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Daddy! I told you that "Pull my finger!" joke wasn't funny.

If soccer was rehearsed like wrestling - "I score the goal, then you give me a yellow card and THEN the riot starts."

While the Green Giant was jolly, liked farmers and grew veggies - the Blue Giant - not so much!

I gotta pee!!

You're not one of Allstate's "good hands" people, are you?

Yes Holmes, I read the note. The pipe somehow gave you lockjaw. But I really don't think tickling you will help!

I'm glad to help in any way I can Holmes, but why do you think a proctologist will make a good assistant?

Look, I may be short, but the rules say the guy with a monocle is the boss. So deal with it!

Don't try to cheat me! I asked if you had any 3's! Don't tell me to "Go Fish!" I KNOW you have 3's!

Love the beret, dude.

Pardon me. Have you seen my wife? HEYYY!!!

I thought you said you were going to paint me showing my "good" side.

See Percy, I told you there were zombies outside!

Look here Percy, I understand why you put one of these collars on the dog, but why put one on me?!

Everybody SING! "If I had a hammer...I'd hammer in the morning...I'd hammer in the evening..."

See? According to the "Illustrated Bible", you guys are NOT the 3 Wise Men!

I don't care what you say. You're gonna have to drink a lot more to make her look good.

Dude - You didn't tell me this was a gay bar.

I found the item you were looking for. I hid it here in my pants!

What do you mean you didn't know someone tunneled into the jail? You couldn't see the hole?

SNAKES!!

I don't care whose horse it was! You're let him in - you clean it up!

These alien body snatcher movies are getting more and more bizarre.

Mr. Tongue refused entrance to the vile broccoli and sent it away, holding out for pizza instead.

Joe's tongue had no idea what to make of this strange thing called a "vegetable"!

Oh Mom! You finally put my picture up on the bar's wall of drunken idiots!

Betty Ross thought gamma radiation turned him into the Hulk, not a werewolf!

Emily was startled when Lou started singing "It isn't easy being green"!

His little brother stares in disbelief as Jimmy demonstrates how to kiss a girl!

The guys started to panic when pushing the lever forward caused the walls to start closing in!

I realize you're worried about your daughter's reputation, but come on... bars? Really?

Joe didn't think his sideburns looked ridiculous, but Bill and Ted just laughed at him anyway.

Already drunk and bored, Bill bet the others he could shove his scarf up his nose.

Congressional aides have always had it tough.