Richard Moeller

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  • 140128 I think you would have a better audience in Harlem...they'll LOVE you!
    131122 They call him "The Gavel", only when he isn't around.
    131121 I told you not to mess with the water table!
    131120 The Amish have sunk to hawking homemade fake Buddha statues to the unsuspecting public.
    131119 The bridge is NOT out!
    130829 "I can make it rain up in here," big, bad Baldy McMillen spat at little Lucy Crest.
    130822 I don't normally wear a hat, but you gotta kick all conventional thinking to the curb. Besides, I got a lousy haircut.
    130818 Why am I always the bad guy? Height ain't got nuthin' ta do wit it!
    130803 My helmet has made my eyes crossed permanetly. Does that answer your question, strange twins?
    130803 Just another day at the Brentwood Insane Asylum.
    130801 You realize that it'll burn faster with an accelerant...so, what do you want me to do with this gas can?
    130729 Get off the plane...now! And thanks for flying MY friendly airlines! Bu-bye.
    130728 "I don't like these pictures of clouds! I'm more into pictures of hats and yours is a doozey."
    130727 "Let me explain it once more; this is a rock, we combine it with this bottle that rolls. We have rock and roll."
    130725 This could be a smokin' good time!
    130721 You hired me as your guide, but I gotta tell ya, I ain't been here before dis.
    130718 Dr. Oneshoulder explains the procedure to Mr. Wombat involving sex changes for small mammals.
    130715 James should've known he was barking up the wrong tree. It was a hollow feeling.
    130714 Another scene taken out of the Wizard of Oz in Munchkinland that didn't fit in.
    130714 W. C. Fields hangs out with the other kids in the neighborhood during his formative years.
    130713 Hey Annie, that ain't yer gun! You need spectacles!
    130713 That's a funny-lookin' pickle!
    130713 Why is it buzzing?
    130712 Just because they said,"return it if you're not happy with it" doesn't mean through their window.
    130711 "You killed my favorite Barbie!"
    130711 Jealousy is an ugly thing...even if it is inanimate objects.
    130710 Kitchen cleanser will make your teeth as white as your enamel sink 'cause it's made of the same thing. Warning:Do not in
    130709 You couldn't draw a more perfect target!
    130709 Of course they aren't human, their hearts are in the middle of their chests.
    130708 Police harrasment! Get your cell phone cameras ready! My trained monkey and I can't be on this street corner.
    130706 Years after Dorothy, the Lollipop Guild still perform.
    130706 Welcome to the land of no-necks and interchangable heads
    130705 Jason Mesmo had a hypnotic effect on everyone who looked at his eyes convinces his classmates that any hair is better.
    130704 With my time machine, I can repeat my favorite month of the year forever.
    130704 Time truely moves slower in the fall. Let's hibernate!
    130630 Mirror, mirror in my hand, who's the palest in the land?
    130630 "I don't like the look of this straw wig. I'd like to try something more lifelike."
    130629 "Look, I don't care if it's uncomfortable. You must wear the seatbelt and NOT the hat."
    130627 Hazel wanted to shed a few pounds and running seemed the answer. Running shoes were not yet available; ankle braces were
    130627 Ding, dong! Avon calling!
    130624 "Your proposal has merit, but even with you on your knee, you are two feet taller than I."
    130623 I spy a bunch of naked people and animals with clothes on: A bizzaro land.
    130622 "We're gonna need stronger icebuckets! I still feel the aliens sucking out my brain!"
    130621 Barney Fife and a suit from the big city discuss the cow-tipping ordinance passed yesterday.
    130620 Nnoooooo! I really use 3 million thread count Egyptian cotton. I would be left in tatters.
    130617 Pssst! The view from here is fantastic!
    130614 They called it "a million dollar wound" and it was right there.
    130613 The singing competition was intense. Being fresh from the shower, Officer Muldune was sweating bullets.
    130610 Jack and Jill were very good at encoding their class notes to each other so that nobody else could read them.
    130608 Look, if you don't cooperate, I'll have to blow smoke in your face and he'll threaten to beat you.
    130607 Doing sitting push-ups on the edge of a building isn't smart. Doing them fast; even dumber.
    130601 "I thought a compromise of an animal ambiance in this great room would perfect for us."
    130531 She is so hot, she makes my head spin...at the right price.
    130530 Gramps just wanted to help her carry her burden; his son had other plans.
    130530 "I don't care how old you are, I need to see some ID and some benjamins if you want all this!"
    130529 Remember the days when work was fun? Me neither.
    130529 A game of catch a day keeps the stiffs away...and everybody else for that matter.
    130527 "Look at the brightside, he's ready for the wake."
    130524 Lil' Timmy didn't know what he had but it was all free from the food bank. "Bein' poor sure has it's own rewards".
    130523 SpeakNoEvil and HearNoEvil are questioning their inclusion of SheBeEvil in their quest for a threesome.
    130522 Having Harold wrapped around her finger was easy but even the racoon was getting excited!
    130520 "First I stun 'em wit da spray, den you gets 'em wit da pan. Repeat until we gets dem all or we run out of spray. Ready?
    130518 Psy saw two stages of his future:balding and bald.
    130517 Seriously, who eats a banana in a bathhouse and throws the peel on the smooth, tile floor?
    130516 "Dear Abby...My advisor is a rare bird and I think I am falling in love with her assertiveness. Am I crazy?"
    130515 J. L. Gotrocks thought he was getting another great deal at the auction. He later found out it is a worthless knockoff.
    130514 And they wonder why there is a mandatory 4 second delay for live TV. Reporters say the darndest things.
    130513 You mean I can stream the game while we make whoopie. I must be in heaven 'cause you're an angel.
    130513 My! What a big IPad you have, honey!
    130513 Reading the Kama Sutra, again? Chapter 36? Gotta do everything by the book! You are so ADHD and hot.
    130512 "...and here is a little something for you for getting this blouse brilliantly white."
    130511 Cowgirls with dreadlocks...Cowboys without thumbs? We are shirley doomed! Don't call me Shirley!
    130508 Beware of the dangers of the roulette wheel...it's not that far from a crap-shoot anywho.
    130507 "Hey mom, if she follows me home, can I keep her?"
    130507 "I've got more at home...and some toys we can play with."
    130506 Due to the Sequestor, this is your lunch today and every day. Enjoy!
    130503 What's the point? We're only going to school.
    130502 "I can find out what happened with my Jr. CSI kit, grandma. I don't think you'll be surprised."
    130502 "Only if you work for CSI will you know who broke the vase, grandma."
    130430 Henrietta had to be firm when disciplining a bad, old dog for chewing her favorite flats.
    130429 "Who's turn to road-ski after Lucy Kowalski?"
    130429 The true danger of riding in the back of a truck; you lose the best thing in your life.
    130429 You have to use the right bait to catch the real trophies.
    130428 "What are you talkin' about? A solid skirt with a solid shirt IS stylish! Boring, but style appropriate."
    130426 TV cameras were big and bulky back in the day. Yet, some broadcasters became quite attached to them.
    130426 There is the "Hail Mary" and there is the , "Please, dear God". Both will have the same result.
    130424 Hey Gator, can I smell that when you're done?
    130422 Stripes are sooo slimming; except where it counts.
    130422 The water sports referee forgot her swim cap and didn't want to ruin her 'do.
    130422 Debbie knew she shouldn't go IN the water when she got a visit from her "monthly friend", but...
    130420 Look! My cleaners are closed for personal reasons and I don't have a backup lab coat.
    130419 The good news is the economy is looking up and you might afford some new coveralls.
    130418 In the Old West, this poor schmoe would've been pushin' up daisies at the Boothill Cemetary
    130418 Another example of why vaudeville is dead and should stay that way.
    130417 Don't do that when I'm trying to drive; you remember what happened the last time?
    130417 Keep your eyes on the road, Bub! Well, then, keep them on the crosshairs!
    130417 I am NOT sticking anything in there to see if it'll get the motor going!
    130416 A wink is as good as a pop-eyed expression to a blind dealer, but this'll cover my loses.
    130415 Gimme head till I'm dead or arrested.
    130415 The officer found no law was broken when Archie stuck his tongue in his doll's ear.
    130413 If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times; I cannot tie my tie while I am drunk for my DUI photo.
    130411 One Bluebird does not replace 24 blackbirds in this pie recipe.
    130410 We knew it was a mistake to make "Winnie The Pooh" off, off-Broadway!
    130410 It's a rare form of Catatonic Shock brought about by your werewolf tendencies.
    130409 Stubbing one toe is bad enough when walking away from your nagging wife, but stubbing both feet... excruciating!
    130408 She censored her response to his personal attack on her interesting clevage.
    130408 Ain't love grand!
    130408 She was speechless after his comment, so she let her open hand do all of her talking.
    130404 "I wish I was back at the bathhouse. Sigh!"
    130404 Swearing in Turkish is open to interpretation.
    130402 The new foreplay: the man repairing anything gets her engine going.
    130401 I just got goosed. Your roomie nipped me!
    130331 We've got to hide the eggs before the kids wake up, so hurry up. Happy EASTER!
    130331 Janitors are supposed to work inside during the day...so, who are you? A peeper?
    130330 Damn, I wish I could grow a mustache! I won't get carded all the time.
    130329 As they always say, "The early 'cuda gets the tentacle"!
    130328 Tilly the exotic dancer was embarassed when a planned wardrobe malfunction failed to dematerialize...so to speak.
    130327 Certain goats are known to pass out for no reason. Why not humans?
    130327 Ethel thought another "trust exercise" will solidify her relationship with Harold. Harold is just into second base.
    130325 Young Elmer Fudd shows his twin sister, Ellen, how to catch "wascawy wabbits".
    130324 I'm kinda new in town; what trouble can I get into while sleepwalking?
    130323 Let's see the affects of smoking has on this flea circus.
    130323 The Special Effects for "The Wizard of Oz" aren't so special anymore. Thanks!!
    130322 Spending the night with shady ladies will make you late everytime.
    130322 It's my turn. She's the loosest canon on base.
    130321 You're not gonna stick that into me. That is gonna hurt!
    130320 I feel a little wierded out ferrying the clan to their meetin'.
    130319 You get extra because you're not pulling off the blue plaid look.
    130319 I'm gonna need to refill my camera after this shot
    130318 Diapers are hard to find for chunky, betrothed little boys.
    130318 Let the world think you a fool, rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
    130315 C'mon Charlie, we ignited our farts.
    130314 Varicose veins speak out about topical applications later on The Doctors.
    130313 Jerry was noticably upset that his new Lambogini was "some assembly required".
    130310 You will not be tasting my neck, Vampirella.
    130310 Get a grip, woman! 'Tis not the end of daylight savings time; only the beginning.
    130307 Do you see the prices on this menu? Jerald? Jerald? Jer?
    130306 You seem a little nervous.
    130305 Both Harold and Frank were on strict diets. Unfortunately for Frank, his didn't include meat.
    130302 Revenge or the pinata!
    130301 You can go anywhere in the world, my boy. Just have to catch the right train.
    130228 The first-round draft pick was not happy about being chosen by Buffalo. He wanted someplace warmer.
    130228 It's days like this, you wish for something and you're not specific or loud and clear.
    130226 Excuse me; have you seen any bubblin' crude in your travels?
    130222 Here's the Top Secret file of all the alien technology we have "borrowed" the past 50 years.
    130222 Jerry didn't understand the concept of working undercover.
    130221 Don't even think about IHOP!
    130220 Scene left on the editting floor and never made the deleted scenes of "Refer Madness".
    130203 You just don't do it for me. I like 'em old and dirty 'cuz I'm a dirty girl.
    130201 I've heard of putting up personal barriers, Mr. Stanton, but the flu will find you.
    130131 Ex ZTU placekicker, Ari Fields went berserk when hoodlums tried to hijack his truckload of premium manure.
    130129 Math not being my strength, how do we share two taffy apples? I could eat one of you to make it easy.
    130128 Competition at the airport is getting a little fierce.
    130127 Harry the secret agent knew that learning to throw his voice would come in handy some day.
    130126 Two of us are a little overdressed for the sauna. Clothes off, fellas.
    130123 If you can handle these wolves leering at you, you will be fine at the office.
    130122 Now that you're on your own,son,it's time for me to handdown my old porn collection.
    130120 What do you mean I need a rubber band for my spitballs?
    130117 I don't care what you were told, we are not stopping in the Bahamas on our way to Antartica for 3 months.
    130116 Staring down the barrel of certain death, he defied all odds.