|
Soon, the boys would learn to shave the upper parts of their faces
|
|
Snuggies-gone-wild broke another window
|
Early gay-bars had no walls.
|
|
"...an' then I said, leave me nutcracker out of it, mate! hawhawhawhaw!"
|
|
(Wassailing)
|
Vegetarians did not find happiness when fed battered barbaque beef
|
|
Bandana Betty's BBQ's staff were ALL surly
|
|
Better Business Brian had to explain to visiting dignitaries that chest-staring is not for non-pole restaurants
|
The captain wants you to stop all the rocking and rolling
|
|
...a three hour tour...a three hour tour.
|
|
Bligh says to put on your raingear. Complainers will be flogged
|
...but it's legal now!
|
|
Paul thought, "Well, this is better than the stocks."
|
|
No. Do it like this.
|
Harvey forgot lots of things, including why he was never made a pilot and who Maureen married.
|
|
"No, you can't have it delivered "...up in the big blue.".
|
|
Maureen didn't realize that she shouldn't use a mirrored tray.
|
|
Maureen never understood the drooling.
|
|
He couldn't make any sense. So, he thought that sign language might help.
|
Money laundering was easier when you could take it out back and rub it on a rock.
|
|
Preps for time-travel forgot the appearance of wear-and-tear. Jim would be going back all clean and shiney.
|
|
What's this stain?
|
YAY! CSB, YAY!
|
|
Sir, you smell of...something that is...distracting...the other patrons.
|
|
Sir, your table is ready...I SAID, "YOUR TABLE IS READY"...YOURRR TAAABLE IZ READDDDDY!!
|
|
Sir, we don't use that word any more.
|
Some men are real fools for long blonde hair
|
|
Joe, really, had to stop being vain about his need for glasses.
|
|
...still has teeth for 5,4,3,2,1...
|
Police brutality isn't new. We just have more cameras now.
|
|
Office Summers was so jealous of "college-boys" that he could not maintain composure
|
|
OOH! I AM gonna taze you, bro!
|
Ah, yes. An old dog can dream. Yes. Yes. He can.
|
|
What he refused to realize is that he'd get more love if he clipped his toenails.
|
|
Volfgang Amadeaus DogBark counts on the love of his bitches
|
OOOH! You think that yer gonna kiss me do yah?
|
|
OH! Yooo think that everone neeeds teeth!
|
|
OOOH! yer one of them folks who think that ah'm agonna put me whole body in water (pbbbbt!)
|
Pinquillden did NOT want to hear that leg warmers had gone out of style.
|
|
Only a peer could be a wiper. The appointment is an honor...really, really.
|
|
(...just before gay-marriage was made legal.)
|
Yes. Yes, they, really, did put him in his car to drive home.
|
|
What they, really, knew is that they have to wait until it passed through.
|
|
THIS! This is what happens without a ramp!
|
(you can't tell from the picture but, all of the suit pants have built-in, padded "saddles")
|
|
...the REAL solution to the health-care-crisis
|
|
Everything was fine until it was turned over to a committee.
|
Old Dawnlings can be so confused when trying to tweet their thanks that, sometimes, tables break
|
|
Jimmy thought that he'd stand up to his dad but, now, he'll just have to pay for the table out of his poker winnings.
|
|
As it turned out, hiring small cops didn't make the job safer.
|
|
The pedo-gangsters liked to pay for gogo boys to do private table-dances but, some of the boys were rowdy dancers.
|
|
...turns out, it wasn't a "cliff" at all. It was just a weak floor-board that could have been replaced
|
The Samoans made the teachers nervous.
|
|
Just shave his face daily, don't let him talk and get him on the football field by 3:15
|
|
He said that his name is, "Rubeus Hagrid"
|
Gretel GASPED when Marlene told her that she is on the naughty list this year.
|
|
"...and then, I said, "NO WAY", and then, she said, "OH MY GAWD", and then, I said, "I'm going to Tweet Taylor!".
|
|
GLO O O OOO OOOOO OOOOO RIA!!! IN EXCELSIS DEO!!!
|
What Martin really needed was exercise
|
|
Martin is an avid stargazer
|
|
Gangnam Style, alone, at night, with flashlight
|
Now, I'll see if I can suspend my disbelief.
|
|
...see? The cliff is no problem at all!
|
|
Well, this will have to last until bungee cords are invented.
|
She thought that "Gwuy Low" was a compliment.
|
|
Karaoke, with guest blondes, really, helped morale
|
|
This was a spy who could not hide
|
Arnie could, also, see the dog but could only hold one thought in his mind at a time.
|
|
Harold could see the dog licking up Sam's dinner but said nothing.
|
|
Who ever lost the arm-wrestling had to hold the ash tray. Harold made a mental note to join a gym soon.
|
Mark never learned to not celebrate too early, just as I never learned to not use many negatives.
|
|
Formal, competitive Monoploy eschewed exuberance
|
|
His constant worship of Nixon was the real reason that Mark was not invited to Sunday Morning Monopoly again
|
Hollywood offers better gigs
|
|
Well, it's either three different fathers or immaculate conception...three times.
|
|
Dexter's blood-spatter school has too few guidelines.
|
Clark and Lois, thinking of their paychecks, help the boss-man with the big words, yet again.
|
|
Chief tried to make "brains" look "sexy" every danged day
|
|
The boss forced all the employees to explain why his son's spelling mistakes were not a problem.
|
He may have the legs of a weak and fragile dork but he is, indeed, my guard. You shall not replace him.
|
|
Mum, may I lift the royal skirt?
|
|
ug. one knee? stingy.
|
Learning to scratch the inner, front of the brain was not their favorite lesson
|
|
...drum sticks and cabbage, yuck
|
|
...and, still, there was no feeding time.
|
|
Nope. The kids did not like the finger. no. no. no.
|
|
...ONCE MORE, INTO THE CHEAP SEATS!
|
The Garza Family preferred to pray while they ate.
|
|
Pretending that they were someplace else, Jose and Maria enjoyed one peaceful bite before the spoon-flicking began.
|
|
Maybe this would be the last time that Carlita tried to milk the glass.
|
He weren't much of a lover when on the hover
|
|
He could do it for himself and his cigar but, for cleaning...no help at all. sigh.
|
|
Auntie Gravity's husband - Hover-Harold
|
Not being allowed to vote was LOTS of fun!
|
|
Golden slippers were no protection at all.
|
|
Elizabetta didn't play piano very well. Eduard did not care.
|
|
Elizabetta was, constantly, forgetting to keep her knees together.
|
Soon, Lil Debbie and Lil Taylor and Lil Tyler would learn to sing in code
|
|
Tess found this to be much cheaper than baby-sitters and that ALL the homework got done!
|
|
Lil Debbie was learning the definition of "threat" very very clearly
|
Jeez, anorexia makes me hot, baby
|
|
Biff played the same sort of jerk in every movie.
|
|
Hile, baby, hile.
|
Wadda yah mean he only pays $14 %??????
|
|
There are muscles in my "core"? No way! There's food and organs in my "core"!...and it ain't no secret!
|
|
"Are you sayin' dat you can make me look pritty??"
|
|
Thick-Neck McGee didn't know nuttin' bout no engines but dat didn't make no sense to him
|
|
Keep rubbing! I can still see the 47%!
|
|
THAT isn't one of my bullets
|
Peddie-the-Clown was NOT supposed to talk!
|
|
You can earn yours too...probably, in high-school, judging from your dad's rifle rack
|
|
I made it with lipstick. I helps with schmaltzly over-acting. Do you know what "schmaltzy" means?
|
Pink Floyd ruled by the power of allergies. Any scent was his to kill. Any food, his to trash.
|
|
Your whiskey is MY whiskey if I happen to be walking by
|
|
...and I can have any general's wife that I want.
|
|
I'm happy that I am not a President and can just kill every one who disagrees with me!
|
We both know what needs to be done with the English wine.
|
|
"Peers" had the privilege of serving at the King's Privy Chamber. They did try to smile. Yes. Yes. They did.
|
|
OH! Yes! Invite HIM! I LOVE HIM!
|
Somea guyza likea da cleavage
|
|
HEY! Mr.and Mrs. Sprat!!!! The tide is coming in!!
|
|
"Ain't it grand? You have to take a piece of chalk in your hand & start a huggin' & chalkin' so you know where you began
|
Timmons, now, knew that he really was in love.
|
|
(flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap )
|
|
"Oh! NO! Now, I, ALSO, have to peeeeee!
|
As soon as the "I saw boobies" scandal hit, the lock on the back door of the strip club would be fixed.
|
|
Susie was worried but, it seemed that no one had noticed
|
|
Glee fans...all happy and wonderful, confuse Anita
|
Her feet are too big.
|
|
Yes, but she slows down to 30 to enter freeway traffic that is going 55.
|
|
I want to see her teeth before I marry her.
|
"You DEFINITELY had an affair and were not raped because, if you got raped, you would not be pregnant."
|
|
It was not a romantic marriage but Lyzella was always hopeful
|
|
(Dr. Dork speaking)
SPREAD YOUR LEGS ( no, "please", no smile, no dinner )
|
|
Lyzella liked to get dressed up for every probing.
|
The Winners of The Plastic Medal for Recycling are...The Greesons!
|
|
Jeff was prejudiced against black bags.
|
|
(nursing - whispering)"you're supposed to separate out the compostables!"
|
Geraldo Rivera has stubborn genes...generation after generation.
|
|
V-O7, two levels better than V-O5
|
|
AHHHH'm SO in LOVE with YOU...
|
I agree with Marigold re: Guy outside window
|
I ask you, would YOU trust a doctor with a dowager's hump?
|
|
Doctors should NOT be cooking Meth for extra income.
|
|
Yes, it was the most expensive version of "alarm call" available but Nartessa was not late for work any more.
|
|
...all this "doctoring" and they were, both, still short.
|
The Doc didn't realize that it was "over" until this very minute.
|
|
Nephew Caligari got VERY excited about the seating arrangements for Thanksgiving Dinner.
|
|
Even threats couldn't stop this nephew from singing
|
Geeks don't grow up and punch their fathers. They grow up and medicate them.
|
|
Howard knew that his dad couldn't even spell that word.
|
|
"I can still make ice. Therefore, there is no such thing as "global warming"."
|
"...too many dudes on the dance floor!"
|
|
"Hey! These aren't fish!"
|
|
If you have to be in a movie, vote early.
|
"If you are caught, eat it."
|
|
"Simpson, your art is better suited for proper ladies than propaganda. Dismissed."
|
|
(Old Navy's top-secret, new fashions had to be hand-delivered)
|
OK. I'm single now.
|
|
I thought that piercing went out of style.
|
|
No. You pull it out.
|
"Slick-Paw" McGee never lost his touch with a wallet.
|
|
Brad didn't like older men but that really felt good.
|
|
Brad, suddenly, realized that this was not a voting machine
|
Sandee never caught on that the boys put a kibosh on her fee EVERY time
|
|
The apple does not fall far from the cocktail waitress.
|
|
The builders of the Leaning Tower of Pisa just kept getting reincarnated
|
Kitty was REALLY tired of the barking
|
|
Sparky had been wondering where the "cookies" in the "sand" came from.
|
|
We all know that the dog WILL kiss it.
|
|
(this is what is inside my mind when driving. all other car's drivers are the dog)
|
WHO owns those voting machines????
|
|
...right before she slapped him
|
|
The Country Club Set was HORRIFIED at being called "Job Creators". They knew themselves to be "scentless poo creators".
|
|
IT'S FRANKENSTORM!!!!!!!!
|
...a failed experiment - seeking the source of smell.
|
|
Rather than touch his toes for fitness, Kyle thought he'd better take a closer look first.
|
|
In his early days of fetishing, Kyle tested himself for footfancying.
|
|
It's "FOO FIGHTERS"! Not "FOOT PHOTOS"!
|
( i gotta say, {not mine} but these others are some of the best yet! AWESOME, you guys, AWESOME! )
|
|
His real weapon was his red-headed temper.
|
|
The top-hat-as-helmet technique would, soon, go by the wayside.
|
|
The Bicycle Soldiers could scale a ten foot wall in two minutes. (The bikes get handed up in the next minute)
|
|
Mickey Rooney's dad served in WWI on the British side as a carpet bagger
|
|
Winston Churchill was never thin. This helped his brain. He would need it.
|
Glad that he married her off, Hysteria's father had learned to nap standing
|
|
Hysteria, Queen of Suburbia, rules by tantrum
|
|
I told her to leave her cleavage at home!
|
You know, if you inflate your tires, you'll have a much better ride.
|
|
Hey! You killed that lizard! Good job!
|
|
Attach a playing card to the spokes so that it will sound like you are driving a motorcycle. It's an important extra
|
If you flip through the edges of the pages, it makes a MOVING PICTURE!
|
|
He said the he included a tip for me. This time, I DO expect you to pay up, dammit!
|
|
He wants you to follow him on Twitter.
|
RodPaul had cried himself to sleep so many times that his pillow was,permanently, stained.The pillowcase was just a sham
|
|
Posters of posers posed pain for Paul. Poor Paul.
|
|
People with long pointy chins tend to be lonely when older (an illustration from "Face Reading for Dummies")
|
It was Spaulding's flirt-technique to point where he'd place it and then, make like kissing.
|
|
Herr Von Narrow-Eyes was known to be unable to resist the pulling of the finger. Often, he started with his own.
|
|
OOOOH! YOU are going to get such a slaaaap tonight
|
Samir could not understand how the American Slut could make money dressed like that
|
|
Katy was inching closer. She thought, " I want to touch her and see if she melts"
|
|
Think, "ink". Don't blink.
|
|
Opposites may attract but wadda mess they make after ten years of marriage
|
|
Wow, your repression/rebellion really excites me.
|
Jowly didn't know that Moussey is a pink belt in Button Kwan Do but he was about to find out.
|
|
Moussey, unsupervised, sought to see where his nose would fit. This time, there was no WD40 OR butter.tsktsk
|
|
Jowly wasn't thinking this thru. He coulda put the coat on the ground rather than get covered in a gush of blood.tsktsk
|
Calvin's favorite part of travel was local episodes of spontaneous drama
|
|
First, Pai wished that he was a Mormon so that he could have more than one wife. Then, he gave it some more thought
|
|
Mahnooa's brother had broken up so many of her fights that the helmet was part of his daily dress
|
Marcy knew that Lois and Barb would tell but she copied off of Kim's paper any way
|
|
Barb knew that Lois was gonna tell, oh, yah, oh, yah, Barb knew that Lois was gonna tell.
|
|
Lois was gonna tell, oh yah, oh yah...Lois saw and Lois was gonna tell!
|
Schwartzenegger, really, has let himself go.
|
|
"Swing low, Sweet Speedo, carrying me home early! Swing LOW Sweet sweet Speedo. I've been fired for being too squirrly"
|
|
The new UPS guy thought that his little joke about "package delivery" would be a big hit.(little & big...HAHA!)
|
|
Sally was never embarrassed about her lack of teeth
|
|
Many more people would be working from home soon soon soon
|
|
"The CEO's New Clothes" was not destined to be a new children's book
|
SHE's the one who tried to make me eat!
|
|
Mel didn't worry about his own figure much but he made great demands of his wife
|
|
LOOK at how FAT her waist is!!!!
|
Nathan was allergic to people who prefer chocolate to gold.
|
|
Trent explained that they got a bulk-discount for the Pirate Party Provisions.
|
|
HEY! This is carob!
|
Mitzi could not understand why Harvey was getting fewer and fewer bookings
|
|
Mitzi had a favorite seduction tactic but his accent tended to cause misunderstandings
|
|
Harvey worried about his freshness. Mitzi was attracted without it
|
"I WILL make the perfect wife!" stated Benjamin. Francis was hurt. He had given Benny the best nights of his life
|
|
F&B's Still...behind the scenes
|
|
Benjamin tried to explain to the judges that the "Chopped" basket ingredients needed more time to ferment
|
|
Francis LOVED watching Benjamin's brain work
|
Arvin was the cleanest looking drunk that Boris had ever smelled
|
|
I'm gonna call my dad
|
|
I'm the best looking guy in here!
|
Winston hated having a handsome butler but his mother choose his staff
|
|
Cologne won't cover the smell of sweat, sir.
|
|
You do know that we filmed all this, don't you?
|
Verizon's first tests
|
|
( "America's Got Talent" Episode one )
|
|
THE GOVERNMENT WAS ALWAYS WHO GAVE YOU MEDICARE!!!!!!!
|
She made sure that he would NEVER call her "fluffy neckins" again.
|
|
The sheer hell of a 3% rise in taxes on the wealthy...
|
|
He didn't care if he was old to be a king but the prenup was going to kill him now.
|
...and, you say, the default swap will make us LOADS of money when the defaults start rolling? WOW! Sign me up!
|
|
...only $30?! Wow! You have WAY better prices than the last guy!
|
|
Yes! It's REAL bathhouse! :)
|
"Festus", said the tenderfoot, " do you ever bathe or is it against your religion?"
|
|
Festus: Marshall, are you ok?
Marshal: I'm just remembering how good I looked this morning while shaving
|
|
I, I, I, I feel very handsome and yet, I have no abs. How can this be???
|
Dr. Livingroom, I presume.
|
|
Before we hear about the Book or Mormon, let me tell you about Amway.
|
|
Two guys walk into a bar...
|
She listened but, her hair was hurting too much for her to hear.
|
|
I'm with the church. You can trust me.
|
|
You DO look prettier when I am drunk! WOW!
|
Chaz got mixed up. We blow out the birthday candles not the birthday present.
|
|
There may not be a rainbow here but, this love is REAL!
|
|
oOOH! It's BIG!!!!!! I like BIG
|
Knowing what was to come, Dr. Mort choloformed himself.
|
|
(...just waiting for the meds to take affect, Chaz re-read Rand )
|
|
Handsomeness tended to nauseate Dr. Mort.
|
The doctor forgot that people with long pointy chins tended to end up alone no matter what
|
|
pupils at the ready, Betty waited for his next inhale to release the fire-eye flames
|
|
dis boid ain't havin' any of dat slappin' of duh wimmins!
|
I am a powerful dialer
|
|
me an' duh general, we's like dis
|
|
pick a finger
|
Suddenly, the doc remembered to update his will
|
|
It looked like they had gotten past the "flashing incident"
|
|
Death, still, hadn't made an appointment for any facials or a make-over. Doc jotted, "stuck in fashion rut"
|
|
It seems that Death was able to make one new friend -Old Year. The two of them sneered at the New Year's Baby together
|
|
Fraidy made a note to re-state his weapons-policy at the next staff meeting.
|
|
Dr. Fraid hoped that there would be no crying. He wasn't sure if the tears would be poisonous or just caustic.
|
|
Knowing who was booked for today, Dr. Fraid wore his slippers so as to feel safer - just like when he hid under the bed.
|
(jeez, I must be hungry )
|
|
I didn't bring you no silver ware. You'll eat like the dogs you are!
|
|
you fergot the soup. I ain't tippin' yuh
|
|
der ain't enuff forchoon cookies for but two of us
|
Gus bet that the kid had far more than one cup of good cheer
|
|
yeah, we saw you take dat figgy pudding, yeah
|
|
Marty made a bet with Bernie that this weren't no castrati
|
The Chocolate Singers love sepia, cloaks, harmony and PDA
|
|
Dr. Zolo, demonstrating his technique for curing catatonic states with bad breath
|
|
Harlon realized, after he said, "I do." that he would rather marry Chaz than Marvin.
|
"mum," said Sandrika, " I think that I have found your eyebrows"
|
|
Open the door and...
|
|
Selsun Blue would not be on the market for a long long time
|
Fox news has a new radio show. They call it "Skwak Radio"
|
|
I found the perfect gift for Hyacinth Bucket (it's pronounced "Bouquet")...no one wants to hear this bird sing either
|
|
Carhorn Leghorn, i say i say i say, was aimin' to live up to i say his daddy's example
|
Neither of them realized that they were only being held in place by a pickle. They could have ripped free at any time.
|
|
Dorothy realized that they were not going to stop for a pee anytime soon
|
|
This isn't a very fun three-some
|
SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
YOU MUST VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
YOU SHOULD HAVE FIGURED OUT HOW TO STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
The prosecution had made a clear case. Bessie is, clearly, horny.
|
...and now I'll pull a solution out of...
|
|
...and then, the stork brings another bunny baby and another bunny baby and another bunny baby and another bunny baby...
|
|
I brought him a magic hat to wear with his magic underwear. The bunny poo is a gift
|
Mac like violence better than sex
|
|
While the loan officer counted beans by the minute, Mac watched the robbers
|
|
It's not time to buy a cell phone yet
|
Were you able to smuggle in those female condoms?
|
|
Don't worry. He's got a very nice personality
|
|
Back up a bit or the spot light will shine through your nightie
|
|
I've heard that "floating" is allow at BYU
|
|
Our chastity belts arrive tomorrow
|
|
All the king's horses and all the king's men will fight 'til they're dead and we'll be alone again. sigh
|
Martin lost focus on his self portraits every time he got hungry
|
|
When his bloodsugar got low, Martin's mirages came in full color
|
|
(Pant Pant Pant ) when I tie my other shoe, I'm comin' for YOU!
|
The Queen is outside. She wants to run for Prime Minister
|
|
OH! YEAH? WELL, KNOCK THIS OFF MY SHOULDER WHY DONCHA!?
|
|
SHE WAS PULLING ON MY HANDLE! I AM NOT A VOTING MACHINE!
|
"Bill, do you think that we can ever join the colored people?" asked Whitey sadly as they sat waiting near Capitol Hill
|
|
yes,'m only a Gill,on a stairway to CapitolHill I spent5$ to spend time with thisguy wishn he'd buycrayons 4 my lazyeye
|
|
Clearly inspired by "School House Rock" Charleto, still, over focused the mouth of the self-portrait
|
Thumb at the ready, Arthur prepared to provide the decency-covering.
|
|
"You know", said Arthur, " that it isn't supposed to be that color don't you?"
|
|
It began to look like the tent-maker had arrived too early but these guys knew that "early" is very normal.
|
Today's practical joke was the ol', 'You-have-a-fly-on-your-visor-newspaperswat" ( again )
|
|
Hairline Artifice Intervention & Realization (Team 6)
|
|
Cooking the books in the days before the microwave was a lengthy process
|
It's a bladder infection but don't worry. Your Johnson will be fine soon and you'll need a new saddle
|
|
We take our hats OFF inside the building, bumpkin
|
|
Hey! I know you from the bathhouse!
|
"By adding a valve here, we make even the flattest wife, cleavagey! She won't be any happier but you will be!"
|
|
"Just give generously as the hat comes around and we will turn that frown up sidedown! GIVE GIVE GIVE!"
|
|
"Step ryyyyt up and seeee the woman with theeee Adam'sssss apppplllle!"
|
( I love having to work with beautiful flowers and smells )
|
|
( I love these flowers )
|
|
( I love this smell )
|
Technically, this part isn't supposed to move but, I like pulling out my BIG oil can for pritty ladies
|
|
Once we grease it up really well, the whole thing will REALLY trickle down
|
|
Dora was through with E-Date.
A date with the Tin Man was just too much
|
Oh! Snap! You knew that I am gay when you married me!
|
|
I just want you for dinner, sweeky.
|
|
"...doing the Electric Slide..."
|
Roscoe wished that he had buttoned his jacket.
|
|
All the fellas were told before hand. DO NOT eyeball the cleavage! She WILL throw your soup AT you!
|
|
Hey! Didn't I see you here in the Spring?
|
Yeah, well Mae West sees me on Tuesday when YOU are out shopping!
|
|
It says that your boss took the money and ran. Why are you surprised?
|
|
YOU stepped in it! I can smell it on your shoe! I don't have to look at it too!
|
YOU CAN'T MARRY HER! YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEEE!
|
|
...I need a credit card to use the restroom???
|
|
...but I enjoy being Peter Lorre...you snob!
|
...a rare photograph of when dinosaurs lived, contemporary with fictitious men
|
|
Yes, the lawn, really, did need mowing this time.
|
|
"OOOOOOOKlahoma..."
|
We ALL bundle.
|
|
It isn't dead, son. It's battery is low.
|
|
No, you cannot type on it's face.
|
If he could just tiptoe past...
|
|
Today's test was to see if singing would wake the dead.
|
|
The doc liked them as art but, really, he was allergic to severed heads.
|
Clearly, the training programs were not sufficient.
|
|
Wingman was about to find out that guns have "kick" - a LOT of it.
|
|
WingMan had never seen Superman actually kiss Lois before.
|
Jeez, it's a mandate for near-beer!
|
|
It says that the quail are armed.
|
|
It's the bill from the mini-bar.
|
I prefer to live in a gated community!
|
|
Aloicious failed to realize that he was lucky that he was, no longer, hogtied.
|
|
(primitive restraining orders tended to lead to scratches)
|
NO ONE GETS TO VOTE!!! I AM THE KING !!! NO ONE VOTES!! NO ONE NO ONE NO ONE!!!!!!!!!
|
|
A GOLDEN GOOSE is what I ordered - not a white chicken!
|
|
MY MECHANIC CHARGED ME SIX THOUSAND FOR FOUR HUNDRED WORTH OF WORK AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Sal decided that she really didn't have to visit the lady's room after all.
|
|
Sal figured it out. The lamps were lit but the doggies were waaay out of the barn
|
|
(Max knew that, in a few more gestures, he be AT second base!! He was, almost, giddy)
|
Quadruplets were rare in ancient Egypt but they were not revered
|
|
The Irish/Egyptian Drinking Team often suffered more than just severe sunburn.
|
|
Before Income Tax ( BIT )
|
Chuck hoped that he could get an autograph after the hogtie
|
|
Maroon pants! Push!!! Red Pants! Pull!!
|
|
Steven didn't know that he was seen fleeing. He was arrested later - at home.
|
Simon was used to having his clothes insulted but it still stung.
|
|
Simon made a lot of money making old men happy. Many of them reallllllly needed it.
|
|
I'll kill him for you
|
...for melted friends
|
|
The shakes were not far off. He knew that he'd have to lie and say that it is an earthquake
|
|
WHY! whywhywhy didn't they give me legs and a wallet full of moolah?
|
Is this where our dog went when he died?
|
|
Given that the filaments stretch without gravity & all the elements are present, are the pink spots proteinties?
|
|
Is it going to rain yet?
|
|
I can see our house from here.
|
|
Is that the rest room?
|
|
Are we there yet?
|
He can strut all he wants to. We, still, have better health care.
|
|
He ain't gunno go "Green". I say that we REEEEEM him on the price of oil and laugh laugh laugh
|
|
I think that they are going to challenge us to Double Dutch. We haven't got a prayer.
|
( no words were needed )
|
|
Hans was hoping that Verner could see deep into his soul.
|
|
Thank you! Are you new here? You look good in that uniform! Would you like to go to dinner some time?
|
No.
|
|
I can still see that hickey on your neck
|
|
They do not want to pay any taxes.
|
IT'S BEDTIME!
|
|
MY FEET DON'T SMELL AS BAD AS YOUR BREATH DOES!!
|
|
I DON'T WANT ANY SOLAR ENERGY DAMMIT! I WANT EXXON TO BE RICH RICH
|
Johnny didn't like how much his hands hurt if he had to punch any body. Johnny was happy to leave all that to Dan
|
|
Dan should have been covering the rear. Soon, he would remember.
|
|
Dang, I'll be happy when Internet Porn is invented.
|
Future Olympic games will include the iPad/hard-drive-implant
|
|
Harvey was ready to wrestle.
Martin was ready to tackle.
Art just wanted a paycheck and wasn't sure he live to cash it
|
|
I don't think that we have enough sunscreen
|
Olive hated her dad.
|
|
When you want your allowance, you'll have to put it here first.
|
|
When I die, son, I'll have all of your inheritance put here.
|
|
I have a big plan that will pay for your new bike!
|
"Please, take note.", said the professor, ""Dumbledore" is now a word that is recognized by spell-checkers every where"
|
|
Dumbledum was never quite as good as Dumbledore. Harry's son was sure that this was because of his wand.
|
|
The pig uses the spirals to remove that of any pig who came before
|
XIXOOOLIJAH Narlicky pah! SHORIGNU!
|
|
I don't want any more Mountain Dew
|
|
This version of the Matrix sux
|
ARE WE THERE YET??????
|
|
I can see you Nancy and this is no way to get him to fall in love with you!
|
|
I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. Oh, so pretty and witty and wise and I pity any one who gets hurt by my guys!
|
Jefferson had an idea of using a time-machine to improve sales.
|
|
(Ingredients: celery tops, kitty litter, hair clippings)
|
|
"Step riiiiiight up and get your KOOL Kool-Aid riiiiiight heeeeer!
|
|
Out side the city limits, Marconi could sell what ever he pleased
|
Chief of Police Johnston was waaaay to hung over for all this today.
|
|
Officer Anderson was one of the first men to try to make the boss see the value of ticketing pedestrians.
|
|
Ralph wished that he had hair AND that he could read.
|
Madge was thinking that her plan should have had more steps.
|
|
"Oh!', thought Madge. "I hope that no one looks up my skirt!"
|
|
And 1 and 2 and kick 2,3,4
|
I am not stealing this little p-member. I bought it and I have the receipt
|
|
Tenure-at-Hogwarts means: "Permission-to-sass-the-younger-professors"
|
|
I'm flipping you low but I am about to flip at your face.
|
It's pregnant!
|
|
Well, no wonder that tooth hurt!
|
|
This is all any economy needs to be healthy. One pill, once - in fiction-land
|
So, the ultra sound was wrong...
|
|
The Invisible Decorator played favorites. Curvy-the-brush only got to come out on small-spaces day.
|
|
I hope that this blue stuff cures my dandruff.
|
But you look exactly like Superman...so, xray my hand and save me some health care fees!
|
|
I thought that you are excited by blurriness
|
|
HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN TO CUFF MARKS, Mr. GANNON?
|
What former-homeowners dream when they can sleep
|
Ellen and Maggie were VERY uncloseted.
|
|
Mark and Anna had plenty of opportunities for parenting without ever having children.
|
|
yahbut yahbut yahbut, she called me an old lady first!
|
It comes from where?
|
|
Why are they prejudiced against other sources of milk?
|
|
but we don't have bones that need to be stronger
|
Chip didn't want Gramps to tell him to get a job EVER again.
|
|
Chip was amazed that ANYone would ever brag about it.
|
|
Yep. You are correct. It is deja vu.
|
Some people are very serious about sugar.
|
|
The Little People did not take kindly to the new WalMart
|
|
Hi Ho Hi Ho, off to kick in the shin we go!!!
|
Buddy, you're a servant. I maybe can't talk pretty but I ain't no servant, see?
|
|
Yah, well, I don like how smell eitha
|
|
Buddy, you got soft, pink hands and weak legs. Dawnling will make mincemeat outta yew
|
Really, the two friends had more fun getting dressed than anything else they did each day
|
|
Marty wanted Charley to tell Marigold about the little trashcan at the bottom of the window but Charley was daydreaming
|
|
Charles felt pretty and Martin FINALLY noticed
|
I was looking around but then, I smelled something funny. Do you smell something too?
|
|
Why, yes, Sherlock Holmes IS my role-model! How did you guess?
|
|
EYE'm in the mood for loooove. smoochy smooochy
|
Sometimes, the Greeks liked to pretend that they lived in Ye Olde England. They called it, "Creative Englackretism".
|
|
Johnny Depp's older brother was not loved by the camera as much.
|
Pinkerton trained his sons to aim without gun-sights
|
|
SNIFF TO THE LEFT!
SNIFF TO THE RIGHT!
CUDDLE UP! DRESS UP!
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
|
|
What the dwarves really enjoyed was pretending that they had cleavage
|
You're supposed to use a spoon.
|
|
My epicanthic fold is itchy.
|
I do.
|
|
This, this is REAL love!
|
|
mmmI'm almost there, YES YES YES AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
|
"Group Dentistry" included a spokesperson who would read the mounted iPad and shout the results.
|
|
"peach", "beige", "pale", "ecru", "boener", "toast"
|
|
Superman was ready but Clarke Kent had to pee.
|
The nurses have been trying to scrape off the rest.
|
|
Your son was hoping that you'd be proud of his work.
|
|
You can tell once we take the clothes off.
|
ah wunder wut wud heppen iffn ah pool on thisn heer
|
|
ahm, gunna tayk ur leesh and mayk yew heeel!
|
I didn't look up her dress! She just has very shiny shoes!
|
|
How much for both or us?
|
|
Hey, buddy, can you spare an Infrastructure Job or two?
|
I know youze guyz is gamblin' wit udda peeplz munny. i noz it and yoo can't do nuttin' abowd it
|
|
She said that you swallowed the diamond. I'm your Siamese twin 'til this is over.
|
|
i love watching you shave mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
|
Now, make it funky.
|
|
This isn't enough to buy an election. What do you expect, voting or something legal????
|
|
If he really wants me to marry him, he'll get on his knee and ask correctly.
|
(why do I keep wanting to move the pic around and see all the other cars in the lot? )
|
|
headrestless, seatbeltless, cellphoneless and creditcardless...ah, Ignorant bliss
|
(training for marriage was weirder in the USSR)
|
|
Playing "Baby" only appealed to a -very- few.
|
Purn found a new way to count his knuckles...with the edge of his nostril
|
|
Purn could hear Blooo but didn't care. His brain was itchy again.
|
|
You didn't pick me a winner last time! Why are you trying again?
|
|
That is NOT your "reboot" button!
|
|
Bu bi ni de bi zi! (Mandarin for, "Don't pick your nose!")
|
Marcus didn't know how to tell the doctor that cave paintings bored him
|
|
Dr. Langstrom didn't realize that he didn't have to touch the screen with the slide-control
|
|
High magnification on early MRis was pretty scary
|
Why'd you bring your brother?
|
|
Faster, honey, and more to the top.
|
|
This is what we'll do until we get old enough to vote
|
This is slander, my good man. I never ate panda.
|
|
I want this invoice delivered, by hand, to Professor Moriarity. Do try to come back alive.
|
|
This expense item, toupee-flavored honey...please, explain.
|
The road to stardom starts here, baby!!
|
Brylcream allows me to shampoo just one a month.
|
|
I'm not wearing pants.
|
|
I did not need a college degree to get this job.
|
|
Our President is a "black" man. I am jealous and scared for no reason but can't show it on TV.
|
Harvey liked it when Mike shined is big, weird, silver pants. Mike knew this but did not share the joy.
|
|
Don't look at me with love where every one can see us!
|
|
We have kissable lips
|
Marco was not a very good magician but his jokes helped him to keep getting booked.
|
|
Although he was head conductor at the symphony, Finnius, did a little charity conducting in his off-hours.
|
|
Alphonse can't understand why the women keep giggling when he says, "head". He is doing more research.
|
Your report card is an embarrassment to the crown and ME
|
|
Is this recycled paper?
|
ALLL OLD WHITE MEN ARE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!!!!!
WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS THAT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND?????
|
|
3% MORE TAXES!??!?!?!?!!? HOW WILL I PAY FOR MY EXTRA PLANETS?????????
|
|
WHITE WINE WITH MEAT???????
|
|
Mormons believe what?????
|
|
HELLLLLP! WE HAVE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN PRESIDENT!!!!
|
|
I WANT AN IPHONE!
|
He seemed like a good teacher until we remembered that this was a cooking class.
|
|
Dumbledore was quite handsome at age 18.
|
|
Long and handsome may seem to be nice until you consider excessive thinness.
|
Just in time, Ort said, "OH! These aren't food!"
|
|
As Ort told a story about a stork, & Jimmy tried to keep from getting excited, Mary pointed out that both mice were boys
|
|
Oh, you're right. That one is dead
|
The camera tried to show that the lady was double-dribbling but got the angle wrong.
|
(When Scotty can't beam someone up, he resorts to ancient technology)
|
|
"Take 'er up, Bob. I've had enough fake-fur for a while."
|
|
( ...the way we will choose leaders in the future )
|
|
The sister-animals looked on as Bluie got to be tonight's favorite.She was the newest addition & this was to be expected
|
|
"... and the great, almighty, metal hand pulleth us up the the land of bed-snuggling."
|
"So, by using the trickle-down theory, I'll take it all and trickle when I am in the mood to."
|
|
(OH! his mask is BIG. You know what they say about a man with a really really big mask...)
|
|
( why is this cracker trying to be an authentic medicine man? I thought that bland white girls prefered real doctors)
|
I'm wondering how many people can do jokes that are not from the bottom of the torsos. What say you?
|
|
I think that we need to change the doesage for T-Whisperer. He has forgotten that "blue" equals "demo".
|
|
I think that "pull my pipe" jokes are much better than "pull my finger" jokes
|
Noooobodeee noooz duh trubbul eye seeeen
|
|
I can't notice that you let me have my gun because I am too busy whining
|
|
But, if I squeeze through the bars, my hat might fall off
|
Larry, Moe and Curly, all, had unknown little brothers.
|
|
...just don't get dirty. They'll be here soon.
|
Esperanza's cooking was so bad that even she faked sleepiness so as not to eat it.
|
|
Oddly, opium was not as nutritious as originally thought
|
|
"Now I lay me down to sleep...oops! Wrong prayer"
|
Maurice didn't really faint. He just liked to be carried around.
|
|
How was I to know that he doesn't like to kiss women?
|
|
I didn't bite him!
|
So, I says to da guy, " youse got ta use ya knife, bub." but he wudn't lissen
|
|
I was hoping for a better recipe than this.
|
Her stories were not going to carry her after her looks faded.
|
|
While Solange explained the procedure, Maurice and Aeopha dealt with the smell.
|
|
an' a one-a an' a two-a
|
As a team, the "white" guy shows the real relative size-example
|
|
"Red White Blue" expressed as "Gray Tan Chocolate" mmmm delicious!
|
|
...a lovely piece of art for young people who never saw the "Mod Squad"
|
(pre-backhand photo)
|
|
Aloicious told boss that it was just to keep the shakes away but the boss had stashed that bottle for his own "needs"
|
|
You seem to be very confident about your pee-sample
|
Soon, Helmond would learn that his body could be seen through the window, but...too late.
|
|
hmmm I don't think that they like us. They seem to be burning a swastika. Maybe we should change clothes and stuff.
|
|
In the days before porn, opportunites had to be taken when they appeared
|
The blackandwhites did not want change but the colors could not be stopped
|
we better put up the tent before it gets "dark"
|
|
mmm...smells good!
|
Every one stopped to watch the weather report
|
|
(I wonder where he put my clothes.)
|
|
( he's is NOT paying me enough for this one)
|
OOOOOOHMMM!
|
|
ARF! ARF! ARF!
|
|
I DID NOT EAT YOUR PUDDING!
|
|
DO NOT BLAME YOUR GAS ON ME!
|
I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE REF - RIGHT AFTER I REPORT DAWNLING FOR USING TOO MANY TALK-BUBBLES!
|
|
You're endorsing athlete's foot medication. That doesn't make you a legend.
|
|
I am A LEDGEND WITH AN ENDORSEMENT CONTRACT!
|
|
You aren't the boss of me.
|
|
I mean, DON'T TOUCH THE BALL WITH YOUR HANDS DURING PLAY!
|
|
You're using YOUR hands.
|
|
DON'T USE YOUR HANDS!
|
I've already seen the French postcards, Holmes. I prefer you, frankly.
|
|
EH? OOh! Ah!! Holmes, you really have good aim, old fellow!
|
A stranger in a strange land, Marv learned that chewing gum is illegal. His explainations were not impressing anyone
|
|
In the days before Internet Porn, cops gathered for The Sharing Of The Details as often as possible.
|
|
I killed them and I'd kill them again. Sucking blood is wrong! All mosquitos must DIE
|
I'm from the MSPCM. I'm here to make sure that your models aren't abused.
|
|
I won't pose without fur so don't even ask
|
|
I hear that you pay more for posing than Dug Ah does
|
Olyvander's first apprentice-ship
|
Yes, Victoria, that is a guillotine.
|
|
I didn't know that Execution Eagles disapprove of "May/December" kissing!
|
When the princess tells him to carry her new statue in, Horace hopes that his fondess for the male form doesn't show.
|
|
She said that she thinks that it is healthier to breast-feed her children right through grade-school
|
|
Are we supposed to eat it?
|
Who's next up to hit? Sirius?
|
|
(I ask, what is making the planet settle and stay, gently, awaiting to respond to the in-coming smack?)
|
|
Ahm gunna smack it right in the Aroura Borealis
|
|
two down, seven to go
|
|
The Jupiter-sized bears are not happy today
|
Peri discovered that horizontal blinds collect much more dust than the vertical
|
|
Oh! NO! I'm in a Noir film but it's in COLOR!! OH! NO!
|
|
Betty Page's little sister, Peri, was always amazed that New York was lacking in privacy
|
|
SHOES?!?!? Right THERE?!?!?! for ME!??!?!
|
They're coming to take me away, haha, the little white men in their little white coats are coming to take me away haha!
|
|
Even the table of contents needed more than one brain for the transfer of knowledge
|
|
How do you spell, "deja vu"?
|
|
Under, "ditto", it says, "repeat the redundancy"
|
Betsy didn't know that the Lick-Perv had her in his sites
|
You hat is no where near as powerful as mine is, "sir".
|
|
Are you really sweating so badly that you must put papertowels under your hat AND nose?
|
Dagnabbit! He ain't kicking her correctly!
|
|
I don't care if she is a Lady. No one dresses like that in my town. What do you mean "she's here to sing"?
|
"Well, gentlemen,", said the judge, "I see that you managed to get her off the rock. Did you leave all the rest?
|
|
Lola was so good that, even "several" did not mess up her hair.
|
|
Officer Left didn't know but Officer Right liked what Lola's right hand did.
|
I like how your socks match your hat.
|
|
She'll be back in an hour.
|
|
psst...adam's apple
|
Bobby was REALLY tired of singing-while-driving
|
|
Bobby just wished that Mr. Keach would quit calling the car a "beaver-getting-jet"
|
|
I had safety belts but I took them out when I lowered the headrests
|
|
...and then the bird says to the bee...
|
|
Be happy! You didn't inherit the harelip!
|
|
I won't tell anyone if you don't
|
...his accent was so thick that Qer and Dua could not tell that he was, simply, asking the location of the men's room
|
|
Dua had never met a snakeoil salesman before.
Qer had.
|
|
Although the statue was exactly as requested, Dua liked to give more examination to the eye, much to Qer's consternation
|
I am hoping that you can cut this diamond such that it throws light on the industry that produced it.
|
|
Elizabetta had always enjoyed the slap-stick practice of pie-in-face. Quentin was unfamiliar with the practice.
|
|
Heea, we have the ahverage male brain. As you can see, it is, significantly, smaller than the female brain.
|
|
Aew. Hand-held ice cream...how novel
|
Put your boobs back on. Don't throw them on the floor again. They get dirty when you do that AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS!
|
|
SIT! STAY!
|
|
While the sheriff and deputy argued, the prisoner ached to pull the sheriff's finger.
|
|
(between you and me...how many "pull-my-finger jokes" do you think will be fielded today?)
|
|
...mom said...!
|
|
Harold liked his own skinny arms but Ralf wanted pushups pushups pushups
|
|
words weren't needed.Harold hated cleaning & Ralf knew who had a dog & who didn't & who let who's dog sleep in the cell
|
Everything had to wait while Max booked a kid's clown for saturday
|
|
Yeah, badly dressed and impaled on a lava lamp.
|
|
The inspector didn't like waiting for the flatfoots to sing their kids to sleep while they were on shift
|
It creeped-out her son but Harriet just loved to have her pulse checked.
|
|
GORDON RAMSEY HAS COME TO FIX OUR RESTARAUNT???!?!?!?
|
|
MOM!!! WAIT!! DON'T DO IT! HE'S A VAMPIRE!!
|
Yep. The dog has been chewing at the back seat again.
|
|
Harold KNEW that he'd get car-sick if he stayed put
|
|
Dyslexic air-bags haven't been perfected yet.
|
In the shipping departement "up north", full-sized Christmas presents took away the smiles every year.
|
|
DAAAAAAY-O, DA A A A Y-O. Day light come and I wanna go back to Mars
|
|
Elquin preferred a fancier holder for his beard-dryer
|
Johny "Granite-Nose" Jones was a better pickpocket than, either, Hugo or Rafael.
|
|
During early versions of "Punked", keeping a straight face was still a priority.
|
|
"Aw!...just for me? Thanks, guys!", said Jeff. Hugo and Rafael couldnt' bear to tell him that it was just a doll.
|
|
"OH!CHEEESE!!", said Markus. "Shh" said, Hugo to Raphael. "Markus hasn't paid yet. Don't tell him that it's tofu!"
|
Unaware that Iphones hadn't been invented yet, Susan kept using her thumbs to no avail.
|
|
Mister, my mirror won't work. Will you help me?
|
Jim's favorite pasttime was, still, trying to look down the front of lady's clothes
|
|
Doloros wished that somebody would hurry up and invent the birth control pill already
|
|
"Even actresses shouldn't act like a bridal veil matches sequins.", thought Jim.
|
HEEE HAW HEEHAWHHEEEHAW.
The nightly calling of the pigs had begun
|
|
Horace was always happy to share what he intended to sing on "American Idol".
|
|
Bella was really surprised when the sheep's clothing dissapeared at midnight
|
|
"i'm in zee mood for lof, simply becauz jou feeer meee!"
|
Yermom told me to check all of my translations.
"You could have told me that barrel stool before my hand and let it go"
|
|
I want to make a bucket list. I do not need a bucket in which to put my fist
|
|
I will not put the teeth in there. I have to keep them in until fliming is finished for the day
|
Harold thought that, someday, he should hire a gal who could type instead of one who just put her nipples on the desk
|
|
Betty took shorthand by scratching on her arm. That way she didn't disturb the big brain boss with her tiny lady brain
|
|
Betty's eyes migrated to the sides of her head often so that she could see predators coming in from the sides.
|
Janie didn't really like playing "Hide and Seek" the way that Ralphy played it
|
|
Now, just keep one leg on each side and pretend that you are riding a horse. Doesn't that feel weird???
|
|
I thought that the gipper told gorby to tear down this wall
|
You may have your 2nd Amendment. I have Monied-FakeRoyalty. So there.
|
|
Sorry son. I put all of your bullets in the Cayman Islands
|
|
I can hear your stomach begging for food and I still will make sure that you pay more taxes than I do
|
WHEN will we be in color???WHEN?!?!!?
|
|
Just because you are better looking than I am doesn't mean that you get to ignore me!!!!!
|
|
I said, "PASS IT!"
|
Yah, well me'n Spike is friends, see? Yah, GOOD friends, see? I'll tell Spike you was heeea but he won like it, yeah
|
He said to tell you that he is trying the "gaycure" so that he can go home for Xmas and still inherit
|
|
I'd rather have an Ipad than get another laptop
|
|
Don't taze me bro
|
Well, I know that this outfit is scarier than a hoodie
|
|
Hey, Hank, do you know what this is?
|
|
"Broke Buckle Mounting", take two
|
|
The sexual tension had been growing between them. Hank decided to just flop it on the table and hope for no splinters.
|
|
Hank needed help with his belts in order to pee but Doug was too busy pretending to hold an Iphone
|
Lacey didn't care who won the vote for who would steer. She decided to GRAB the wheel at the first chance.
|
|
The gay man wished that the cross-eyed woman would stop staring at his feet.
|
|
"Shotgun!" "Shot Gun!" "shotgun!" "Shatguyn!" "short gun" "snot gun" "Shat Gan!" "Shet Gahn" "Shot Glock" "Machine Gun!"
|
|
Even tho every one got a great view, they forgot to ask, "...view of what?"
|
|
Lacey had not realized the the tight bra was making her cross-eyed.
|
|
Lacey tried not to stare but the guy, siting beside her, had REALLY big feet!
|
Avalon, like many short men, had to MAKE himself not look at women's
"chests"
|
|
Please, may I have a ruffle too?
|
|
Yes, ma'am. I understand. No more hickeys
|
On the street with a naked upper lip was punishable by taping your head hair across the face. Men had tape at the ready
|
|
It was clear that size mattered.
|
|
Jadeet finally got to the King of Mustaches but his hench-staches were wary of her stache-less face.
|
The Mafia started a long long long time ago.
|
|
GLASSES?!?!?!?! We're wearaing GLASSES!?!?!?!
|
|
Class,notice how the reflexes of the feet remain calm while hair is able to try to run away.This group died out
|
While Beaman, Marcus and Karl memorized the steps, Edwin just tried to not barf again.
|
|
Marcus and Karl enjoyed the closeness of study...very very much
|
|
Cramming for tests was hard on the neck for those who could not afford textbooks.
|
|
In the years before porn, many men became doctors for non-helpful reasons
|
|
These were the only veiws of female anatomy that they ever did see.
|
|
Yep, it says that we aren't to do harm but, it doesn't say anything about financial harm
|
The mattress is Memory Foam.
It will spring right back in to place!
|
|
"The real secret to a good night's sleep is Green Support.
|
|
The really tall guy was amazed that the old man trusted him this much.
|
AmunRa knew that soon, soon, very soon, the kissing could begin.
|
|
Carry me back to Ol' Missi'ppi
or New Miss'ippi will do too
|
|
AmunRa hadn't graduated from Charm School yet and it really showed in his lack of social skills
|
|
Marvin really wasn't much of a "hugger".
|
|
Honey, please don't dance now.
|
DO STRIPES LOOK GOOD WITH STEEL. I DECLARE - "YES"!"
|
|
"SOME DAY, FASHION WILL BE PRACTICAL. TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY!!"
|
|
"I MAY HAVE THE BODY OF A WEAK AND WANTON WOMAN, BUT IT IS WANTON. HENCE THE FULL-BODY CHASTITY BELT."
|
Whinny:"He must be on the story of when he sold all his stock & ruined the team.
Hairyette:"Yes. Yes. I can see that"
|
|
Well, I just wish that he'd put his shirt back on
|
|
The Great Search for Cleavage left many in it's wake
|
too bad he didn't see the tornado coming
|
|
Children, here we have a depiction of an unregulated market. Notice the lack of over-sight and the false-lableing.
|
|
Scene: the minutes before the bird splat fell on the hat.
...and action!
|
Mary Kay has started testing it's products on Kryton from "Red Dwarf".
|
|
Jim, I'm a doctor not a sulpher-sculpter
|
|
Papa can you hear me?
|
It's pronounced
Fra Kun Tsen
|
|
Yes, the limp wrist is real but the epicanthic fold is glued on
|
|
I am poised - waiting for a "pull my finger" joke. I can hear it out there...approaching.
|
Ted and Howard used the " I had to shoot him" ruse instead of just walking out on the check like every one else did.
|
|
I thought that you said that these are blanks!!!!!!
|
|
Cigarettes are the only thing that will help him! Please! Loan me 25cents so that I can buy him a pack!
|
Thurston expected Harvey to pull a gun but, Harvey tricked him and sneezed on him instead.
|
|
Mr. Moneybags' new foot-pedal trap-door
was his favorite toy
|
|
Going over his bills, Herbert found that he was charged for an arm-sling that he was not given.
|
No one trusted a barber with a full face of hair
|
|
Zimmerman had no cell phone that time
|
|
Ug wasn't sure but he thought that "gray" might by synonymous with "hoodie"
|
There is no such thing as Santy Claws, Tooth Floss OR CellFohns. Stop with ur fairy tales
|
|
The next time that you let the Mormons in, I'll turn you into an etch-a-sketch
|
|
Did you () my wife? Did YOU () my wife? DID you() my wife? Did you (())my wife? Did you() MY wife?Did you()my WIFE?
|
You are going to get a time-out if I count to three!
|
|
Ahm gunna salute you wit wunna deez in a minute, bud
|
|
Tree coins ina foun'in.
Tru da ripples how dey shine
Jus one wish will be greanted
One hahrt will wear a Balentine
|
A Brit, a MadMan and a Capone walked into an elevator and highjacked a load of bar jokes.
|
|
Helpless with out an operator, grown men had to read the two commands on the lever-operating sign and make a decision
|
|
Danny didn't like it when Marvin drove wildly but Al was definitely about to barf
|
Being locked up was going to be the biggest test Damon's charm -ever
|
|
...and you smell like a skunk too.
|
|
Sure. I'll put the lotion on but I still love Mike better than I'll ever love you
|
His men got tired of telling the captain to sing from the diaphram
|
|
Bad-Breath-O-Meter testing - the early years
|
|
No one looked up in time to tell Larry that the cord is not delicious.
|
Veronica asked what the smell was but Dora just shushed her up
|
|
Betty wanted to raise the bar but was not in a position to affect such a change at the moment
|
|
The Stoneford wives were popular WAY before the Stepford wives were
|
Devon was a lot warier of anything that smelled like a skunk.
|
|
Heaven looked a lot scarier when it was a hunk.
|
|
Kevin looked a lot hairier when he was drunk
|
Hank tried to explain that, when his brain was itchy, he prefered to scratch it using the standard nasal-portals.
|
|
Henry was not impressed when Marco pulled a card from behind Hank's ear. He'd seen it before.
|
|
Yup. There is a piece of my cane stuck in his head.
|
Bobby thought that he had lost his sense of smell, but, when the helmet-rack leaned in, he realized that he had not.
|
|
SOSO-media is as far as we have gotten at this point but you kids can bring us all the way to the Matrix
|
|
There will be a "rock", a "paper" and a "cee-zor". One will always be mighty and, one will always be vanquished, OHM
|
Even though Brad admitted that he got there first, Stacy wanted to get under Amy's jeans, still, too
|
|
Stacy had a face that said, "bowchicka wow wow" no matter which way he looked
|
|
Brad didn't like the way that Stacy drooled when Brad's nipples showed
|
|
Stacy was, still, able to feel the split even though it did not show unless he lifted his chin.
|
|
Brad really wanted to know what a casting couch was before he went any where near the punchbowl.
|
Some people resisted voter-registration but Audrey was not daunted
|
|
Celeste's readout showed a Facebook-withdrawal-swoon, and not for the first time.
|
|
and, with one last flick of her fingers, Solange made sure that Elsa would never, again, borrow a sweater without asking
|
CJ had a little lamb.It's fleece was worth the dough.
Every time he craved fellating, the lamb paid for his blow.
|
|
Rostifer's booger was so big that Elizabeth could hear it fall out of his nose.
|
|
Bruce and Marky's lamb fest was interupted by the arrival of the dreaded Auntie Gay
|
It's ancient Latin. It says, "Men cannot multitask".
|
|
It says that, from 1995 forward, two women HAVE to be seen, kissing, in every movie even if they do not like each other
|
|
It says, "No hair spray allowed".
|
Clark really preferred women who were less two-dimensional
|
|
Jimmy was glad that the window was open.
He'd had enough of the "krypton aftershave".
|
When called on to do make-up, Querman still used leaded face-powder.
|
|
Beolia's singing teachers tended to cash their checks promptly
|
|
OMGOMG!!! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!! OMG!!!!
|
Clark like to use pretend-noteries for all of his important documents.
|
|
You've won the award for "Flattest Chest in a 3-block radius".
|
|
Don't smile until you read th prenuptuals
|
I don't know but I been told, reporter ladies are fun to hold.
|
|
Get your skirts out of here and let the men do the work and bring me some coffee, honey!
|
|
I'll be sending back-up to find my pupils AND my irises!
|
Mr. Pinkins got fortified as Derk started on another round of, "Today, my kid's..."
|
|
If I have to lie to the boss like that again, I'm going to need a LOT more time on the punching bag.
|
|
She didn't look like a black belt to me either.
|
(CRUNCH) Miss Parks, you have failed your driving test again. You MUST press the clutch pedal in before shifting.
|
(I can't even feel the aluminum foil in my pants)
|
|
I Like me and so do you.
|
|
I have a dream. Gated Communites for mated zooloonities.
|
"Slurp snort slurrp slurp." Much to the frustration of his friends, this talk, never failed to make Casper fall in lust
|
|
The tiny calf suddenly starting thinking about scaring kids on Halloween. She wasnt' sure where she got the idea but...
|
|
...how Bessie got the idea for jumping over the Moon.
|
The Senator was so happy that General Timmons could not bear to tell him that it only sprayed paint.
|
|
"Well", said, Senator Scarfy, "It's time for a some racial slurs."
|
|
I feel like a new woman
|
|
In the days before Viagra, men could not, fully, explain the point of their favorite toys
|
After reading his will, Deloras started planning their next "vacation".
|
|
As Henry started to re-live his highschool football games out loud AGAIN, Beth started planning a "special" coffee break
|
|
Is that a mole on your back???
|
|
Is that a camera on your back
|
Pinky had a tendancy to fall in the wrong kind of love.
|
|
Listen, Mister. Just because you bought me dinner does not mean that you can just open my hidden doors!
|
|
MMMM you're so HARD that I want to SQUEEZE you...(insert porn music)
|
|
I'm in the mood for love, simply because you fear me...
|
I am not going to swipe my card. I am paying cash.
|
|
I know that he is shorter than I am and speaks French but I am much better at the stances!
|
|
Why do I have to leave the room to scratch my nipple?
|
"honey, it's time to wake up.", said the step-mother with bad fashion-sense
|
|
The Grim Reaper liked the effect of the collegen treatments
|
|
David wasn't very good at cross-dressing but his voice was lovely
|
Honey, what's for dessert?
|
|
I'll use that recipe on "Krypton Chef" and go for the win!
|
|
Little Green Riding-body did not find bears living in this house but she did find the chair to be juuust riiight.
|
As Mark watched the needles touch max AGAIN, he made a mental note to tell mom that Bruce can't tell time either
|
|
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 - sift off! shake shake shake that unobtanium looose, boys!
|
|
...sorry to leave you with such a mess. I'm off to vacation-land.
|
Blue and Red will be the other key-note speakers today.
|
|
Triangulation is a superior skill. Only the blocks who master it in phase one will move to phase two.
|
|
I WILL put you in a round hole!
|
C'mon you guys! You CAN remember the routine, right?
|
|
Sing it!, "Weigh, Hay! mow the clown down!"
|
|
The professional Huggin' and a-Chalkin' team got Summer work at the circus now and then
|
Mitt wasn't very calm backstage.
|
|
Stick out your tongue and leave it out!!!
|
|
I'm going to pull this chin hair out of your face if you don't tell me where you hid the money!
|
TXShemp is a good person
|
|
Thanksgiving dinner was MUCH more enjoyable if the beggars were clean and pretty
|
|
Young Mitt Romney hadn't been able to get into the gated community yet. The next day, he made a phone call
|
|
Expeliamous!
|
|
God is great, ( for me). God is good (for me) and I's thank him for this food if God would just close the curtains
|
|
Hey! That's my pet chicken! I recognize his raggety wing!
|
Why didn't you wash your hands?
|
|
So, do you remember which is the correct key?
|
|
Where did you get candy from?
Why didn't you get some for me?
|
eye, eye, captain
|
|
eye've have enough of your looking at EVERYTHING!
|
|
eye can't hear you!!!!!!!
|
Hey, fella, I know that it hurts to get your penis trimmed but, with this much trimmed off, you'll be able to walk now.
|
|
This is one of the largest banana carcasses we've every dredged. We're going to laminate it
|
|
Here she is, Missed America
|
YYYEah, we poit a boigah fo yah heea, yeeeah
|
|
eat. eat. eat.
This is meat.
This you eat eat eat.
Now, tip me.
|
|
( sheesh, Madonna gets a lot of work!)
|
Du against wan is not a fair fight, boys. Yew weel find thayt my Kung Fu ees berry berry scary
|
|
eets lyke a very big feedle. yew saw across eeet for theee mewseek. vee call eet a "cheahloe"
|
|
Hey! This is a cowbody movie! Get back to the horror movies where you belong!
|
( a nickle tip for carrying his bag, Super-stingy-man is more like it!)
|
Your Lordship, I'd like to confess someone else's sins
|
|
Oysters were not an aphrodisiac for Quentin
|
|
I know that he is the king but his warty weeenis isn't fun!
|
|
OW OW OWWWWWW!
i don't like these shoes
|
When Betsy noticed that she froze them both, visions of sugar plums danced in her head.
|
|
While the robot said, Good-push-button", Sally asked Danny if he could drive this baby once they unplugged the bot.
|
|
hey. dig the rock and roll. rock on.
|
HEEEZ the one who brought me the coffeeeeeee HEE HIM HEEE!!!
|
|
CHEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
THERE HE IS!!!!!!! THE MITTEN WHO FIRED ME!!!!!!
|
Octy was surprised that snacks were coming in through the glass-slider instead of the swing-portal as usual
|
|
"Sniffing?" thought Mark. "Sniffing? I didn't know that tentacles have nostrils!"
|
|
Mark wasn't sure if he was happy that he got the job once he saw the working conditions
|
ju neber leesen. ju dont put dee castenets on dee neepuls
|
|
You shouldn't buy me fat-man earrings. No one is wearing fat men on their ears this season
|
|
shu u nee somting to wach jor fay. thees weel maykee less greesee
|
(sniff sniff sniff)
|
|
Betsy wondered why he had an extra finger on the back of his skull?
|
|
...and she was pretty sure that he was not going to be a good dancer
|
|
It became very clear to Betty that Harvey had lied about attending charm-school
|
|
'Well, he does pay a lot but I'll have to charge more if he continues to ask me to watch him spit
|
|
Tilli wasn't sure if this was the best time but, her children were going to learn to swear soon any way
|
Darling, now that both of our hair-transplants have been successful, I'm willing to be seen in public with you.
|
|
Now that her right hand was sufficently club-like, Jenny began to get impatient to start test-punching
|
|
Newt, I don't care if you bought a new face, please, wait until I get out of the hospital to ask for a divorce.
|
First, I'm not done being colored in yet. Second, I gotta talk to the artist about all this hair. Third, you only get 1
|
|
Two-Moon, I saw you rubbing alamp, with a wish in your heart, and some fleas in your camp. Two- mooooooooon...
|
|
May I use the restroom first, please
|
|
Look, if you bring me some size-large man-scaping tools, I'll give you two extra wishes
|
|
Two, I'm only in the mood for two
|
Your brother told me to give you this. What does, "uckfay ooyay" mean?
|
|
You can punch out the holes for each sin you commit and just sin again! Hand it in to Saint Pete when you're done
|
|
You'll have to take this with you. It will explain the smell in a language that they understand.
|
|
It's the last will and testament of Tiny Tim. You get the ukelele
|
|
It's says, "You will meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger in a suit with a bow tie and nice cheek bones".
|
|
It says, "Sctrach and sniff" but it doesn't say where.
|
Marco supported the troops but wondered why this one wanted to sing for his supper.
|
but, Mom, Dad is still picking my pockets!!
|
I don't know but I been told, I won't get dinner if her chest I hold
|
