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  • 150220 Billy's quiff doubled as a wind-squall breaker.
    150220 One more hit with that stick and little Barry would become a lifelong walker.
    150218 That's the last time Paz knits with his mummy.
    150206 --And that was the moment Halloween ceased being little Janie's favorite holiday.
    150205 Now that Tad's nose was an armrest he felt really objectified.
    150205 That's the last time Hank ever does ear candling.
    150204 Some people have a cloud hanging over them; Bill's was a storm cloud.
    150204 He only loved Bob this much and was understandably nervous admitting it.
    150204 When Amir was told it would be "raining men" at the event, this isn't what he expected.
    150203 Fil was distressed, but took comfort in knowing mama'd be proud he was wearin' clean underwear.
    150203 Jeeves pulled over for Bertie --because when it's naptime, it's naptime!
    150203 Floyd learned the hard way: Never do top hat, tails and cane tap dance in the middle of traffic.
    150202 She couldn't make out what he was saying as his smoke obfuscated his speech bubble.
    150202 Uncle Frank did a "Got yer nose!" to little Sally. Big Sally was back for her schnozz.
    150201 Deflated Superbowl hopes...
    150201 Knowing that "the one who smelt it dealt" it didn't ease the suffering of all.
    150130 It was casual Friday at the Smitherington Manse
    150130 Robbie took play Date's seriously.
    150130 Conformist that he was, little Stewie liked to think INSIDE the box.
    150129 He loved her this much, but it gave him the shakes.
    150128 Myra's reason for calling off the wedding.
    150128 Military Academy's Society of Bullies and Degenerates (SOBAD).
    150128 Denta Psi post-grad celebration for future DDSs.
    150127 Jr. threw in a coin and made a wish. Sr. was not pleased--but was a nickel richer.
    150127 Jr. waited until Sr. showered off to flush the toilet a few times.
    150127 Moneybags also had a MONOPOLY on the tub.
    150123 Ms. Pew demanded the CrackerJack prize, but was found later tied to a post with a sticky peanut in her hair.
    150123 Crazy Sal shows the damage from one too many pull-my-fingers.
    150123 Mama Haug always asked for a cut from the kids' Halloween take.
    150122 Ruff picked up on every mood of Tad's.
    150122 The little known offspring of Popeye and Olive Oyl, OlivEye.
    150121 When Mary said she wanted to hook up she meant something else entirely....
    150121 Those "Got Milk" ads were branching out.
    150120 It worked during fashion week, but out in public....not so much.
    150120 Tom figured he was either a crossing guard, nobility or a man whose seat belt was stuck.
    150114 Missy's first step to becoming a great Javelin player--and a vandal.
    150114 Before Jimi H, there was the DuPre sisters and their version of the national anthem
    150113 Pa and Jr. were set to hunt "untrained" trains.
    150113 DC Metro??!!! Let's walk.....
    150112 It was either the chicken dance or a Jagger tribute, but either way Dennis was a standout.
    150112 Margaret's brother Murph brought out the menace in Dennis.
    150109 I was framed, I tell ya, framed! Hong was the last comic standing--but not for long.
    150109 Ping agreed to file his nails--in exchange for his wife and daughters sparing his life.
    150109 Turns out he wasn't the fairest of them all...
    150108 For this flight Orville dumped Wilbur for Jane. It felt Wright to him...
    150108 The Colonel followed them apace. He'd be damned if they left without a bucket o' his chicken.
    150108 Gin and Greg both had the same nickname at school: Helmet Hair.
    150107 She seemed like a nice woman, but she wrestled them all to the ground (AND pulled his finger).
    150107 They didn't need a street lamp at night with little Jill and her glow-in-the-dark teeth.
    150107 Poor Jones did a "pull my finger" one time too many, and now his finger was stuck that way.
    150106 Kit and Greg completely misunderstood the concept of a blind date.
    150106 A game o' Hide 'n Seek is a game o' Hide 'n Seek, nuclear explosion be damned!
    150106 This marked the end of the Kidney Bean-Eaters Gang for good.
    150105 Forget the gun, Vic was appalled at the man's loud suit and mismatched cap.
    150105 It was the only way to get Tad to succumb to a dental exam.
    150105 Martin got a shot of Listerine and a ticket for bad breath.
    150102 Nothing made Errol smile, not a tickle OR belly rub.
    150102 Frank thought he was meeting a guy named Roman Sentry, not an actual Roman sentry. Damn!
    141229 Hey, who cut the cheese--get it? Who cut the cheese!! (Seymour did well in the brie belt).
    141229 We'll hold the cheese ransom until he agrees to pay for our dental work.
    141229 I moved his cheese, ha-ha, I moved his cheese!!!
    141229 "Three blind (and one hard of hearing)mice, three blind (and one hard of hearing) mice...
    141224 Wiz Hank tried to hock his lump o' coal, but no one was buyin'.
    141224 Alice was admitted to rehab soon after she got out of Wonderland.
    141224 Your name's not Cosby, is it?
    141223 King Krank gets Punk'd!
    141223 Thereafter the king always had soft skin and Bif got a full set o' teeth.
    141223 --And that's the last anyone saw of Jolly Jeb again.
    141222 Hey, isn't this Tom Riddle's book from Harry P? Boy, that book gets around.
    141222 Yup, it was a physics book alright.
    141222 Slippery Pete never could keep a textbook in his hands.
    141219 Mike's botox injections didn't work as planned.
    141219 Todd, one of Santa's insiders, lets slip that Joe will not be getting two new front teeth for Xmas.
    141218 Even in middle age, Tarzan was Born To Be Wi-i-i-i-ild!
    141218 To be honest, Ray, I liked you a lot better when half of you was covered in shrubs.
    141215 Now that home-grown pot was legal, Jim really went to town!
    141215 Maybe it WAS time to mow the lawn.
    141215 Ted hated it, but all his life his nickname was "shrub."
    141213 Santa gets all the praise, but it's Doris Claus who keeps the 'deer in flyin' condition.
    141213 Katarina loves walking Blitzen, but dreads poop scoopin' time.
    141212 --And those were their happy faces.
    141212 Bif was forced to leave, as he didn't have an iPhone or watch to sneer at.
    141212 I'd rather walk...
    141211 All I said was "What's up, fat mama?"
    141211 Turns out I DO have a shellfish allergy.
    141211 Boxing is no longer my major. I switched to nursing.
    141210 Mike was just a big baby, but he could score ice pops & cookies so the kids put up with him.
    141210 Tim's sperm bank donations came back to haunt him.
    141209 It's a dial phone. It's all the rage! And we have typewriters here, too!
    141209 The name's "Smith." I'm sure you've met my partner Jay Doe, Mr. Jones?
    141208 The proof of the flying saucers became more plausible with every puff of his pipe.
    141208 The next time he offered her unsolicited secondhand smoke, he saw flying plates, cups--and saucers!
    141208 --And Lance wonders why she won't kiss him...
    141203 Well, Tommy thought, when the kids said "What are ya, chicken?" he guessed they were part right.
    141203 He was good for laughs up until he pulled some cash from a wallet.
    141202 The waiter shrieks in commiseration with you over the cost of the meal (alas, commiseration fee NOT included).
    141202 In this restaurant, the waiter sings for your supper and you pay $$$$$.
    141201 He never was able to build the kid a tree house, so a trip to Disney it was!
    141201 He was a Nobel Prize winner in physics, but STILL Jim could not master using the hammock.
    141201 Since Adam and Eve's time, man has had a constant battle with the apple. Hank was no exception.
    141128 It's a madhouse at the cribbage tourney, Jim, a MADHOUSE!
    141128 ...So, that's how you shave son!
    141126 They had three seconds to amuse her and they failed. Next!
    141126 The Contessa had a hard time giving up her blankie.
    141125 Ruff always had a ringside seat on fight night.
    141125 When mama said she'd clean house, she meant it!
    141124 The fertilizer said it would give the hedge body, and dang if it wasn't looking promising.
    141124 "Time to trim the hedge" sneered Smythe diabolically.
    141124 The Lord calleth, but in support-eth of clean air, he dideth forgo the burning bush.
    141121 Poor Superman had a wardrobe mishap.
    141121 Special delivery from Wile E. Coyote to The Road Runner.
    141119 Somehow getting the white glove treatment didn't make getting a ticket any nicer for Barry.
    141119 Being a traffic cop finally got to Ted when he pulled himself over.
    141119 Car-pull tunnel arrest syndrome.
    141118 If only that hand was America's and that mouth Bush "Bring it on!" Jr's!
    141118 Dr. Demental Higeen, DDS, used the old-fashioned way of mouth numbing.
    141118 From the annals of bad-timed handshakes.
    141117 As if the dainty collar and the vest weren't enough, now this!
    141117 Timmy kept the hat handy every time mom was about to sing.
    141112 The were the Von Frapuggalinersteins. Never did make it big like the Von Trapps.
    141112 Their smiles faded after they had the wurst lunch.
    141112 They smiled, knowing that in the next frame they'd be granted eyelids and teeth.
    141110 Something about his sinister smile said "NO, DON'T! but the Free aspect of the gift said YES!
    141110 Beware strange men in green offering mysterious wooden gift boxes.
    141110 Given that it was at chest level, Sven was assured it wasn't one of those "___ in a box" gifts from SNL.
    141106 Puts the noxious in "obnoxious," doesn't it?
    141106 I didn't reckon this is what ye meant when you asked if I wanted to go out for a little smoke.
    141106 I added some cayenne 'cause I like my pesticides with a little kick.
    141105 Fifteen more minutes then I can stop pretending I'm working.
    141105 Clooney stars as Clooney in "The Clooney Years, Pt. I: How I Became Clooney"
    141105 Yes, George, it IS too late to vote. You blew it, dude!
    141104 "It's 2:05! We've got to return these costumes and get back to the IT help desk ASAP!
    141104 Xyy/ always faced prejudice coming, as he did, from an inter-alien family.
    141104 Flr} put the fear in the others with the image of a NUCLEAR Earth family.
    141031 That's what a Brobdingnagian gets for dining in Lilliputia.
    141031 Thumbelina was small, but she had Moxie!
    141030 When the dr. moved away from his drawing and started in with shadow puppets Herb knew something was wrong.
    141030 He flunked as a dr. but later found a career as a stand-up comic.
    141030 His friends told him he was cracked up and now here was the proof.
    141029 Joel's a bit of a ditz, thought Pam. He can't hide his identity with his face as the ONE part of his body exposed!
    141029 She thought: He finally looks like he's taking me seriously! He thought: I'd like a reuben with mustard, hold the mayo!
    141029 He saw what he needed to complete his outfit and she had it: Ruby red, smear-proof, 24-hour, long-lasting lipstick!
    141028 On the bright side, her cell mate didn't take up much room and had great dieting tips.
    141028 Hell was a cell with only primary colors.
    141028 Turns out "You're looking a little blue," was NOT the right thing to say to her.
    141027 Merlin went from King Arthur's Court to the Palace Food Court.
    141027 Shaky wand = shaky magic.
    141026 Ever since the skipper lost his parrot, he let the booze do the talking.
    141026 I said "Beach casual," not heist casual.
    141024 Fire Island replaced Phys Ed with Fashion Ed.
    141024 The kids begged him to stay home on parents' day.
    141024 Todd 'n the Thugz were proof that you could be clean cut AND in a gang.
    141023 They eventually broke up; turns out size DOES matter.
    141023 The witch from Hansel & Gretl sometimes ordered carry in.
    141021 Breaking up is hard to do.
    141021 Alien boot camp workout.
    141021 Tax season again?!!
    141020 Bill got too much nitrous oxide at the dentist's office.
    141020 Superman and Spiderman got all the press, but Chair Man never made it as big.
    141020 It was hit or miss with amusement park rides back in the old days.
    141017 Mmmhmm-- Husky men!
    141017 The Garden of Eatin'
    141017 People of the Corn II: It's Sprouting Men
    141016 Mik's Zen handshake meets with Fang's half "up yours."
    141016 He had exhausted all earthly options for a pull-my-finger...
    141015 Ever look real close, REAL close, at your beer foam?
    141015 If she could just steady herself she'd plant a firm boot on Jeb's rear.
    141015 They call this freestyle water skiing during storm season.
    141014 Freud travels back to the future and dreams in color.
    141014 Fifty Shades of Transparency.
    141014 Sunday in the Park with Timothy Leary.
    141010 She couldn't be blamed. It had been a while for her and she was a bit rusty.
    141010 He just wasn't into heavy metal.
    141010 First night honeymoon jitters.
    141009 No woman likes a man who makes her feel underdressed.
    141009 He was M. Tyson's soul brother. After this she was shy a finger.
    141009 Please lady, don't go there, DON'T GO THERE!
    141008 Country hick seeks suave Latin American. Hey, this is a match!
    141008 Their common language was Seinfeld. Hence Horace's breaking into the Elaine dance.
    141007 He wasn't bad to kiss, except for the metallic aftertaste.
    141007 --And you can buy one at Target. Little demon driver not included.
    141003 You'd think in 2014 it'd be different; but no: It's still not easy being green.
    141003 These blue gloves are great for knocking out villains AND doing dishes. On sale now!
    141003 After this "fight," they went into "professional" wrestling together.
    141002 Home Alone...ON ELM STREET
    141002 This is a lesson for Pandora's dad to not go snooping in Pandora's box.
    141001 After this, he'd CLEAN that fishbowl, dammit!
    140930 Ted never, NEVER got a high five right.
    140930 For goodness's sake, get this man back on coffee!
    140930 It was actually an "arc" not "arrrrk" swipe, but the spelling got lost in the strike.
    140929 This is what happens when you refuse to ask for directions.
    140929 Matt had this recurring feeling that he was just going nowhere but was somehow too blind to see.
    140929 Bill came for the party. He missed the fine print where it said "communist" and the date "1989"
    140924 On his right arm were trig notes. No way would he fail math again!
    140924 Now we know: HE moved the cheese.
    140923 I can see your will pay $750 for parts and labor. Warranty not included.
    140922 The rat didn't know how to watusi. They broke up shortly thereafter.
    140922 Somebody Moved My Cheese! wrestle-athon 2014.
    140919 Dr. Kwaque saw it was actually an inkblot overlay of his last bill.
    140918 Mr. Corpratmuhnibagz learns his latest venture--like his stomach--has gone belly up.
    140918 Looks like the Daily Blah has Yadda Yadda Yadda-ed Mr. Blech's speech!
    140917 George Bush senior, the early days.
    140917 Jane sat there, balancing her torso-sized head just so, lest it topple under its own weight.
    140917 Pinocchio shows off his new nose.
    140916 Granny adds a little pot to her gingerbread men--in Coloradi!
    140916 She loved to bake and enjoy her tasty home 'til Hansel & gang came on the scene.
    140915 Hank was the manifestation of bloated capitalism.Urrrph!
    140915 Benny couldn't fathom why no one responded to his Craigslist Singles profile.
    140912 He asked for The Bangles "Walk Like an Egyptian." It didn't stop him from dancing when they said they didn't have it.
    140912 Bein' that it was his lunch break he could only stay for the Dance of the Three Veils.
    140912 Hal thought he was walking into Sam's Fry Hut. !$*!! Google Maps!
    140911 Electronic cars, electronic bikes. It was only a matter of time.
    140911 EPA calls on Wiccans to clean up CO2 emissions.
    140910 They battled for custody. Seems no one wanted Grinslyme.
    140910 Humans always broke into cliques around aliens. So rude!
    140910 Boring meetings always put Brglech in doodling mode.
    140909 First it was slam dancing, limbo dancing, and now tribal thug dancing. No admittance with shirt.
    140908 The economy being what it is, with less toys purchased, Claus took to moonlighting for extra $.
    140905 After this, Putin enrolled in AA and a domestic violence rehab program.
    140905 They couldn't afford tickets to the match so they had one of their own.
    140904 Tom interns with Phil as an idle bum.
    140904 After log sitting, he'd whittle wood, skim stones and then maybe chew tobaccy. Good times.
    140904 Bif tries out for the world record on log sitting.
    140903 Norm used every opportunity to pass the hat.
    140902 Jr. apprentices with his boss, otherwise known as "The Loafer" on being a bump on a log.
    140829 Fortunately Kevin had a built in inner tube so he was at least prepared for the waves.
    140829 Beach Boot Camp.
    140829 Greg subjects himself to punishment for missing a sale at Bloomies.
    140827 He was ready for a pal at any moment, but sadly had no takers.
    140827 Blondie was a day tripper. Literally. She'd sit there all day and trip the passersby.
    140827 As a fairy tale persona Grumpy was amusing, but as a spouse he was, well, grumpy!
    140825 That's Swiss on Rye, two pickles, hostile takeover of Bleh Corp. and tea. Will there be anything else, Sir?
    140820 Dr. Woof was such a good listener and affordable, too, as he was paid in treats.
    140820 Dr. Woof used a Freudian approach combined with licking and nuzzling. People couldn't wait to see him.
    140819 Next time they'd rent a place with a/c.
    140819 Kal's turban came with a cooling system, so he was just left with the acne to deal with, like Tom.
    140819 Kal's view is to not sweat the small stuff and these guys were small stuff.
    140815 She insisted the décor was "post-Christmas," down to the scattered packages and the stocking hanging from the drawers.
    140815 Mel shows off the new apron hubby got her. Later she'd show off the burnt chicken she made him as thanks.
    140814 Tin Tin loses the quiff for a photo shoot with Snowy.
    140813 Only a mint case and a plea stood before Maeve and the brute's bad breath.
    140813 Fern thought a "Talk to the hand" was only for the masses. She preferred a gloved "Talk to the mirror."
    140813 Tilly shows Erfg what a little bronzer will do.
    140812 It's a good witches brew that'll bring a smile like that to a face.
    140812 Olive discovers her witchly traits and kisses Popeye and Bluto (and spinach!) goodbye.
    140812 Mrs. Gulch was a new woman once she added a little color to her wardrobe.
    140811 It started innocently with daisies, but soon Mar' was touching the hard stuff--phlox, pansies, TIGER lilies!
    140811 She found out none too soon that the "M" stood for Moron.
    140811 Once she finished the stem and got down to the petals, she deduced he loved her not.
    140808 When she encouraged Norm to achieve and "break records" he outdid himself. Unfortunately.
    140806 It's Tiiiiimme for yer annnn-ualll Papppp Teeesssst. From Dr. Obnoxia, MD (the gyno sing-a-gram never made it big)
    140806 It's a bullygram from the other mouseketeers. They want the ears back or else!
    140806 Trina, it says the test was positive--for twins! Congrats, m'dear!
    140805 Geri liked an audience while she toiled. This was before reality TV and people liked the free entertainment.
    140805 Maeve ironed by the sweat of her brow--literally. They didn't have steam irons then.
    140805 Meg had a lot of nothing to say (and Harry could feel it!) as evidenced by her huge, vacuous thought bubble.
    140804 They never succeeded in a "Pull my finger," as one or the other always had his hands full.
    140804 For extra dough they worked at rehab centers convincing alcoholics they were seeing double.
    140804 "No, I'M Billy, YOU'RE Joseph!" Even the twins couldn't keep themselves straight.
    140801 He was known as the Gene Simmons of wolves.
    140801 The lion may lay down with the lamb, but it ain't happenin' wif the wabbit or wolf.
    140801 Sugs would never answer a Craigslist personal ad again.
    140730 Young John, Paul, George & Ringo sat stuck in traffic when their idea for a new hairstyle was born.
    140730 When Ma said to enter the grand sweepstakes for the fam, Billy got the wrong idea.
    140730 Before the invention of the "squeegee," there was the good ol' mop!
    140728 Y'egads I'm being audited. Speak of an annus horribilis.
    140728 King Paunchy gets his Verizon bill. He is not amused.
    140728 They looked appropriately alarmed; it was better than admitting they couldn't read.
    140725 No, I can't go skim stones with you now. I have to whittle some wood.
    140725 Sally made no pretense of her love for second-hand smoke.
    140724 They said it's nuts and to not open 'til Xmas, but then they told me to speak loudly around it, so I dunno.
    140724 I was a squid in my last undercover gig & I don't swim. So, I ain't complainin'
    140723 It turns out sometimes Matter wanted to be on top, but he didn't get to that part of the book yet.
    140723 He said it kept him from thoughts of intimacy w/her; she did fine sans a book re him.
    140723 "Mind Over Matter" stacked together spelled Mom, Ted's true love.
    140722 When I told you to wear drawers, this ain't what I meant!
    140722 You'd hide, too, if you discovered your Cousin Itt actually was a...MAN!
    140722 Prank jokes? Look at this! Here's what happens after a lifetime of Pull My Fingers!
    140721 No, you don't know me. Still, can I get a light?
    140721 Phil never understood the concept of respecting boundaries.
    140721 Isn't that funny? While you were doing Downward Facing Dog pose, I was doing Steal Wallet of Man Doing DFDP.
    140720 Uh, do ya think we're all packed in here tightly enough? I think I see a millimeter of space that's not being used....
    140720 He seems to be...some kind of...boy...with...NO SHIRT ON! E-GADS!
    140717 Make sure you get my report card--and your sleeve, too!
    140717 Bully Boot Camp for Kids was having it's graduation ceremony.
    140717 I told you I didn't want to play "The Wicker Man"!
    140716 Mmmm hmmm. And this is why many people no longer wear veils before their arranged marriages.
    140716 Wow. Her teeth were so sharp, they cut right through his exclamation points!
    140716 It was her worst nightmare realized: A balding human man with glasses at the foot of her bed! Ahhhhhhhh!
    140715 Quitting drinking wasn't as hard as listening to the blowhard next to him.
    140715 Everyone else gets a "Pull my finger"; Mike gets a "Pull my thumb"! He couldn't catch a break!
    140715 Cooper had the silver spoon in his mouth so he delegated thumb sucking to his servant Percy.
    140714 Everyone smiled in that first instant until they realized Flamelda was an arsonist and that "wand" was a long match.
    140714 Of course nothing happened! I'm already ab fab!
    140713 Stella had a suspish that Pete was trying to break up her marriage.
    140713 The enemy could be seen feet from where they stood, but Kurt took that moment to dance with the one who brought him.
    140713 Hank never understood what was meant by "Three's a Crowd,", but after he was elbowed down the stairs, he got the gist.
    140711 When I said "Let 'er rip!" I meant the missile, dude. Pe-ew!
    140711 Do you think we can land and invade by 5:00? My wife needs me tonight as a fourth for bridge.
    140710 "OMG. LOL!" Hank wrote out his tweets and his staff sent them out.
    140710 Collectively they went through a lot of chapstick kissing up to the boss.
    140710 Jim kept a small audience on the payroll at all times.
    140709 Directions to the Oasis? Just take a left at the nearest mirage, and a right at the sandhill. You can't miss it.
    140709 I got a Brokeback Mountin' him! Ba-dum. I'll be at Caesar's Sahara tonight. Hope to see you there!
    140709 When I asked for a Camel, I meant cigarette!
    140708 These fly-by-night guys leave Maeve unimpressed.
    140708 Yeah, she thinks, he's all brawn but as that empty thought bubble illustrates, no brain.
    140708 Thanks, SuperDude, but even a strategicaly placed gun ain't wooin' me.
    140707 They spent the night looking for the man with the missing prosthetics. It wasn't difficult as he didn't get very far...
    140707 Just like kids. Give 'em an inch, they'll take a foot. Or two.
    140707 First it was the red nose, then the rainbow wig. Finally this. Little Howie is finally outed as a closet clown!
    140703 Maybe it's your stubbed arms, excess left hip weight, the lumps in ya rump, but your phenomenal, phenomenal man!
    140703 Pinnochio had some growing pains once he became a real boy.
    140702 Born to BE WIIIIILLLDDD! (Geez, I wish he'd shut up!)
    140702 Dang! I thought you brought the marshmallows.
    140702 I know, it's like they'll say "Ya big dumb, Moose" and I'm like, hey I got me a brain, too. Sheez!"
    140701 "If you could bring some cheese, we can get this party started."
    140701 The stranger and Fred fell in love. Things got sticky after that.
    140701 Sure Bruce was smiling. He had vinegar in those "honey" containers. GOTCHA, mouse!
    140626 Buzzy might be too old to sting, but his foot still had some kick.
    140625 Tim had to leave to return Shirley to the Good Ship Lollipop.
    140625 Dot was quiet, but the butterfly on her head had a lot to say.
    140625 "C'mon. Try it. Just one sip. EVERYONE is drinkin' them..." Little Dot was a soda fountain junkie/pusher.
    140616 Her life was like a gross film noir.
    140616 The Iceman Cometh and he drippeth, too.
    140616 "Don't sweat it!" never worked with Howard.
    140613 Given the school's dearth of students, Norman was both the class clown and the class bully.
    140613 It was the last time Brad would sing "Be a Clown, Be a Clown Be a Cloooowwwnn" or anything else, ever again.
    140611 Tea Party celebrates a primary win. Everyone else scrambles away in fear.
    140609 It's only two ton. You said you liked to lift weights.
    140609 It's my botox supply. What?
    140609 Misplaced your body? Once you inhale this nitrous oxide you won't even notice!
    140608 Guess who's coming to dinner....?
    140608 --And this is why, men, you should ALWAYS ask directions...(it was just one wrong left turn...)
    140606 Tickle his belly and that's what happens. Lesson learned.
    140606 She was like a giant red flag. After this, she only wore black.
    140606 Red had second thoughts about leaving the wolf.
    140605 Would you believe I was just developing some negatives?
    140605 Well--you bought a closet organizer--here I am!
    140605 There's a reason some men stay in the closet and Bill came face to face with his.
    140603 Damn. All he heard was nuthin' since her speech balloon was cut off.
    140603 They had to take off without him. He just couldn't curb his video game addiction, even on Planet Phffft.
    140603 Between space gigs they picked up extra $$ as holiday tree ornaments.
    140602 Ty chose an inopportune moment to serenade Morlik with "Am I Bluue..."
    140602 Sure, it was war, but they made time for a mid-fight yoga break.
    140530 He was great with birds--not so much with ladies.
    140530 "Urrk!"="Hey, it's summer already! Thanks, global warming humans--fer nuthin'!"
    140530 After awhile, the birds got together and kicked him out of their nest.
    140528 I'm here for the pole dancing job. Name's Jeb.
    140528 It's like you've got your de-fences up, or somethin'.
    140528 I'll get an electric shock if I touch one of the poles? I get an electric shock each time I look at you, baby!
    140527 Of course he was angry. He never mastered the "pull my finger" and had the lone, untouched digit to prove it.
    140527 He said he was smokin' a peace pipe, but Gayle thought--not so much.
    140527 "What sharp teeth you have" thought big Red, as she realized she couldn't escape "wolves" even as an adult.
    140521 Gar demonstrates for Jean how to push someone over the ledge. Sadly for him, Jean was a quick learner.
    140521 Kevin illustrates for Gavin how to shake, shake, shake, shake shake shake, shake his boo-teh, shake his boo-teh.
    140521 George gets fresh with the air.
    140520 After the dance, the trio got up to sing "Am I Blue...?"
    140520 Naked alien body massage was all the rage in Germany.
    140519 You know your act is bad when people start dropping once you mention an encore.
    140519 "And NO ONE is greater than you!" Ben really did kill people with kindness.
    140518 Funny, he didn't look like a dentist and that didn't taste like mouthwash.
    140516 Liz thought she'd have a better time in her dreams.
    140516 Reagan had a dark side, and a side of Nixon to boot.
    140515 He lost his eye and he'd be in prison for the next 150 years, but he sure showed that dead kid, whatever his name was.
    140515 The Beav never failed to be amused by the antics of Eddie.
    140514 Greg gave up the undercover drag beat after this.
    140514 As Lola fled in horror she threw him the one thing that could salvage the situation--a breath mint.
    140512 Pyyewww! Either the plane or Ann had too many beans last night.
    140512 Mmmm, pesticides! No, they don't cause any harm a't'all. I hope he adds an extra helpin'!
    140512 John's failin' his sobriety test, again.
    140511 Pilot Smith liked to do the "Whose Flyin' the Plane?!" routine after takeoff.
    140511 Mike makes Bill an offer he CAN refuse.
    140510 Hey, Good lookin'! Kimona over my place some tahm...
    140509 Wha--is that a lightning scar?!!! Could it be....HARRY?
    140509 Why, hello to you, too, good-lookin'.
    140509 I nabbed the perp before you did, nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah!
    140508 "Yo, Blood!"
    140508 It was that time of the month and "Pat" was a little careless.
    140507 When ordered at a rally to "GIMME AN 'A'," you give 'em that A!
    140507 These guys were little known victims of Nazi persecution--for failing to nail a proper "Heil!"
    140507 The guys couldn't afford kites, but that didn't stop them from going out and flyin' em.
    140506 Craig, the drag queen/licensed minister, took the dough and agreed to perform Bill & Dave's wedding service.
    140506 Once they learned their ABCs, she'd school them in chair sitting and other basics.
    140505 Chris was damned if he'd let fashion and color coordination with the enemy take a hit.
    140505 It was a toy missile, but George chased it for miles.
    140505 Ted took advantage of the recent flooding to keep himself entertained.
    140504 They looked like they'd washed up on the shore-(unfortunately, without soap).
    140504 Sadly, they missed the boat, literally, by not having sense enough to face seaward when yelling for help.
    140502 Many people knew of the American redneck, but less well known were the Northwestern longnecks.
    140502 Human feet are now SO passé; bird talons are ALL the rage.
    140502 No, of course there is no danger from drinking water near a fracking site. We're living proof!
    140501 There's not a ghost of a chance of your haunting until you behave.
    140501 Kids, I see right through you. Literally. So no more lies
    140501 Casper can't sit tonight, and the ghost of Christmas past is working so you're stuck with me.
    140501 You know what happens to bad ghosts? What do you think you're sleeping on?
    140430 Joe rethinks gettin' an edumacation.
    140430 I think I'm gettin' high off the soap suds....
    140430 I want marriage equality In the Kitchen, TOO!
    140429 Now that towel snapping was banned in the locker room, the guys turned to rocks.
    140429 When they said they'd give you the shirt off their backs, they meant it. Help with anything else? Forget it!
    140429 It was John's way of letting Bud know he liked him. Somehow Bud didn't pick up on that.
    140428 Stanley McC flashback, pre RS interview.
    140428 Mike gets a little frantic as he considers the Meal Ready to Eat that morning wasn't actually ready.
    140428 Now that Bill was 42 he wished to heck mom would let him have something stronger than a Shirley Temple.
    140427 "I can't wait 'til they invent polo shirts and shorts."
    140427 In robber baron days, the song went "This land is my land, this land's not your land..."
    140425 Greg had a horrible habit of publicizing his bathroom habits.
    140425 Hailing a cab in New York has become a competitive sport.
    140425 Dude, your name is Riley, not Miley, and no, I do not want to perform "Blurred Lines" with you!
    140424 Outdoor line dancing to the sounds of nature is pretty fun upon the heath.
    140424 Ofr Krupki, now on the Oz beat, heads to the Em City to cite the Wizard for illegal residency.
    140424 Bein' that there was no mall, the seniors from Pedukah engaged in Prairie Walking.
    140423 Dougie takes Jyl to see the local haunted house, otherwise known as Dick Cheney's home.
    140423 "Want to come up and see my crayon etchings?"
    140423 In the 2014 update of Hansel & Gretl, the witch has upgraded her home and cut back on sugar (in children, on houses).
    140422 Big Telecom takes outsourcing to new heights.
    140422 She wasn't hopeful. He lived 250 million miles away, and long-distance relationships rarely work.
    140422 Tom was smart enough for space travel but never quite grasped the mechanics of the "high-five"
    140421 In her defense, she told him early on that she was a back stabber. In his defense, he didn't know she was being literal.
    140421 Boot camp version of accupuncture.
    140421 Greta, a surgeon, couldn't leave her work at the office.
    140418 "Next time, don't tell them green is not their color. Please!"
    140418 One-sided laser tag--turns out the fun is one-sided, too.
    140418 On planet X it's called "catheter play"; on Earth, it's called disgusting.
    140417 The wolf came in many guises. Red became a homebody after this.
    140417 Not many people color coordinated their teeth to their dress, but Pablo was funny that way.
    140416 Pat had a pocket calculator, but no pocket caped man. He'd check that off his bucket list.
    140416 Those cracker jack prizes were getting better and better!
    140416 Tom knew he could've talked back and been rude, but decided to be (and really was!) the bigger man.
    140415 She didn't mind bunking with him, but who brings an umbrella to bed??!
    140415 She kissed frogs, dated louses and snakes, and now this!
    140415 Goldilocks discovers that the bear did not sleep alone.
    140414 It's a beautiful serenade, but I'm just not into heavy metal.
    140414 "FILE YOUR TAXES. FILE YOUR TAXES." The IRS 'bot-blasts the message.
    140414 First it's King K and now this giant peeping- alien-Tom. New York can't catch a break!
    140411 In the '50s you wouldn't catch a cartoon animal without a hat, but times were more formal then.
    140411 ET phone h...OWWWW!
    140411 Fortunately it was an e-cigarette, so Raffy just got a little shock.
    140410 Hazing was more polite in co-ed fratorities.
    140410 Otto knew Greta's gesture meant one thing only: It was tell little Ratso he was adopted.
    140410 Hewie politely accepted Vamit's offering and next thing he knew, he was engaged!
    140409 Laser Tag World Series 2014: \\VVpft vs U.S.
    140409 Sadly, they did not respond to the offer to "hug it out, b&*tch."
    140409 Sure there's a war going on with giant alien beings hellbent on destruction, but I just saved 20 % on my auto insurance!
    140408 Closer, Earl, so you can sop up that radiation.
    140408 Try as he did, he couldn't turn her on.
    140407 Since he was already part-way there, Steve took on extra work in "Return of the Mummy."
    140407 Kurt took the concept of "blind date" a little too far.
    140404 Not only greedy pigs were capitalists in Orwell's "Animal Farm."
    140404 The fox hires the rabbit as a decoy for the next fox-hunting party.
    140404 Bagz (distant cuz of Bugs)did what he had to for his carrot addiction.
    140403 Bill needed a beard, but Lee wasn't what he had in mind.
    140403 Ken vows to never fly economy class again.
    140403 Gus can't help but think that' Rich's shade of eyeshadow would go better with his beard.
    140402 Billy dreamed of the day he'd be able to walk to the door and lock it.
    140402 Little Timmy contemplated swimming to the other side and making a dash for the exit.
    140402 L'il Jeffy grew up to be a therapist; his dad was his first patient.
    140401 Sgt Nyncompute waves on his two-person, two-rock carrying army; They defected to the other side.
    140401 In this case "Mine's bigger than yours" wasn't a good thing.
    140401 They were out of crosses to bear or albatross to wear, so they made do with rocks.
    140331 The right music will get anyone dancing--even ganstas.
    140331 Jim couldn't do a "talk to the hand" while trying to escape, so he settled for a "talk to the tie!"
    140331 Bill attempts self-strangulation while readying to jump out the window. He always had a plan B.
    140328 "Living in a fish bowl" took on new meaning for the Bobblehead clan of Planet 0.
    140328 Gaudee's Winter line at Italy's fashion week was met with critical disclaim.
    140328 Some offices are colder than others.
    140327 He never did get better, but that's what happens with bad aim.
    140327 The Snake Oil salesman now offers the cure-all in pill form!
    140327 "The Amazing Pill-Taking Man" never really drew the crowds at any sideshow.
    140326 Tom whitewashed everything, even his own speech bubble.
    140326 Yeah he thought she was too clingy, but couldn't he just say it and not spray it?
    140326 Suds man knocked out uncleanliness wherever it raised its dirty head.
    140325 Book cover of "Men Are from Mars, Women are from SA&fpht@"
    140325 Bill had a taste for cross-dressing aliens in distress.
    140325 Thank goodness In\:gkcr had Triple A.
    140324 That boring office job was looking better and better by the minute.
    140324 George started to regret saying "Bring it on!"
    140321 Outtake from "The Close Walker" episode of Seinfeld that ended up on the cutting room floor.
    140321 "The Mafia: We Are Family."
    140321 Ray got the feeling he was being tailed.
    140320 For TinTin this was one adventure too many. The next day he retired.
    140320 The Road MUCH LESS Traveled.
    140320 Little Jimmy made a mental note to let Mom know he was okay with fewer weekends with Dad.
    140319 He had a horseshoe and clover and yet Rich couldn't shake the feeling that this WASN'T his lucky day.
    140319 Bill sees himself, really sees himself, for the first time.
    140319 When you sign with an escort service, ya takes what ya gets.
    140318 Another election campaign promo to vote for another clown.
    140318 Annie raved about her Lanclowne makeover.
    140318 Sally loved her Dad, but was glad she had her mother's nose.
    140314 Evil takes a holiday as the horned dude goes into his fourth hour on hold with [your phone company's name here].
    140314 The demon would forever be a model to young evildoers of the dangers of texting while hell-raising.
    140314 The moment Ken realized an unshaven face and a growing bald spot was the least of his problems.
    140314 The devil takes a selfie.
    140313 The Morton's Salt girl gets flack for wearing red.
    140313 Red R. Hood and an unemployed elf collaborate on a new children's story.
    140313 You'd never know they were the same age and the best of girl friends, but how one ages is a crapshoot!
    140312 She prayed hard. But, when she opened her eyes, they Were Still THERE!
    140312 Young JFK and his cousin put the moves on an annoyed blonde.
    140312 "Here's spit in your eye!" took on new meaning with close talkers like these two.
    140311 The rat went for the big close, but the bee rejected him. Talk about being stung!
    140311 "Fugget the land o' milk & honey, I"m talkin' cheese 'n honey. You in?"
    140311 Buzz is swayed to betray the monarchy and join the rat race.
    140310 The cop appreciated games like anyone else, but he thought this was no time for charades.
    140310 Fortunately, Reg's British "up yours" symbol was completely lost on the cop from Yonkers.
    140309 So, because of the planetary alignment and that UFO heading our way, it makes sense to get the pizza with the works...
    140307 The club's dress code of JACKET and tie is strongly enforced.
    140307 His mother always regretted letting him play the robber in Cops 'n Robbers as a kid.
    140307 Everyone said he was a puppet of the mob; in truth he was a "shadow puppet" of the mob.
    140306 Before leaving for a life of sideshows, Min showed the heel her heel, making sure that hand would never do magic again.
    140306 Merle's attempt to pass her off as shy was met with little success.
    140306 What do you mean "No tie, no shoes, no head, no service?!!!"
    140306 In my defense, I did tell her my magic was mind blowing.
    140305 Soon thereafter, both were declared blind from tooth glare.
    140305 C'mon, drink the Kool Aid. C'mon. This could be you!
    140305 Bert was smiling now, but not so much after he saw her caricature of him.
    140304 See? It says right here that you're adopted! (The Bad Twin)
    140304 I'll put 10 licorice sticks on the rocking horse in the seventh, and two gummy bears on Jack-in-the-box in the third!
    140303 She could detangle him or go to her noon pilates...She was thinking....
    140303 Tarzan was great for hanging out with, but she just didn't see him in black tie.
    140303 Lacey had an eye on Tom, but she just wasn't into that tied-up S&M thang.
    140302 Eight dollar cokes and $5 Mars bars were unsafe around the minibar thieves of Plano, Tx.
    140301 The military had its shock down, but was still working on its awe.
    140301 Gus catches sight of himself in a mirror, and discovers stripes are not always slimming.
    140228 The men all had one thought: "Who the hell is the Gipper?"
    140228 We're rationing helmets. Moose and Braun: If you pass the football to Jaque and Hefft, pass the helmets with 'em.
    140228 OK, doors open in 10. Smith, man the caf; Jones, you get hallway monitor; Burr, classroom passes. (School security 2014)
    140227 Blrg was green with envy over the purple everything that had come between him and Phftt.
    140227 It's a lava lamp/strobe light/boom box and all the rage on the Bus Ride From HELL.
    140226 The local mall runs out of Santas...
    140226 Billy learns he now has real competition for the title of "Class Clown."
    140225 "Simon Says" is the default game for stranded individuals with no board games.
    140225 They tried to market the Hand Visor: Accessory Not Included, but found little success.
    140224 Tom moved in for a kiss, but got the pavement instead. He got spectacles the next day.
    140224 Janet was glad she learned the hokie pokie, 'cause she was ready to put her left foot out--much to Todd's chagrin.
    140224 Sally watusied, while Craig foxtrot-ed. Arthur Murray was displeased, to say the least.
    140223 Both had drones on their mind: Mike argued for more, and Tim wished the drone next to him would stifle it.
    140223 Lt. James lets it be known without any doubt that he is a BELIEBER!
    140223 For a "Pull my Finger" in the middle of a military tribunal, Major Jones was later court marshalled.
    140221 If the fox has anything to say about it the lion won't sleep tonight.
    140221 A pig and lion walk into a bar...
    140221 The Lion King, off-off Broadway, in Syd's Lounge
    140220 OKAY, OKAY! We WON'T leave the seat up anymore!
    140220 Is that a missile in your hand or are you just unhappy to see me?
    140220 --And that was the last time Hank and Earl taunted a woman about penis envy.
    140219 Dali couldn't get this dream out of his head. It was the Persistence (he thought) of Memory....
    140219 Ted's finger pointing said all. Later he'd curse himself for the superfluous--and empty--speech bubble.
    140216 The three men could never see eye to eye. Literally.
    140216 Phil discovers if he squints real hard he can see that chip on Bill's shoulder.
    131229 They say they come in peace and are a lot o' laughs, but...maybe not so much.
    131229 They didn't stain easily and were water resistant. Still, Sheila hoped Planet B would upgrade the 'forms, soon.
    131229 They are lightning bolts, NOT the letter "N." Next time I design the logos, Sph@t!
    131228 I understand you're cold, Herbert. Good thing for you Ms. Led's communicative disease comes with a high temp!
    131228 Any intimacy with Bern was thwarted by his wayward ruff (which at the moment was headed for his intended's eye!)
    131228 It's in the stars, Mr. Galileo. Your daughter is joining our nunnery!
    131227 He looked cuddly, sure, but his 'stache was lethal.
    131227 King Fot was a stand-up ruler. King Pewton, not so much.
    131227 King Eatsalot started the first ever royal Weight Watchers group following this photo expose.
    131226 Frank fit everything Mina was looking for in a toy boy--right down to his toy size.
    131226 Dr. Pete was aces in his field, but his practice of disrobing for appts left him with a dwindling clientele.
    131226 Tighter, John. Tighter.
    131225 "Crocodile Rock"? Not so much.
    131225 "See you later, Alligator! " turns out, doesn't work with the real thing.
    131224 Ma Barmy sets up another hapless victim heist; Later she & Jr. would find lumps o' coal in their loot. Elf-1; Baddies-0!
    131224 "Elf fall off the shelf?"
    131223 Yeah, kid. No more "Here's the church, here's the steeple..."; no more "Pull my fingers!"; no more talks to the hand :(
    131223 Joe was a victim of compulsive high-fiving.
    131223 Sure, kid. It'll turn into a butterfly following the larvae period (Nurse!)
    131220 Herb was hard of hearing, so he made sure he got a gun with captions.
    131220 Clyde, being a literalist, made sure each bank job gave a little bang for each buck.
    131219 Fortunately, kitty was soon rescued by Santa Claws!
    131219 Fortunately Scruffy kept from losing his life by convincing Ratso to join a side-show and earn a bit o' cheese.
    131219 --When rabid mice dream of steroids and revenge!
    131218 Now, that's what I mean about a green Xmas. Uh-huh. You know it!
    131218 Fritz got the message: Gus needed a wallet for Christmas.
    131218 Hank makes a not-so-subtle offer to have his way with Greg (Order of Oddfellows).
    131218 "When Grown Elves Go Bad: The Untold Story." In movie theaters no where near you.
    131217 They waited with baited breath for his answer: paper...or plastic?
    131217 If he had to be surrounded with close talkers, he was glad it was these two.
    131217 He aimed to silence them, but what with the unitooth each had, the gesture was unnecessary.
    131216 The last time Giusseppe said "Juste a leetle more off the top" Jean-Paul became a hat-wearer.
    131216 No ordinary scissors would do for Jacques Van Dyke.
    131216 The Musketeers first considered cleavers for weapons, but The Cleavereers didn't have the same ring.
    131215 "Talk to the hand."
    131215 "See, my life line intersects with my heart line, creating..." And this is how the war was Not Won.
    131215 It says "You Need New Friends." Lucky Number is blank.
    131214 Glurg knew the kids didn't look like him, but was in denial of his wife's affair w/ Guy Robinson, who was Lost in Space.
    131214 After Timmy and Sue's alien abduction, their school altered its diversity training to exclude aliens.
    131213 On eBay: Botched attempt at early film colorization and editing. Yours!
    131213 If there's one thing Earl knew it was art--and "Green Woman Automatic" was not it.
    131213 Hank couldn't figure out why Julie seemed to dislike the gun hat he bought her.
    131212 Clark knew someone was stalking him, he just couldn't figure out who.
    131212 Things were slow at the Daily Planet, so Kent took to making a list, and Lois checked it twice.
    131212 Kent is determined to recover the rest of Lois's nose in "The Case of the Missing Schnozz."
    131211 A scene from Orwell's lesser-know sequel to Animal Farm, City Critters.
    131211 Smoking has gone to the dogs. Literally.
    131211 ET phone h--ow! Dammit!
    131210 At 42, Steve was still a student of life.
    131210 He was a thumb twiddler and she was aces at rabbit ears: They were a perfect match!
    131210 She was great at hand shadow puppets, but he didn't think that would qualify for the talent section of the competition.
    131209 Dr. Peter liked the womb-like construct. Later he'd suckle on a cigar.
    131209 The Van Dyke Society took members where it could get 'em.
    131209 In the end, he was done for by a surplus of ego and a deficit of id.
    131206 It wasn't long after his failed flight attempt that l'il Fluffy learned he was adopted.
    131206 Message from cat's prey: Cat--pray!
    131206 Revenge: It's for the birds!
    131205 The NSA: Is there any place they're not watching?!
    131205 Martin cons Lewis again in "LAAAADDDYYY: Aces Are Wilddd!"
    131205 Frank and Johnnie were mesmerized by cards, but always did better with dice, 'cause of the snake eyes.
    131204 Lady Gag showcases two of her recent concert personas.
    131204 Gregg thought she'd make a great addition to his Barbie collection.
    131204 The crew thought he was hot for the gal, but that was a phallusy.
    131203 Once he got the money, he'd let the Wile E. Fox, rub his foot for good luck.
    131203 Forget "What Does the Fox Say," What does the Fox PAY?
    131203 Bugs Breaks Bad.
    131202 After they saw what it did to the 'bot, the kids gave up smoking.
    131202 The 60s had My Mother the Car, Bewitched & the lesser known, Heavy Metal Sitter. Like the show, the lead was canned.
    131129 Jed was the worst at hide and seek. Luba stood there at least 15 minutes before he found her.
    131129 "Bum--and Bummer": Coming to a dysfunctional family near you!
    131129 This was the last time Martha would buy an "all sales final" mail-order husband on e-Bay.
    131127 The early bird doesn't JUST GET the worm. There's a lot of pre-reaping labor involved.
    131127 Gus was relegated to gardener at Universal, his hothead holding him back while Daffy and Toucan S. rose to great fame.
    131127 It was Duckie Dan who originated the trend of giving people "the bird."
    131127 There was Toucan Sam and one bottle Phil, and Phil never forgot it.
    131126 Ever since Madge quit smoking her new pastime was stalking smokers for a second-hand high.
    131126 Ted put on his safari hat and got out his map. Going outlet Mall hunting was a BIG deal!
    131126 "Let me help you, dear. It reads 'Dear John: I'm leaving you for another man. By the time you turn around I'll be go__'"
    131124 Todd had many a conversation with Lois's neckline. Yeah, her neckline.
    131123 He uses SPF 340--and L'Oreal anti-smudge mascara, and STILL he can't get a date!
    131122 You'd "Yes, Chief" the guy too, once you noticed his fist was as big as his head.
    131122 Now that it was unanimous that his staff found him the Fairest in the Land, the chief could go back to bizness.
    131122 This leaked photo spawned a class action suit as it revealed the chief had his Yes Men but nary a Yes Woman.
    131121 The kids were learning about Noah & the flood at Bible Reenactment Camp.
    131121 Neither natural disasters nor deadly plagues kept l'il Mikey from being a bully.
    131121 Bath time in the Mitchell household was always a trial.
    131120 O, Brother, Where Art Though GOING?
    131120 Steve was blown away by Joe-Bob's charisma. Later on, they were married in Wyoming!
    131120 Lance always freaked out the suits with his "See No Evil" wise monkey. They always figured he was on to something.
    131120 Moments like this made it dawn upon Jim that he had the makings of a great swing dancer.
    131119 The lazy man's triathlon--swimming stage.
    131119 They say it's a bear market, but I'd draw the line at their driving cars!
    131119 I love that song from Hair-the musical. What was it? Aquariummmm, A-quar-i-um...!
    131118 "I got tired of flying. Parachuted out & hopped on these wheels. Hope the deputy pilot likes surprises!
    131118 "Can't see a thing under these specs! Certified blind. I guess I'm just born to be WILD..."
    131118 "HEY, THELMA! WHERE'S LOUISE?!" (Her name was Amy, but she now understood why Thelma & her pal did a cliff dive.)
    131117 "You can ring my be-e-ell, ring mah bell...! He sure told 'em!
    131117 "The cock crows at dawn." They thought he was a seer, but actually he just had fun coming up with old-time sayings.
    131117 He hated being put on the spot this way, but Harold conceded yes, YES, he did have Prince Albert in a can.
    131115 WHAT did you say the Fox says?!!
    131115 Defenders of Wolf Life decided (wisely) not to use this poster for their upcoming campaign.
    131115 Wolf poked Sylvester, Jr. who would then cry "Wolf, Wolf!" Those crazy kids!
    131115 ...And scene...and Cut! Fluff dug the damsel in distress gig, but wished Wolfi would say it, not spray (or drool) it.
    131114 Ofr Ken adopts the donut bribe pose. He can get at least two on the index finger.
    131114 Hank shows excitement upon seeing Snoopy in the Thanksgiving Day Parade on 5th Ave.
    131114 Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do...?
    131114 Jesser was demoted after he pulled a "Pull my finger" in the middle of an arrest.
    131113 Watching Norman, one couldn't help but contest creationism.
    131113 In another world, the wildlife enjoys human entertainment, safely behind bars.
    131113 You hear about it, but here's an actual case of some clown getting paid peanuts.
    131112 The woman turned their backs on their potential spouses & later asked for a refund from
    131112 Their hours-long staff meetings were purgatory.
    131112 These human chess games in the Valley of the Damned were all wet.
    131111 The Mob wives later learned that the 'hose made for great robbery face masks.
    131111 "Legs" McGee was the speaker at the Mob Ladies' Luncheon, and demonstrates how he got the name.
    131111 The Women's Cannibal Society of '38 observe a demo of the current "meat" market.
    131108 Next time Max would choose a more ferocious Halloween 'stume.
    131108 Rob like to taunt all the cats after consuming an onion sammich.
    131108 Mr. Fluff was bummed; he expected the Bluebird of Happiness, but instead got the Redbird of Doom.
    131107 He meant to say "Beam me up, Scotty!" but "Beam me arse, Scotty!" is what was heard.
    131107 The villagers were told there'd be a light show, and a light show they got!
    131107 So, uh, there are high colonics, & then there are super high, tripping, knockyersocksoff, out of this galaxy colonics.
    131106 From this childhood experience, B. Dylan wrote the main riff for Wagon Wheel, later enhanced by Old Crow Medicine Show!
    131106 --And this, kids, is why it's important to learn how to read!
    131106 L'il Dickie Cheney showed signs of taking people for a ride since childhood.
    131105 Mimi simultaneously, laughed and cried, but thanks to botox and a face pull, Hank would never know.
    131105 Forget his threat and brawn; it was the sweat bombs headed her way that got Peggy to sing like a canary.
    131105 The price for riding the bus was a pull my finger, but that was a price Mary was loathe to pay.
    131104 Tom always ran hot and Sally ran cold. Somehow they made it work.
    131104 Rumor was that Lucy had a flaming bf. Rumor was true.
    131104 Overly friendly fire.
    131103 In the early days, British men wore the fascinators.
    131103 Mary was stoked when Brian said he was into heavy metal. Funny, how things turned out.
    131103 Tom pauses to consider why he didn't opt for civil war re-enacting instead.
    131101 The megaphone wasn't much use, given that she was blind and he was doing a pantomine.
    131101 Poor nosy neighbor; now she has to get in line w/ Google, Yahoo, NSA, Russians, Verizon & others in the nosy biz.
    131101 These iPODs disguised as megaphones were the greatest. Emma enjoyed the Stones, while the blowhard spewed hot air.
    131031 Say what you will about human 'shrooms, they have it made in the shade.
    131031 This one must've escaped the Weasley's garden de-gnoming project.
    131031 He is kind of moldy looking, so maybe he is a fun-guy after all.
    131030 After this, Kurt would rethink things before suggesting that anyone's mom wore combat boots.
    131030 Cirque du Soleil takes their performances to new heights.
    131030 Those flying Karamazov Brothers! Is there ANYTHING they can't do?
    131030 Fred's favorite song was "Space Oddity" and he thought now was as good a time as any to sing it.
    131025 It was harsh medicine, but after this, Ted never wolf whistled, ogled or harassed another woman again.
    131025 They were a perfect couple: Peg heeled and Tom WAS a heel.
    131025 After her term as head of Abstinence United expired, Mary let loose.
    131024 Does this mean you don't want to go out with me Saturday night?
    131024 If you're going to sock, me, at least spell your punch sounds correctly: It's 'whack,' ya, whack job!"
    131024 "I told ya, kid! My name's not Wak!"
    131023 There were the Sharks, the Jets, and the lesser known Catz (Not to be confused with Katz, the delicatessen).
    131023 Fluffy, Smudge and Cinnamon: Cat Gangz of New York
    131023 Mess-age in a bottle, yeah. Sending out an SOS!
    131022 Security has really gotten outta hand.
    131022 "I'm sorry, Ted, but your get-up IS derivative of The Flash's."
    131022 Christmas Man broke up the pending altercation and used both men for his holiday display.
    131021 What with ships and subs being in short supply, the amphib. unit took to meetings at sea. Literally.
    131021 Tom should'a known better than to try to beat the Admiral at Marco Polo.
    131021 Alas, Michael did Not row the boat ashore.
    131018 Merv caught sight of Congress in action, and realized they should be shut down.
    131018 Lame stand-up dudes and the bumpkins who love 'em would make anyone grumpy.
    131018 After a $24 billion dollar waste of a government shutdown, congressional dufis's turn the light back on!
    131017 Was it a werewolf or a wearwolf? Sal had a hard time deciding.
    131017 Hal longed for the days when his commutes were simply dog eat dog.
    131017 Urban jungle gyms provide great workouts.
    131016 The next day, Jan went to Congress to personally plead for an end to the shutdown and for her husband to return to work.
    131016 Chris had a nagging feeling that the date wasn't going too well.
    131016 Next time, *sniff*, go easy on the onions, Ed.
    131011 His reaction to her singing "Chim, Chiminey, Chim Chimeney..."
    131010 "I will continue to hold the gov't hostage, I will continue to hold the gov't...." J. Boehner.
    131010 Feather envy.
    131010 Ma! Is that you?!
    131009 While the nation heads into fiscal catastrophy, J. Boehner catches this latest showing on the 'Toon Network!
    131009 On the original Duck Dynasty, Daffy-Joe is visited by a sub tooth fairy, as the real one is out on furlough.
    131007 The drug disco didn't freak him out so much as the furry creature with the head shoe did.
    131007 Forget the spoon full of sugar, Mary; these guys help the medicine go down.
    131007 There are drug cocktails, and then there are drug cocktail hours.
    131006 It's safer behind my ear; I got a toad, chewed gum and some caps in my pocket.
    131006 Just give me a shave and a haircut, TwoBits.
    131003 Don't you hate when your eyebrows pop off of your head? I do.
    131003 Badly Drawn Boy got nothin' on us.
    131003 I got the tea, but it ain't a party anymore with no health care--oops, just lost another tooth!
    131002 While Bullwinkle sleeps.....
    130930 Liz didn't mind the fighting; she was too paralyzed from PTSD from having suffered through the posturings of Ted Cruz.
    130930 More than anything, Pat worried about solar damage from the creatures and what it would do to her skin.
    130930 It can be really, really stressful dating a superhero.
    130930 Others go the therapy or med route to fight their personal demons, but Lynn hired a street thug for hers.
    130927 Last time it was a bird's nest and now Val learned she had a butterfly on her head.
    130927 Meg was a ditz, but even she didn't believe the guy's line that his plane broke down and he needed a ride.
    130927 After four fatal pull my fingers, Phil tries a pull my thumb, to the utter alarm of a total stranger.
    130926 Toothless Joe reacts to Berta's flashing her pearly whites.
    130926 Someone didn't have their morning coffee, hmm?
    130926 He never forgave her for that "hair of the dog" joke, but when she said "What up, Dawg?" he went ballistic.
    130926 It always amused Rowf to no end how the dog knew her name and always said hello!
    130925 It was only fitting that Jan found her ashen, wooden date appended to the tree.
    130925 Jane Goodall turns her attentions to that other mysterious primate: The suited male.
    130925 Ma always told me to beware of the strange creatures that lurked in the forest. Now I know what she meant.
    130924 Anything spelled Rules instead of Rulz had no place in little truant Trip's life.
    130924 Ironically, carrying around the 10 lb. Safety Rules books brought countless injuries to the wee 2nd graders that year.
    130923 Once the booze high wears off, there will be a harsh crash landing down to earth for Bill and Sara.
    130923 Alfalfa and Darla before the studio spruced 'em up for the big screen?
    130923 The Invasion of Alien Nerds! See them sit nothing! Coming soon to a DVD discount bin near you!
    130923 See? Fracking, nuclear fallout, waste run-off from factory farms, doesn't affect one's quality of life At All!
    130920 New exercise fad of white collar criminals. The plane rental cost is steep but the running from the law skill-priceless.
    130920 Mrs. Raj couldn't afford to be a helicopter parent, so she settled on being a propeller plane one.
    130919 For all her classic beauty, Phoebe was a thug at heart.
    130918 The Friendly Skies did nothing while Jane fended off her attackers. On her next outing she deployed the shades.
    130918 Fly By the Seat of Your Pants Airlines, where flying is a team sport.
    130917 Tim and June were inseparable--INSEPARABLE! Sure it made for slow goin' during the work day, but love--ain't it grand?!
    130917 "Ms. Tayk, we asked you to get plaster to finish the job, not plasterED!"
    130917 When Mary's cat was too old to get stuck up a tree she filled in for it.
    130916 Dorothy went blonde and got a bit uppity once she grew up and returned to the Emerald City.
    130916 The tin man had all the heart in the world, and a full can of oil, but he was rusty with his pick up lines.
    130916 All he could offer was his hand. If he only had a ______!
    130912 The king was forever proving the point that inbreeding does, indeed, have dreadful consequences.
    130912 The Lilliputians suffered through the king's act & vowed to find another line of work--esp. one easier on the feet.
    130912 The King stood, waiting in vain for the fist bump from the cake topper that never came. Word.
    130911 The next day at his memorial service, amidst the sobs of grief, were notes of admiration at the whiteness of his teeth.
    130911 Barn had strange tastes, but when he was bad, his mother washed out his mouth with chocolate.
    130910 The gals were lousy at Hide 'n Seek.
    130910 Drag Day on the block was a HUGE drag when Big Fred showed up.
    130909 Damn! It was just Jade's luck to get a "pull my finger" right in the middle of a proposal.
    130909 The date was going so well until Mikey's mom came in to tell him it was bedtime.
    130909 Medusa can show up any time, any place. DON'T LOOK!
    130906 It was hard to tell that Roz was insulting and belittling Gil, but that's the beauty of a facelift w/a side of botox.
    130906 Checking your hat meant waiting through Ms. Kate's lame hat tricks. She never did manage to pull any rabbits out.
    130906 --And that was Mr. McConnell's friendly face.
    130904 He offered the stick of gum. She knew this could get tricky. Still, she wanted a chew....
    130904 She patted his head, told him he was a good boy and then threw the stick much farther the next time.
    130903 Little Bernie was out to lunch in more ways than one.
    130903 Tommy named names during the '50s and he never had a speaking part in a 'toon again.
    130903 The Little Lunch Thief soon turned to pickpocketing when he saw he could only make off with two lunch boxes at a time.
    130831 Together, Troy and Rob's heads provided enough Brill Cream to grease a nation.
    130831 When you're a greedy, tax dodging CEO of a top-25 corporation, you too can hire your own page turner.
    130831 Tim liked to practice Downward Facing Dog pose while helping his clients.
    130830 Some say John just couldn't hack it, but to most it seemed he had an axe to grind...(!).
    130830 The latest trend in human self-torture: Woodsman Boot Camp.
    130830 Peter, Paul and Mary were inspired by this tableaux, but if I had an A-Axe" just didn't cut it musically.
    130830 Cutting up Gulliver's sausage links was no easy task. "Go veg, Gull. Go veg!!!" (We're still in Lilliputia, right?)
    130829 She wasn't sure..yes, Yes!, little Sarah COULD see Russia from there!
    130829 This was the seminal moment Sophie chose dentistry as a career.
    130829 Red decided she was better off at the wolf's place.
    130828 Couples liked to feed Mike's voyeuristic tendencies by posing in amorous embraces outside his window.
    130828 Clark knew he was a Superman in the crime dept., but in the love dept. he just watched from the sidelines.
    130827 Public transportation being what it is, you takes your rides where you can gets them.
    130827 It was no masterpiece, but this painting was the highlight of psychoanalysis sessions with Dr. Freud.
    130826 Busted! Tom was caught watching the Super Bowl while on the job yet again.
    130826 "I'm having a whale of a good time! Hankering for a sub, though!..." were Tom's last words before a slap from Maggie.
    130826 "Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli, lolli pop.."
    130825 "Ten minutes more as his fake, mute wife. Maybe it's time for a career change."
    130823 "The Odd Couple" played to rave reviews in the Hackeystown County Women's Penitentiary.
    130823 Meg contemplated jumping after this vision of her future self in a cruel universe where L'Oreal Blonde is obsolete.
    130822 It's called a "Hi five." Stick your hand up & we bump 'em together. I should patent this, huh? My name? Hi Jones.
    130822 ..So apparently Marilyn and Joe are splits! And did you see what she was wearing? O.M.G. Hello? Fashion police!
    130822 --And then when the laughing gas wore off I Sawyer had removed all my lower teeth! Ha ha! What a riot! Ha..wah..WAA!
    130821 Hokey Pokey time always struck at the oddest moments.
    130821 Mae checked again, but there was no sign of a 'stacheod Vulcan gent yelling "Live long & prosper!" in it.
    130821 Monopoly was never the Banker's only gig: The world market was always in his designs.
    130820 Hey, Dude, can you put me back in the Enchanted Forest? Snow & my bros need me & I'm about to sneeze!
    130820 It's a friendship bracelet! Really. It just got tied up with the friendship anklets, etc. Huge misunderstanding!
    130820 I know I look edible, but please! I'm NOT a gummie bear!
    130819 Little Sally would never call her "Mitt" again.
    130819 The dark secret of the Island of Misfit Toys that Santa didn't want us to see.
    130819 After years of negative comparisons to Barbie, "Raggedy" Ann goes on a rampage.
    130818 You got a little bit of a milk mustache there, Biff.
    130818 Can you make the arrest without me? It's my nap time now.
    130818 I think we've got our quarry--old PeeWee over there stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
    130817 "Secret" Agent X-9 was taller & dressed differently than everyone, so he just started going by "X-9."
    130817 It's a hair gel I got from the beautician. It is so retro, right? So, please don't shoot, okay?
    130817 Seriously! Manilow is in town and I'm fanilow-ing OUT! See you there, be square. Peace out!
    130816 The king did say "I got your back, man!" but Gil had a vision of something else completely.
    130816 You think your work is back-breaking...
    130816 Without health insurance, this was the only way Reg could get some back work done.
    130816 Troy had it bad but his cousin Woody had it worse: He was the king's chair!
    130815 Fluffy asks Ken how HE likes a bath? Huh? Huh? He never attempted to bathe Fluffy again.
    130815 You really don't want to forget the Whiskas, but Ken fatally learned this too late.
    130815 The right of passage to cat "ownership": Soon the man would be properly trained.
    130814 Sal was a great guy-- especially when he was in another room in deep REM sleep.
    130814 Frank argues as to why he, too, should be a showgirl, while the women nearly faint at the thought of him in sequins.
    130814 Funny, thought both women, he's reading us the riot act, but it's not very funny, let alone a riot.
    130813 The last photo of Norman with all digits and right before he asked the snake to pull his finger.
    130813 This defining moment marked Colin's entry into the world of vegan militancy.
    130812 Rachel was lousing at Hide 'n Seek.
    130812 Mary pretended she was Ophelia, but she was only drowning in liquor consumption.
    130812 Sleeping beauty caught a sneak peek of Prince Charming and decided she'd rather sleep another 100 years.
    130811 Oh, Dirk! You know I'd love to marry you. Let me get on my face first before I say yes, okay?
    130811 Yes, that IS a blackhead! How can I expect to fight crime when I'm losing the battle with blemishes?!!
    130811 It's a flapper hat. Retro from the 20s'. All the villains are wearing them.
    130809 Two months after this sighting in 1972, the Pythons performed their first "silly walk."
    130809 Chris and Lyle presented damning evidence against creationism.
    130809 Usually you see the manifestation of the idea, but Darryl provided a real, live version of a bona fide brown noser.
    130808 Say what you will about those 50s air hostess's but even after a crash in a wild jungle they manage to look spiffy.
    130808 There's "Survivor," but the lesser known "BIBLE Survivor" never took off, what with all the snake bite deaths.
    130807 Oddly, after the guys posted this to their Facebook page, their babysitting gigs dried up overnight.
    130807 The Hicks couldn't afford an amusement park, so every few months they twirled the kids, then gave them a lolly.
    130807 The Flying Wallendas start training their offspring at a tender age.
    130806 We look like characters drawn from "The Watchmen." Maybe Rorschach or Dr. M will show up. Hurm....
    130806 The weary arm of the glad-handing politician takes a break.
    130806 People will think I twisted your arm for it, but now I OWN the Washington Post!
    130805 --This just in, News 8 Listeners: Blondes, it seems, don't always have more fun! Story at 11!
    130805 Bill was first to report live the assault of Julie's hand puppet against Julie herself.
    130805 Once Jenny was dry and composed, her first words to Gregg were "Say It, Don't Spray It!"
    130803 Prince ZgZg was blind & Dimpl was blind AND deaf. Fun conversations ensued!
    130802 Snumpy (the adopted child of Sneezy & Grumpy) was fed up with inbred royalty & monarchic rule.
    130802 When Lilliputians and Snow White's dwarves collide, things can get cuh-razay!
    130802 "I wanna be The Decider! I wanna be The Decider!!!" George W. had a hard time letting go of power.
    130801 I'd whine too if my friend forgot the marshmallows!
    130801 If only Lew used that feather in his cap to do a little dusting.
    130801 --And this little dust piggie went Whee! Whee! Whee all the home on FIRE!
    130731 Dorothy soon realized that post-Oz she herself had turned into a wicked witch.
    130731 The moment after the kid revealed his mom's real age in public.
    130731 Mommy Dearest: The Early Years
    130730 Guess whose coming to dinner? Nigella, Julia (in spirit), Jacques and Susie H'maker, all rsvp-ed yes!
    130730 McCaulay Culkin's mom, to whom he attributes his "Home Alone" acting chops.
    130730 Original image of Paula Deen and her first encounter with a leafy green veg.
    130729 Do not, I repeat, do not ask the flight attendant for extra peanuts.
    130729 Is that a missile in your hands, or are you just unhappy to see us?
    130729 The men realize they are no match for that missile --in more ways than one.
    130728 Carlos D. sexting again, while supportive pal catches the action live.
    130728 Fedora envy.
    130727 It's called "shaving cream." We use this, and something called a "razor" to hide our 'staches.
    130727 The hand is busy; talk to the rock.
    130727 Carlos D. Anger, pre-Internet days making arrangements with the reps of Syd Neil Ethers.
    130726 Blooey H.S. used team members for the dual purpose of playing games and teaching basic math.
    130726 Guys, for the last time, as Broncos "Hail to the Redskins" can NOT be your fight song!
    130726 It had been 3 years, but Rich, Norm and Randy still waited on the sidelines to be called in for a game--any game.
    130726 The Loosiers only had numbers 1-9 as they couldn't count past 10.
    130725 "Little Red Corvette..." Peg sang Prince before Prince even was. Once shd did "That 70s Show" theme, she was booted out.
    130725 Sal was a planner. When the driver wore out, she had a spare for tire-changin', toll payin' and license plate spottin'.
    130725 It was July 25, 1952, 61 years ago today in Dayton, OH, that "Three's a crowd" entered the American lexicon.
    130724 Douglas tries to express alarm but is forever rendered mute by an excised/beheaded speech bubble.
    130724 Benito is alarmed to find this is NOT the 52nd St. Mens Bathhouse.
    130724 "Do you have Prince Albert in a can??!!!" Phil liked to make crank house calls.
    130723 Belle's dreams of growing up to become an anonymous woman who places hats on men in dining clubs had come true.
    130723 Jim was fed up with mafia dress codes for every hit. And the dry cleaning expenses afterwards were outrageous!
    130723 The hat was okay, but the rabbit squirming under it would take some getting used to.
    130722 Petie's mama gets the townsfolk out to celebrate her 40-year old son's departure for the big city!
    130722 Juan Slitherin', nephew of He Who--You Know Who, gets a villain's send off before heading out to Hogwarts.
    130722 "Thank you, thank you!" When Jesse left town, a crowd always showed up to roar its approval.
    130721 It was stay another minute and listen to the dull drone, or run head-on into a herd of lions. Gayle flexed her shoes...
    130721 This is Sally's first encounter up close with the wild animals. They were better viewed with her glasses OFF.
    130721 Heh, heh. Chuck me on the chin one more time, and I'll chuck ya where the sun don't shine!
    130720 You're saying I don't have a broken leg after all & my chair has a mood disorder? Can I see your license, Dr. Nutjaab?
    130719 Now that John sized them, he knew exactly what to ask for during his gender reassignment surgery.
    130719 This is how Greg lost his lower teeth and how he was soon to lose his uppers.
    130719 It's chenille! Italian made jacket! It's so SOFT! Touch it. TOUCH IT!
    130718 Badly Drawn Boy brings Badly Drawn Cat to Badly Drawn Treatment Center.
    130718 Hey man, I been through the same thing. The wife didn't want more kids. You'll be okay--sore for a bit--but O-kay!
    130718 Take care, Mr. Squiggles. You can lick your catnip addiction. Try the Whiskas and write me while you're in!
    130717 One-sided games of laser tag are never fun.
    130717 They never show you the dark reality behind all those Doublemint commercials.
    130717 Floridians take Neighborhood Watch to Planet X. The residents are displeased.
    130716 IRS jailbirds use doing time to practice their accounting skills.
    130716 Oh, why, Normie, thought, why did I steal that damn cookie from the cookie jar??!!
    130716 Time out at St. Kydsell School for Delinquent Boys was no cake walk.
    130715 Yeah, it was the middle of the work day, but Stuart was never one to pass up a game of hide & seek.
    130715 Poor, naive Phil. He doesn't realize the NSA has the tree stump bugged too.
    130715 Having had little success with human women, Todd takes to courtin' a wood nymph.
    130714 Hey Darlin', you look like you've been out of onesies for a while. Wanna be my naptime pardner?
    130714 I'll have cranapple juice in a sippy cup-hold the rocks!
    130714 This one ain't bubble gum, it's chocolate--here have a bite!
    130712 Dude! "You got a spare tire" was a statement NOT a question! Got beer gut?
    130712 Dude, you got to get off the training wheels and lift some REAL weights!
    130712 So this is what your 'rents meant about getting "wheels" for your birthday. Sad.
    130711 Ralph could take that she wasn't real, but that she wasn't a real blonde and wore a wig just blew him away.
    130711 Benny shrieks at the demise of his best friend & the prospect of having to fork out $9.99 for the next one.
    130711 Real girls don't hang out with little Jules, 'cause they're no dummies!
    130710 Fraternities these days are so impersonal. Instead of the group hazings of yore, new recruits are expected to self-haze.
    130710 Normie couldn't afford 'shrooms, glue, or butane. Fortunately, his Comet trip never took off due to bad aim.
    130710 Later, when Howie was getting his stomach pumped at Mass Gen'l, he & Mom shared a laugh over her quirky sense of humor.
    130709 Summer Olympics 2020: Hosted by Planet dfa;\ of Galaxy '. Available by satellite only.
    130709 "When Hunger Striking Zombies Attack!" Now Playing in a Theater Near You! (If you live on Planet X!)
    130709 James Carville clones himself and starts a fitness boot camp.
    130708 Lance tries to escape by feigning he's one of the Von Trapped family singers.
    130708 He could order the unicycle, Gus, but no way I'm riding: Title X (Anti Species-Bias Act) protects me!
    130708 Seriously, Bill, I know I've got the arms for this job, and I'm good at hanging around, but it's a jungle out here!
    130708 I may be a monkey, argued the bellhop, but this guy to my left is a baboon!
    130707 I'm thinkin' "Chelsea" or "Hortense." John, John, whadday think Kate & Wills will name the baby?
    130707 As Lou lectured about the superiority of chips with ridges, Hank rethought hoodlumry as a life career.
    130707 I told ya I wanted the chips with the ridges, didn't I? DIDN'T I?!!!
    130706 Everbody dressed to the teeth for the Fire Over England. And when it floods--look out.
    130706 The Ruffs 'n Shoulderpads catwalk of 1512. Lord Nitwit designs. See Lord St. Lorent for purchase.
    130705 For laughs Pavil and gang would yell "I can see Russia from here" between shots of Stoly.
    130705 The priestly collar and mortarboard headgear were utter fashion failures in elite Russian circles.
    130705 Well, helloooo Dali! Seeing you here in cap and gown is surreal!
    130704 Yup. Every day, every year. We are the original Occupy movement--and we never leave.
    130704 Hey! October again! This time I'll go as a human for Halloween and scare the bejezus out of the fam!
    130703 Son, please! No more limbo dancing! Find another hobby.
    130703 Even into his 80s Moses was fighting off hoodlums with his staff.
    130703 "I tell ya, I'm not a pole dancer, kid! And get some glasses, will ya?
    130702 He faced rabid colleagues, vermin, living in the wild and being shot. Ghosts were the least of his problems.
    130702 Frank conceded: If they were gonna make it as haunts in 2013, they needed NEW material.
    130702 Nothing short of an apocalypse was going to disturb Harry's evening "me-time."
    130701 Tiny Tom liked to show off his demure size by squeezing through the 8x12" window.
    130701 While Meg attended to dessert, Chris attended to recycling the "mmm ugh" dinner.
    130701 "Sure I love your perfume darling!" (Air, I need air!)
    130630 Darling, can you breath down the other side of my neck a bit? It's getting cold.
    130630 Theirs was a chaste union. They were always three layers of clothing and two ruffs away from intimacy.
    130630 Ever get the feeling someone's watching you....?
    130629 Cal, I just can't do this without some really good villain 'stumes, you know? A cape, scary makeup, somethin'!
    130629 I'm sorry, Charles, but I'm so over the villainy thing. I've enrolled in the L'Academie d'Cuisine. Farewell, my crumpet.
    130629 You make a left at the Emerald City, turn right at Shangri-La and go straight until you reach Gotham City.
    130629 Look, I tell ya it's life or death! Get the 2 liter bottle of Cherry Coke. TWO LITER. Now get outta here!
    130628 The calm before the storm at the Home for Delinquent Toddlers
    130628 Sorry boys! You're about 15 years too old for the kiddy pool. But grab yourselves a lolly and get outta heah.
    130627 After another TV apology from Paula D. begins to air, Margo runs for sanctuary.
    130627 Peg heard the police siren and knew it meant only one thing: donut sale on at the 7-11.
    130627 Nell bolts from Cal to marry her gf now that she can get benes under the new Supremes ruling.
    130626 Finally, the Garbage Pail Dads get their own TV show.
    130626 Pig Pen Sr. was a fun Dad!
    130626 Little Bangg Bangg! Metal was a distant cousin of Bamm Bamm! Rubble
    130625 Finn read the fine print on his new NS A watch: "Because we love spending time with you."
    130625 Dirk realizes the gift watch from his gf is a live cam where hourly she sings "I'll Be Watching You!"
    130625 Bill held that pose between rounds in order to affect a look of concern in case the boss came in.
    130624 Staring deeply at her streaked roots, he thought only one thing: That color would look GREAT on me.
    130624 After two hours of chatting that way, both were admitted to the ER and fitted with neck braces.
    130624 Let me give you some advice, Misty: Quit while you're a head.
    130623 Tom was an early recruit for the govt's spying operations. So far, two emus, and a zebra were brought up on charges.
    130623 Tom spied another shopping outlet. This was Melba's best outing yet!
    130623 Hey, Sarah! I can see Russia--and your plummeting political career--from here!
    130621 No superpower could get Kent out of orientation duty for the new snot-nosed summer intern.
    130621 Clark cancelled his service and reconsidered the monkhood after his date with Berta.
    130621 The dark little secret of Clark Kent's & Lois's union was l'il Badley, who dropped the r from his name out of spite.
    130620 Times are tough when anarchist rabid raccoons in native gear go rogue.
    130620 Can't we all get along? Tomahawk-wielding raccoons dressed as indians and Disney-type ghosts? Can't we all get along?
    130620 Whose scary now, ghost?! Huh? BOO!
    130618 The lads saw the flag, thought it was a big marshmallow, ate it, and continued their "trip" on the yellow submarine.
    130618 After spending 15 minutes on the ship with a young Prince Charles, Lady Samila von Imp surrenders to the Argentines.
    130617 Back when, Keith would catch Tom and Nicole out for a stroll.
    130617 When children's stories go bad: The Stepford Wife and the Seven Dwarfs.
    130617 In Brenda's case, she really did speak out of her as*.
    130616 "Okay, but we gotta be outta here by 5, 'cause my Mom needs the room for her maj jongg club."
    130616 Footage from RKO's never-before-seen rival movie, "The Wizard of Boz," a sci-fi Dickensian film that never took off.
    130615 Fredi & Pete get hit with the kiss-cam.
    130615 It just hit Dave that the thing he forgot to bring with him to the game was his brain.
    130615 OMG, I so can't believe he is wearing those socks with those shoes! Like, O-M-G!
    130614 Pibs wasn't called "the Ram" for nothin'; once the enemy zeroed in on the target--bam! Hence the placement of the medal.
    130614 Talk about a bum rap!
    130614 When he got close enough, the medal sprayed hot pepper and Phipps had a good laugh.
    130613 Officer Dymbulb discovers what he believes to be Fort Knox in May's oral cavity.
    130613 Officer Bumblyr solves the case of the missing cookie, as a residual crumb flies towards his finger.
    130613 I can see China from here!
    130612 Herman argued that he was going to a pro-"lifer" demonstration, and it was his choice.
    130612 Tom used his gravedigger background as a defense, but just kept digging himself into a hole.
    130612 I think I see China!
    130611 Ted's Greek, Western, Sports-themed movie went straight to home video.
    130611 Another puff off that pipe and it's off to another adventure.
    130611 Ed jogs over to an ex's nuptials once again. He can't figure why he never gets the girl. His Dad is supportive.
    130610 Little Bern Madoff promised Sal he'd get her even more bingo cards. He transferred to another school that day.
    130610 Rookie Bookies, Junior League: Little Tommy later became a top hedge fund investor.
    130610 Babyleaks: Baby Manning takes Sally's note and shares with EVERYBODY.
    130609 Is he still up? Ronnie, you ape! Put him to bed. It's Bedtime for Bonzo! You hear me? Bedtime.
    130609 Ya have Prince Albert in a can? Well, let him out! Haw-Haw! (Even as an adult Peg was a great prankster)
    130609 Yes, I want RANCH dressing on the side. You heard right. RANCH dressing. S'long pardner.
    130607 The cloud prepared to kick Jeb's butt once it discovered the human had stolen its condensation.
    130607 Merle wasn't a-scared, but his hat was sweatin' bullets!
    130606 After electrolysis fails, Frankie tries a laser on his bushy brows.
    130606 "So I said take my wife, please!" Badabing badaboom! Hey Scotty, I'm bombin' here. Beam me up, will ya?
    130605 And, so, rather than get the button replaced on his jacket, Phil walked around with a defensive stance all day.
    130605 Major Nelson couldn't wait 'til Jeannie returned from vacation. This temp just didn't cut it.
    130604 Molly didn't help matters by flashing a full set of pearly whites at the mad, gap-toothed woman.
    130603 Geppetto, or "Joe," as he was now called, ran a diner for kids since Pino had grown up.
    130603 Joe didn't really need this gig. He was just a sloppy eater.
    130603 Even as an infant, Ruth Reichl knew when to pass up bad eats.
    130602 Some day the men would get over their fear of spiders. Today wasn't that day.
    130602 No wonder they were alarmed. They wouldn't be fighting crime tonight, but they'd get a good gander at Jupiter & Venus.
    130602 You know you really reek when a small army is deployed to shoot eau de cologne at you--from a distance.
    130531 She finally got the courage--and cash--to get him to go get his whiskers and ear hair trimmed. Oh, happy day!
    130531 Luke loved her, but wondered why she always took $$ from his pocket to hand to a shadowy figure behind him.
    130531 Kent gets bullied again for dressing up on casual Friday. For him, it "doesn't" get better.
    130530 Damn! thinks, Bruce. Beaten to the tea selection offering again!
    130530 At all the finer clubs, insider trading comes with table service.
    130529 Some shot the sh**, some chewed the fat; Jon and Marty tossed the trash.
    130529 This tableau influenced what was later to be known as the Trashcan School of art.
    130528 After this Jen decided she'd stick to popping out of a cake. Easier on the bum. In more ways than one.
    130528 "But she's a bedouin, that was her robe. She musta been lost--you know they're nomads!"
    130528 Revenge is a dish best served!
    130526 "Ich...Ich..." Ick is right, Tom thought, when he saw the stutterer and his belt-huggin' friend.
    130523 Cage-free humans can drive monkeys bananas.
    130523 Jane Goodall's evil twin: June not-so-Goodall.
    130523 Mrs. Crabtree's tantrum led Lance to believe she would not be a prime mate.
    130522 Mitch, being an odd fellow, wished he'd have joined the Odd Fellows and opted for a fez.
    130522 After this, McConnell was sued for inappropriate touching and wearing live fur.
    130522 Rocky Raccoon, checked into his room, but sure did not find Gideon's bible!
    130521 --And that was all that remained of poor Gladys.
    130521 Forget what the man was holding--Smedley was stunned by the hanger growing out of the man's head!
    130521 Every time Smythe was shocked he left a fire in his wake--and was out a cigar.
    130520 "War-riors! Come out to ea-eat!"--(Deleted scene of the Cooks gang from "The Warriors."
    130520 Chez Guevara's critics--the ones that lived--always gave stellar reviews.
    130520 With "wild game" on the menu, Chef got his weekly workout on the job.
    130517 Bill couldn't decide which was worse: The towel falling or John offering a helping hand.
    130517 Pip was great at the backstroke. Now, if he could only learn to do it in water.
    130517 John stopped going for a steam after he saw that The Full Monty was recreated during every visit.
    130516 Very good your Bloatedness! Now, dip the tip in ink and watch the words miraculously appear!
    130516 The bird dictates to the birdbrain....
    130516 Paw? Is that you?!
    130515 Seeing the fat man laugh was fun enough, but that he laughed sans sarif and in color just added to the fun.
    130515 Before hawking chicken the Colonel hawked gewgaws & whatnots, but couldn't keep a straight face in the process.
    130514 Jean prayed that the sweaty, lech-y mess in front of her would soon disappear.
    130514 "An then after I knit one, I pearled two! Have we been talkin' two hours already? So, where was I? Oh, so I knit one.."
    130513 "How to Murder Your Husband" (book title) --Oh! Sorry, darling! I didn't mean to startle you.
    130513 Billy, your dressing up as a woman to try to attract me is really a drag.
    130513 Another gynecological exam, Mrs. Robinson? You know I'm only pre-med, right?
    130510 You've got my pants and I've got your jacket again. Let the hilarity ensue!
    130510 Just us two again at singles night, huh? Nice mask!
    130509 Has anyone ever told you you have a really big head?
    130509 No!!! Door #3, Door#3 or I'll shoot!!! (Let's Make a Deal goes gansta!)
    130509 No, that's not a pistol in my pocket it's in my hands! And I am happy to see you!
    130508 I can't quite put my finger on it but it looks like this guy can.
    130508 Warning! When you see the little fanged dude, it's time to put down your drink and step away from the board.
    130507 Lee liked handing out candy for the dentist, as he and Ms. Rech developed the same toothless grin!
    130507 L'il Benny distracted Mrs. Gooch, while his partner in crime looted the joint.
    130507 Billy couldn't afford a hat for his magic tricks so he used an old lunch bag.
    130506 One man's trash is another man's....trash to pick up.
    130506 Trash attracts trash. We should be attracting any other associates of the Boston bombers any minute now....
    130503 Bluie pulls off the fascinator look in a way UK princess Beatrice just never could.
    130503 Misty gets ready for a game of duck and cover. Bluie's already halfway there.
    130503 Huey explained he couldn't run as, due to a recession gene, he was pidgeon toed.
    130502 Ma Nelson is pleased to see her kids showing early signs of delinquency.
    130502 The moment when young Dan Steinhilber became an artist!
    130501 With no end to the kid's sermon in sight, self-baptism is their only escape!
    130501 Billy breaks into the Saturday Night Fever dance, but the 'hoods fear a wet willy is on the way.
    130501 Huck scares the robbers off when he asks the cloud to pull his finger!
    130430 Sometimes Earl thought he'd rather die than pull Greta's finger.
    130430 "Heel!" Said it all.
    130430 Moneybags was having intense regrets about buying Mrs. Moneybags those spiked shoes.
    130429 She might be flying to her demise, but thanks to Aquanet and no-tear Maybelline, she'd be goin' in style!
    130429 Goodbye, Barbie! Don't let the road hit your unusually tiny waist and big head on the way out!
    130429 Now that bungee juumping and ski diving were checked off her bucket list, Lisa now had truck diving to check off.
    130427 For Tom being a metalhead was not enough. Like so much, he took the concept a little too far.
    130427 It was a gay evening for all, especially for the wives in the other room who eagerly discussed annulments.
    130427 With this new head gear doubling as chalices, the church was able to keep down expenses for the year.
    130426 Floyd embarrassed the other hoods, but he was an unrelenting Bieber belieber and when a Beeb tune came on he was mush.
    130426 "For the love o' Pete, please don't say 'nucular' or 'bring it on' again! PLEASE" (At the W Library in Dallas).
    130426 At Palin press conferences, not only facts take a hit, but pee breaks, too.
    130425 School's- Out- for- -the =Summer!
    130425 Archie creates his own disco inferno--(in the sequel, he's kicked out of school and peddling bootleg DVDs on the street)
    130425 When good comic characters become radicalized.
    130424 No, you look great, really! Love the scales! (Doesn't he look like a bump on a log, thought the tortoise.)
    130424 Terrapins versus Gators! Game on!
    130424 Yeah, that's right, salivate all ya want. By the time I reach you you'll have died of starvation, thought the tortoise
    130423 Lance's superhero apprenticeship fell short when he swooped in for the rescue prematurely.
    130423 And so then I told him, 'No way!', an' he says..." Sir Rob was having second thoughts about rescuing Lady Tawksalot.
    130423 Hey, thanks for the rescue and everything. Do you think you can swing by the bank to pick up my boyfriend?
    130422 It was back to crazy Mary or drowning at sea. The men were thinking....
    130422 "No, it's out further than that! Keep looking!" Mary really did try to wash those men right out of her hair.
    130422 Hey Tom! If you make it to shore will you pick me up some bread at the store? (Scene from "The Hungry Sociopath").
    130420 Finally the coats agreed their subject in white face, bowtie and tails was not mad: He was an entertainer!
    130420 They employed the worst torture they could think of to get Mr. Blackwell to talk: Wearing white after labor day.
    130419 April fools.
    130419 Bob and Bud wait it out a few hours and then concede that it is not, in fact, raining men.
    130419 Told by the NRA (who has it on good faith from chicken little)that the sky would fall, two senators keep a lookout.
    130418 "Beam me up, Scotty! Heh Heh. ut, seriously...once the 'ship gets here it's only 0.066667 light years to home!"
    130418 So's I said "Take my wife, please" and when he said he had a frog in his throat all I could think was Jee-zus!
    130418 Phflippt resorted to a bit o' soft shoe and dance now that sea monster benes took a hit.
    130417 "Yes, blue is my favorite color, too!, but can we have this discush when I'm not at the controls trying to land a plane?
    130417 They both gazed longingly at each other with the same thought: "Take off that ridiculous hat!"
    130417 When he was Superman, he flew fine, but as Kent he was easily distracted.
    130416 Cal reveals the secret to his numbers game: It's all in the eyebrows.
    130416 The grifter's bill is never fair.
    130416 The way to deal with con men is to squirt some grapefruit in one eye--and then the other!
    130415 When someone appears that clean cut, be suspish. Be verrry suspish!
    130415 Betty dodged a bullet when Archie finally chose Veronica (after 67 yrs according to NPR!)
    130415 When he heard "Archie-kins" one time too many, it was time to sub the Betty head.
    130412 Fred was always a gent, so when it came time for lock-up he offered his wife up first.
    130412 Young Rodney D trying his "Take my wife, please!" routine with the local law.
    130412 Officer, we've told you already. There is no 7-11 in this town and we DON'T sell donuts!
    130411 When Dad gave Cal a little baseball bat he didn't expect the kid to use it to stir batter!
    130411 Boy, was mom going to get a surprise on her birthday!
    130411 Mud pies were sooo declasse to Billy, the child gourmand.
    130411 Little Vic learns early how to get his parents to suggest going out for dinner.
    130410 She was full-time Maori, part time comic strip actress.
    130410 Another cat and dog fight, huh?
    130410 Well, Doc? Does she have the (cue the electric guitars) "Cat Scratch Fever" duh, duh, duh Duh..?
    130405 It was like plugging up a dam, and the only way he could keep himself from bursting.
    130405 The king suffered from bulimia and exhibitionism. It made for an uncomfortable scene at the wedding.
    130405 King Fluke says I do to his true love: Frosting.
    130404 when things were tough, Baj went to his happy place...
    130404 Pierre thinks back to childhood pal, Huey who, because of inter-species prejudice, was odd one out of the oddfellows.
    130403 Word had gotten out that Jan was running with a GANG when really she was RUNNING with a gang. Sad.
    130403 Art student vandals: painting abstract oils one piece of public property at at time.
    130402 Greg hoped she'd get tired of admiring his mechanical skills long enough for him to call AAA.
    130402 She seemed like such a nice girl to Bill, until she decided to practice the art of pickpocketing on him.
    130402 While Adam toyed with his latest gadget, Eve made sure the apple was spit-shined!
    130401 Tom thought that Gil needed a good goosing. Gil just cried "foul!"
    130401 Things were getting serious between Pat's shadow puppet goose and the real one.
    130329 Next on Sea Creature Makeover with host Ura Fungai: Eyebrow waxing and shaping.
    130329 Dick Cheney's early ancestor terrorizing an innocent sea creature.
    130329 The savage predator makes anemone of everyone.
    130328 Forgotten in the annals of super heroes is Odorwoman, who employed underarm reek to repel evil doers.
    130328 PTA meetings were never the same since Mrs. Melin joined the board.
    130327 There was no question now; John really was a bore.
    130327 When Jean said "Hold me!," Bert thought she had something else in mind.
    130327 The super wealthy have people to support them for impulsive midday snoozes.
    130326 "This is the bread of affliction?!!"
    130326 Kirk was all ready to counterattack when he noticed Nigel's mini skirt.
    130326 There is no escaping cloud riders--except by hitching a ride with the moon.
    130326 Tir practiced a look of surprise for his upcoming bday party at the most inopportune time.
    130325 L'il Billy hypnotized himself. Sally's plot to be an only child was on its way...
    130325 The kids would sneak out of their toyless home to play with the scrap piece of rope they called Loopy.
    130325 Silly Billy was always threatening to off himself, but he could never grasp the concept of how a noose works.
    130324 Before unmanned combat airborne vehicle drones, there was Marty the Drone, and the Army used him to great success.
    130324 Benny left an astounding number of hara kiri victims in his wake.
    130324 Fortunately Yin was spared the lout's prattle, as she had mastered the art of sleeping while standing up.
    130322 Finally they were leaving! Now Diane was able to enter a workforce previously restricted to men!
    130322 After the war, Max and co. found steady work with their personalized alarm/reveille service.
    130322 Poor, dear, John. No sooner had he bid adieu to his wife than she started writing him a letter....
    130321 Tom was known for embellishing and in later years he'd claim to have been shot during war time.
    130321 When Bruce saw a sign for "shots" he prepared for a fun evening, but was SORELY disappointed.
    130321 Tom thought he'd be engaged in conflict in the service but he never figured he'd be engaged in germ warfare.
    130320 The economy being what it was, the itinerant ghosts took haunting gigs as they came.
    130320 Seriously, everyone else Kip knew was haunted by ONE ghost, but Nooo, he had to be haunted by two!
    130320 Bud knew he was no fashionista but he was appalled that his clients wore white after labor day.
    130319 No one could accuse Sally of having a dry sense of humor.
    130319 Callie's camera was very candid.
    130319 Most people are unaware, but before Steinem and Friedan, there was Jones and the Women's Lib Guerrilla Front.
    130318 Maeve was soon to discover that a feral child came with her new marriage.
    130318 In between time not passing a decent budget Congressmen liked to dress up and act out their favorite plays.
    130318 Marge re-thought her membership in the CAG (Cartoon Actors Guild)once Krazy Kat took over and things got a bit blue.
    130317 Zara waited for her husband to grow up and leave the Martian reenactment group but it would be light years away.
    130317 The guys were decked out to test the currents for their chick magnetism.
    130317 Everything was fine until someone yelled, "Put the kettle on!" and then all hell broke loose.
    130315 When Grumpy came back with the giant's big foot in tow, the guys wazn't laughin' so hard anymore, waz they?
    130315 This was the last time Grumpy ever pledged a fraternal society!
    130315 After this, the "It Gets Better Project" took Grumpy on as their cartoon outreach spokesdwarf.
    130314 Velveteen Nerve!
    130314 He feels his pain. Literally.
    130314 When Sean wasn't pushing buttons he was touching a nerve. When it got inappropriate, he was promptly reported.
    130313 Kent wondered what the suit was doing in the Iyengar yoga class.
    130313 Greg always dolled up a bit too much for construction jobs, and was left wondering about the rude stares.
    130313 Sure Lars had a gold brick worth a trillion dollars; still, DAMN that other man with his full head of hair!
    130312 Mistaking Maeve's hat for a plunger was not best foot forward by Peeve.
    130312 With his stars & her precipitation they were like the night sky. Now all they needed was a bit of moon.
    130311 It was a good thing that Tom was driving, 'cause Meg always lost her head in these situations.
    130310 Together, in a passionate embrace, the peers had but one unifying, unspoken thought: "Say it, don't spray it!"
    130310 Fire over England or fire in his loins? Sir Reg became confused.
    130310 For his infidelity, the queen made Sir Tom and his lover serve as cake toppers for their wedding--before the beheading.
    130309 At every birthday the gang took a break from villainy for a little pin the tail on the donkey.
    130308 The snake charmer? Not so much charmer as snake, it turns out.
    130308 It wasn't so much the throwing hand as the other one and where it was headed that got Raz & Dep to run like hell.
    130307 When dinner with Superman ended with "Gotta fly!" he meant business.
    130307 Dougie's spring shoes came in handy when it came time to pay the bill.
    130307 As the bean dish took its toll on Sims, Smythe deployed his menu as a shield.
    130306 Her spurning would soon motivate Fang to found Over-Sweaters Not (unfortunately) Anonymous.
    130306 Since Leon couldn't get the tear ducts to drip on cue, he layered up and let the sweat do the crying for him.
    130306 Too much reckless grooming, meant it was raining Brill Cream for Wang.
    130305 --George learned his lesson after this, and never said "nucular" again.
    130305 Exercise boot camp was getting seriously brutal.
    130305 Ted was enraged as it was, but when Mutt asked him "How's it hangin'?" that was the last straw.
    130304 Bub knew that if l'il Pea didn't have stained teeth by the time he turned 1, he'd be an outcast amongst his peers.
    130304 To Earl it was the equivalent of mother's milk--to the law it was the equivalent of three years in jail.
    130303 Celebrity Mobster Bake-Off enters the final round. The fans are on edge.
    130303 Even mobsters break for the Harlem Shake.
    130302 Ya gets what ya pay for with intergalactic dating sites.
    130302 Jeb's love affair with heavy metal was about to get serious.
    130301 The last shot of Hobo Pete before the accident. Thereafter, he was known as one-armed Jack.
    130301 Somehow, when Paw and Jr. hitched a ride while walking on the rails, the train always stopped.
    130301 Uncle Sam promises Jr. that someday the U.S. debt and deficit will all be his!
    130228 Answer the Riddle, Answer the Riddle!!!! (Never mess with a sphinx.)
    130228 This was the moment Dad realized it was time to get Junior off of steroids.
    130227 When editing songwriters the editor must really know how to conduct himself.
    130227 Fred had to play editor and writer since the recent staff cutbacks, and he was pretty hard on himself.
    130227 The editor starts to hatch a plan for deleting/crossing out this blowhard.
    130226 Witless Willy heard his friend wanted a "hole in one" and came to help out.
    130226 Moneybags was told to bring an iron for the shot, but thought any metal apparatus would do.
    130226 Larry's "wide stance" was perfectly legitimate--on the golf course!
    130225 The Suits Ballet never made it big, what with the former staffers throwing eggs at every performance.
    130225 So, Gregor Samsa woke up an insect and these guys woke up to hands for feet. Some mornings are just like that.
    130225 When word spread that Legs McGee was comin' for revenge, the gang took precautions.
    130222 The officer insisted Al show him how to make paper airplanes.
    130222 Cops on the take (police corruption writ [but not written!] large)!
    130222 This cop not only fired blanks, he doled them out, too.
    130221 Talk about fast food!
    130221 The lengths some waiters will go to for a tip! And the lengths diners will go to avoid payin'!
    130221 A real moveable feast!
    130220 Flashback: The genesis of Disco Inferno (Burn baby Burn!)
    130220 Peg smiled with the blowhard waiting for the pain meds to dull all senses.
    130220 Feds receive the news: Another snow day!
    130219 Glenn liked to watusi AND juggle at the same time.
    130219 Take THAT, you vase!
    130219 Bowling for Bonuses! The latest in corporate fundraisers.
    130218 Croc criathalon: After fencing, there was mauling and gnawing.
    130218 Well, he couldn't afford new dentures and he had to take care o' business, so...
    130218 Fang couldn't help but think he lost some of his fearsome cool with the babushka around his head.
    130217 Someone ate the charms out of the Lucky Charms box. It's something we just have to face, man!
    130217 We figured you handled the news about the Easter Bunny so well, you were ready for the "Santa" talk. We're sorry.
    130217 It's true, Kip. Tonight is the Season 3 finale of Downton. Chin up, old fellow. Chin up!
    130215 When Tom read that she was looking for tired, wretched refuse, he signed right up!
    130215 Between the giant sun and liberties flame, the great unwashed guy would be cinder by sundown.
    130215 Phil saw that she had a light, but where was he going to get a smoke?
    130215 I wonder if I can borrow her robe?
    130214 It's "Bring it on! George," my husband. He's off to ruin the economy, so you're safe. For now.
    130214 "I know! He's the biggest gun proponent and I married him. Here he is now!"
    130214 It's the Justice of the Peace here to marry us, Joe! It is Joe, right?
    130213 Ken never got over his Peter Pan phase.
    130213 Forget the ball! Ted just worried that his ankles looked fat.
    130213 He missed the ball, but his pirouette was outstanding!
    130212 Whadda you mean you wanted a blonde?!
    130212 Hey, it's one of those big hands from yesterday!
    130212 Here's good reason to quit while you're a head.
    130211 THESE weren't supposed to grow (when product placement gets Misplaced!).
    130211 It wasn't so much troubling that their hands were growing as that their heads were shrinking!
    130211 THESE weren't supposed to go (when product placement is misplaced).
    130211 Max and Phil did a "It was this big!" gesture one time too many.
    130210 Wasp woman? I'm non-denominational, atheist-leaning man. Pleased to meet ya!
    130210 This would SO look better on me. Have you seen my waist?!
    130209 If I could give you the last fry back I would! Dessert?
    130209 Is that a gun in your hand or are you just not happy to see me?
    130209 Yes, I AM stylin' far more than you, but can't we talk this over?!!!
    130208 Well, Raj passed the doobie on the left-hand side but it was always wrong way up.
    130208 Tom had a strange hankering for smoked curry.
    130208 Sometimes the cigarette holder with cig. functioned as a big middle finger.
    130208 ...And I thought waterboarding was bad!
    130207 When Rick told the guys he was taking "Daisy" out for a spin and then she'd be staying the night, they just assumed...
    130207 Fortunately he doesn't have far to go. He teleworks.
    130207 Now I see why he's always complaining about spinning his wheels.
    130207 He over-doped trying out for Lance's team.
    130206 Some Citronella candles work a little TOO well.
    130206 Some people see the light; Sven smelled it.
    130206 Don't move; I think I can see Russia from here.
    130206 Now I'm reminded why I prefer being in the dark.
    130205 Yes, those two are around my neck. Yes, they are filled with air. Oh, air head! Yeah. I get it! (Huh?)
    130205 They're thought balloons, but I haven't had any ideas yet. Thoughts?
    130205 Whoo hoo! Just turned 33. Cake and ice cream next! What do you mean I'm a "mama's boy"? (COMIN' MA!!!!)
    130205 This is what it looks like when someone with "Up with People" says they're going to hang themselves.
    130204 First his wife told him he was a bad catch and now this guy. Of course Murph cried.
    130204 Rich Uncle Pennybags (the Monopoly Banker) takes to minin' and lookin' for gold after losing $$$ in the '08 bust.
    130204 Max thought he'd nabbed a clownfish. Instead he nabbed a Clown fish. Sometimes spacin' and spellin' makes all the diff.
    130201 Modern attempts of a ruff met with ridicule from students and teacher alike.
    130201 When this didn't work, James invented "Talk to the hand."
    130201 ...and so, in a small-town H.S. in anywhere U.S., the concept of the cubicle was born.
    130131 Getting Z ass kicked!
    130131 THIS is what a really bad headache looks like.
    130130 Love Potion #9 takes hold of Ron, as Harry shifts nervously and other classmates flee.
    130130 Harry gained more than the freshman 10 during his first teen year at Hogwarts.
    130130 Chris Christie's strange brew was Martha's cue to flee.
    130129 You know what he used to cook it, don't you? A croc pot.
    130129 All the kid and the rat could think was, "There but for the grace o' G-d go I."
    130129 Puff attends to the munchies, while little Jackie Paper and friend look on.
    130128 Politicians begin electioneering for mid-term elections.
    130128 Punch Adams becomes punched Adams when things go awry at the monkery.
    130128 Well, Hello Dalai! Honk, Honk!
    130127 Fred debates going back and changing into a darker suit. This could get messy.
    130127 Prince Harry at another costume party?
    130127 Hans catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and sees that he (ick!) bin an arsehole.
    130126 Kansas City does a bad job of keeping it confidential with just a robe.
    130126 Casual Fridays at Stallone's home.
    130126 Don't you hate when you just wake up, haven't had time to get dressed, company is over, and you get a "Pull my finger"?!
    130125 When Uncle Billy told him to make like a bird and fly, he did his best. He was such a literal kid.
    130125 Mr. Carson gives Thomas what-for in the new graphic version of Downton Abbey.
    130125 Back in the day, when Georgie B. showed any signs of ruling, Dickie C. sent him back to his white room.
    130124 Suits sans the suits.
    130124 What's a little lice between friends?
    130124 Don't look now, but Magnum is in the building.
    130124 What's a little lice between friend?
    130123 Hey, look! Wall Street finally got a mascot!
    130123 Red, I get that you're promoting your tale, and all, but do you have to bring the wolf with you everywhere?
    130123 Yes, you look great. Maybe a step or two back. That's it...
    130123 Maria, Arnold has taken' leering to a whole, new level.
    130122 More yellow hair dye AND paint! It would be a great, sunny day in the Twotone household.
    130122 Henry smiled before pulling the chair from under Phil. Later in class he learned the word sociopath & had a revelation.
    130122 Henry was all for Bill's coming out of the closet, so long as it didn't mean disturbing his dozen blue jackets.
    130121 Even in the midst of a bicycling mishap Bern HAD to make sure his hair was properly spiking.
    130121 Soon Bill decided to go from bicyclist to abstract artist.
    130121 It was the bone that worried him most...
    130119 As far as conductors go, William was top notch, but his failure was remembering to stand IN FRONT OF the musicians.
    130119 Betty never let her rivalry with Veronica go!
    130119 While Mary sang into the mirror (good voice, not so good brain) Kent took over miking duties.
    130118 How the term "The boss is breathing down my neck!" came into being.
    130118 When two shy people converse, it looks something like this.
    130118 Mike couldn't help but think he'd so much more kick it out of the park in that dress.
    130117 Congressional junkets are the next boat over.
    130116 I thought you said you were pro-life?!
    130116 When the man called Tom a jive turkey, that's when the feathers flew. Turns out the man was chicken. Phew!
    130116 Tom started singing The Funky Chicken, having mistaken the piece as a microphone.
    130116 Taking the notion of fresh food a little too far, the gun-carver never really took off as a kitchen tool.
    130115 Gus and Joe lament the lacking quality in the younger, gen X version of secret agents.
    130115 Soon Bill realized that mid-air, mid-flight was NOT the right time to declare his undying love for the cap'n.
    130114 When Hal signed up for the "graveyard shift" he had thought that was a figure of speech....
    130114 At the annual ghoul bash, Kirk freaks everyone out with his man suit.
    130114 Juste an autre tableaux of a corporate exec. and his slave laborers. Off with HIS head!
    130111 G))1 and ^J felt a mutual pull, but just couldn't get a handle on it. Both were rusty.
    130111 Real metal heads.
    130111 You know that split second when you see someone and you just know they're the one? This wasn't one of those moments.
    130110 Blitherington realizes he's ordered the gluten free, hypo-allergenic, diet, raw "green" wine.
    130110 Yes, Sir, that is a diaper on my arm. We are a multiservice restaurant.
    130110 My name is Craig and I'm a Pisces. I like waterskiing and reality TV. I'll be your waiter tonight, Sir.
    130109 Jeb didn't know what the hell he was doing, but everytime he got into this "mating" stance, the gals came a-flockin'
    130109 Seriously, Eve? Fool me once...Oh, what the hell! Just one bite...
    130109 While Lili distracts Norm with food, Marg prepares to take advantage of his subtle invite to "kick me."
    130109 Seriously, Eve? I won't fall for THAT again!
    130108 Too bad Lord Phlippt doesn't peek below that letter to read the important news that there's a FIRE OVER ENGLAND!
    130108 OMG! Too old to be Santa?! Santa learns he's been made redundant and is being replaced by a sr. elf. Ageism sucks!
    130108 After getting his hair done, Santa waited for his mani-pedi. Post-Christmas season was his "me" time.
    130107 --And Ken and Pete wonder why they can't get dates.
    130107 Bob will do anything--anything!--to rid his roomie of those mutton chops.
    130107 Things heat up at the supervillian tryouts.
    130106 Sometimes it's cute when pets take on the look of their human companions; and sometimes--not so much!
    130105 Little did Rob know of Laura's secret past as a delinquent. Oh. Robbb!
    130105 Before there were binders to hold them, these women were kept under lock and key. You've (not) come a long way, baby!
    130104 "Animal Farm" made Farmer Tripp see the value in equal treatment for ALL. Later, he'd chew the cud with the udders...
    130104 With those happenin' pointed shoes, deliberate five-o-clock shadow and pervasive cool, you knew these were Jersey cows.
    130104 USDA Grad School expands its continuing education outreach. The herd is udderly mooved.
    130103 Tryouts for the Village People circa 1977.
    130103 Peter waited to cut in. Someday they hoped to meet real women, but until then, brooms hilda and Jen would have to do.
    130102 Yes, honey, natural gas is an alternative to coal, but you really should say excuse me. And no more beans for you!
    130102 For the next visit, I'll bring some lighter fluid and marshmallows, okay?
    121231 2012 flees as 2013 comes in like a bull.
    121230 Everyone knows of Jonah and the Whale, but into obscurity has gone the little known tale of Elvin and the Dinosaur
    121230 To view this pic properly, blacklight, spliffs and Stones (or stoner?) music required.
    121230 The Little Prince's final adventure was one he didn't reckon on. The boa constrictor was one thing...
    121229 Begin your day, awake or comatose, with Florida Orange Juice!
    121229 Never let a work event--like a surgery--get in the way of a good cocktail hour.
    121228 Anyone else's "Pull my finger" could be ignored, but when this guy said it, you came a-runnin'.
    121228 Nobody could dance the Minuet as well as Gulliver's finger.
    121227 The Decline of Western Civilization 2013. Coming soon to a couch near you!
    121226 Oh, John, you are funny. What a pistol. Literally.
    121226 No, sh**, Sher.. uh, Dougie. It's called a "brain." Sherlock has one and uses it in lieu of the pistol.
    121226 Sorry, Clay. No pistol will compensate for the puny size of your little friend.
    121224 What's with the extra suit slung over Santa's arm? And, heyyyy! Where's Mrs. Claus?
    121224 Now that the kids got a first-hand look at Santa, they gave him their special Christmas wish: The return of the martians
    121221 Spanky and Alfalfa start hanging out with a rougher gang and become big rascals.
    121221 Parents: If your kids look like this, they may suffer from TMJ, buck teeth or just mouth agape in horror syndrome.
    121221 When bullies catch a glimpse of themselves in the mirror the results ain't pretty.
    121221 In episode two of the kids reality show "Lord of the Flies," things take a turn for the worse.
    121220 Lady F's suitors fortify themselves with drink--and more drink--before the big meet in the lab.
    121220 When back home in Scotland, Ewan McGregor does some trainspotting with the ole gang.
    121220 Thanks to social networking, Oliver finds old pickpocket pals Fagin and Dodger & meets up for a happy hour in the park.
    121219 She didn't have the heart to tell the guys she was a man in drag. They'd find out later this eve, anyway.
    121219 Mary knew the boys couldn't help it, what with their stunted growth and being raised by wolves, but still...
    121219 After dealing with the snarky boys from Cranford, Meg becomes an avid supporter of birth control.
    121218 The 'bit let the boys have their fun, But come tea time it would be down the rabbit hole for them all.
    121218 Cool, huh? And you should see what I can pull out of my bum!
    121218 "Cannot save here" maybe, but CAN save "HARE."
    121217 A little mouse and gel this a.m. and at least you'd be going down in style.
    121217 No, I'm not a monkey! (The joys of playing charades during a wind storm at sea!)
    121217 I admire your stamina, sailor, but this is no time to Hokey Pokey. Put your left leg IN.
    121216 Sir PuffnRuff had honed his beard into a lethal weapon and was aimin' to maim.
    121216 Without his ruff, Simon relied on Sir Razorbeard to keep him upright.
    121216 There may be a fire over England, but Ralph knew the dude standing before him was flaming.
    121215 While little Dougie's plane takes off without him, he attempts to hitch a ride with the waitress.
    121215 John asks for some salt for his thumb. After sucking on it for so long, it needs a flavor boost.
    121215 The major gives a thumbs up to adding the banning of all assault rifles from the menu.
    121214 What do you mean they only had brown whips?! I'd say three lashes for you, but I don't have a black whip now, do I?
    121214 "Slim," jeez! Buy some new pants already! Your puttin' a style crimp on operations.
    121214 I asked for a faux leather matte finish! And Coach! Duh!
    121213 It suddenly dawns on Holmes as the good doc loads him up with more and more files: He himself IS Dr. Caligari's cabinet!
    121213 Dr. Caligari's desk, typewriter, stool and colleagues all demand equal status to that damned cabinet.
    121213 Dr. Caligari orders a scanner and CDs. He has had it with the cabinet.
    121212 Slick Billy made a good pitch, but Wally was always hesitant to buy something from an unknown public domain.
    121212 Snake oil now comes custom made. Add politician's name and promises on the label. See nothing come true! No money back!
    121212 White Out is repurposed as a tooth bleacher AND a face whitener. The label says it all!
    121211 It's time to get glasses when you find yourself courting a horse's bum (and you think it's your date, Kate).
    121211 Mr. Ed has had just about enough of Wilbur!
    121211 This week in Savage Love: "Dear Dan, I have a particularly strange kink..." (and you thought your fetish was odd!)
    121210 Criminal Justice grads realize that sometimes justice is criminal.
    121210 Raised as a feral bird, Officer Crowpsky was a bear at feeding time.
    121210 More reprehensible than Lincoln being busted in this rare photo is the guy on the right with the atrocious 'do.
    121207 King Duncalot surrenders to the bull, but waves the wrong flag. Defiant King Shrub says "Bring it on!"
    121207 It's never fun when there's a waiting line for the royal throne....
    121207 With bulging torsos, 17th cent. coifs, bird legs & red noses, Kings Lott & Jack waited for the chicks to call...& waited
    121206 The men thought, if the eyes really are the windows to the soul, they'd start keepin' half an eye closed now, too.
    121206 David liked his friends all right, but why'd they all have to be such close talkers?!!
    121206 Tim recounts for the men his culinary high upon consumption of the world renowned Big C.
    121205 Things were later a mess at the company retreat when they discovered their new model of cycle had no spokes.
    121205 ...And then Harry showed how he rode with no hands when popping a wheelie. Good times at the Schwinn Co. annual mtg.
    121205 Trig volunteers to be the first 1 percenter to forgo the company limo in favor of this thing called a bi-cycle.
    121204 Doing crack is like falling thru a crack in the ceiling, crackin' yer head on a card table and crackin' up. Don't do it!
    121204 Fiscal Cliff gives a demo of what the "average" American will go through if the dems and repubs don't dance.
    121203 America orders Fiscal Cliff to stay late and do his lines: "I will not take the country over the edge. I will not..."
    121203 Bush Sr. tries to teach Jr. that the word is "nuclear" not "nucular." Jr never gets it, but sadly masters "Bring it on!"
    121202 "Tell me the story one more time, Tom!" Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."
    121202 I know you'd go out on a limb for me-like now. How about the fiscal cliff? (Sure! We can fly. Not like foolish humans.)
    121202 "Honey, I'm on the nest." You mean...? Yes. I'm sitting on the nest.
    121202 Darling, I love you. But if you sing "Freebird" one more time, you'll get no regurgitated food tonight!
    121201 He bent Gumby one time too many. Now, it was payback time!
    121201 Tor Johnson prepares to do himself in after learning he starred in what critics called "The worst movie ever made!"
    121130 You say you left your wife there on the other side? Looks like she's dancin' from here.
    121130 Oh, Gus, ain't you a gentleman! But, you go first. I insist!
    121130 That bridge to the 21st century has been rung through the ringer, hasn't it? And the journey continues...
    121129 While the West had ordered a bomb, the Japanese had ordered a bombshell. And that's how the war was won.
    121129 X-9 busted H-21, Mata Hari, and bested her in double agency. Plus, she could dance AND sing.
    121129 X-9: Another secret agent "wikileak-ed" to the Internet.
    121128 Ken didn't like where that cigarette was headed...
    121128 Didn't his mother tell him? Always shave and wear a suit and tie. You never know when the mob might interrogate you.
    121128 Don would do anything--ANYTHING--to get him some second-hand smoke.
    121128 Compromise now or it's over the fiscal cliff for you!
    121127 Little Grovie N'quist emulates his hero, but does not pass "Go" for failure to pay his taxes.
    121127 The curtain is finally drawn back on how corporate backroom deals are made.
    121127 Thanks to the release of the Watergate VIDEOtapes, we now know Nixon's game plan for breaking & entering that night.
    121126 For 30-odd years, Madge, Roz and yrs truly have been waiting to be picked for a team. This might be our last shot!
    121126 For thirty-odd years, Madge, Roz, and Dawn have been waiting to be picked for a team. This might be there last shot.
    121126 In Des Moines, the fashion police have no shortage of lineups.
    121126 Breaking,entering, vacuuming, dusting. No, not your typical dirty crime.
    121124 If by England the lust in Sir John's loins was implied, then the removal of his trousers surely fanned the flames.
    121123 Even Mrs. G was freaked out by her kids less than plebeian tastes. Why couldn't they be truants & punks like other kids?
    121123 Mrs. Gormsley regretted telling the kids to go out and get more friends.
    121123 Transgender relatives are so passe. The Gormsley kids had a transplanetary father.
    121121 This is why you shouldn't drink & smoke while levitating during a magic act (didn't your parents always tell you that?)
    121121 The madhatter's holiday tea party gets a little c-razy!
    121121 There's nothing like a tipsy magician at a holiday xmas party.
    121120 In Victorian times, one would not be so gauche as to pull one's finger; one pulled a card attached to one's finger.
    121120 In Victorian times, one would not be so gauche as to pull one's finger; one pulled a card attached to one other's finger
    121120 Greta craved to get into Tom's pants. She wondered though if those boots would fit her too.
    121120 If he told her once more to pick a card any card, good Mary wouldst be thwacking dear Carl with her fan.
    121119 The humiliation wasn't in having her two fathers listen in on her calls, it was having to use a DIAL phone!
    121119 With the cost of itunes and other media, group hearings were arranged with complete strangers. Awkward!
    121119 The government finally removes all pretense of illegal wire-tappings.
    121116 Little kids like this one, who didn't share their popcorn, kept clowns like this one crying all the time.
    121115 During the off season, Santa liked to play king with his elves.
    121115 L'il Mike issued his own declaration later that day, proclaiming the king to be an ass.
    121114 There may be a fire over England, but standing here listening to you read is giving me heartburn.
    121114 "Love your ruff!" Yours too. "Hot beard!" Back at ya! "Killer 'stache!" Same! And so, narcissist found true love.
    121113 Gulliver started to long for the land of the Lilliputians.
    121113 Both looked at each other and thought, "If only we'd of shared those ham sandwiches."
    121113 Lia insisted she was actually thin but the camera adds 10 pds-of course she collapsed under the weight of that argument.
    121112 Though he was falling to his demise, Pete was glad he had followed mom's advice to always wear a clean pair of briefs.
    121112 Heinz was glad to see he was still a good shot.
    121109 The Golden Snitch flew right by Steve's mouth, but being a muggle, he was oblivious to it.
    121109 The Lady always dressed for the theater and the operating theater was no exception.
    121109 Lady Frankenstein takes a break from operating to send some tweets.
    121109 Lady Frankenstein creates a Steve McQueen lookalike to do her bidding. The apron completed the look.
    121108 The operation was a success and proved what most people thought: Sharon and Karl were full of crap.
    121108 Reflecting back on the birth of Pig Pen, future pal of the Peanuts gang.
    121108 Sharon and Karl gave birth to a little stinker. Literally.
    121107 I guess the economy being what it is on Earth, Santa decided to take operations to new frontiers.
    121107 I got your handle, Urg. I sooo got your handle, you little kettle. Have tea with me?
    121107 Yes, Urg! We can leave Mars and go down to Maryland to get married!
    121106 Good one, re Fox, GuyOutside Someone's Window!
    121106 The zombie contingent heads for the polls to vote yes on Plan 9.
    121106 Fun and games at the Muenster household, where every night is Halloween.
    121106 Yes, we see your lovely manicure. Yes, that is a beautiful diamond. Blah, blah, blah. Have vanity?
    121106 The zombie contingent heads for the polls.
    121105 This is not the bedtime fantasy Fred had in mind.
    121105 Under Romneycare, corporate lobbyists make their pitches bedside.
    121105 ...and this is another reason why it's sooo important to get dosage amounts right.
    121104 Dr. Caligari consults about upgrading his cabinet to a full-size armoire.
    121104 Slash couldn't carry off the hat in his golden years (plus, he's never carried it off like Marc Bolan-T.Rex!)
    121103 "It's a lonely job. Especially during the day. And the missus hates me working evenings..."
    121103 "Look, I'm a humble guy. Just call me King."
    121103 "Maggots, decay, murder and mayhem--there's lots to offer son, but still, it's a dying business."
    121102 Coworkers pre-caffeine, lined up for that first cup of morning joe.
    121102 "You've got to...make your own kind of music, sing your own special so-o-ong. "
    121102 The annual dictators of the world conference holds arch villain tryouts.
    121101 It appears that Plan 9 involves blackmail and compromising photos of Ofr Madan and an unidentified planet.
    121101 I'm concerned that Plan 9 is in the hands of men who have unframed posters on the wall and a toy rocket ship.
    121101 Pizzas for the one percent are delivered in all-leather boxes.
    121031 Surgical accident. Thank goodness for malpractice insurance, huh?
    121031 It was a great Halloween costume and would have been better if he'd have used a fake knife.
    121031 Phil didn't let a little facial stabbing get in the way of a day's work.
    121030 Gus's kink was sweaty necks. It takes all kinds...
    121030 There was nothing confidential, Kansas City or otherwise, in the rancid odor of the man breathing down Bud's neck.
    121030 Gus liked what he saw: his reflection in the sheen of Freddie's hair.
    121026 Fred always forgot to move his feet out of the way when taking pictures of the flowers.
    121026 Kurt's autoerotic toe obsession made it really difficult to walk.
    121026 Rep. Wiener's twitter photo postings started out innocently enough, until the camera started gravitating upwards.
    121025 Gun/bayonet sellers and users sure make a killing. Or two, or three, or a million, or more.
    121025 Sally was forbidden to join the International Bayonet League on two counts: 1. She was a girl and 2. She owned no hat.
    121025 "Fewer horses and bayonets?" Thems fightin' words to the International League of Bayonet owners.
    121024 Ann did her best to ignore the leering old guy, but it was getting increasingly difficult.
    121024 Sir Fred's beard doubled as his ruff.
    121024 The king enjoys a sneak peek at that evening's forepla...uh, play.
    121023 Everytime she hopped on that bike, the words "I'll get you and your little dog, too!!!" popped into Joe's mind.
    121023 When Tom told Bev he was going to take her for a ride, she had higher hopes.
    121023 Filbert cheerfully sends Maeve on her way. And then changes the locks.
    121022 I hold it here for twenty minutes at a time. Adds muscle to my stiff upper lip.
    121022 Maybe if I don't look up and keep puffing he'll go away.
    121022 James, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but you know what Freud said about pipes, don't you?
    121019 Hey! At this company, if we pool our salary together, we'll earn what a man here makes!
    121019 "Let the mountain come to Mohammed? Fine. But he can get his own damn slippers!"
    121019 I really value these coffee breaks out of the binder, you know?
    121018 While Smert held the decoy, Bruz prepared to stick it to the man.
    121018 Velcro would soon put these little guys out of business, but then the frisbee trade would take off.
    121017 Lee Sung attacks Hu Xin for wearing clothing Made in America.
    121017 Chinese currency manipulators take it to the streets.
    121017 Tryouts for Jerry Lee Springer--Hong Kong edition.
    121016 The new girl sported inordinate amount of knuckle hair and chin shadow. Was Dr. Lupin playing favorites?
    121016 Gail was enrapt by the werewolf's teachings, but the girls upfront thought that, as a teacher, he really bites.
    121016 Doris had no choice but to pay attention, what with her head suspended mid-air between her classmates.
    121015 Calvin Klein's Fruit of the LOON never quite took off.
    121015 As boss of her office, Mary liked a little cheesecake during the day.
    121015 Casual Fridays soon gave way to No-clothes Mondays.
    121014 Tina wore her 80s 'do with defiance, never mind that it caused paralysis to whoever caught a glimpse of it.
    121014 Even in outer space, Meg could not escape the "What Not To Wear" crew and that obnoxious Stacy London.
    121014 Take him, back, please, I beg of you! Keep the alimony and I'll add to it. Just get this oaf off my hands!!!
    121012 Apparently, we're at the wrong race site. Olympics is down the road. We've won the pedolympics.
    121012 Apparently, we "won" the right to fight lions at the Coliseum. At the count of three...RUN!
    121012 I know. We have to d
    121012 What do you mean pulling out his heart disqualifies me?!
    121011 The leprechaun had a five-leaf clover and the clown never had a bulbous nose. They were a mismatch made in heaven.
    121011 The leprechaun had a five leaf clover and the clown never had a pointy nose. They were a mismatch made in heaven.
    121011 Giggles reveals that a lifetime of being the sad clown has taken its toll.
    121011 A grizzled Bozo reflects on his earlier, studlier days.
    121010 The nog was almost ready. Once the shipment of vodka came in, cocktail hour would begin.
    121010 With a mob of kids clamoring at their door, scientists at Crayola worked furiously to perfect the new mustard yellow.
    121010 We've got at least four clones of Big Bird in the cooker, just in case.......
    121009 "There are known knowns...there are known unknowns..." Years on the meaning of his speech is still unknown.
    121009 Major Pita shows that this is his handle but never gets to his spout as bombers cut him short.
    121009 The colonel liked to stop mid-war to croon along with the boom box. Later this was used as a torture tactic w/the enemy.
    121008 Come five o' clock, while the rest of the blokes had a shadow, Moe had a five o' clock light.
    121008 Bob couldn't help but think how smug Phil looked, having gotten the last bag o'chips with the "Big Combo."
    121005 Mary listened closely, then decided she wanted to be a "Holla'back" girl!
    121005 Mary always kept her earhorn plugged up. This way she was able to keep up good relations with her neighbors.
    121005 Crazy Mary's "earhorn" sprayed super glue, effectively keeping her neighbor in a permanent silent scream.
    121004 Darling, I'm all for the British stiff upper lip but I daresay your knickers are on fire. I do grant you leave to scream
    121004 Typo: Fire SALE Over England. Keep the horses saddled. And bring your purse!
    121004 Lastly, m'dear, by the time it takes us both to disrobe I fear the mood will have passed. So, keep the clothes on, 'kay?
    121003 The count always appeared stiff when he wore his one-armed shawl.
    121003 Sir Roland stood there all night, but no one would "high-five" him.
    121003 The "Fancy Dress Party (FDP)" was a fun--if monarchical--idea, but it never took off in party politics.
    121002 "X-9, one thing's for sure: You got guts. And lots of 'em."
    121002 "X-9 and me and tea kettle make three." The bliss of undercover tea drinkers.
    121002 "X-9, not only are you a lousy agent, you're a lousy plummer. I'm leaving you. For X-10. He's younger & drinks coffee."
    121001 Lena's hair, esp. that pouf on the top, required industrial-level blow-drying.
    121001 Oh, how Lena wished she could reverse the filing of her fingertips into fork tines.
    120929 "The second belt is a backup, 'case I bust a gut laughin"
    120929 "Thanks, Gus. They call it 'botox.' I've ordered two dozen treatments for you."
    120928 Count D saw promise in Vera's vampiric skills but noted her bite stance was a bit wide.
    120927 We interrupt this report on cybersecurity threats to bring you news of the reunion of Pattinson & Stewart.
    120926 Thomas's "get out the vote" campaign was aggressive by most standards.
    120926 Kate always got a kick out of her husband's handgun antics, but not so much the guests.
    120926 When told "Cecil is a big hit man" at parties, Peter misassumed a comma after "hit."
    120924 Ken gave his all to blow out the candle. He was big for a one-year-old...(not to mention hairy)...
    120924 Something sparkly AND edible was the way to Doug's heart.
    120922 "No right to choose, no equal pay, no equal rep., no vote, no ed." 2012 women many places in the world today. No joke.
    120920 "Life. Scares. the. Hell. Out. of. Me."
    120920 "I find myself whistling and every now and then admiring the posies. HELP ME, DOC!"
    120920 "So, yeah, obviously the death thing is not an issue, but, Doc, there's those damn taxes....!"
    120919 When the lilliputians saw this cartoon parody of themselves, they did NOT riot or demonstrate. They sued.
    120919 The fellas made do with no teeth by miming their communications.
    120918 Oh the tangled webs we weave, thought Char.
    120918 Lou hoped that after the plan went down he'd be able to afford a briefcase and better lighting.
    120918 Tommy read the riot act to the boys for their cas. attire. Racketeering has its standards.
    120917 She wasn't in the best of shape & had a rather big head, but Ken's gut told him it was love. Later his gut had an ulcer.
    120917 Harry needed a fix of fast food; getting dressed be damned!
    120916 Harry wondered how long he could keep that cool cig-dangling pose without setting Mary's arm on fire.
    120916 Kate always kept the shoulder towel at the ready, in case it was time to throw it in.
    120916 The more often the masses saw nude pics of Prince Harry, Duchess Kate and anti-journo Putin, the more they layered up.
    120916 Newly unearthed 50s film: Attack of the Ruthless Air Conditioner. See it and be chilled.
    120914 Get over it! It was this or a wimple. At least this catches crumbs.
    120914 Meg was horrified to see how she looked. Wearing the collar was not just uncomfortable; it was RUFF.
    120913 With Huey you didn't just get the finger--you were given the dum bum.
    120913 Emily Dickinson: "Hope is the thing with feathers..." You got that right, sister!
    120913 Whoo-Hoo! Chicken has been declared unkosher, non-halal, and just yucky! Viva los vegetarianos!
    120912 Cindy and Hans prepare for travel with Mitt. Roof rack here we come!
    120912 When Ann agreed to be tied up, she had something else in mind.
    120912 "Amusement" park rides? These two are not amused.
    120911 Got sunlight? For Chrissakes, open a shade or something in here!
    120911 You served as a juror in a case where a cow was on trial? And he was Curdish? Are you trying to make a monkey out of me?
    120910 Mr. Holstein, your point is MOOOOOOt.
    120910 Following this gig on Law and Order, Elmer's next gig was Jersey Cow Shores.
    120910 He did say "Don't have a cow, man," but you know, things happen, and before I knew it, little Elsie was born.
    120909 Hocus Pocus Mittanocus... Clint's GOP performance turns out to be the BAIN of his existence.
    120909 Clint conjures the GOP platform: A rabbit, a hat and more trickery(just don't look behind the red curtain....)
    120909 I've now got Romney sitting here, and with sleight of hand he...You want me to what? I can't do that to myself!
    120907 "You lookin' at me? You lookin' at ME??!!!" At the tone, the time will be....
    120907 Fresh off a victory proving Kris Kringle IS Santa Claus, Fred readies for the airwaves to give props to the Easter Bunny
    120906 "You're hysterical! I've never laughed so hard! It's great fun hanging out with you" (Please! Someone pay my bail NOW!)
    120905 Some days you just feel colorless & blah, but then a giant burger blocks your path & the day gets a l'il more inerestin'
    120905 And so, the war was not won with land mines or bombs, but slovenly soldiers and a glut of free fatty burgers.
    120904 So, when the kids ask why they got no presents this year, let them know Santa was moonlighting as a colonizer on Mars.
    120904 Paris Fashion Week 2025 debuts the new line of global warming, nuclear radiation, noise pollution, GPS wear.
    120904 "I'm a little teapot short and stout..."
    120902 If Butter heard "Quit clownin' around" one more time, he'd...cry. Damn, he hated being the sad clown!
    120902 I just can't see voting for these clowns, can you?
    120901 Lance and Ken never let anything as trifling as a surgery get in the way of the cocktail hour.
    120901 Dr. Burns, I appreciate your interest in the culinary arts, but can we finish the surgery first?
    120901 You're right, the patient may like fresh juice after surgery....NOT!
    120831 Go ahead, Guy outside your window, Make. His. Day!!!
    120831 Rich psyched himself up for writing mysteries by using the method technique.
    120831 John's penalty was listening to political speechs and smacks with the latest issue of American Spectator. Beyond cruel.
    120830 Billy could never bring himself to kill outright, but he always made sure to aim his secondhand smoke at Benny.
    120830 While the boys plot the next heist, Natty Nat wonders if his mom packed his fave PB&J for his lunch........
    120829 You knew Ned meant business when he wagged his spectacles at you.
    120829 No, everything in NOT OK at the OK Corral, OK?!!
    120829 Swagger, boast and lie. (Talking points for another political convention!)
    120828 Even the inanimate objects cowered at Dr. C's attentions.
    120828 Dr. C never really made it as a stand up comic, what with the maudlin props and deadpan humor.
    120828 Dr. C proves that his wife is actually one dimensional and pouty. Dr. C is himself proof that any wife of his would be.
    120827 When a recipe calls for flour, make sure you don't get flower! This PSA brought to you by Spelling Matters!
    120827 No amount of flower worship was gonna get rid of the stench of garlic and fish but Franz gave it his best shot.
    120827 Petal hands, pink nose and lavender eyes and flowers for friends. They didn't call him Chris Anthemum for nothing.
    120824 It was clear the lobotomy had taken effect, as the men chanted "Less taxes for the wealthy" and "More war!"
    120824 The men walk, as if to the gallows, to be interrogated as to "Who left those damn socks on the floor?"
    120824 The men braced themselves for their least favorite dinner: A plate of nothing!
    120823 Captain, it's been fun hanging out, but, uh, whose steering the ship?
    120823 Uh, officer, can I flip the page now? You done lookin' at Brit Prince Harry's "crown jewels"?!!!
    120822 Don't you just hate it when you are reaching for your wallet and your aim is off?
    120822 Werewolf in a Girls Dorm, or feral man raised by chimps? You decide.
    120821 Despite their height differences, Sir Henry and Lady Mohawk cut quite a rug on the dance floor.
    120820 The fellas did everything together. So when they only had $ for one hair transplant-they split the procedure three ways.
    120820 These guys had tried out for The Lollipop Guild, but lost out to the trio who actually had tongues for singing!
    120819 "Private, I told you--if you must carry a boom box, I want to only hear rap!
    120817 The Foot Assasin: Known far and wide for his dumb stare and his poor aim. Tootsies beware!
    120817 Kurt was shocked to see the last beer being pilfered by his mother!
    120817 Like Narcissus, Da Big Lug (his power was blinding stupidity)was mesmerized by his own image--but not in a good way.
    120816 Miss Susie: Thanks! Nice of you. And seriously same back at you and Dawnling!
    120816 Now that they read it, each guy had to send 10 copies to their best friends. Paper chain letters are the worst!
    120816 John stalled as long as he could. He couldn't read. Little did he know, neither could the other guys.
    120816 Dear John: While you've been on safari I joined a feminist cult. Diiner in the fridge. Peace out! Yrs fornever, Sal.
    120815 They call this contraption "The Wife's Revenge." Order yours today!
    120815 Payback time for the rancher in an alternative universe. The horses, pigs and sheep made sure to let him out for grazing
    120815 All you 99 percenters out here (I'll be a-countin' my tax savin's inside).
    120814 No one could read what the king wrote. It was, you know, all chicken scratch.
    120814 The plume, the golden hue. Little Huey thought only one thing: "Mom?!!?
    120814 The king took all his advice from Bert, the chicken. From this sad episode, "chicken-brained" was added to our lexicon.
    120813 In the wild west, Earl's best defense was his cologne, Eau de Pew!
    120813 Floyd was sure glad to see Shirley, but soon realized she was no great fan of the chin chuck.
    120810 Dr. C really was one singular sensation, but he bombed at his tryout for A Chorus Line.
    120810 The big hat, the long stick. Dr. C had some Freudian issues to work out.
    120810 Fritz und Ernst: Representing gallows humor at its wurst. They'll leave you in stitches!
    120809 The spirits made him all warm and toasty. Downright HOT. And a shell of the man he once was. Literally.
    120807 "Fickle friends. Turn my back for one sec. and the friendships start to flag...."
    120807 En Francaise: Canada: "It's rosacea. Yours?" France: "A birth mark." America was not getting in that conversation.
    120807 Some said the French were all wet. America would soon prove this point.
    120806 "You had me at 'Yes, sir.'"
    120806 Frank and Slov get ready to make another crank call. This was their idea of being on the front line.
    120803 Theirs was a black and blue world, in more ways than one.
    120803 Willard and his henchman spot another boy with long hair. Bullying was messy business. Thank goodness for the suit & tie
    120802 New brush...mouthwash...deodorant...detangler...breath mints...victims.. It was expensive keeping a werewolf in a dorm.
    120802 The "laundering" gig in prison surprised Carol by being surprisingly soap-free.
    120801 Professor Brent was looking for a DVD called "Back to the Future," but it hadn't been invented yet.
    120801 Marion thought Harvey's hands were going for her waste, but actually he had held open one book too many.
    120731 "We are three wild and craaazy guys!!!" (Yet another dateless night ensued for Harvey, Marty and Lou.
    120731 Moiy:Phhft, you're gettin' on my noives! Phhft: I'm da victim of coicumstance! Every planet had its Stooges.
    120730 Being green, nude and in a gambling casino with a big lug topped Gina's list of Worst Date Ever!!!!
    120730 Being green, nude and in a gambling with a big lug casino topped Gina's list of Worst Date Ever!!!
    120730 Molly worried what her friends would think about her dating a wild cuke, but she'd look back fondly on her salad days.
    120730 The Pickles dreamed of the day they'd be represented amongst the cherries & lemons. In the meantime, they remained sour.
    120729 Betty and Jean gazed out the window dreaming of more normal, useful husbands, who maybe mowed the lawn or...something.
    120729 Earl's gloved hand sparked many fashion trends, but back in the day, he and the professor were fashionn outcasts.
    120729 Dr. Bell, in his later years, had a cord but mistook his hand for the phone. Needless to say, he didn't get many calls.
    120727 You'd cry, too, if you mixed up your calendar dates for fancy-dress party with military raid.
    120727 In 1807 the first fashion police of record arrested and charged the Queen of Prussia with astounding bad taste.
    120727 You knew Lady Pystof was angry by the way she'd blow her top.
    120726 All those who buy a bottle get to pull Juan's pinky. Interestingly, there were no takers.
    120726 Being a snake-oil salesperson was hard enough and even harder for GianCarla on cross-dressing days.
    120725 After giving a police escort to C. Sheen, Whalen gets down to the business of the day: making deals with his bookie.
    120724 A big whitehead? Half an unshaved face? Glob of toothpaste? Al loved playing charades with the handymen.
    120724 Ken's smoke rings tended to glom onto his face, causing emergency dermatological visits.
    120722 Peg's first action upon landing was forming an anti-Max union with the other strip characters. This was the last "draw."
    120722 Joan would be damned if she'd be late to work one more day this week. For her, Flight 13 could only be good luck.
    120722 Once Lois married Superman she was quickly brought into the family business.
    120721 Trish was a "man-magnet." Literally.
    120721 "Did ya hear the one about...?!" As a roving stand-up comic, Leo got his audiences where he could find 'em.
    120721 Len, ever the optimist, continues into the night his quest to get someone to pull his finger.
    120720 Thad von Griz, known as the "birdman" for his various eccentricities, waits to be fed by his underling.
    120720 Scrooge upbraids Cratchit with lustful abandon. After years of being nice, he thought to himself, "I'm Back, Babeeee!"
    120720 Reg tries to convince Dr. C to use the cabinet for FILING. Dr. C, meanwhile, contemplates a cabinet just for Reg.
    120719 Claude held the coin as a counterbalance to the weight of his not-so-happening "stache.
    120719 At Chez Ripauxff, the price of a meal is literally a steal.
    120719 Forty years on, Harry is still showing off the golden snitch.
    120718 You think you have it hard? Try being a brush. With a face! Painting an orange wall (you know I'll be here all day!)
    120718 People used to say they could never get a handle on me. I always brushed it aside--but now look at me!
    120718 Yeah, I could've gone with white or eggshell but I've always been cutting edge as the first, true punk brush.
    120717 Bruce reads his palm and sees a dark, dark future. He then realizes the powers been out for hours.
    120717 In the barracks, late at night, Kip entertained the fellas by hand jiving. He was so good he had to give himself a hand.
    120717 Gil shows off his fin hand to Don. Later that night Don fancies a meal at Red Lobster.
    120716 This creepy fella is just asking to be spanked! (Blue humor?)
    120716 The blue hand of justice closes in on the greedy banker.
    120716 Frankenstein's monster, blue with cold, chases that funny guy from Monopoly.
    120715 "You are so it!" But the ref. disagrees. Adult tag can get ugly.
    120715 In poorer regions of the nation they shot at each other with hand guns--literally "hand" guns.
    120715 Lindsey is shocked to find a Tree Man growing on her property--and in full leaf!
    120714 The flies appreciated the milk industry branching out to post missing flies on their cartons.
    120714 "Man, I told her and I told her--it's a 'no-fly zone!'"
    120714 Fly guy: "Flies in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo..." Carton Fly: "Would you shut the @!! $%!** up?"
    120713 Kurt never really made it as a secret agent. The flashy ties and his constant need for a light were dead giveaways.
    120713 Not Phil's tie, dangling cig, or tilted hat impressed a single soul at the white hat ball.
    120713 At the spring hat convention Kent wondered at the gall of this fella coming sans tie and looking like J. Sandusky.
    120713 At the spring hat convention Kent wondered at the gall of this fella coming sans tie and looking like J. Sandusky.
    120710 Ernst admires Bette Davis's eyes and her Napoleanic stance, also referred to as her blue period.
    120710 I have the same expression after my "Smart" phone changes the words I type!
    120710 "Oh, dahling, you look just like. a little Napoleon standing there like that!" (And doll, 'Scouse that previous yahoo)
    120710 "Oh, sabling you look just like a little Napoleon standing there like that!"
    120709 The Supreme Court affirmed in "Citizens United" that the corporation is a person. Here he is. Take a gooood look!
    120709 Public Health Alert: When you see the green slime, it's time to clean your fridge.
    120709 Wall Street greed gets a close up look at itself. Results not pretty.
    120709 It really isn't easy being green. Just ask this guy.
    120708 Once she'd glanced upon this tableaux Lady Frankenstein pledged herself to a life of celibacy.
    120708 What with Philps not having a glass of his own Fargh did a Zen toast and drank up.
    120708 The guys dressed in their most natty duds during spring break but all they seemed to attract was each other.
    120707 Disney touring group in Wahhabi-observant country.
    120707 When things got dull in the forest, four of the seven dwarfs went on the dinner theater circuit.
    120707 The Whig sisters were first in line for a chest & nose reduction. Soon they'd learn of the little boy standing btw them.
    120706 While same sex marriage slowly gains traction in the U.S., same sex, same dress marriage is already a big hit in Japan.
    120706 Lee pulls out a name for his Secret Santa. No matter that Ng is his only colleague & doesn't know who Santa is.
    120706 "A 'bucket hand'? You numskull, Tommy-san!" Tommy and Jo were the Laurel & Hardy of Japan.
    120706 "A 'bucket hand'? You numskull, Tommy-san!" Tommy & Jo were the Lauren and Hardy of Japan!
    120705 Jim listened intently as Biff shared the latest on TomKat. It didn't take a rocket scientologist to see K is now free!
    120705 "You want fries with that? FRIES with that?!" The heat was really getting to Tom.
    120705 Don't worry about fighting me with your fists--you're killing me with your breath!
    120704 Not only did Kent have a bad cramp in his neck but some evil force was turning his face into a flat, white square!
    120704 It was really hard to stay incognito at the fireworks display when you're the only one in suit, tie and hat w/spotlight.
    120704 When Tom Cruise was happy he jumped on couches; when not so happy, the stakes and jumping apparati were much higher.
    120703 This is what happens from too much "Mountain Pose," Dude.
    120703 A girls dorm, but it's Summer Break, this egghead is here, & it's 10 hrs to midnight. Smitty couldn't catch a break.
    120703 So, you say a coupla puffs and I'll have a head of hair like yours? And you'll throw in the glum face for good measure?
    120702 Little Fidget tries in vain to keep the hand from hanging itself.
    120702 "*Sniff*, too buch colode od, Gulliber. Ad stop gibin' me a wedgie!"
    120702 "I rang the bell! THIS is MY STOP!"
    120701 Brad looked lustily at Joe's topper. Not for nothin' was he the towns top milliner.
    120701 Bob was a nice guy but he never mastered the art of facing the person he was speaking with.
    120701 Young Eddie Van H. listens to young D. Lee Roth belt it out back in the day. Visions of the drugs & the road followed.
    120630 Herr Naste tries to call in for digestive aids for his increasing bile, but realizes he doesn't have the guts.
    120630 Herr Brane announces a shortage of sanity among the ranks, while Herr Arsol watches his humanity bolt for the door.
    120629 Len's vision of himself in thirty years always shadowed him. Each time, the tie got a little shorter.
    120629 Len's vision of himself in thirty years always shadowed him. Each time, the tie got a little shorter.
    120629 Now that Tommy learned to shave properly his Dad prepared to show him how to tie his shoes.
    120629 Since she started shaving, Lou could no longer deny that his wife Lucy just was not the woman he married.
    120628 "Me? I'll tell ya what I'd like to be doing now. I'd like to be watching Terry Pratchett's 'Going Postal' again."
    120628 After sitting like this in take after take for 12 hours, Arthur reconsidered membership in the SAG.
    120628 Kirk often feigned interest with a far-away look in his eyes. He eventually added a spotlight for greater effect.
    120628 "I'll have eggs! Over easy!" With Burt, everything was an exercise in intensity. In intensity!
    120627 Twenty-five cents to park??!! What next? Dollar a gallon gasoline?
    120627 It wasn't easy balancing a car with wheels on only one side, but Crazy Lou made a go of it.
    120627 In the old days before Citizens United & the Supreems made corps into persons, major $$ for pols was given on the sly.
    120627 The old days before Citizens United and the Supremes made corps into persons, major $$ for pols was given on the sly.
    120626 When Mary refused to wear the white hat, things got ugly.
    120626 "Say 'Aunt,' Say AUNT!'" Kate was not only a bully, but a feminist as well."
    120626 Here, honey. Have a dose of Romneycare!
    120625 Sheena feared Ray would do to his nose what he did to her mouth. And that would be one breezeway too many.
    120625 Being married to a lavender man was bad enough to Velma, but Ray's constant nasal rinses were too much!
    120625 When his wife told him to go screw himself, Kurt decided he'd give himself the finger instead.
    120624 "Sir, there is a very poor shadow puppet inside your spleen. You can vent it or remove it."
    120623 Times being tough, little dodger enrolled in school and took to coppin' the lunch money off his fellow classmates.
    120623 Student court was now in session and soon there would be a verdict as to just who stole that cookie from the cookie jar.
    120623 Redux: While little Billy chatted up little Ruthie, little Liberace dreamed of sequined suits and his mom.
    120623 While little Billy chatted up little Ruthie, little Tommy Liberace dreamed of sequined suits and his mom.
    120622 "Watson, I can't even READ this. Elementary ENGLISH is what you require, ole chap. Start with those books behind me."
    120622 "It's my trigger hand, Doc. -Bang! Bang!; See? Payment Still due!"
    120621 Mary was blown away. The quality of zombies had clearly declined with the economy.
    120621 "Now you don't even have to SAY 'Beetlejuice!' Ya just gotta think it!"
    120621 "Yes, it's true what they say. My face is now frozen like this. Get used to it, doll."
    120621 "The truth? You can't HANDLE the truth! Get used to this new grin. I got my teeth capped!"
    120620 "Fellow Americans, we have been invaded by small bulbous creatures with stick bodies. Here is one before me right now!"
    120620 "This report just in..." (I wonder if this tie makes me look fat, mmm I have a taste for spaghetti, what time is it...)
    120619 "My secret? Collagen injections...and daily consumption of beef and fries!"
    120618 It wasn't enough for Mr. Bau to wear tall hats: He had to measure the height of every unsuspecting passerby.
    120618 It was hard enough to sleep upright but it was a true bummer to be awoken by a poker.
    120618 Mr. Sapier had his eccentric ways, but hands down, when you needed alterations, he was the best tailor in town!
    120617 "Thirty minutes for a lunch break? And no 401K?!!!"
    120617 "Good man, it says right here in plain English--The name's Superfly.... Superfly Parker-Davies."
    120617 Hugh Laurie's great grandfather honed his acting chops as a roving, cape-wearing acteur.
    120616 One of the earliest customers of T-Mob/Verizon/Sprint who is kept, as Blondie sang, "Waiting on the tele-pho-oone!"
    120616 "I say good chap, look here, would you be so kind as to..." Had Dr. Lam just yelled "Help" he'd be alive today.
    120616 Old habits were hard to break. Sir Reg broke from safari daily to call a local asking for Prince Albert in a can.
    120614 Sven Bjurg was not a bad teacher, but had never properly learned how to use the pointer.
    120614 Harry wished his teacher would use his wand to bring himself into the 21st century.
    120613 Little Stella shows her father a catalogue of adult men's clothing hoping he will finally get the hint.
    120613 The Smits were the only family in the neighborhood to splurge for a human antenna.
    120613 Little Tommy had dreamed of meeting a superhero. Naturally he was disappointed when the one he met was tea kettle man.
    120612 There was nothing more fear-inducing and horrifying to Phil & Dana as a patron without a proper tie!
    120612 Molly and Phil thought they'd love to visit the Amazon some day. Somehow this isn't what they had in mind.
    120612 When Bob and Lola took the dance floor, they really shook things up. Literally, thought Lois.
    120611 "This? I ain't worried. The guy has to play at least four quarters to win anything, and even then, it's just a trinket.
    120611 "This roboclaw Mom hired never lets me stay out late and play!"
    120611 Latest fascinator. Plan to wear it at Harry's wedding--whenever that will be!
    120610 Hrugga Hrug instantly regretted taking a hit from that SPLIFF. Now he was seeing freaky white humanoids!
    120610 Hrugga Hrug instantly regretted taking a hit from that sliff. Now he was seeing freaky white humanoids!
    120610 "Yes, you are a little underdressed, but don't worry. Once the tribal sacrifice begins, no one will notice."
    120609 Kent was a nice enough fellow, always holding his pipe out for a snort of second-hand smoke.
    120609 "I, myself, prefer French-cut cotton briefs. They have the best selection at Grace Dept. Store. Tell them Joe sent you."
    120608 The neanderthal was confused why his plan to lock himself up in jail to keep the criminals out felt so restraining.
    120608 Putin is finally arrested for corruption.
    120608 The Neanderthal sheriff's get rid o' crime plan didn't work: Reason number 201 why he never made it to homo sapien.
    120607 Val turned away in disgust after spying Sal's topper. Lie, cheat, steal but don't break the sartorial code of the mob.
    120607 Before going out on a job, "Nails" McGee's boys always had a manicure.
    120606 "Pop-pies! Poppies for dinner. Sleeep, sleeep."
    120606 "Pop-pies! Poppies for dinner. Sleeep, sleeep."
    120606 Somehow bringing the pot of slow-cooked live crustaceans to the table ruined crab night for the Smith family.
    120606 Papa's cooking was so inedible the family had to take a sleep sedative before sitting down for the evening meal.
    120605 People wondered why the Stiphneks had worn ruffs for centuries. Reckless Hesa's latest antic showed why.
    120605 The breath of death had struck. Halitosia once again succeeded in eliminating another of his daughter's suitors.
    120605 "First it's cannibalism, then human bracelets. Enough, father, enough!"
    120604 "I'm all for the melting pot concept, but within limits!
    120604 "I know. We should let the turnip go first, with that dumb grin. BTW, you Stink!"
    120604 I thought the dish ran away with the spoon? Leave it to him to mix us up in his personal mess.
    120603 Helen went on raptly, never minding for a moment that Jean-Luc, Sylvie, and Pierre didn't understand a word of English.
    120603 Being plain had its bennies, like getting paid to play the wistful sidekick to the star beauty in B-flick movies.
    120603 Madge waits as Buck readies to elbow Eve, earning every cent of a $5 payoff. Soon, the dishy Parisian would be hers.
    120602 Benetton ads were getting more unbelievable, but even the models were frozen from sticker shock!
    120602 Ralph made his living on frozen, optimistic hitchhikers and their beckoning wallets.
    120602 While Gil & Mary pose for a self-photo "Into the Wild," Vic spies a helicopter and plans his escape!
    120601 It was hard to keep a straight face when Earl was in the room ever since he sold his belt collection.
    120601 Bud flashes his new, slim waistline to Lou, who looks on in envy. Down the road Mrs. E. searches for her missing corset.
    120531 "Ich can ze Russia from here!" gloated Fritz. Ulrich only saw red.
    120531 With only German cuisine left to consume, Herr Brane sought the source of the rotten smell. He feared the wurst...
    120530 Sometimes, it really was no fun being a lilliputian....
    120530 When Bozo played the interplanetary circuit, he made the sun crack up. Literally.
    120529 The guys show off the new replacement for smartphones and iPADS--the Big Head. Now you really can be alone in a crowd!
    120529 Contain Corporate Bloat with The Big Head. Cost: 5M taxpayer money. Ego not included. Caveat shareholder.
    120529 Fashion Week Mars-style.
    120528 Things were tough out on the range,but the fellas always had time for a ouija board readin'.
    120528 Before Kinky Friedman & the Texas Jewboys there was Arizona Ash & his Caravan Crew.
    120528 The last lost tribe of Israel FINALLY come across someone with a map!
    120527 Both looked uncomfortably away as each had the same thought: What's he/she hiding under there?
    120526 How dare you, Ms. Jones!!! My name is NOT, I repeat, NOT Cosmo Kramer!
    120526 A werewolf in our girls dormitory!?! Ms. Jones, not only are no animals allowed, but we will not abide unisex quarters!
    120525 "And then Chris got all--'whatever!'-..." Joe and Rod always used time outs to catch up on the latest gossip.
    120525 "Funiculi,Funicu-lahhh" hummed Don. It was then that Greg realized the team hired the wrong kind of coach.
    120524 With bib firmly in place, the cowboy awaited his sunrise feast.
    120524 Rod was not a demonstrative man, and knew even blue blobs need love, but this was ridiculous!
    120524 Take two: Elrod heard that hte local farmhand was sad and this confirmed it: He really was blue.
    120524 Elrod heard that the local farmhand was sad and this confirmed it: He WAS really blue. farmhand was
    120523 Lance leaned in closer to inhale. In these hard economic times he always got his smoke second hand.
    120523 "Mmrell yo ze wharz ah ajau!" said Val. Clive always agreed when Val let his pipe do the talking.
    120523 "First it's straws, then a sippy cup, now this. Really, good man you should make an appt. with me soon," said Dr. Freud.
    120522 Joe attempted some levity by yelling "Beam me up, Gotti!" but the Ragu gang was having none of it.
    120522 Under the threat of an uneven tan and a shrinking torso, Kurt told the guys what they wanted.
    120522 Fred kept the beam trained on Tim so as not to wake the kids. He just worried about breaking their kiddie seat.
    120521 Borg's inability to paint with any sophistication was the real big elephant in the room, uh, cave.
    120521 Ella didn't mind being painted, but it was disconcerting to see the artist wearing her neighbor.
    120521 Painting wild animals wasn't a bad gig, except when Gurg said anything about a...CHARGE!
    120520 Mary surprises Hoerst with a visit from her tailor. Soon he will be in crinoline and lace.
    120520 At Yodelfest Kurt and Beate kill with their high notes. Literally.
    120520 Robin Hood readies to jump upon finding Maid Marion at her wurst.
    120519 In his spare time, J. Edgar Hoover liked to take his toy car for a spin and bring pal Clyde along for the play dates.
    120519 Pete sat docily one seat ahead as his wife, Mad Martha, drove him to an early grave.
    120518 As part-crustacean, Rock never let the claw impede his biz dealings. Later on he was a great inspiration to the B-52s.
    120517 Jeeves entertained thoughts of whacking Bertie with the 'brella, but payday was Friday so he thought better of it.
    120517 Before the Hound of the B & other claims to fame, there was the lesser known unheralded Case of the Unopened Umbrella.
    120516 20 yrs later, eagles have replaced monkeys & Doro & the Wiz realize sometimes you can't go home again. Or to Oz.
    120516 Mary didn't mind the eagle sentries' threats--no way was she going to give up her Mickey Mouse ears!
    120516 "Snow White" aka Ethel Bant, is found by her father and ordered to come home and get a real job.
    120515 The kids come home early from their play date to find Mom and Dad have their own. Awk-ward!
    120515 Fay and Tom find out that "Camp Night at the Community Center" isn't quite they thought it would be.
    120514 Sure the sun was pissed: The moon was nowhere around, he was awake in the night sky, AND his legs were missing!
    120514 The rumors were true: The sun really does have a hot temper and life for circus animals is a bear.
    120514 The bears had always been Beatles fans, but "Sun, sun, sun here it comes!" wasn't what they wanted to hear right now.
    120514 What the three bears wouldn't do for Goldilocks now! (The fourth is too young to remember).
    120513 It was uncanny but the more Meg stared at her arm, the further apart her eyes grew, yet she could not stop!
    120513 Meg saw the other wives across the st. in similar cages and realized- domesticity IS a prison (& the windows WERE dirty)
    120513 Peri opens the blinds for the first time to discover three dimensional people WITHOUT webbed hands. What madness!
    120512 “Reports of young Romney’s brutish behavior and backwards thinking has CONVINCED me to vote for him!” Tom declared.
    120511 It was no use. There was no spell in the book to turn Jack's coat back to white. He was destined to be a "suit" now.
    120511 Post-POTUS George "W" commissions a team of experts to find "nucular" in the dictionary. Mission NOT accomplished.
    120510 Mary did her best to distract Gil from the killer flashlight headed his way.
    120510 Tom loved arriving to his appts early, esp. since performance art had replaced magazines in the waiting room.
    120509 When Tom told Sheena he was a complex man with many layers, she thought (incorrectly!) he was speaking figuratively.
    120509 First Clark, now this guy! Lois wondered why she couldn't just meet regular men at the Daily Planet.
    120508 The fashion police close in on the Gold Chain gang. The charge? Poor accessorizing. That was not OK at the OK Corral.
    120508 On a steady diet of bullets and true grit,Joe becomes the Biggest Loser in town. He and Biff prepare to defend the title
    120507 The trio arrives at their "Oz": Fleischer's studio, where they demand two hands and ears a piece and a nose for Jill.
    120507 Trina was happy to join the force but she remained dogged by the poodle 'do they insisted she wear.
    120506 At the annual Safari and Sailor night, Ken and Ron were woefully underdressed.
    120506 Jones agreed it was serious: There were no wild animals in this bar. That ship had sailed. What a drag!
    120505 Bill's intent was to drive his way back to the 70s. His wife shrunk in horror with every passing mile.
    120505 Being an early developer made Billy the only second-grader in town able to pass as an adult behind the wheel!
    120504 Tyrone explained that wearing white after Labor Day just Was Not Done. But, when in Rome.....
    120504 The Count tried to convince the men that this season black was the new white--and no messy blood stains!
    120503 Wallinda attempts to read Gregor's fortune, and notes the prognosis is rather opaque.
    120503 Marion really did have the whole world in her hands. She was just surprised at how small it was.
    120502 Deputy Lee could see using finger-shadow puppetry to divert the Sheriff's attention from his big goof-up wasn't working.
    120502 Sheriff Bob shows Deputy Earl his latest dance moves for "Stayin' Alive." Disco is born on the range.
    120502 Sheriff Bob shows Deputy Earl his latest dance moves for "Stayin' Alive." Disco is born on the range.
    120501 Officer Smith confirms rumors of a donut sale at the local 7-elev.
    120501 Thirty years later, Jim wondered why he and Stewie were still playing cops 'n robbers.
    120501 1950s precursor to the annoyingly loud, public cell phone user.
    120430 The Fall of Eden, Part II: Revenge of the Humans
    120430 Oh, how Mr. Wiggly wished he could worm his way out of this one!
    120430 Once again, Bruce worms his way out of eating broccoli.
    120430 The party going on in Tom's mouth was about to end...
    120429 The elderly bartendress and her son turned their backs on Rodney and just laughed and laughed; he still got no respect.
    120429 Despite his urging to "Take my forearm, please" Lenny Youngman once again meets with defeat.
    120429 With his 1000th "Take my wife, please!" plea, H. Youngman finally hits pay dirt.
    120428 With no seat belts or child car seats the McCoys secured Cowboy Bob in the back seat the best way they knew how.
    120428 With no seat belts or child car seats the Smith secured Cowboy Bob in the back seat the best way they knew how.
    120428 No amt of heel clicking "There's no place like home" got Jonah out of this whale of a mess...
    120428 Commuter yoga left Moe with an unpleasant out of body experience.
    120427 Jim demanded Bill's headgear. Bill just thought, "What the fez?!"
    120427 Z’im prepared to marry the loud, besotted plumber and his 'bot bride. Marriage equality 2050 bytes.
    120427 Once the non-Human Capital recruits from Planet X came aboard, casual Friday was never the same. Viva wkplace diversity!
    120426 Sure Sam smiled. Once again, he got his full face AND a hand in for the group photo. Camera hog!
    120426 The gang hovered, anxious for Mario's stash of jujubes to be distributed. "In due time, gentlemen,in due time" said M.
    120426 So it was you who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? "Could be!" gloated Giacomo.