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I'll kill 'im, you cook 'im and we'll both eat that fat little Pillsbury Dough Boy!

As his back went out making the "M", John suddenly wished he had gotten dressed before joining Fred in the YMCA dance.

Col Blow, new member of Storage Wars yells, "A HA HO HAW" when he bids, unlike Dave Hester who simply says, "Yeeeeeep!"

I really don't think that is what they mean by "computer sex," sis...

Finally the GOP was able to find a suitable "black" candidate to run for office.

Tommy, being fascinated by a pig-shaped cloud never saw Godzilla coming from the west. He would end up as its dinner

Ugly Barbara found out, you can dress them in clothes, but human-oid-monkey-people are still just animals.

Harry forgot the "safe word" and thought hiding behind the chair would save him...a move he would later regret...

THAR SHE BLOWS!!!!

When "Jill," the new line of blow-up sex toys, popped while testing, Bob realized on-the-road QA testing was a bad idea.

"Please for the love of all humanity, cancel this crap!" begged Bob, a "Two and 1/2 Men" Producer, but it kept on going.

Barry Potter, Harry's lesser known cousin, was not a powerful wizard, but could really "bust-a-move" in Science class.

Sir Gay-la-lad kept thinking, "If this old hag caughs in my face one more time I'm dropping her into the castle mote."

The girls ignored the 3rd time Betty yelled "SHARK" a mistake they would soon regret.

Cindy reached for her gun when she realized her step-sisters weren't going to drown her throwing them out of the boat.

Yeah, yeah...smash 'em just like that. Smash them worms for me...mmm...smash 'em up good...

Alfred knew that is Ma'dam tried just one more "trust fall" on him, he would NOT catch her...he just wouldn't...

Joe's new "themed" bar was not making the hit he was looking for...

Derr...so when da Easter Bunny steps in dis loop, I'ma gunna snag 'em right up. We's havin rabbit stew tonight, Ma!

Shots! Shots! Shots..shots..shots...

Excitment would falter quickly once Bam-Bam found out that under the veil, the princess looked EXACTLY like her father.

Rhett wanted to tell her how he felt, but his excessive sweating simply made him not give a damn.

Tobacco companies truly want to keep cigarettes away from younger consumers. Pipes, however are fair game!

Playing "peek-a-boo" with the strange robot-man would become deadly...very soon...for Pedro!

Past “non-lethal” methods for police officers involved multiple paper cuts. Soon, lemon juice sprayers were added.

Gary would never trust craiglist ads again!

Greg tried not to be disappointment even though her Match.com profile didn’t say anything about being made of copper.

So, the doctor told you that smoking was bad for you and yet, even after all your hair loss you still do it? So studly!

I know he's old, but the warden has a great jailhouse "rock."

Carefully look behind to see if Jennifer is still staring at me. If she is, I'm gunna shank da hoe...

The "Amazing 'Z'" did not like being called a lllloooozzzzzzzzeeeeeerrrrrrr...

The moment before a Monk breaks his vow of silence and anti-violence.

When "casual Fridays" go really wrong...really really wrong.

Sam couldn't wait to hand down his "Perv in a Box" kit to his son, who FINALLY fit in the trenchcoat Sam wore years ago.

It was only after wrecking on his first attempt that Bob realized he had the instruction maunal up-side-down.

What do you say? Me, you, her, my dressing room, a box of wine and...well, whatever happens...

I don't know why I like to drop it like it's hot, James, I just do.

Cluck Fiction. "Say 'gobble' again. Say 'gobble' again, I dare you, I double dare you, say 'gobble' one more time!"

Vanity and an unwillingness to admit he needed glasses would cause James to reevaluate his profession as a "hit man."

Oh, Wilheim...Willie...hard to port....HARD TO PORT...

The night is young and it's just you and me here. You know I'm going to kiss you.

I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT SHORT AND STOUT...

Bert was always disappointed with the dates he picked up on Craig's List, but never expected Max to be his waiter, too.

Excuse me, sir. I'm looking for a young woman living with seven short men. Do you know where I can find her?

Farmer Brown didn't have the heart to tell his cows that graduating Grade A today meant delicious steaks tomorrow...

Edgar checked to see if he was doing it right. He just knew that Bob was holding the broom wrong.

"I am the very model of a modern major general" my butt!

Food IV in? Check Video game on? Check Mouth Removed? Check No life? Check Thanks Obamacare!!

Herbert, I told you a belt is a far better tool for disciplining our children. Now go put that away!

You get coal, you get coal, you get coal...EVERYONE GETS COAL!!!

Martians are NOT real. These are just some weirdos dressed up in funny costumes!

Not only did Bobby's explosive gas break Mrs. Smith's window, it smelled like rotten eggs!

Jimmy, you only get ONE vote for lunch, and sandwiches from the "Puke-a-Lot Cafe" lost!

John Madden in school. "This is John. He's always drawing X's and O's. I'm not sure he'll ever amount to anything."

What do you mean this lip stick makes me look like a ho?

Jim was in shock when he suddenly realized his "nature" photo session image was NOT that of a beached blue whale.

Reducing their monthly "poo" rate to almost zero, the Smythe's told their doctor they "almost never poop anymore!"

Y--M--C--A...come on, sing with me Moe...it's fun to stay at the Y--M--C--A-a...

More dead people going to cast their votes in a swing state...

There were 2 people in line at the polls. Three if you count the one that only Morticia saw and was giving a massage to.

Come on, Morticia, get on with your trust fall. I'll catch you...

Going with the Singing Physician Plan (SPP) was a bad idea as Roger heard,"You may really die today, do daa, do daa."

When you call me "old" it really hurts me right here. I know I may be sensitive, but it hurts...really hurts.

Personally I wouldn't wear a wool jacket in the control room. Too much static electricity just walking around.

The day after Halloween is the busiest day in the unemployment line.

Simply inflate it with a small air pump. Once it's fully inflated, she looks JUST like a swimsuit model! Enjoy.

Uncle Jed knew he had this "city-slicker," Jim right where he wanted him, and Jim was scared, very scared...

Answering Bobby's request, Jason texted a pic of "what army" was going to kick his a$$.

The old man kept thinking, "The vet put that collar on her so she wouldn't chew on those things, but I would!"

It's quite simple, Holmes. Pull one sheet off, role this stuff in it and light it up. I've bought Dorito's already.

Is she still looking at us? No, don't turn around, that's too obvious, just kinda turn like you are looking at the door.

Bob hated the way Wally waltz through the office as if he owned it, but Sara was quite taken by Wally's carefree dress.

I think I feel another one in my pocket, but it feels bigger...

If this jerk would just get out of my way I'm sure I could squeeze through these rickety looking bars.

He's kinda cute. I wonder if he has a date for the Prison Ball already...

Early tourture techniques..."You will watch '3 1/2 Men' until you talk, Mr. Jones."

Ronald KNEW the answer on "YOU BET YOUR A$$" the kingdom's newest game show where contestants vie for their heads.

Jenn found it nearly impossible to figure out the new Facebook Timeline. Oh how she wished for the old format...

Come on, Stumpy, let me borrow the teeth for my date tonight. I promise you can use them all weekend.

I think it would be better if you DON'T smile for the pose," de Vinci told Mona Lisa before starting her portrait.

How do you know the bug looked like that before hitting the windshield?

Tom's reading of "Fifty Shades of Gray" was intense. Too bad he forgot to plug in the mic before starting...

Car 54...I know where you are, and you aren't supposed to be at the strip joint! Get back to patrol!

Welcome to the Hotel California, such a lovely place. Such a lovely face. You can check out anytime you'd like, but...

She's not much at cleaning, or cooking, or, well, anything much at all, but she's been with the family for years.

King Roland was very pleased the new Royal Jewelry could double as a ring AND sex toy. Ooooooo...

I'm going to call the doctor about our "tests." Let's keep our fingers crossed for good news, Fritz!

Oh yeah? Well, up yours Sigmund!

Let's try some word association. Happy. Death. Blue. Death. Mother. Death. Feeling. Death. Home. Death. Love. Death...

"WOOOHOOOO!!!!" Pete Pigion was very exceited to receive this month's issue of Play Bird.

Oh no you di-unt!

Oh, I've got a luverly bunch-a coconuts...

The boy's "bachelor" party was about to take a mysterious turn for the worse.

OMG they really do deliver in 30-minutes or less.

Years later Wonka began drinking, bankrupting the factory. He ended up having Charlie stuffed and mounted on his wall.

Richard know that one taste of his elixer would make anyone feel fab-u-lusssss...

So, Cap'n, this is a copy of the profile I'm puttin' on Match.com. You think the picture of me in my speedo is too much?

Am I blue? Yes I'm blue. It started the day I lost youuuuu...

I wake up and my whole hand is in your mouth and you say, "it accidently fell inside?" You lie, sir, you lie...

Then you go "dooo wa dooo waaa" while I'm going "shaboom shaboom." Trust me it will sound so awesome.

Publicity photo from the 5th installment of the Indiana Jones series..."Indiana Jones and the Bar of Remorse."

Jerry Sandusky loved singing, "Thank heaven for little boys.." until the jury came back.